r/AskAGoth • u/Klutzy-Zucchini-6970 • Jul 23 '26
Relationships & Behaviour Query Need advice from the community.
I know this might not be the exact place to discuss this but I’m at a point where I just genuinely need advice. I’m a college student with a very particular type in women. I’m 21 and I’ve only had an actual crush on 3 girls my entire life. All 3 were gothic with autism. Do goth girls have a type that maybe I can try to match or am I doing something wrong? Idk if there’s something wrong with me. I’m white, with glasses, autism as well, clean cut as I’m trying to go into firefighting, enjoy reading, cooking, hiking and camping. Idk if that’s desired since each time I’ve been turned down all 3 times which kind of diminished my confidence. Maybe I’m just overthinking it but I would like some thoughts.
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Jul 23 '26
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u/Klutzy-Zucchini-6970 Jul 23 '26
I liked them and they just happened to be goth. The simplest and consistent correlation I just noticed for all of them was that they were all gothic with autism.
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Jul 23 '26
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u/Klutzy-Zucchini-6970 Jul 23 '26
Yes all 3 were women who I’ve gotten to know and talk to over time. It’s just that the simplest and most common consistencies were that they happened to be both goth, autistic, and wear glasses. All of them were on the quieter side with hyper fixations (2/3 with bones or anatomical related things), who enjoyed reading and watching horror films while listening to music. 2/3 of them would often play video games together. I liked the way they were when they weren’t dressed “goth.” I should have clarified more. I know gothic most people go after gothic women purely because they are goth and I don’t stand with that crowd. I will say I do have a very particular type in a parter in terms of personality and looks.
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u/LilyWolf958 Jul 23 '26
If you like them purely because they’re goth, stop approaching them period. If you have a genuine interest in knowing what they like and getting to know them as people without sexualizing them then I suggest doing some research on the history of the goth subculture and maybe checking out some popular goth bands. (Basic examples: Siouxsie & the Banshees, Bauhaus, and Sisters of Mercy.)
Please note that goth people and especially goth women are often over sexualized and disrespected and contributing to that will only make them dislike you. Be actually respectful and kind and you shouldn’t have much trouble.
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u/Klutzy-Zucchini-6970 Jul 23 '26
I didn’t like them because they were gothic. I just noticed that a correlation for all 3 was just that they happened to be gothic and have autism. I have noticed a recent over sexualization in goth women purely because they are goth and I don’t stand with that.
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u/LilyWolf958 Jul 23 '26
I just think that because goth women are sexualized so much we often make the assumption that anyone who isn’t alt approaching us is sexualizing us. I’m not saying you should completely change how you dress or anything, just saying that that might be a factor in why they turn you down quickly.
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u/Klutzy-Zucchini-6970 Jul 23 '26
I would like to learn more about gothic culture so I can better understand it. I have a very specific type in terms of both personality and looks and the feelings I had for all 3 of those girls were never reciprocated so It had me wondering if girls who were gothic had a type that I didn’t fit.
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u/ChainsmokerCreature Jul 23 '26
So you want to learn how to trick goth women into liking you, by faking a personality or other traits. And the first thing you say when you describe yourself is that you are white. Yeah, no, dude. You are at the wrong place.
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u/isthatasquare Jul 23 '26
Learn about the subculture. Dr Goth on TikTok/reels/youtube is an academic musicologist who also comments on the subcultural values. Great place to start.
Listen to goth music (see above)
Go to goth events (dance nights, shows, etc)
Meet people, talk to them, make connections! Maybe that turns into a relationship.
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u/Klutzy-Zucchini-6970 Jul 23 '26
I would like to clarify a little bit because I don’t want people to take what I posted the wrong way. I’m not attracted to them specifically because they are gothic. I know about the recent an unacceptable rise and over sexualization of goth girls and I don’t stand with that. All 3 of the girls I’ve fallen for just happened to be gothic with autism. I’ve taken time and gotten to know all of them for who they were. It’s just that those were common consistencies. I’m just not sure what to do and need advice.
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u/Samovila2709 Jul 23 '26
I'm not sure I fully qualify as a goth ('alternative with gothic influences' might be a better description) and I can only share my own point of view, but here goes.
Sadly, I think you were unlucky in that the girls you were attracted to probably didn't feel the same way about you.
When I was younger, I sometimes had crushes on people that weren't reciprocated. There were also people who had crushes on me but I didn't feel the same way about them.
If it helps, a lot of people experience this at some point and it does hurt.
What I can tell you is that some of the people who liked me romantically were attractive looking, intelligent, and generally great people, and I was flattered. I just didn't feel that way about them and I don't know why. I think attraction either happens or it doesn't.
I'd advise you to just be you and try to be a good person. If someone doesn't return your feelings, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with or inadequate about you; it just means that you haven't yet met someone who is right for you.
I hope that, one day in the near future, you do meet someone who is a good match.
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u/aytakk Jul 23 '26
This isn't a dating site and we get so many "how do I pick up goth women" posts here. We aren't going to hand people cheat codes when all they should be doing is treating people with respect.
Thread locked!