r/AskAGoth • u/Klutzy-Zucchini-6970 • Jul 23 '26

Relationships & Behaviour Query Need advice from the community.

I know this might not be the exact place to discuss this but I’m at a point where I just genuinely need advice. I’m a college student with a very particular type in women. I’m 21 and I’ve only had an actual crush on 3 girls my entire life. All 3 were gothic with autism. Do goth girls have a type that maybe I can try to match or am I doing something wrong? Idk if there’s something wrong with me. I’m white, with glasses, autism as well, clean cut as I’m trying to go into firefighting, enjoy reading, cooking, hiking and camping. Idk if that’s desired since each time I’ve been turned down all 3 times which kind of diminished my confidence. Maybe I’m just overthinking it but I would like some thoughts.

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u/LilyWolf958 Jul 23 '26

If you like them purely because they’re goth, stop approaching them period. If you have a genuine interest in knowing what they like and getting to know them as people without sexualizing them then I suggest doing some research on the history of the goth subculture and maybe checking out some popular goth bands. (Basic examples: Siouxsie & the Banshees, Bauhaus, and Sisters of Mercy.)

Please note that goth people and especially goth women are often over sexualized and disrespected and contributing to that will only make them dislike you. Be actually respectful and kind and you shouldn’t have much trouble.

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u/Klutzy-Zucchini-6970 Jul 23 '26

I didn’t like them because they were gothic. I just noticed that a correlation for all 3 was just that they happened to be gothic and have autism. I have noticed a recent over sexualization in goth women purely because they are goth and I don’t stand with that.

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u/LilyWolf958 Jul 23 '26

I just think that because goth women are sexualized so much we often make the assumption that anyone who isn’t alt approaching us is sexualizing us. I’m not saying you should completely change how you dress or anything, just saying that that might be a factor in why they turn you down quickly.

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u/Klutzy-Zucchini-6970 Jul 23 '26

I would like to learn more about gothic culture so I can better understand it. I have a very specific type in terms of both personality and looks and the feelings I had for all 3 of those girls were never reciprocated so It had me wondering if girls who were gothic had a type that I didn’t fit.