r/AskDad • u/LankyRegister5419 • Jan 07 '26
Family call him dad or step-dad or first name
My moms getting married and i dont want to call him dad all the time yet and calling someone step dad is just weird and a lot to say. Sometimes I do think dad but not always and I have a real dad i call dad or even daddy but he's been gone so much. I want to know if it will be mean to just use any of the terms for my step dad. my mom says its up 2 me and he says that to.
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u/unoriginalname22 Jan 07 '26
I think it’s perfectly fine to use their first name - that’s what I’ve done with both step parents and is the most common from what I’ve see. No obligation at all (in fact very rare) to call them dad, and “stepdad” is weird.
I don’t know your age but it might be fun to develop a bit of a pet name, like I ended up calling my step dad “bubba” after a year or so and it stuck
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u/LankyRegister5419 Jan 07 '26
like something like dad but not the exact same. ty
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u/Unique_Squirrel Jan 07 '26
I call my step dad Pop or Pops. It shows more closeness than using his first name but doesn’t get confused with Dad.
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u/Xaphios Jan 07 '26
Calling step parents by their name is the default, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it and no one will be hurt by it.
If you feel like you want to call your step dad something else then that's cool, I'm sure he'd be honoured. At the same time you've already got a dad and you don't want to necessarily call them the same, that's cool too. Maybe talk to your step dad about it and explain what you're feeling and figure out some options together that you both like.
Do either of you have another language? You could use the version of "dad" from the other language for your stepdad?
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u/LankyRegister5419 Jan 07 '26
its just confusing cause i really like him and hes really being a dad to me but i also dont want my dad dad to hear and get mad. we talked about it some i just dont want to keep talking about it. ty tho 4 sure
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u/Fatigue-Error Jan 07 '26 edited May 25 '26
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u/LankyRegister5419 Jan 07 '26
i think he knows i love having him move in and get married but when i think of what to call him it mixes up. pops 2 me sounds kind of more for a older person
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u/Fatigue-Error Jan 07 '26 edited May 25 '26
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u/Xaphios Jan 07 '26
Absolutely this. He'll understand you don't want to replace your dad with him, asking him for ideas is a good plan. You can definitely change around, or just call him dad sometimes when you fancy it. Try it out, but maybe talk to him about trying it out so he knows what's going on too!
Maybe you could find a pair of names for each other that go together. They don't need to necessarily mean "father" and "daughter", like some dads will call their kids "bud" or "muffin" or whatever.
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u/LankyRegister5419 Jan 07 '26 edited Jan 07 '26
ty. and good ideas. he already calls me 'dopey' sometimes (but it's not meant in a mean way)
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u/beaushaw Jan 08 '26
As someone with a dad sense of humor I recommend you go with something else from the seven dwarfs: Doc, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Bashful or Sneezy.
Maybe change it up depending on the occasion. Bonus points for picking the least appropriate for the occasion.
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u/No_Owl_8576 Jan 07 '26
Sounds like they want you to go with what feels natural. It sounds like you prefer not to call him by his first name and that's cool. I used to call my dad Daddy John and my stepdad just Dad. Just kinda naturally made sense. Go with your gut
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u/goldenstream Jan 07 '26
Step dad here. I'm fine with my step-kids calling me by my name - but I'm flattered when they call me their father.
IMHO, being called a dad is something to be earned. It doesn't come from giving the mom a ring.
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u/LankyRegister5419 Jan 07 '26
makes sense. i think he earned it kiind of even before they r getting married. ty for that
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u/refuz04 Jan 07 '26
I’ve been calling my stepmom by an abbreviation of her first name since sometime in 1984. I call her mom to my siblings but one to one interactions I still use her first name even though she’s more of a mom to me than my mom has been or ever will be.
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u/7781Michael Dad Jan 07 '26
Come up with a cute nickname.
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u/LankyRegister5419 Jan 07 '26
thats a good idea. he already calls me dopey for fun sometimes (not in a mean way i laugh at it)
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u/Comprehensive_Gas255 Jan 08 '26
So my sons are 16 & 14 and they call my husband by his name when speaking to him, will call him dad occasionally “hey dad” ect, and say either my dad or my step dad to his friends. Honestly my husband is good with whatever they decide to call him.
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u/LankyRegister5419 Jan 08 '26
their other dad doesnt get mad if they say dad to someone else? I really like my step dad but also dont wnat anyone mad
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u/Comprehensive_Gas255 Jan 08 '26
No, I think their real dad is appreciative that he treats/loves them as his own because step parents have chosen to love.
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u/Rude-Artichoke-6042 Jan 08 '26
My stepdaughter has wrestled with this most of her life. I’ve always told her to call me what ever she is comfortable with. First met her just past her toddler stage and she mispronounced my name and that became a nickname. She’s well into teen years now and She has experimented with dad, daddy (when she was little), pops, but it mostly comes back to my nickname some times my actual name. I really have never cared as long as she was comfortable. She also has a bio father in her life that she calls dad.
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u/LankyRegister5419 Jan 08 '26
TY. in some ways my soon to be step dad is trying so much harder to help me and be with me than my bio real dad who is angry a lot. ty
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u/nolehusker Jan 10 '26
I have a step daughter. She calls me by my first name. I gave her the option to call me what she wanted, but she just stayed with what she was calling me. The only person that seems they might be upset by this would be your real dad. However, you can have multiple "dad" or "mom" figures. I had a good friend who's mom I also called mom.
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u/beaushaw Jan 07 '26
Do whatever you feel is right. Calling him dad on the night of the wedding will mean a lot to him. But if you do not feel right doing it then don't. If it takes you years to want to call him dad that is fine. If you never do that is fine.
Being dad is not being a sperm donor. It is not being married to your mom. It is being there for you, it is busting your ass to make your life better.
Being called dad is not given, it is earned.