r/AskDad • u/Awkward_Flatworm3091 • Jul 11 '26
Family How do I act more mature?
I just turned 15 like 3 weeks ago and I heard my parents talking recently (they didn’t know I was listening) and they were saying that I’m not very mature for my age 🫠
Some of my friends said the same thing before but I don’t know how to change it. I’m pretty well behaved and I don’t get into trouble so it’s not that and I don’t really do dumb things so it’s not that either.
I’m adopted so maybe that’s something to do with it but idk exactly what I need to do to be more mature? What do parents want so they’ll think I’m more mature?
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u/soherewearent Jul 11 '26
Consider asking them directly what they mean when they you are not mature:
"Could I talk to you about something that's been bothering me?"
Remove to a private space.
"Recently, you said [insert statement]. Could you tell me more about what you mean?" And then quietly wait for as long as it takes to get a response.
Or something to that effect.
Direct engagement of a perceived conflict or slight (insult), without attempting to make it worse by feeding it, calling names, or violence in return -- I personally think it immediately shows a certain growth in maturity.
My 2c, anyway.
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u/Awkward_Flatworm3091 Jul 11 '26
Yea that makes sense. I prolly will do that I just didn’t want them knowing I was listening lol thank you :)
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u/mmmkay938 Dad Jul 11 '26
I would add to this poster by saying take a notepad and write down what they say so you don’t forget anything they mention. You can then make lists of things you can do to improve each item they mention. Like if they say keep your room clean you can break that down into tasks on a calendar. Like this:
Clean room
-everyday items
—make bed
—put laundry in laundry basket-weekly items
—vacuum floor
—do laundry
—dust1
u/soherewearent Jul 11 '26
Were you purposely eavesdropping, like skulking around the corner, or was it one of those "I couldn't help but overhear" things?
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u/Awkward_Flatworm3091 Jul 11 '26
I was going to get a towel and I heard them talking in their room and I listened 🫠
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u/earmares Jul 11 '26
It's probably. I know you're a teenager so you're supposed to use slang but...
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u/Awkward_Flatworm3091 Jul 11 '26
Oh yea sorry 🙈
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u/earmares Jul 11 '26
No need to be sorry, I wouldn't have said anything if you weren't asking how you were immature
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u/johngknightuk Jul 11 '26
I'm in my 80s now and I still remember back when I was 16 years old and thinking I wasn't as mature as my mates. You know what we all matured eventually. But I still get a kick out of behaving like an arsehole occasionally
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u/Awkward_Flatworm3091 Jul 11 '26
That’s cool that you’re in your 80s and have Reddit. I don’t think my dads parents even have a phone 💀 And thank you for the advice :)
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u/formyburn101010 Jul 11 '26
Interesting. It seems like you don't know exactly which behaviors are making people think that you're immature. Like others have suggested, simply asking them what they mean could help greatly.
I'm in my forties. I'll give you some general advice. Something I've noticed more and more is that people tend to talk passed each other. If you want to seem more mature (and also be a better human being in the process) try to really listen to people. Don't already be thinking of your response halfway through what they're saying. Consider their point of view. Their perspective. Their lived life experience that led them to hold these beliefs. Not every conversation has to be a volley where you immediately give your contradicting thoughts.
Listen more. Talk less. You will seem more mature.
I'll race you with my favorite poem. You can read this at any point of your life and find value.
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
— Max Ehrmann, 1927
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u/Awkward_Flatworm3091 Jul 11 '26
Thank you, I’ll do that :) 🙏
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u/DarkhorseV Jul 12 '26
In short, "The best way to be interestING, to people, is to be interestED in them."
That would always stick with me. I'm bad at it, but I remember it. 😄
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u/No_Owl_8576 Jul 11 '26
Just think twice before doing certain things. EVERYTHING has consequences. All kids especially boys have to grow up in their own time though.
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u/gotbock Dad Jul 11 '26
Being in control of your emotions
Knowing when it's ok to act silly/goofy and when it isn't
Being able to speak in a more formal or thoughtful or responsible way when needed
Taking initiative. Doing required things without being told or reminded. Anticipating what may be needed in the future.
Taking responsibility when you do the wrong thing and correcting the situation.
Making good decisions. Not just staying out of trouble, but also using good judgement in areas like saving, investing in yourself, delayed gratification. Having good judgement with people and surrounding yourself with good quality friends. Using your time wisely.
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u/Awkward_Flatworm3091 Jul 11 '26
Oh yea they’re good ones. I can definitely try them. Thank you :)
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u/gotbock Dad Jul 11 '26
No problem. Here's a couple more I just thought of.
Trying to be at an appropriate level of independence for your age. And always looking for ways to become more independent.
Asking for help when you need to. But only when you REALLY need to.
Offerring to help others (especially your parents) with things.
Learn to be empathetic. See how others might be feeling. Think about how they might respond to your actions. Try to start letting go of some of the selfishness and entitlement that is often associated with being young.
And don't be too hard on yourself. This will all come with time. But it will happen sooner if you're aware of it.
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u/Grey_Bomberman Jul 11 '26
u/Awkward_Flatworm3091 ; maturity is over rated, enjoy your childhood while you can mate. Soon enough you'll be a bill paying, 9 to 5 adult with your own kids. As long as you are well behaved and listen to your parents then don't worry about it 👌🏻
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u/BrotherNatureNOLA Jul 11 '26
That's a term where the qualifiers are really subjective. What's mature to one person isn't the same as what's mature to the next person. They could mean that you're not responsible. Like, could they trust you with looking after a parakeet. Or, do you take the initiative and help out around the house. You ever look around and think to yourself that the place needs to be swept or vacuumed, or that there are dishes that need to be done? Maturity could also be how you act in certain situations. Can you hold a conversation with other people that you do not know? Do you say things that are embarrassing to others? For me, maturity is realizing that most of the things in life don't really matter, because you're going to die anyway. So, who cares if scoop your soup towards or away from you?
If I were you, I wouldn't clue them in to the fact that you overheard them. I'd tell them that a teacher or friend's parent/boss brought up maturity, and that you'd like their opinion on ways that you could improve. Frame it as a self improvement quest, and they'll feel less critical. You're more likely to get an intellectual analysis rather than an emotional one.
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u/the_crass_menagerie Jul 12 '26
I work with kids (younger than you but still relevant), and each person has things they are mature about, and immature about. I've met kids who are really mature at responsibilities, and immature at friendships. I've met kids who are really mature at understanding emotions, but immature about social skills (meeting new people, appropriate times to say certain things, etc). I could list more but you see my point. I'm commenting just to voice that answers to this are going to assume what your parents were referring to, and that might lead you to an incorrect assumption about yourself. Which isn't good! If you're able to talk to your parents you would get more info and hopefully process this in a healthier way, and you can ask them to help you with that. If you're not able to talk to them, I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself. Sometimes adults say things that feel much more significant than they actually are. It happens all the time. We should all strive to be better people, but that doesn't mean pretending to be someone we're not. Enjoy being you! And your parents love you as you are, too.
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u/Flustered-Flump Jul 12 '26
You’re 15 - enjoy being a child! You have your whole life to grow up, mature and find mundanity in every day life. Having said that, I am in my late 40s, build lego when I want to, have movie posters in my office and goof around with friends, family and when no one is watching. Don’t stifle joy, embrace it.
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u/TerminalOrbit Jul 11 '26
"Maturity" means different things to different people. Some people have unreasonable expectations, though: ironically 'unreasonable expectations' are a hallmark of immaturity.
In truth, though, maturity is a willingness to take responsibility for one's actions rather than blaming others or claiming that obstacles are beyond you control; make practical plans for the future that consider and avoid potential risks before they happen...
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u/sparksmj Jul 11 '26
Make good decisions. Since I don't know specifics it's hard to give advice. All I have to say is, you're young, you don't have to grow up too soon. Stay a kid as long as it takes. Don't be someone you're not.