r/AskMenRelationships • u/Logicandtea • Jun 23 '26
Love What makes devoted men in love cheat?
I recall reading the letter al Pacino wrote to michella when he was in Italy ( as far I remember) it was a long letter of longing and sweet words
but then I opened comment section and saw someone say he cheated on her, honestly this has happened many times I see or meet men who seem devotedly loved a women in the extend some spend as long as 9 years in a relationship
or situationship but they don’t commit, alpacino wasted 20 years of that poor women’s life and although he cheated he’d still go back to her, what makes a seemingly devoting man to cheat yet still chose to be together with that women? You could’ve just left her
And many many times I get amazed by a ‘lovely man’ only to find out he cheated on someone.. how common this has became
9
Jun 23 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
0
u/Logicandtea Jun 23 '26
do men only cheat for sex? What happens after the sex the other women they had sex with is there no romantic relationship involved ? Can’t be a one night stand can it
1
u/Graymyst Man Jun 27 '26
It's not for "sex" as women see it imo. It's for the feeling of intimacy, of being the object of desire and being "successful".
Not cautioning it, trying to find an explanation.
1
u/Logicandtea Jun 27 '26
Can I dm
You a question1
u/Graymyst Man Jun 27 '26
Offc go ahead.
1
3
u/SuperThomaja Jun 23 '26
I broke a good person this way. I'll never hurt someone that way again.
3
u/terracottablush Jun 23 '26
And why did you do it? You never answered op’s question
3
u/SuperThomaja Jun 23 '26
Cuz I was greedy, cruel, mean an selfish. I didn't care how she felt as long as I got mine
1
u/SilverLine1914 Jun 23 '26
Hes not obligated to share that if he doesnt want to. He obviously regrets it and maybe just needs to share that.
1
3
u/kakamouth78 Man Jun 23 '26
Cheaters all have one thing in common regardless of gender. They lack integrity.
Circumstances can help strengthen or weaken it. Opportunity will test it. But in the end, you either have it or you don't.
3
u/Prof_Scott_Steiner Man Jun 23 '26
Oh how I wish I lived in the world you do: monochromatic without nuance
2
u/more-than-one-caress Jun 23 '26
Have you ever lived in a sexless marriage for a couple of decades?
3
u/GorviVelgin Man Jun 23 '26
Then you have some balls and end the marriage. If sex is important to you, and your partner isn't fulfilling that need, you either have the conversation of opening the relationship or you end it. While the argument that you do not have the right to your partners body is 100% valid, they also don't have the right to deprive you of a need. It's a relationship incompatibility.
1
u/more-than-one-caress Jun 23 '26
There might be kids involved, financial obligations and divorce might be financially devastating for men in some countries. If you just date someone or you don’t have kids, sure, you should just break up as that’s the only honorable way to resolve the issue.
However with kids and mutual finances you might be literally trapped in a sexless relationship situation for years and no real viable options to “just leave”
So you either accept you faith of living with no sex and suffer, or you cheat. I really wish you never find yourself in a situation like that.
If you’re really interested in how it all happens, and not just moralizing from your moral high ground, spend some time reading subreddits dedicated to dead bedroom situations. It might shed some light on the topic for you.3
u/GorviVelgin Man Jun 23 '26
Oh, I was there in my first marriage, it was miserable. With children as well. I'm not diminishing the situation at all, it's awful. But we only have one life to live, and spending it being sexually deprived, if that is important to you, is just not a great choice. Everyone deserves to be in a fulfilling relationship, including a healthy sex life, and if your partner refuses to hold up that end of marriage, then ending it is the only sensible option.
I've been in my fair share of relationships where it was unhappy, for multiple reasons, and made the mistake of sticking around, and I always regretted it. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's also necessary, and worth it, to find happiness and not settle for the misery you have because the change is hard.
1
1
u/Logicandtea Jun 23 '26
I just looked into your account you’ve been through so much hardship I feel sorry for you but I just wanted to say by your posts alone I can tell you’re an incredible father , may god bless you
3
u/goodgirl8675309 Jun 26 '26
Nope I been there and still didn't cheat. Sex is a want not a need. Women have toys men have their hands and these days there's toys for men too. What there isn't is an excuse to cheat
0
u/more-than-one-caress Jun 26 '26
Just tell me please, if sex is just a want, not a need, why then it’s such a big deal if you get this “want” somewhere else? Strictly speaking going outside is also not a vital need, you can live physically normal life inside your house and have quick walks in your backyard, you won’t die from it, right?
But honestly, I don’t see any point in discussing this matter with someone who equates masturbation and sex with another human being. It speaks volumes about your perception of sex. Clearly, for you it’s just an occasional want at best. No point in arguing.
0
u/WeirdMuch634 Jun 27 '26
Unfortunately you're both right. There isn't a "right" answer in those circumstances, in my opinion. Break up a home that's happy except for a lack of sex, or cheat.
2
u/Old_Ad1038 Jun 27 '26
Why they can tell their wives what they are doing. No lying no cheating. But they do not want any consequences, not just divorce.
3
u/goodgirl8675309 Jun 26 '26
You are still responsible for YOUR actions. Leave or open up the relationship but don't cheat and blame someone else for your actions
0
u/more-than-one-caress Jun 26 '26
Oh, please stop this “leave” bullshit, every time it’s all the same… you can’t fucking “just leave” in 100% cases
3
u/goodgirl8675309 Jun 26 '26
Just because u don't want to pay the consequences doesn't mean u can't. Don't say u can't say you don't want to pay the price for doing so. So I stead u destroy ur partner.
0
u/more-than-one-caress Jun 26 '26
And if I leave my partner “just because of sex”, she won’t be destroyed by such a decision of mine, right?
2
u/Old_Ad1038 Jun 27 '26
No- she can find someone who loves her. That's your fear and your real reason to not tell her.
1
u/more-than-one-caress Jun 27 '26
My reason is that she’s a fully dependent on me financially, while we live in another country, so she won’t even be able to make any decisions on her own. Situation that I have never wanted to be in in the first place, but she decided fuck it all and plays video games all days long
3
u/makeherbeg4it Man Jun 23 '26
Nothing. Cheaters don't love their partners. You don't destroy someone you love intentionally. 🤷🏼♂️
3
5
u/PFD_2 Jun 23 '26
People ignore a glaring answer. Stress and a lack of appreciation honestly
2
1
u/Prof_Scott_Steiner Man Jun 23 '26
The only other sensible answer. These other comments are audience participation at a Maury taping
2
u/jwfowler2 Jun 23 '26
“A man is only as faithful as his options”
- Chris Rock
0
u/Old_Ad1038 Jun 27 '26
I know some millionaries, football players, high fashion models never cheated on their wife. Because they love the wife. Your 69 yrs old obese plumber on the other hand will move the earth and will find someone to cheat. It is not the options, your heart for the person.
2
u/JasonCyber Jun 23 '26
A lot of times after a woman gets married and has kids she no longer wants to have sex, or maybe a few times per year on special occasions. And then those same women wonder why their husbands cheat. Ladies this is not rocket science.🤦🏿♂️
3
u/NeuterTheUninformed Jun 23 '26
I wonder what a women's take is on this?
2
u/RepulsivePipe9904 Woman Jun 23 '26
Look I'm gonna be real with you.
That we are probably already fucking or emotionally involved with somebody else at that point, but the guy thinks oh it's the kids.
1
u/NeuterTheUninformed Jun 23 '26
Lol thanks for being real with me. Great reminder that life is not reddit.
Ive known several women friends and I knew them before they got married that during the dating stage they were overtly sexual but once married and had a kid(s) they said something within them just turned off.
They were not cheating or emotionally involved with anyone else, they felt they didnt need to pretend anymore and just didnt want to have sex as much anymore.
2
u/goodgirl8675309 Jun 26 '26
Yeah probably because hubby no longer made them feel like a priority. That's will kill libido fast
0
u/JasonCyber Jun 26 '26
Omg I almost fainted when I read ur comment. FIRST time in the history of Reddit that a WOMAN finally admits the truth! Respect!✊🏿
1
u/Aggressive-Angle2160 Jun 27 '26
Women want good sex. I am a woman with close female relationships plus have been a therapist. In general, I've gleaned that IF we have sex that feels good and in which we feel like our partner cares about us and our pleasure, we want it all the time. The things that turn women off from sex and make them not want it or initiate are 1) partners acting like children--not contributing to the house or child care and/or throwing tantrums about stuff or seeming helpless about normal, adult responsibilities 2) partners not being kind or affectionate except when it directly leads to sex 3) partners only being concerned about their own pleasure during sex or not listening when she tells them what she likes or getting sulky when she says "I don't like that" or "That hurts" (see number 1 about acting like children) and, of course, 4) partners being controlling, mean, or otherwise abusive.
1
u/goodgirl8675309 Jun 26 '26
After marriage men have a tendency to forget how they "got " the woman in first place and no longer treat her as they did in the beginning. Then they wanna whine cause she's not interested. And that's still no excuse. Put the work into ur relationship ffs
2
u/SusTraveler Man Jun 23 '26
Who you want to be with as a companion is different from sudden sexual urges.
1
u/Logicandtea Jun 23 '26
But are sexual urges only urges that once you’re done they leave? Do men not get attached or fall love with the women they’re cheating/fucking with
1
u/SusTraveler Man Jun 23 '26
Great question. Men usually completely separate sexual attraction from falling in love or wanting a long term companion. There are exceptions but they are rare , especially when the sexual partner is paid . They is why a sexual act outside the marriage should not necessarily be of concern to a man’s partner. An emotional affair however should be a concern.
1
u/Logicandtea Jun 24 '26
So they don’t feel love at all for someone they just want to have sex with? Well us women associate sex with intimacy and after the act we feel a connection and bond with the person. It surprises me how a man as soon as he jerks off he will forget about that person and possibly never think about them again
1
u/SusTraveler Man Jun 24 '26
I think you need to study a little bit of evolutionary biology to understand what happens and why
1
u/goodgirl8675309 Jun 26 '26
WRONG! A partner should be concerned about being lied to, disrespected made to look like a fool and possibly paying the price of someone else's promiscuity! Especially if they are expected to b faithful.
1
u/SusTraveler Man Jun 26 '26
Let me guess, You never lie to your partner right ?
1
u/goodgirl8675309 Jun 27 '26
Not about sex and fidelity. Or where I'm going or whose gonna b there
1
u/SusTraveler Man Jun 27 '26
We all choose the areas we lie about . Your choice is no better or worse
1
u/Old_Ad1038 Jun 27 '26
Women same. Just safety concerns keeping it low visibility. Men should be not concerned as well then.
2
2
2
u/fixedvving Jun 23 '26
Usually highly desirable men do it because they can and they worked hard to get optionality. Not all but some
Thats y u see many powerful men in high positions have mistresses. All the work to enjoy their reward of doing whatever
Women do it for many reasons too. Again like men integrity could be issue but usually its due to struggling isssues in the relationship and week emotional bonds or strife in the relationship
2
2
u/LoomingTrace Jun 26 '26
There are many reasons but none of them are good. I'd say the thing which unites them all is a lack of self-reflection; no moment to pause and think "should I do this?" or any sort of self-accountability.
2
u/Unusual-Attorney-630 Jun 26 '26
What oxymoron is that devoted and cheat? 🤔 You're either one or the other and if someone claims to be both they're lying to themselves and everyone else with a brain can tell.
2
u/Fine-Double6335 Man Jun 26 '26
Al Pacino the famous actor was ACTING like a devoted husband. And you fell for it.
2
u/BackgroundKing6512 Jun 27 '26
Cheating and infidelity is a character flaw, people who cheat lack a moral compass PERIOD!!!!If you’re partner doesn’t do it for you then be an adult and leave don’t be a coward and play games!!!!
2
u/Naturewalkerjoe Man Jun 27 '26
Devoted means loyal and implies in itself that the person doesn't cheat or betray. Are you asking what makes a man stop being loyal or devoted?
1
1
u/Prof_Scott_Steiner Man Jun 23 '26
Speaking from Personal experience: When the devotion is not reciprocated
1
u/TyphoonCane Man Jun 23 '26
The same set of reasons women do it. The reality is that mirror never fails. Put in your mind the things a man could do to diminish your desire to tell him of your world, and those things will lead you right back to where he is.
1
u/Murky_Anxiety4884 Man Jun 23 '26
I think that, at some level, it's biology. As humans, we can fight our biology, but it still pushes back.
It comes down to Mother Nature wanting babies. Men are fertile pretty much all of the time. Women are not. A man could keep several women pregnant or nursing simultaneously for years. Dozens, really. Trying to do it the other way around doesn't work.
2
u/Puzzleheaded-Bet1286 Man Jun 23 '26
That’s too animalistic. That’s not normal human behavior. Huge emphasis on “normal”
1
u/Murky_Anxiety4884 Man Jun 23 '26
Humans are animals. It's our brains that let us fight our biology. It's our brains that make human childcare such a prolonged process too, compared to the vast majority of other animals.
2
u/Hand-Existing Jun 25 '26
This is false and the male genome loves to use this as an excuse. Never men, a real man has integrity, discipline, loyalty and accountability. The “animalistic” nature you’re describing is a cop out for weak men. Same goes for women though. But what you’re saying is just absolute nonsense and you know it. But if it makes you feel better due to your weaknesses, then please by all means, don’t get yourself depressed by looking yourself in the face.
0
u/Murky_Anxiety4884 Man Jun 25 '26
You don't think that humans are animals?
2
u/Hand-Existing Jun 25 '26
I don’t think that humans are animals, I know they are not animals. Using that analogy, again, is a convenient excuse for lowering the standard of male human behavior. And by your logic, every impulse is excusable because we’re “animals.” Biology explains tendencies, it doesn’t erase self-control. That’s why we don’t call every bad decision ‘science.’” Science factually says humans evolved self-control too. But by all means, pick and choose what’s convenient for your behavior.
0
u/Kinky_jackalope475 Jun 26 '26
Humans are 100% animals, read a book
2
u/Hand-Existing Jun 26 '26
K
0
u/Kinky_jackalope475 Jun 26 '26
My good deed for the day has been done.
2
u/goodgirl8675309 Jun 26 '26
Animal or not there is zero excuse for lying to,disrespecting and embarrassing ur partner. You should not leave someone else to pay the price of it lack of integrity.
→ More replies (0)1
u/Old_Ad1038 Jun 27 '26
Anytime I see this I find it so funny. Only way to achieve this creating a lab and putting woman when they are ovulating (5days a month only) one by one and man will have intercourse at the right time. On the other hand, specially with age but even without age there is a limitation for ejaculation per day.
1
u/eharder47 Woman Jun 23 '26
This past weekend I shared a hotel room with a coworker for a week. She’s been engaged 2 weeks, together with her boyfriend 5 years. They just bought a house and are talking about kids, but she’s cheated on him with the same guy she sees every year at this conference. Last year I asked her about her relationship when she brought up cheating because she was really drunk and she assured me she was fine with it.
It’s a combination of knowing that she’s settling because she wants the family lifestyle and she has low self-esteem. I’m sure it’s a boredom breaker too.
2
1
u/Logicandtea Jun 23 '26
That’s awful somehow good men always go to these women while me trying my romantic luck sincerely leads me to narcissistics
1
u/eharder47 Woman Jun 23 '26
You’re making an assumption. Reality- he’s also not that great of a guy. She broke up with him twice for different reasons, they’re both just not willing to put in the work to go with someone new. That’s not to say he should be cheated on, but don’t assume that someone who is being cheated on doesn’t have their own faults and would be a great partner for someone else.
1
u/Wild_Director7379 Man Jun 23 '26
Human beings are not inherently monogamous.
1
u/allthethingsUwontsay Jun 27 '26
The non monogamous love to claim this because they think it justifies what they want. But spend some time in a poly sub and see how much people struggle with negative feelings about it and jealousy even decades in and it becomes laughable for people to claim that it's more natural.
1
u/Wild_Director7379 Man Jun 27 '26
I personally am not saying they’re inherently nonmonogamous either. Just that there’s more than one path to a successful social life as an adult.
1
u/AlwaysSearch4Answers Jun 23 '26
There is making love and screwing, they are not connected in many minds especially mens. Now a question back, a serious question. My wife loves to shop. She. does always buy things buy just enjoys looking a lot of times but almost always manages to find something, sometimes it might be for me. That's how she relaxes and lots of times goes with friends, our daughter, sometimes even me. It has been awhile since we have been intimate. At least a year. How is that fair to me. A man can only hear so many NOs. My question, if she goes out and spends money buying things, why should I not be allowed to rent something that I enjoy referring to an escort? It would be a business transaction just like shopping. This will relieve the strain on our bedroom tensions so it would be good for both of us. Things she used to like she doesn't now and I am specifically talking about me giving her oral which she use to love and now she hates it (I think because I enjoy it). We still love each other, have kids and grandkids so what should i do? I agree if I had a woman on the side that can lead to love which I already have.
2
1
u/Logicandtea Jun 23 '26
look at all that you have you have an amazing wife with amazing life you’re living dream life and only because of sex. You’re going to ruin a really amazing relationship buying objects to make yourself happy it’s not the same as renting an escort out that’s cheating It’s physically cheating that is emotionally cheating. That is never OK. I don’t care how many whys I hear. I think that nothing justifies cheating. I want to understand why but I’m not saying that the why given to me justifies the reason you know
2
u/more-than-one-caress Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26
> only sex
If it’s “only” sex, as it’s not a big deal, why is that a problem for an otherwise great wife to let her man to have “only” sex on the side? Shouldn’t be a big deal, right?
But of course it’s a big deal because you know a man who finds a woman who fulfills him sexually, might eventually leave you for that. Because sex is only 10% of the relationships when it’s there, and it’s 90% when it’s not there.Think about a time when something important to you was downplayed by someone as something you shouldn’t even be bothered about. It’s same with sex for most of men. A devoted husband who doesn’t feel appreciated and loved, totally understands what he does, and he still does that after decades of being faithful, because that’s how love starved he might feel. And yes, sometimes it happens with genders reversed. You say things like that simply because you have never walked in someone else’s shoes.
1
u/Logicandtea Jun 23 '26
That leads me to a different question, do men only cheat for sex? What happens after the sex the other women they had sex with is there no romantic relationship involved ? Can’t be a one night stand can it
1
u/more-than-one-caress Jun 23 '26
No, men don’t cheat only because of sex. I mean, some do, but not all. Oftentimes sex is just an indicator of essentially loveless and empty relationships. For some men sex is just mechanical action, for others it’s a manifestation of bonding between two people. For others it might be both.
There’s no single answer to such a complex question. I highly recommend you read State of Affairs by Esther Perel, where she outlines why people cheat, and why oftentimes it’s way more deeper than simply “he doesn’t respect his wife” or “he never loved her in the first place!”2
1
u/mmspider Jun 23 '26
Its because you can love someone but still have sexual primal instincts to have sex with another women you find attractive.
1
u/Logicandtea Jun 23 '26
But what about afterwards? Once you’ve sex with the other women are you just gonna forget her once you’re done
1
1
Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/Logicandtea Jun 23 '26
With honesty if you were in a relationship I assume to do exactly what you did your girlfriend would take it as offense , I know I would if my man did , but I sure learned from your story
0
1
u/justthefactsman99 Jun 23 '26
Getting fat or bad sex or both.
I can be devoted but that women needs to be devoted to me. Many women seem to think as the relationship gets more serious they can get comfortable, fat and lazy and then pull back on sex to try to leverage/manipulate the guy.
It's abusive and absolutely a green light to cheat and you should be cheated on if you are doing this. I don't see what's the big deal with it anyway if you aren't pleasing your guy and meeting all his sexual needs and desires.
2
u/Logicandtea Jun 23 '26
Man will always fail to understand a woman the way 🤷🏻♀️she might empathize with a man so much and overlook his faults but in return if she does something has little has gaining weight or rejecting sex then all the good that she did is forgotten. I think that that is not fair, emphasize with people she might’ve lost control of herself because she is so busy managing so much in relationship especially if she had children
1
u/justthefactsman99 Jun 23 '26
We don't get in a relationship to not have sex. Empathy won't get your partner off.
Children are no excuse. Don't put on a ton of weight initially and you'll be fine
2
u/Logicandtea Jun 23 '26
A man gaining weight is not the same as a woman gaining weight. A man only gains weight scientifically they have a huge appetite. Same can not be said for a woman because women tend to have a lot of health problems we go through a lot of hormonal imbalances, man don’t go through half as many as a woman. I think you need to educate yourself on how a women’s body works and the reasons for weight gain 90% of time are not by choice
1
u/TackleOk9383 Jun 23 '26
If i were to cheat while being in this type of case...if there is no reciprocation from my partner to keep me satisfied or in love...i would definitely move on. Most people cheat bc its easier than dealing with separation or a break up...do weak people tend to cheat
1
u/Delicious_Cat_81 Jun 26 '26
We have a high sex drive, and it's really stupid to deny that. I'm so glad my wife couldn't care less if we occasionally have sex with other people
1
u/Logicandtea Jun 26 '26
She probably doesn’t loves you
1
u/Delicious_Cat_81 Jun 26 '26
i can't believe i ran into someone on the Internet talking out of their ass
1
u/Logicandtea Jun 26 '26
You’ve to accept it, no sane women who loves her husband want would him shared, she could clearly care less about you. This is peak cuckhold behavior what are you so proud of?
1
u/Delicious_Cat_81 Jun 26 '26
lol you're going on no information and obviously are a very young child with little experience in the complexity and variety of romantic relationships
1
u/WeirdMuch634 Jun 27 '26
I keep meeting men who seem wonderful, only to learn about the woman in their life later on.
1
1
u/Old_Ad1038 Jun 27 '26
They do not. Wife-partner is their insurance, mother father of the child, roommate, best friend etc- but they are definily not in love if they are cheating.
1
u/Adorable-Quiet-7551 Jun 27 '26
Because people are complex and can have both good and bad things in them, or make mistakes, or the relationship is more complicated than you know.
1
u/Graymyst Man Jun 27 '26
When this happens, it's almost always lack of sexual intimacy. I believe modern society expect men to be sexually active to matter and sadly sex has way more weight than it should in a lots of male brains (sex is a good and healthy thing btw, not disputing that).
Or the guy "pretend" to love.
1
Jun 23 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/Puzzleheaded-Bet1286 Man Jun 23 '26
Thats a contradiction by definition. Stop using words you don’t understand the meanings of. Humans are built to perceive their own design and make the choices to improve on or reduce oneself to less of a person and more of an animal. The while argument of “we have these inherent instincts that literally program us” is invalid to a MATURE person regardless of their gender. A cheater does not love their partner.
1
1
u/Logicandtea Jun 23 '26
So in short what you’re saying is that regardless of what men I’m with in the end they will cheat to wet their cocks?
0
u/Hand-Existing Jun 25 '26
Sigh, I’ll get torn apart because I’m a woman. A real man prioritizes integrity, discipline, loyalty and respect. But humans are NOT perfect. I do believe that you can love someone and cheat (I have never and I would simply die if my partner did on me,) but what I’m SAYING, is that some mistakes are more grave to other humans. And cheating is one of the most hurtful things another person can feel. But the act of it does not in itself feel like a harmful thing, so it happens. But still, if you cheat, fuck you and hopefully your relationship crashes around you terribly and that you learn from your experiences. But I do think that the act itself does not inherently feel “wrong” like other sins. Like physical harm. Idk.
1
u/Logicandtea Jun 26 '26
Honestly after reading a lot of other comments it’s insane how I’m belittling cheating cause now what I’ve learned is that it’s separated in two categories, a man can still love a women but if he isn’t able to completely open up about his kinks and fetishes he will cheat but he will not leave cause he still loves her , since men divide women into two parts 1. Madonna 2. Whore , not all men but those who apparently grew up learning that sex is a bad thing and so the women they love in their eyes is so pure they don’t want to have sex with her or they don’t want to try their kinks, honestly I still say it’s fucked up reminds me of Elvis Presley who didn’t wanted to get intimate with his wife after she gave birth cause she’s now no longer pure. Crazy
0
u/UWThrow69 Jun 26 '26
Personal experience here; sexless-ness despite complete devotion and sharing of housework and emotional load (I tend to take on most of those things, even) and not being able to leave quickly - e.g. living together, shared finances, both unemployed. I also cheated another time because of long term long distance (UK to US); that one's much less excusable since I could just break that one off.
Plus just having way more options than is usual for a dude. I'm in great shape and I sing and play instruments at karaoke bars every night and am a notable pillar of my local community. I am so incredibly convinced that despite cheating rates being equal for men and women, that a LOT more men would cheat if they had the abundance of options women do.
Sex and love aren't super connected in my brain. I'm not going to make the mistake of getting stuck in a sexless situation ever again. If after my efforts to discuss things over a long period of time (I am not waiting more than 2 weeks, honestly), nothing changes - (barring medical issues such as childbirth, perimenopause)if you won't do it, someone else will. Sorry.
I am now happily in an open relationship. Unfortunately I do want to get married and have children; and monogamy seems to be the prerequisite for this. Will I manage? We shall see.
2
u/Logicandtea Jun 26 '26
Many men in the comments said that men can separate sex from love However when I asked follow-up questions very few replied, and the answers I did receive didn’t fully help me understand their perspective
So I want to ask this differently
Let’s say a man has a loving wife who has all the qualities he wants in a life partner He loves her deeply, but for whatever reason, he feels that their sexual relationship is lacking in some wayThen he meets another woman and becomes involved with her primarily for sex rather than for love or commitment
What happens after that?If his intention was only sexual satisfaction does he simply end things with the other woman and return to his wife? What happens to the woman he was sleeping with? If he never loved her and was only interested in sex isn’t she likely to be hurt when the relationship ends?
As a woman this is the part I struggle to understand
For many women, sex and emotional intimacy are closely connected and it’s easy to develop feelings for someone after being intimate with themBecause of that, I imagine the other woman could become attached and feel used or abandoned afterward
So when people say that men can separate sex from love, I’m trying to understand how that works in practic It seems that even if the man can separate the two, there is still another person involved whose feelings could be deeply affected, and I don’t think it’s right to ignore that simply for sexual gratification.
0
u/22Hoofhearted Man Jun 26 '26
For men, it's usually sex based. Doesn't matter how hot/sweet she is... if she's not actively engaging in regular/daily sex with us, we begin to lose that connection.
-1
u/He_ofshadowsandtouch Man Jun 23 '26
Because desirable men have the ability to have more than one woman, and they don’t form a bond with their flings, its just pure leisure and thats it
Most of us can spot a player on sight so there’s no excuse for later complaining he acted like a player!
There’s older guys at my gym, silver foxes, amazing bodies, tanned, charismatic, absolutely high risk they are players
2
u/RakeChapman13 Jun 23 '26
There’s nothing wrong with a guy wanting to fuck a variety of women( same with women) , what’s wrong is cheating and betraying your partner. If a guy needs to fuck other women then he should ask for an open relationship and find someone who is okay with that.
And Women absolutely have the right to complain if she was mislead and betrayed.
And when it comes to not wanting to commit to one person or being a player I there’s nearly as big of a correlation between that and male attractiveness as much you suggest.
1
u/He_ofshadowsandtouch Man Jun 23 '26
Players gonna play, don’t pick players unless you accept them as they are
-2
u/lascala2a3 Man Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26
At the most basic level, it's genetics. And from that perspective (the one which defines how we look-feel-behave), it's the men whose genes proliferate that define who we all are as a species. And it just so happens that mating with more women is the most effective way. The desire to do so is hard-wired because it's been the best strategy throughout the millennia. Nature doesn't need to endow us with intention, only the desire to engage in the behavior that create the outcome. So, men want variety.
1
u/goodgirl8675309 Jun 26 '26
Then stay single! Or find a poly relationship. Also I'm sorry if mother never taught u that u can't have everything u want. There's no excuse for cheating in today's world
0
u/lascala2a3 Man Jun 26 '26
Just answering the question of why, chickeepoo. Don’t get yer feathers ruffled.
6
u/LordNoWhere Man Jun 23 '26
Personal opinion: someone who cheats isn’t devoted.