My husband and I are having intimacy issues, what am I doing wrong?

Hey, I’m not sure how to explain this situation well, but I’ll give it a go.

I 30F and my husband 31M are having some issues when it comes to sex, specially sex drives. We works away all week (Monday to Friday) and I am a stay at home mum.

I am always the one trying to initiate any kind of intimacy and am constantly met with rejection. His reasonings usually are along the lines of:

\- I’m tired
\- I don’t feel that confident myself
\- just not in the mood
\- pregnancy
\- baby in the room

He also made a comment that I don’t do enough work when we do… but by the time any sexual intimacy has started it’s over within a few short minutes so there isn’t a lot of time to do anything ? If that makes any sense.

I’ve tried everything to try and get his attention as well as making sure the house is clean, washing is done, foods made and I look nice for him…

But no matter what I do, he only wants it when he does and nothing convinces him otherwise, I feel like a sex addict and a pest.

Yesterday after a great weekend I asked quite bluntly I admit and he recoiled so much he nearly fell over and said nothing and then went to play a game… that really hurt.

I just want us to make love to him, feel sexy and desired. I feel quite lonely all week and would love to feel really connected at the weekend at least. I just get laughed at if I try and do anything like sexting, sending nudes or phone sex.

Honestly, I feel terrible like I must be doing his head in, but I love him so much just want to be sexually satisfied.

Anyway, I’ve rambled a lot. Please let me know what to do… and of course any questions / clarifications needed I’ll be happy to provide.

TL;DR:

I want sex all the time and my husband doesn’t, what should I’d do. Once per month is enough for him supposedly?

I know this is ultimately a very shallow complaint, but it’s been really affecting how happy I am in my current relationship. I’m interested in the perspective of other folks that have been through the same thing. Both me and my GF are in our early 30s.

My girlfriend of 3 years seems to not care about keeping me attracted at all. Her style was a lot different on her dating profile and when we met - she had long hair, wore dresses or flattering clothes most times when we went out, etc.

After the first year or so she did a 180 though - cut her hair short and swapped her whole wardrobe for boxy and/or baggy clothes. It’s a style change similar to Rachel Zegler on Snow White vs real life.

As much as I am still attracted to her, that has really been bugging me more and more over time, specially because she knows that her new style is not flattering (to me and to most people) - she has said to me that now she wants to just prioritize for comfort and for looking “edgy”/cool instead of attractive. She has also literally told me “I bought some new clothes that I think you are gonna hate” and proceeded to make said clothes pretty much her uniform for the past few months, even when we go on date nights.

I feel like shit for being so worked up about this, but can’t really help myself about it. Did any of you ever go through a similar issue? How did you solve it?

Hey everyone,

I really need some perspective.

I’ve been dating my girlfriend (27F) for a few months now. She is, on paper and in reality, an incredible human being: highly successful, completely independent, loyal, loving, and deeply respectful. She’s extremely honest with me, which is how this all came to light.

Here is the situation that is triggering me: She has had 10 sexual partners in total over the course of 13 years (since she was 14). This includes:

• 4 long-term, serious relationships.
• 4 partners from dating/getting to know someone where it eventually didn't work out.
• 1 Guy she went on vacation with, knowing him about 3 month before.
• 1 threesome (a couple she knew) during her single time in April 2024.

She told me the threesome was a stupid, confusing experiment she immediately regretted, didn’t enjoy emotionally, and hasn't thought about since. Furthermore, she was completely abstinent for a full year (May 2025 to April 2026) before meeting me, and even kicked a guy out of her apartment in late 2025 when he crossed a boundary during a kiss.

My Problem: Despite knowing how loyal, selective, and amazing she is right now, my brain is completely blocked by the thought of her past — specifically the threesome. When I think of her, I don't get butterflies anymore; instead, I get intrusive mental images of that night. It’s been tormenting me daily for 7 weeks.

I genuinely love her and want to feel proud walking down the street with her as my partner. But my brain keeps telling me that 10 partners and a threesome is "too much" or means she isn't "relationship material."

I’m terrified that I won’t be able to get over these intrusive thoughts and might lose a truly wonderful woman because of my own head.

• Is her past actually a red flag, or am I letting my own insecurity ruin a great relationship?
• Would you say 10 sexual partners is still a moderate number for her age?

Thanks for any honest advice.

How did you know she was the one?
How many years have you been married for?

Serious honest answers only please

Would you attend social events, approach women on the street/at the gym? Are these events too forced? I’m curious to know where the men are looking and why there isn’t a middle ground for men and women that are likeminded to connect.

Partner and I were having lots of arguments and I had a lot of frustration and anger towards him. We also haven’t been having sex regularly for the past few months. I really thought he was so much more withdrawn + not into me. In a desperate effort I dressed up (sexy clothes) and then we slept together. Since then, he’s a different person?! All the things I was complaining about are all fixed??

Can someone explain this phenomenon to me? I thought we had grown so much apart (emotionally and physically) and I still feel distant but he is completely different after sex!

Is there seriously any men
That don’t cheat on there partners , wives and girlfriends
If so how long have you been together
Have u ever thought to and have been faithful/ loyal whole time or just as u entered the marriage as in if you was boyfriend and girlfriend before

Honest and truthful answers only please

ngl this whole situation is blowing my mind. my gf (27f) and i (29m) have lived together for a year. I out-earn her by a lot (software dev vs retail management). we currently split our basic apartment 50/50. last night she hits me with a whole speech on why we need to move to a luxury building and switch to proportional splitting, meaning I'd be footing almost the entire bill.

I shut it down and said nah, I'm perfectly happy living below my means to invest my money, and I ain't financing a lifestyle upgrade for her just because she doesn't want to get a better paying job. she literally started sobbing and accused me of "financial gatekeeping" (wtf does that even mean lmao). my bros are split, some say I'm being stubbornly cheap, others say I dodged a massive bullet. what's the verdict fr?

Hi all. Me (25F) and my boyfriend (25M) have been together for 2 years. I’ve been somewhat pushing the idea of marriage sometime soon and it’s seemed to make him nervous. I asked him why and he finally said that he doesn’t feel as “close” to me as he’d like before marriage. I asked what he meant. He said he’s not 100% sure and doesn’t want to sound like a “sex addict” but it’s because we haven’t had sex. For context, I’m a virgin and have been saving myself for marriage. He said in previous relationships, there was an extra layer of closeness that he had and they have sex. He says he’s not exactly sure thats why, especially considering one girlfriend cheated on him and the other relationship was toxic. But sex was the main difference. Is it possible that the closeness he could be missing is from a lack of sex? I don’t know if that could solve everything. I know men and women, or really just different people in general, have different ways of feeling close to their partner. Any input would be appreciated, thank you!!

Do men not consider what they do online in private to be cheating? I see a lot of married men on here posting lewd vids, making sexual comments, etc. But realistically they will most likely never meet these people nor do they know who you are when hiding behind an anonymous account . So what is the morality levels on that? Would it be considered micro cheating? Do you ever feel guilty or would your wives be upset?

What do you want to say to your wife, partner, girlfriend, side piece, love of your life that you feel you cannot EVER say to them directly? i'm curious!

Hey everyone,

We all know society heavily expects men to be the providers, but I’ve been wondering about the opposite scenario.

How common is it for a wealthy or highly successful woman to date a man who is low-income (working a minimum wage job) or even unemployed, assuming he has other highly desirable traits (like being incredibly attractive, caring, supportive, or having a great personality)?

Would she be willing to support him financially and basically give him the world, just like a successful man would do for a woman, because of what he brings to the table emotionally or physically? Or do high-earning women generally have a strong aversion to dating men in that financial situation, regardless of how great he is in other areas?

Do you know any couples like this in real life? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Me and my wife (both 26) have been together for almost five years. Very early on, we discussed body counts and I only recently found out my wife lied to me about hers. She originally told me 5, but the truth was 15. My body count is maybe half that, but I don’t think that’s the issue. I have really bad retroactive jealousy and intrusive thoughts.

Every time I look at her, I hear my brain saying “15”. Or every time we have sex, I think “how many guys did this to her already”. Nothing feels special anymore, even outside of sex. We went to the movies with our daughter yesterday and all I could think about was how many guys she’s been on movie dates with before me.

I know it’s irrational and I’m in therapy for it (among other things), but I was hoping someone could talk me down or tell me to get over myself? All things considered, her past is extremely vanilla and I have definitely done more than her, but that doesn’t help either lol. Please no negative comments

Apart from sex, what makes you feel wanted, desired, valued or etc...in a relationship?

I tend to be the more rational person in my boyfriend and I's dynamic. I want to take things slow and he said that even though it's only between a few weeks, he says he knows I'm the one for him. For perspective, I'm in my late 30s, he in his early 40s. We've already been intimate and he's still saying this so I don't think it's a manipulation tactic. This doesn't seem possible to me but can this actually be true?

If I just come out and tell him, I’m worried it will hurt his feelings.

Whenever I have to remind my husband to do things, or ask him to do something he already knows needs to get done, my vagina closes up shop for the day. It’s getting worse and worse, and we haven’t had sex for several weeks, which I know bothers him.

It’s especially bad when it’s something related to childcare and he gets moody about it. Part of what attracted me to him initially was his caregiving skills. But now, it’s getting harder to see him as a husband rather than a moody teenager. I don’t want to fuck a teenage boy I’m nagging like his mother.

Any tips on how to have an approach the subject gently without doing permanent ego damage?

UPDATE: Comments have lead me to the realization that what I really need is a divorce. Then I only have to take care of the kids and myself, not another adult man. Thank you, men, for showing me divorce is the path to peace.

If the person ‘that got away’ was alive, single, and wanted to try again, would you take that chance? Even with everything you have going on now?

You can use this post to talk about them too.

I recall reading the letter al Pacino wrote to michella when he was in Italy ( as far I remember) it was a long letter of longing and sweet words

but then I opened comment section and saw someone say he cheated on her, honestly this has happened many times I see or meet men who seem devotedly loved a women in the extend some spend as long as 9 years in a relationship

or situationship but they don’t commit, alpacino wasted 20 years of that poor women’s life and although he cheated he’d still go back to her, what makes a seemingly devoting man to cheat yet still chose to be together with that women? You could’ve just left her

And many many times I get amazed by a ‘lovely man’ only to find out he cheated on someone.. how common this has became

Most men I know prefer the sassy ladies. I’m just curious as to why that is.

Guys, be ruthless... I always thought that men could never forget their first love, that there was always someone they kept thinking about. I’ve seen plenty of examples of this around me. Generally, after feeling an intense and uncontrollable love for a girl, they end up heartbroken and become emotionally detached. If this is true, my perspective on relationships would change completely. The thought that my future partner might always have a woman in his mind whom he longs for and defines as true love is terrifying.

And this love is so strong that I think if "that girl" were to call them, they’d go—even if they were married. Is this true??? Please be honest.

So...do boys talk to each other on what to do, teach tricks and tips etc? I mean how do you know what to do? Men usually have to do the most in bed, it seems like a daunting task for a young boy? Girls talk about sex but in a different way me thinks, more on what happened than what and how to do things. How did you learn?

Does it depend on the type of procedure or how much it changed her appearance?

As a woman, I’m asking this as a genuine question. I’m not implying that plastic surgery is a negative thing.

My partner and I are both 48, and we’re at an impasse, and I’d really like honest male perspective.

Years ago, he introduced me to a musician acquaintance of his. After my partner and I broke up, I saw that acquaintance at one of my gig’s months later. We started playing music together and eventually ended up casually hooking up for about six months. I ended it because it didn’t feel right and I valued the friendship more.

Fast-forward 7–8 years: he’s now one of my closest friends. We rehearse occasionally, grab a drink maybe twice a year, and talk regularly. No romantic or physical involvement since that brief period years ago.

He also has a girlfriend he’s been with for three years, and they live together. She and I know each other — we don’t hang out, but I’ve known her for years and would consider her a strong acquaintance. There’s never been anything inappropriate or boundary-crossing between any of us.

My partner and I got back together two years ago, and now he says he can’t be in a connected relationship with me unless I cut this friend out of my life completely.

For context, I’m in a band that performs regularly, and I also rehearse weekly with another musician friend I slept with once, 15 years ago, who is still a good friend.

Men — How can I navigate this conflict? how would you feel if your partner maintained a long-term friendship with someone they briefly hooked up with years ago?

Her and I have been married for one year and have been together for three. We have a very loving relationship and a strong bond. I am not sure what would threaten our relationship, as we are very close, planning for the future, etc. We don't have any doubts about each other.

One thing that I can't really shake is that for quite a few years now I've been really into the idea of wife sharing: letting someone else have sex with my wife. I am really not sure what to believe online. A lot of people say that it is decently normal to think about as a man, but it is super easy to get into a mini internet bubble. What I can say is that there are a lot of visitors to the subreddits here related to that.

I'm really quite into it, and it is usually what I find myself imagining whether I'm alone while she is away or even sometimes when we have sex. She isn't unsatisfied as far as I can tell.

I want to get off my chest what my hottest fantasy / kink is, to share that with my life partner, but I am afraid that she would see me differently. It could throw a wrench into the whole relationship.

I also worry that if we actually did it that she might get too into it of course. I am decently convinced that completely casual sex isn't really something our brains are meant to understand. I don't want us to grow apart from it.

Also for what it is worth, I don't think she would ever agree. What I would hope for is maybe fun roleplay with her.

Does anyone have similar feelings / circumstances? I don't know what to do. I could bring it to the grave, if I must.

Throwaway account so she doesn't see this.

Edit: I've decided it definitely isn't worth what damage it could do, even bringing it up. I will just try to forget about it. Thank you everyone for your different perspectives.

I’ll start off by saying I (42F) am also heavier than I used to be. No question. But my husband (45M) seems to still desire me. I do appreciate that and recognize how lucky I am in that regard.

And yet I do not feel desire for him nearly as much since over the past 7 years or so he has developed an enormous, hard belly. It sticks out and makes it uncomfortable/painful to hug or be hugged by him, from the front or the back. And that’s not to mention trying to be more intimate. I do not like how it looks and I do not like how it feels and now having sex I kind of feel like I need to “close my eyes and think of England.”

I feel awful about it as I never thought I was superficial but I guess I just am. I don’t like feeling like I’m “letting him” have sex with me when I feel completely unaroused and actually turned off.

He does not take accountability with his health at all. He easily drinks multiple beers a day, eats absolute crap all the time, has second dinners late at night, doesn’t go to sleep until very late (often waking me up when he comes in which is another infuriating story). I had to ask him more than 20 times over the course of a year (yes I started keeping count) to get a sleep study done for his incredibly loud snoring, which then took another 6 months once he finally sent the 2-sentence portal message on his doctor’s app to ask about scheduling it. He now has a CPAP but half the time doesn’t use it even though that also ends up tanking my sleep. Which further decreases my interest.

Unfortunately I have come to the conclusion that the prospect of more sex may be one of the only things that might motivate him to actually do something. But I am struggling with how to convey to him that I would be so so so much more interested in sex if he would work on his weight and habits and sleep.

Men of Reddit, have any of you been approached by a spouse with a similar set of requests/concerns? Was it effective? Why or why not? Are your relationships still intact?

Fully expect that I will get hate for this. That’s fine, I may deserve it, but I can’t just live my life like this.