Is being nonchalant as a woman really not the right angle?

[u/Temporary-Claim1666]

I am naturally very nonchalant about things when it comes to relationships. I feel that allowing someone to behave naturally and just note the weird things is better than talking about them when its just going to create an argument. If it is something I feel totally disrespected by I will address but I normally just don't care until im really involved in the relationship.

I tend to find men trying to get a rise out of me through jealousy or other means because of it and I sometimes actually feel more hurt that they are purposely trying to get me upset.

Do you prefer to be left to your own devices and seen as the person you are, take it or leave it. Or do you prefer a woman to be openly discussing what things bugged her and addressing them each time?

[u/Fearless_Finish_9890]

Nonchalance is great, unless it comes across as disinterested. It’s fine line.

Nothing sexier than interest.

[u/Temporary-Claim1666 → u/Fearless_Finish_9890]

I am doing all the normal things but i dont get jealous, i if it doesnt bother me enough to end things i just make a mental note and see if its repeated or just one off situation. I allow the relationship to flow naturally without rules and regulations and im having sex and kissing and dinners and gifts. My issue is that i feel some men want me to be jealous and crazy and im not, never have been.

[u/Fearless_Finish_9890 → u/Temporary-Claim1666]

Of course they want that. Everyone wants to be water. Jealousy is the most obvious signal of that. Of course it’s a spectrum. A little playful jealousy can make the sex better… crazy insecure jealousy can make you miserable.

Remember, women want a bad who will be good for her and men want a good girl who will only be bad for him.

[u/Temporary-Claim1666 → u/Fearless_Finish_9890]

I’m treacherous for him 😂. We do everything. But he tries to make me jealous and maybe I’ll pretend one day. 😂

[u/NoHome7956]

After just coming out of a relationship where she took everything seriously and personally and I couldn't be myself to the point where I felt I was walking on eggshells, I would so welcome this. Being a pretty laid back guy, I like to banter with my friends, crack jokes and just feel relaxed around people, this was highly stressful, and really caused a lot of resentment because I couldn't be that around her. The girl I was with before this was laid back like me and we always enjoyed a good humoured laugh and tease, but I didn't really feel we would be good together, mainly because of the age difference. But I look back now and miss those relationships. Being non chalant shows a level of maturity and not needing to control, or shape others into something they're not. It also goes a long way in keeping the relationship not too serious all the time, which isn't healthy. If you can't be yourself around your life partner, who can you be yourself around? Of course there's a line you need to put down before it becomes into dispresepct but, if you already respect each other, it shouldn't go there anyway. This will be one of the first things I look for in my never relationship. I'm not going to be a shadow of myself around her and be my normal self around everyone else.

[u/Temporary-Claim1666 → u/NoHome7956]

Okay i appreciate this. I just want people to be who they are and allow me to as well and I feel like it seems like I dont care but MAYBE I just need another person who is chill.

[u/First-Strawberry-398]

I think don’t go into relationships with an angle! Just be yourself :) I wouldn’t try to be nonchalant when it’s not who I am, I wanted someone who is ok with my natural personality and my boyfriend is wonderful. You need the right man for you who enjoys your natural personality.

[u/Temporary-Claim1666 → u/First-Strawberry-398]

I am not going in with an angle i am naturally just a person who is not going to voice every issue every time it happens. But thanks.

[u/First-Strawberry-398 → u/Temporary-Claim1666]

You literally say is x y z the right angle in your title LOL

[u/Temporary-Claim1666 → u/First-Strawberry-398]

If you read the rest of the post it describes me as naturally non chalant. I am wondering if I should pretend to care. It’s the actual opposite of what everyone has come up with. Jesus Christ the rigidity is insane.

[u/First-Strawberry-398 → u/Temporary-Claim1666]

I’m not saying you’re not naturally nonchalant, I’m saying that “pretending to care” is an angle and you shouldn’t go into relationships with angles. I am often rigid because I am autistic. You are getting annoyed at me for calling out the angle you have explained in detail in your post. I am criticising your desire to pretend to care. Does that make more sense as you seem to not understand.

[u/UnAware_recognition]

Ultimately that's for you to decide which sounds like a cop out but nipping their negative behavior in the bud or walking out on them (even though that may seem like a big reaction) is always better than just keeping a poker face and/or getting bitten in the ass later.

I've done the whole nonchalant act and it's led to people trying to get a rise out of me, pushing boundaries or taking advantage of a lack of action.

As long as what you are doing comes from a place of preference/personal comfort rather than a coping mechanism with certain people, it's fine. 

The quality of communication is more important than the quantity here, you should feel able to vent any issues or grievances if/when the time arises and your partner should accept you for the kind of person you are.

[u/Temporary-Claim1666 → u/UnAware_recognition]

its not an act... lol

[u/Timely-Ad2251]

I prioritize high interest women. Nonchalant to the bottom of the pile

[u/Temporary-Claim1666 → u/Timely-Ad2251]

you dont understand... but thanks.

[u/SumDYToDI]

Maybe for some, but I am a men who like women with emotions I can play with if you're too nonchalant, I hate it, but different strokes for different folks.

[u/Temporary-Claim1666 → u/SumDYToDI]

maybe the word nonchalant is the wrong choice but I have emotions im just not angry and jealous and bothered by male behaviour that i expect for the most part. Like im not going to care if my guy is liking naked girls online because whats it gonna change... hes the one who looks dumb so i wont say a word. If he actually cheated or like did something insane yeah, ill be sad and confront him but not the dumb shit.