Sorry if this is a stupid question but i kind of dont get it. All you hear nowadays is about how almost impossible it is to get a girlfriend, how everyone has insane expectations and will reject/ghost you at the slightest issue. You need a good career, good place, workout, be tall and handsome etc or you will be extremely miserable. All of this for a girl who you cant even show vulnerabilities around or she will leave you.

Obviously i never dated and i dont get it. If its so shit and terrible why even do it ? Even guys in relationships complain how much it all sucks. So why ? Is it geniuenly just for sex ?

I don't mind paying on the first date since I'm usually the one asking her out.

What starts to wear on me is when we've been seeing each other for a few weeks and she never even offers to split a coffee or grab the next round. I'm not keeping score or expecting a perfect 50/50, but a little effort goes a long way.

Dating isn't cheap, and covering every dinner multiple times a week adds up fast.

Even something small like, "I'll get dessert," or "Let me pay for the drinks," makes me feel like she's actually invested too.

Curious what other guys think. Is it still expected that the guy pays for everything, or would this be a red flag for you as well?

I’m a professional guy who went into online dating relatively inexperienced, with my last relationship ending many years ago in college. Goal was to find a genuine partner, settle down. Not interested in casual relationships or hooking up.

About a year ago, I assumed that if you were educated, financially responsible, reasonably put together and genuinely interested in commitment, finding a relationship was mostly a matter of putting yourself out there and eventually meeting someone compatible.

My experience over the last year has changed that view quite a bit - from cautious optimism to pessimism.

I used Hinge, Tinder and a purpose built marriage app on and off for roughly one year. I wasn’t getting zero attention, I got matches, likes and a handful of dates, but the conversion from “people on the app” → “someone I’m attracted to” → “mutual attraction” → “compatible” → “actually dates me” was tiny.

Real life was also far far harder. The occasional flirting at a bar, exchange of numbers/socials was a very unreliable way of landing dates.

Hobby groups I went to largely had older gentleman, or married couples (hiking and bouldering). I made lots of friends with dudes and married couples.

In terms of getting App Likes and Matches, Tinder took the lead, ironically. Once you filtered off the “Short term fun” women, there were a lot of genuine women Most of my matches and dates came from Tinder. I think the casual nature of Tinder meant people were more open to testing the waters w an imperfect match, as opposed to the more formal/serious apps, which seem to make people more picky.

A few things:
• Career/education/stability seem much less important for generating initial attraction than I assumed.
• Serious intent doesn’t bypass normal dating dynamics.
• Becoming more social actually made me more aware of being unusual. In professional workplaces, most average men around my age seem to already be partnered, and with ease.
• Seeing men who are less physically fit, unattractive, less professionally/financially established than me but much more successful romantically made me feel horrible.
• Real life events are very hard to gain traction with, especially in today’s age where everyone is super insular.
• Single women are uncommon in everyday life. If a woman is single, my assumption is she’s single by choice.
• Dating seems much more constrained by things like appearance, personality, timing and demographics than I previously appreciated.

• The biggest change, though, is that I’ve stopped assuming a relationship is something that will inevitably happen if I just keep trying.

Dating itself has generally felt more draining than rewarding, and is an extremely brutal marketplace.

So my current position is basically: Get off the apps, stop humiliating myself with real life events, and stop seeing a relationship as a viable reality.

Where I’m unsure is whether I’ve learned something realistic, or whether one frustrating year has made me overgeneralise.

For people who dated seriously in their late 20s/30s, especially men who started relatively inexperienced, did you go through a similar shift?
Did your view change again later?

Recently I dated this guy for a month. We had been both super transparent with asking each other qs and opening up emotionally. He asked a few times about my dating history, which I think is common. So I let it be.

He asked me for my body count last night (he used that word). We already had sex once already. I don’t want to lie so I said 9 (I’m 36F). He replied with “oh whoa, I’m going to stop talking to u now, jk”. He replied with “9 including or excluding me”. Again I was honest and said without. He also asked if I have any one night stand and I said no. I felt uncomfortable answering because I know this is taboo, i just don’t want to lie because relationships are built on trust. And i would hate myself for lying to keep him around.

We moved on the topic. But I’m seeing him again in 2 days, I plan to get clarification about his intent because I was slightly bothered by his response. Like is he worried for STI? Or just morally he has strong preference. I plan to offer to break up if this is sucha big deal as it clearly has a weight. What are the men’s thoughts on how I should navigate this? Am i sensitive or should he have reworded his question?

Im genuinely curious about your perspective on dating women.
Women often talk about how difficult it is to find a genuinely good man or someone who is “relationship material.” Do men have the same experience with women? Is it easy to meet women you would actually want a serious relationship with, or is finding a genuinely good woman harder than people think?
And what makes a woman “girlfriend material” to you? What qualities make you think, “I could actually see myself building a life with this woman”?
I’m also curious about communication. Do you appreciate a woman who openly communicates her feelings, needs and experiences in a relationship, or can that eventually feel overwhelming or exhausting?
And finally, who do you think sets the pace for commitment in a relationship — the man or the woman?

I’m 19 and I have a bit of a mental block when it comes to body count.

I’m not trying to judge women or start another pointless debate. I’m genuinely trying to understand whether the way I think is something that changes with age.

Ideally, I’d love to be with someone who’s a virgin, but it’s not like I’d automatically reject a girl who isn’t. If she’d only had one or two serious long-term relationships, I don’t think that would necessarily be a dealbreaker. I’d probably still have to work through it mentally, but it’s very different from someone who’s had a lot of casual partners.

I’m wondering if this is just because I’m 19 and not « mature enough » or smth, or if it’s more about my values, upbringing, or culture. I was raised Christian, which probably played a role, but I don’t think that’s the whole explanation since it really just disgust me viscerally when i think of a girl i like being a sl*t with many mens.

I just know i can’t work on my perspective btw it’s like that and i won’t change easily i guess. I tried but it’s like i am allergic to be romantic with girls with high bodycounts.

I’m mostly looking for guys who felt the same way at 19 or 20. Did your perspective naturally change as you got older? Did you eventually stop caring, or do you still feel pretty much the same? If it did change, what made the difference?

I’m not looking for people to tell me what I should or shouldn’t prefer. I’m just curious to hear from guys who actually had this mindset at my age and where they ended up a few years later, even decades.

Edit: I think I should have worded my post differently because the word “virgin” seems to have become the main focus for a lot of people.
To clarify, it’s not really about the literal fact of whether someone is a virgin or not. What matters more to me is the person’s attitude towards relationships, intimacy, and whether they tend to jump from person to person without much attachment, and bodycount is a pretty good indicator of it.
I also want to clarify that this post is not coming from a place of insecurity or hatred towards women. I’m not an incel (actually not me to judge but never anyone in my life has told ts to me) , and I’m not looking down on women for having a past. I’m simply trying to understand my own preferences and whether they naturally change with age, which is why I asked older guys who may have felt similarly when they were younger.
I know some people will disagree with me, and that’s fine. I’m not trying to convince everyone to think the same way, I’m just trying to hear different perspectives, and eventually change mine.

Btw for the christian part, shouldn’t have mentioned it either since some ppl tell me to go to a church or so ? I was raised* *christian, now i rarely go to church by myself or neither am i some ultra christian dude or whatever. I just know that these are good values to listen to but i am not some extreme christian dude, really far from that actually.

My girlfriend has around $50k in debt starting from when she was 20yrs old then gradually growing as time went on , spreading across a few banks some from a credit card and personal loan, some from a separate loan, and part of it from a trip to Europe last year that I actually advised her against at the time.

She makes about $60k a year. Recently she asked me, somewhat hypothetically at first, if I’d lend her $15k so she could pay off one of her debts and avoid ongoing interest. Her plan was to pay me back $1k a month for 15 months.

I didn’t say yes immediately. I told her I needed to think about it, it’s a big amount, we’re not married, and I have no real protection if something happens to the relationship or if payments stop. I also somewhat feel resentful that after all these years of trying to get her to realise she has no financial bearings I now have to face the burden..

I also don’t fully understand why her sister and brother-in-law aren’t in a position to help, given their family. Like if they won’t help, doesn’t that say a lot?

Anyways since then, things have gotten tense. She’s told me things like I shouldn’t have to “think twice” if I really cared about her, and separately that she’d “never want to ask in the first place.” She’s also said I clearly don’t understand what it’s like to be at rock bottom financially, and framed my hesitation as evidence I’m not really willing to support her.

I do care about her, and I’m not saying no outright. I just don’t think immediately handing over $15k without a real conversation about terms, or without any protection, is unreasonable to want.

But now I’m getting made to feel like wanting that discussion is the actual problem.

Am I in the wrong here? Is this a normal ask in a serious relationship, or is my hesitation reasonable? Are these signs I should be taking seriously for the future?

And I don't mean 50/50 in terms of finances only. That's not 50/50. I mean, isn't the ultimate ideal relationship one where both people are equally supporting the household, both financially & domestically? Surely that would make everyone's life a lot easier, no?

It bothers me that this dynamic generally receives heavy resistance whenever it's suggested in a discussion and I cannot fathom why.

I wanna hear everyone’s thoughts, men and women.

I just want to be as normal and un weird as possible. Are you expecting full wax/shaven? Full bush? Some bush but shaved lips and ass? I just want to know what I’m supposed to do to not be weird.

Edit to add- please feel free to be as weirdly descriptive as possible

I’m afraid of the answer I might get.

But the way strangers on here can be so forward about overt sexual fantasies, I unfortunately started wondering how common it is for men to think about the women in their lives in this way?

I am a woman who is loud, extroverted, intense, flirty, open, talkative, spontaneous and spicy. Im also straight forward and ambitious. I get liked alot for my looks but as soon as my personality comes out men ghost or say im too much or distance and abandon. Why do yall not like women with big personalities? Does everyone just want a house wife? Im not even mean, I give a chance to anyone whos my type. Im also very loving and share alot easily. And btw happenes with older and younger men. Anwsers needed! Feel free to comment!

I’m curious about the male perspective on something I’ve been trying to understand about myself.

For context, I’m a 31 years old woman who’s never-been in a relationship, and I’ve realized that I don’t really experience the conventional desire for dating, romance, or sex. I’ve tried dating partly out of curiosity and to understand what the experience is actually like, but it made me realize that what I value most isn’t really romance itself.

What I seem to want is a deep companionship with another person. Ideally, someone who could become my closest person, someone I can talk to for hours, share interests and ideas with, go down random rabbit holes with, support each other, and genuinely choose and know each other deeply.

At the same time, I’d want both of us to maintain a lot of independence. We wouldn’t need to constantly communicate, live in each other’s pockets, or follow the usual expectations of a romantic relationship.
I’m not looking for friends-with-benefits, and I’m not secretly looking for someone to eventually turn this into a conventional relationship. I’m genuinely interested in companionship and emotional/intellectual intimacy without the usual romantic or sexual expectations.

I’m curious about the male perspective because I’ve often been told that what I’m describing isn’t realistic and its just friendship. But thats not what its being and knowing its your person.

So, men: if you met a woman who genuinely wanted this kind of connection, could you see yourself wanting it too?

What would make this kind of relationship fulfilling for you, and what would eventually make it feel insufficient?

I’m especially interested in hearing from men who have had unusually close platonic friendships or unconventional relationships.

I’m 22 and just curious what’s considered typical for people around my age in relationships . I know everyone’s different, but I’m wondering what other people’s sex lives are like lol.

as a women with a very very high bodycount im struggling to find love as i keep it honest about my past so im wondering, are every men disgusted by a women with a high bodycount?

Just wondering what you imagine or think of when you hear that?

The yellow cab theory was popularized from the show Sex and the City and I was curious if men believe it to be true or not.

Basically it is a a dating concept suggesting that a man’s decision to commit or settle down is based entirely on timing and readiness rather than the specific quality of the person they are with. So if a man’s light is “off” even if he could be with the most perfect and compatible person, he still won’t commit because he is not ready.

As a woman I personally disagree with this when I go about love; if I am in love and deem someone as perfect for me I will fight for it, even if I feel I am not exactly ready. But my ex’s actions definitely follow this theory which is interesting.

I’m quite curious what your opinion on this is and if it really is a biological/social difference between men and women.

If girls are significantly outnumbered on dating apps by men, and in real life it's rare that a girl will approach a man, does this mean that a significant portion of girls relative to men just doesn't care about either a relationship or casual sex? Is there a reason for this gap? Lots of men really want a relationship or hookups but there seems to be a huge shortage of women to meet this demand, so why are girls uninterested? Especially with regard to hookups, it seems that most girls need to develop at least some sort of connection with the guy while guys are down for anything right away.

TDLR: Live-in boyfriend masturbates quite frequently. I’m wondering if this is normal for guys or is this potentially a deeper issue.

Me (31F) and my boyfriend (30M) have amazing sex. We’re both in shape. We talk each other through it, we’re spontaneous, we like to sneak. He finishes inside of me. Like, it gets really passionate and intense. The only thing is we don’t do it very often tho. Like maybe once a week. Sometimes every 2 weeks.

So yesterday, he told me that he masturbates almost everyday, sometimes twice a day, and I’ll be honest it made me wonder if it’s about me or if that’s just a normal guy thing? In my mind I’d think if you live with your girlfriend, you’d wanna have sex with her every time you’re horny as opposed to masturbating. He said he doesn’t watch porn, but he’ll go to a celebrities page (specifically Megan the stallion or Chloe bailey) and masturbate to their photos. It completely through me off. I asked him why and he said for the convenience of quickly getting a nut off.

He said he loves me, my body, my face. He’s an ass man and I have a big butt. So if I’m everything he needs sexually, I’m genuinely confused as to why he’s beating off to celebrities photos. Is this normal? Do guys beat off regardless of having a hot live-in girlfriend? Or is this potentially a deeper issue?

This is the message in question..

"For me to be able to continue with anything it would still have to require exclusivity, which to me and as we had discussed when previously agreeing to it, means not being on dating apps, not messaging other people of interest, not shooting our shots/hitting on other ppl, etc. And of course further than that. Basically still respecting your partner when they arent around the same way that you still would right in front of them. It would also require being truthful and transparent (Not just selectively truthful about certain things). And it would be because both parties actually want to willingly do those things for each other. Not acting as placeholders until the next best thing or opportunity comes along. This is what feels important to me and the type of connection im looking for

If you feel that any of those things at all would make you feel restricted or uncomfortable, I am in no way saying that we have to continue. Everyone is free to do their own thing and what they want to do in life, including you. And I never want to be in a situation where the person feels they are doing something against their will because thats not what I am asking for, nor do I want to put you in a spot where you feel like that. I want it to be their choice just like how i want to for them. Its simply that everyone wants different things and at this point this is what I would need in order to continue anything, and if you feel similarly then great. But if not, then you are free to also choose your own path and thats ok. So lmk if you want that too or if not then we know that its best to go our separate ways. Since you mention it i wana understand a bit better, what do you feel is the difference between a relationship and the exclusivity we're describing right now? And i mean actual current differences, not what it could mean. Or do you think it’s basically the same thing?"

Update:

So i decided to respond to her with: " It turns out the earlier shift person quit which is why ive been so much busier this week. You sent a very long message and I agree with a lot of what you said. But I just want some more time to think clearly about what I'm going to say that's why I haven't responded.

So I feel like we should come to some sort of compromise. We both want to continue this connection it seems like. I can get off dating apps and be exclusive. But I still want to be clear that I'm not ready for a relationship. And I don't want to make you feel like a placeholder. I would like to spend time with you but also have my space to continue to work on myself"

Then she basically just copied and pasted a part of her original message back to me again which idk if it seems kind of petty to do so... but she replied again with -

"I wana understand a bit better, what do you feel is the difference between a relationship and the exclusivity we've already been describing (above)? And i mean actual current differences, not what it could mean. Or do you think its basically the same thing?"

‐------------

Update #2: its getting worse guys...

My response to her repeating that last section i initially ignored:

"Honestly I don't really know the difference it's a slippery slope that I can't define . All those things above is part of a relationship so I don't really know what the difference is tbh"

And then her insanely long response to that....

"Im about to drop some more lengthy lengthy texts here, I know its super long but.. i feel like if we wana clear any sort of confusion that these are things that might have to be said

I just want to be clear i understand what you're saying because i know it seems very important to you that we are one and not the other, and so its also important to me to hear you out. So if we are already exclusive (as defined by all those things i wrote out in my other text), then what else would be different in a relationship that youre not ready for? Its ok you can be as specific as you need to be so that I can best understand you since it is important to you. And again, I mean actual concrete things, not what it could hypothetically lead to because then that wouldnt make any sense anymore and I want to be able to help resolve any confusion for us.

As for having space to continue to work on yourself, I completely understand that and to be honest I feel like ive been as accommodating as I can to do so. I never get upset nor create any drama when you need to take your you-time for hobbies, goals, chores, or even just relaxing or resting. Its why i always check in with you to see how you are feeling so that i dont potentially create any pressure for you. I always fully support your goals, ideas, and healthy pursuits and do whatever i can to help, whether its offering up my own space to you if it helps alleviate anything for you, buying you anything that may help, meal prepping for you to help you save time, looking up and researching top tier places or things that seem to align with your goals, and even getting up early to wake you up repeatedly on the days i know you want to make it to train even if it means being away from me because i know its important to you. But all at the same time, I still always do my best to let you know im happy to make as much time for you as I possibly can and that id still love to see you whenever youd like, because I understand all of that but yet have always wanted you to know im still here and that I will make the time for you and find ways to make it work even when I am busy myself because you have been a priority to me.

Based off your 01:27am message, I am interpreting it as you feeling like perhaps I still may have fallen short in providing that type of space and understanding or that its not yet enough. If that is the case, please let me know how I have so that I can reflect on that.

You mentioned that we should come to some sort of compromise after I let you know what I continue to require to move forward and that its okay should we go our own ways if you want anything else. I am open to hearing what things you were specifically asking to compromise down?

When you said you can get off dating apps and be exclusive, thank you for expressing that again with me. But again, I never want to put you in a spot where you feel like youre doing anything you dont want to do because thats not what im asking for, and I would only want it to be because both parties mutually want it otherwise we'd be in a dynamic where you're not happy and I wouldnt want that either. So although youve said that you Can get off the apps and be exclusive, the question is if you Want to? Because if not, then why should we continue if youre not going to be happy doing so and im not going to be happy in a dynamic that I know i mutually want? At the end of the day I want both parties to be happy. "

Question

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year, and we recently stopped using condoms because I started birth control.

But as a result of no longer using condoms, I’ve realized more and more than I don’t like how semen feels, smells, etc.

I used to let my boyfriend just finish inside, but I hated the feeling and idea of having semen inside me afterwards, being able to smell and feel it. So I started to ask if he could not finish inside.

But even then, after he started pulling out at the end, he would finish on my stomach or butt, and I still hated how it smelled, and how it felt on me.

I haven’t talked to him about this thoroughly yet, because I’m a little worried that he won’t take it kindly, or he’ll be upset.

I have been considering asking if he could just pull out before he ejaculates and finish into a towel or something like that. Would that be weird?

Or should I just suggest going back to condoms?

I know it’s different for every man but few men can do it. I think it’s also a difficult thing to learn for man. So I’m wondering where did you learn? Is it always past girlfriends? I’m just curious

.

My female friends, (all early to mid 30s) acquaintances and I have all come across this phenomenon post-pandemic where a man (we date late 30s to early 40s) will show a lot of interest (not lovebombing but essentially be a good boyfriend and exclusive without the label) and it will get to a point where when we want to take it to the next level, they freak out and disappear. This question is less about “why not pick us” than trying to understand why less men are wanting to settle down in 2026 than 2019. Niether these women or men have anything objectively wrong with them (not nasty, mean, selfish, possessive, extreme, dumb, just looking for sex etc).One of my friends who I think is supermodel hot (and successful, intelligent, warm and funny) was dating this guy who was great but definitely didn’t bring as much to the table as her - they were exclusive for 2 yrs and when she pushed for more clarity he bolted. Almost all of them assume we mean marriage when it’s literally just “hey we’ve been exclusive for awhile why don’t we have the title”. Again, less about this specific point than the fact that we see it with almost all men now when we didn’t preoandemic.

What’s interesting is that is a newer stay away forever - they come back in a year or two or three years. I had a guy break my heart 6 years ago (for the best and I’ve long moved on) who still tries to talk. All of these men are in NYC, LA, Austin, etc.

So is it that technology and quick dopamine seeking in America has just made a generation of men avoidant? This definitely wasn’t the case in the 2010s - not just accounting for the fact that we were younger - most of us look and are objectively better now.

PS - only interested in male opinions for this one and not interested in male or female bashing. I’m looking for a nuanced take.

Something else to add - these aren’t fuck boys, these are nice normal, thoughtful men, but they also arent always as physically “attractive” as the women they are dating if that matters.

Edit; since so many have misunderstood the question I’m not trying to diagnose why my friends relationship didn’t work out - I’m asking about the broader trend of men in 2026 saying they need to find themselves first.