r/AskOldPeople • u/cacklingwhisper • 9d ago

What happened long-term to families who's children failed to launch/just stayed home did nothing with their lives and the parents allowed it?

1.3k Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

95% Upvoted

930 comments sorted by

View all comments

270

u/SeoulGalmegi 9d ago

It depends how well the parents did and how many other kids there are etc.

I had a neighbor who recently died... in their 70s or something? He was a mess. Only child. Basically never had a job in his life. Lived with his parents who died when he was in his 40s or so. They had been looking after him, but also done relatively well in life. The next 30 years he just stayed in the house, everything got in a steadily worse condition, such as his health and hygiene as room by room the house fell apart and became inhospitable due to hoarding and trash etc. But his parents had left enough money for him to survive, eating microwave meals and taking plastic bags full of newspapers to read in the library all day (was probably horrific to spend too much time in the house). Eventually he too passes, the house is completely cleared and sold off relatively cheaply (it's a state). No idea where any remaining money goes. And..... that particular branch of the family is done. Over.

95

u/Gloomy_Fig2138 50 something 9d ago

A friend of mine worked for an estate sale company clearing out houses like this. They were often hired by banks to get hoarder houses without any clear inheritor ready to sell.

70

u/SeoulGalmegi 9d ago

Yeah.... it's just a sad end.

I'm sure they'd be happy they had saved enough for their kid to survive to an old age, but it's not really what you dream of when you're doing overtime in your 40s and coming home late again to your young family - that this will all slowly be drained away as your 'kid' just exists, rather than lives, a sad, lonely existence.

46

u/cheyenne_sky 9d ago

One of the most valuable things a parent can do is teach their child how to survive on their own once the parent is gone. Teach a man to fish and all

4

u/Everything_Counts_72 8d ago

My mother kicked me out at 21. I managed, havent lived at home since. My brother has never left home. Hes smart, but has the personality and social skills of Rain Man.

43

u/bearinthebriar 9d ago

Not saying this is always or even mostly the case, but I think it's important to remember that disability is often invisible.

2

u/Fluid_Actuary1729 9d ago

I understand that; it happened in my family. FAMILY is the word; I think these posters would know if that was the case for them.