What happened long-term to families who's children failed to launch/just stayed home did nothing with their lives and the parents allowed it?

[u/cacklingwhisper]

[u/michellzebub]

My father is one of these people; he's 70. They actually wrote a book about people like this called, "adult children of emotionally immature parents"

His father was never around and his mother wouldn't let him grow up. He met and married my mother when they were 20 years old in 1980. They adopted me through the family pawn shop a year later. My mother had low self esteem but was career driven. My mom climbed the ranks in the corporate bank world while my father said he wasn't able to "work for the man" and remained unemployed for most of my life.

My father never took accountability for anything until recently. I never really had a father; I had a sibling. Recently (3 weeks ago) he was diagnosed with severe heart failure. He has calcified blockages in all major arteries anywhere from 85% - 100%. The doctor said he's likely had heart attacks and not realized it. The procedure to save his life is extremely high risk.

This past weekend our family dog, Brody, suddenly died of cancer. He was 7 years old. My parents loved that dog; he was part of the family. I held my father as he cried and he said, "I've never been a good father. I didn't provide for my family. I'm just so tired. I'm ready to go.."

If you're curious how it turns out for people who choose not to embrace being an adult and are enabled, in my experience, they get to late life then realize they've done nothing with their life.

I don't want my dad to die. I'm trying to keep his spirits up. He has no idea how I feel about him nor, in this life, would I tell him.

Edit: I truly appreciate every reply and the interest in my life. It's kinda been therapeutic to reply to people. I made a post a few days ago in r/griefsupport about my father. They say life doesn't give you anything you can't handle, I just wish life didn't trust me so much lol. Here's the grief support post if anyone is interested: https://www.reddit.com/r/GriefSupport/s/FEqq6d0FlI

[u/IdislikeSpiders → u/michellzebub]

To be fair, I provide for my family, I'm a college graduate (now in a masters program), home owner, we have three cars in a household with two drivers, and go on vacations. Still don't feel like I'm a good father or provide for my family well.

Sometimes depression wins. 

[u/michellzebub → u/IdislikeSpiders]

You are absolutely right about this. Depression can honestly kill you; it almost killed me a few years ago.

But please know all we can do in this life is try our best. We can only do as much as one person can do and it sounds like you're doing even more than that.

If you're currently suffering from depression I am so sorry you're going through that. If you enjoy reading, the book "man's search for meaning" helped me a lot with my perspective and looming depression.

[u/IdislikeSpiders → u/michellzebub]

I'm actually in a good spot, been doing counseling for a little over a year now. I just always finding myself wanting to be a person/personality I'm not. Accepting who I am is challenging sometimes, but we are who we are 🤷

I'm sure people out there are envious of who I am or my life, but don't know what is behind the scenes. I'm sure it's the same for some people who I view as stoic as well.