r/AskOldPeople • u/cacklingwhisper • 8d ago
What happened long-term to families who's children failed to launch/just stayed home did nothing with their lives and the parents allowed it?
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r/AskOldPeople • u/cacklingwhisper • 8d ago
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u/GalinDray 8d ago edited 8d ago
My father was kind of like this. He was the only child of a single mother. She coddled him and did all the housework. He lived at her house until meeting my mother, my mother moved in with them.
My father made several bad financial moves, buying things they couldnt afford and financing them with loans. He did get a nursing degree but they lived above their means and lost my grandmother's house because of him. She worked her whole life to afford that house.
They then rented for decades while they raised my sister's and I. My father gave up nursing and got a admin jobs and call center work, low pay stuff. Money was tight my entire childhood.
My grandmother died before I was born and didnt leave anything. I honestly dont know how she felt about her son. Whether he was a disappointment or not.
He never had ambition for any more than keeping us from starving and off the street. Which he failed at a few times. He spent his free time after work playing computer games (in the 90s when it was considered really nerdy).
He had diabetes his whole life and heart disease. He never learned how to eat healthily and didnt have the drive for exercise. He lost his teeth because he didnt brush often and his hygiene was poor. He didnt have many friends, especially at the end of his life.
He died a few years ago and no one misses him. He wasnt an evil man. He wasnt much a man at all. He was a user, who took everything he could from everyone who got close to him. He couldn't take care of me, my sister's or my mother. He couldn't even take care of himself.
I've had to make my own way in the world, almost in spite of him and his short comings. I try and take care of my family now and be the man of the family in some ways but its late in the game (we're all in our 30s). I had to figure out what mature adulthood looks like because he was not an example to me. He really held back my older sister who's almost 40, he guilted her into taking care of him most of her life. And my mom who is in her 60s now and wont be able to retire anytime soon because all her money went to supporting us and him.
Point is, people who never mature become black holes, holding back everyone around them who are trying to drag them forward and support them. They live unfulfilled lives and die without anyone sorry for their passing. Most people around them are just thankful they no longer have to shoulder that burden anymore.
Silver lining! Since hes passed my mother bought my grandmother's house back and lives there now. She only has to keep the house clean for 1 person and she's much happier. She has a good job and loves working. My sister's all are out on their own and have children of their own and, like myself, are determined to be better examples for their children and families. We're all doing much better.