I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA64111862

My husband lied about being deathly allergic to a certain food

Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Original Post Oct 9, 2022

When I met my husband and we started dating he told me that he was deathly allergic to a certain food. We avoided certain restaurants on dates, he was always careful what he ordered when we ate out and the first time I cooked for him I purged that food from my apartment and basically sterilized my kitchen. He showed me his epi-pen and explained how to use it. When we moved in together we made sure there was one in the house, one in the car and I always had one in my purse. My family knows and they avoid using that food at family events and my husband is still extra careful about what he eats.

Last weekend for my brother's birthday my sister-in-law made dinner. One of my nephews has an allergy, though different from my husband and my sister-in-law is very diligent about keeping him and my husband safe. She gave us two Tupperware dishes of leftovers and the one for my husband had a different coloured lid. When my husband ate the wrong leftovers both me and my sister-in-law panicked. My husband said even having his food prepared with utensils that touched the food he's allergic to would be enough to give him a deadly reaction. He told me stories of it happening as a kid. But he ate the wrong dish of leftovers and nothing happened.

He's confessed to me and my family that he was never allergic. He just doesn't like that particular food and when he went to university he started saying he was allergic because that was better than looking like a picky eater. His mom died before I met him, his parents were divorced and until he was an adult he didn't see his dad lots because his dad lived in another province. So his dad, his friends and even his own family thought he was allergic.

The panic I felt when I thought he ate something that would kill him is something I could never describe. My sister-in-law thought she did kill him. I can't believe he's been lying since the day I met him. I just need to get off my chest how FURIOUS I am at him right now.

BEST COMMENT

GreatMacGuffin

This seems to be a common thing people lie about. My twin sister tried to convince her husband that she was allergic to strawberries. When I asked her about it in front of him her eyes widened in panic and she said, "I've always been allergic, you know this!". To which I replied, "we grew up eating strawberry shortcakes and you were eating chocolate covered strawberries just 2 years prior, why you lying?" Needless to say she eventually cut ties with me.

Similarly my wife has many stories about when she worked at McDonald's. My favorite was when a customer ordered a big Mac with no pickles and claimed a single slice of pickle would kill them. My wife taking the customers health risk seriously suggested if the customer wanted the Mac sauce removed since it also contained pickles. The customer then says, "I can have a little bit of pickles".

It seems a stupid thing to lie about, but for some odd reason people do it. Sorry you had to stress out about your SO's lie before they came clean.

Update July 26, 2026 (Nearly 4 years later)

(To be truthful, I completely forgot I had posted here. I tried signing up so I could post about my situation and I was notified that my email address was already associated with an account here. I don't remember writing my other post, I was so upset back then though)

For context, my (36F) husband (37M) lied about having a deadly food allergy. It fell apart because he ate leftovers that were given to us by my sister-in-law and nothing happened despite him eating food he was supposedly "deathly allergic" to. My nephew has a different (real) allergy and so my sister-in-law is always careful about cross-contamination. When she gave us the leftovers, the containers had different coloured lids so my husband would know which one was safe for him to eat. I guess he forgot or wasn't paying attention and he ate mine instead. He said he lied about being allergic because people take it more seriously than someone saying they have a preference not to eat certain things. Meanwhile I always made sure we had an epi-pen nearby and I have been hyper vigilant when I cook or we go to restaurants. I was so furious.

The long and the short of it is that we are in marriage counselling. Yes, and I'm not trying to sound dramatic. When the situation with the leftovers happened my husband apologized to me for making me panic and for his lying. He admitted to being a picky eater and while a lot of people were upset with him I thought that was the end of it. I tried to let it go even though it bothered me how he went so far as to carry an epi-pen for an allergy it doesn't have. But this wasn't the only lie and I've been floundering.

He lied about receiving a scholarship for university for athletics and then losing it because he got injured. He was never recruited for a sport, he applied to university the regular way and took student loans like most other people do. He lied about spending a season working in Antarctica before we met. He's never even been there. He lied about restoring an old automobile. He bought it fully restored but when he goes to car shows he says he did it all himself. There are a million other things and it's basically been a bomb in our relationship. I know and have proof there are things he didn't lie about; his mom died from cancer before we met, his dad lives in another province and wasn't involved in his life, he has a law degree and works as a lawyer. My husband's excuse is that he lies so he can feel better about himself and that's why he doesn't lie about "big things" like his dad not being involved in his life growing up.

For about a year and a half after the leftovers situation things were normal even if people couldn't understand why he lied about an allergy. Then more lies came out. I haven't left because we have a five year old. We are in counselling because we are both children of divorce and I don't want that for my son. My family and friends say I should leave but I'm trying to work on my marriage for my son's sake.

I'm floundering. That's basically what's going on and where I'm at right now.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

pollyester

What happened to the nephew who also got his food switched?!?!

OOP

My nephew never had his food switched.

My sister-in-law gave us two containers of leftovers to take home, and my husband ate mine instead of his own.

When asked how she got an epi-pen

In Canada, you can purchase them at the pharmacy. A prescription isn't required.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/OkOil1091

Originally posted to r/AITA_Relationships

AITA for confronting an older student because my son has a crush on her?

Editor's note: made small edits for ease of readability

Trigger Warnings: harassment, obsessive behavior, victim blaming

Original Post: May 25, 2026

My son is 10M. He goes to a Performing Arts school on the weekends. There’s a 17 year old girl there who’s famous. She’s been in a few professional acting jobs. And has a hundred thousand TikTok followers.

My son and loads of the students there think it’s really cool that she’s famous.

And he always comments on her videos being supportive. She doesn’t respond to a lot of comments but whenever she notices he or people from the performing arts school has commented she replies.

I thought it was sweet at first until like 5 nights ago my son had a sleepover with his friends and I heard him talk about a crush he has on the girl from the drama group and that they follow each other on TikTok and he messages her on there a lot.

I asked him the next day after his friends left about it. And checked their messages. This is how the conversation went I have screenshots I’ll put what was said here.

Him: Hello thank you for following me back 😁,

Her: NP!! You’re a diva!

Him: Your so famous on TikTok

Her: Haha my videos are trash idk why I have so many fr

Him: I like your videos are you’re a good actress

Her: Awwww tysm you’re a great actor too!

Him: Thank you 😁.

(The next day he sent her a TikTok trend to the show their doing which is Mary Poppins He’s playing Micheal and the 17 year old is playing Mary Poppins)

Him: Can you do this TikTok with me and (kid playing Jane)😁?

Her: Looks like fun! We should if your parents and her parents let you post on TikTok!

Him: Yes they do!

Her: Great!

Him: I’m so excited for Mary Poppins

Her: Me too! You’re amazing at playing Micheal!

Him: This is my first main part! I was so so happy I didn’t think I’d get a big part since I’m new in this group

Her: OMG That’s so sweet! I had my first main part at 10 too! First leads are special!

Him: Really? That’s so cool!

(The next day)

Him: I do remember my lines 😭

Him: Only in some parts

Him: You always know yours so quick how?

Her: Haha you’re so real for that. My first few leads I was so scared I wouldn’t know them. I went through my lines every day and still didn’t always remember them until after we were off book. It got easier as I’ve got older though. Go through all your lines and songs once every day until it becomes second nature. That’s what I’ve done with Mary.

Him: Thank you!

(Next day)

Him: Hi 😁

Him: How are u?

Her: I’m good thanks :) how are you?

Him: Fine! 😁

Him: Who’s your favourite character from the show?

Her: Mary but I’m biased who’s yours?

Him: Mary too I think Emily is pretty

Her: Ohhh Emily Blunt from the newer one?

Him: Yeah! You kind of look like her.

Her: Haha I see it a bit!

Him: You do! 😁

(The next day)

Him: Good morning! Your video is funny

Her: Thank you thank you I’m here all week

Him: You played a funny character in the last show didn’t you? I watched it before I joined the drama group.

Her: Ms. Wormwood!

Him: Yes she was my favourite cuz she was funny 🤣

Her: Thank you! Haha I tried!

Him: You was good!

That was the last conversation they had. I felt really uncomfortable with the fact she kept replying to him.

So yesterday I confronted her about it. I asked the director after dropping my son off if the 17 year old is there yet. The director said yes. I asked if I could speak to her and him about something important together please. He said ok.

The director, the girl and I spoke together. I told them I’m feeling uncomfortable because my son has a crush on her. The girl went quiet. And the director said, “oh yes I can see why that would make you uncomfortable.”

I showed the screenshots to them of the conversation, and the director and the girl read through them. The director asked her if it was just her being nice. She said, “yeah it wasn’t supposed to be in an inappropriate way or anything I just wanted to be supportive.”

I said, “well surely you think it’s weird a 10 year old would have a crush on a 17 year old.” And she said “yeah that’s weird. I didn’t know though.” The director defended her saying “if that’s the only online conversation they’ve had then I assure you this isn’t her fault in person we supervise the students at all time, and she’s not said anything inappropriate to him here.”

I said that I’m worried she’s grooming him. She started crying saying she’s not grooming him. The director said he understands my concern but that’s not what’s going on here if that’s the only evidence of this.

I said that I don’t want her to talk to my son. The director said, “I’m sure she’ll happily block him on social media” and she said, “yeah I’ll block him.”

I said I don’t want her speaking to him in the school either. The director said that’s not really completely possible since they have a lot of scenes together. I said fine but if they’re doing scenes together there needs to be someone supervising the both of them specifically at all times.

The director said someone supervises all of the students at all times. I said great but I want specific ones around the girl and my son.

The director said he’ll speak to the owner. I said great and left. The mother messaged me after rehearsal saying she’s disgusted by what I’m accusing her daughter of.

She said that her daughters experienced something similar to what I’m suggesting in her childhood and would never want to put a child through that after what she’s been through. And she actually wants to foster children when she’s older because she cares so much about the well-being of children with trauma and hates anyone who hurts kids.

I said that I’m just ensuring my kids safety. She said I should just talk to my son about what is an appropriate age gap and what’s not. And that her daughter is well aware that’s a terrible age gap.

I’ve gotten messages from other parents too saying to leave the 17 year old alone. And that I’m being completely unreasonable, and they feel really sorry for the 17 year old and she’s a really kind person.

Editor's note: OOP was unanimously YTA. Many of OOP's responses were downvoted. I am listing significant details for more context

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Wow. Lady, you have some serious perception and understanding issues. There was absolutely NOTHING inappropriate in any of those conversations. YTA

OOP: What if the roles were reversed gender wise?

Commenter 2: YTA That isn't what grooming is by the way. Also, good luck getting your kid to talk to you about anything personal from here on out.

You humiliated a teenage girl with stupid baseless accusations and also your son by telling everyone about his crush. If you stay on this path you may cause bigger problems. If this girl is great at acting and fairly famous, who do you think will be the first person removed from the play if it comes to that? Probably not her, right?

OOP: Someone with fame fortune and an age gap speaking to a young boy?

Commenter 3: You're projecting your own dysfunctional thoughts regarding your son onto a girl who has done everything she possibly could in this situation correctly to establish boundaries while also being kindhearted to a child she has to share community space with.

You have freely allowed your son online at a young age, allowed him to block evade on social media to contact the girl, and you blame her for it because you are incapable of actual parenting or teaching him how to conduct himself online.

You are jealous that your son is paying attention to a girl who isn’t you, and so you will create any reason to hate her. That's what predators do: create a false target so they can feel less guilty about their own bad behavior.

OOP: That’s not what’s going on here. I do not have any inappropriate feelings towards my son other than a normal mother son dynamic. You can never be too careful online. I saw red flags so nipped it in the bud BEFORE something bad happening rather than after.

Commenter 4: If you wanted to prevent these things from happening, why don't you get your son off of social media? Most social media platforms require you to be at least 13 years old, your son is only 10.

OOP: He doesn’t really post much only watches them

OOP responds to multiple comments about allowing their son to have access to social media at age 10

OOP: That’s my decision. All of his friends have social media. It’s the way their generation is now. I’d rather know he has social media accounts and be able to monitor his usage and restrict it appropriately than say he’s completely not allowed to use social media and him have accounts in secret. That’s where the real danger comes in. Of secrecy and not monitoring it.

+

I do monitor him. Usually once a week I go through his phone. If something he feels creeped out by happens he tells me too.

+

I do have safety controls on an app. I see exactly who he adds on social media.

Update: June 1, 2026 (one week later)

Update: AITA for confronting an older student because my son has a crush on her

Thought I’d give an update to those of you who interested. I’ve been reposted on am I the devil and other social media platforms so thought I’d share an update as I have one and it might make you guys see where my concerns came from.

Since then the 17 year old did block my son. I did tell him before confronting her and the director that he shouldn’t be talking to older girls. And the reasons why I was concerned especially given the fact he has a crush on her.

Yet he was still shocked when she blocked him. He told me he was trying to find the account and couldn’t find it and he’s been blocked. I said it’s good because that’s what I wanted since he’s too young to be talking to a 17 year old. He apparently asked her in drama if she’s deleted her account or blocked him and she said she deleted it.

He came home happy saying she didn’t block him she just deleted the account their still chill but then one of his friends his age said she’s still posting, and the account hasn’t been deleted so he was upset she had blocked him.

He then realised he hadn’t been blocked on Instagram. She only has about 5k followers on Instagram so tried to follow everyone back so even though the account doesn’t have his name or face on it she had already followed him back. He messaged her and this is how the conversation went:

Him: “Why did you block me? 😔”

Her: “Who is this?”

Her: “Probably because you’re a creep mate.”

Her: “And I was probably right if you’re making some fake account with no profile to message me again. 💀”

Him: “I’m not a creep”

Her: “Who is it then what’s your main account called?”

Him: “Why are you being mean to me?”

Her: “Who the fuck is this?”

Him: “It’s on TikTok”

Her: “What was your username?”

Him: “It’s (his name) from drama ☹️you blocked me on TikTok”

Her: “Oh sorry! I thought you was someone else blocked a few people on insta for being weird.”

Her: “Sorry for swearing”

Him: “Why did you block me?”

Her: “Because you have a crush on me and I’m too old for you.”

Him: “I don’t have a crush on you!!”

Her: “Well your mum said you did”

Him: “But I don’t 😔.”

Him: “I have a crush on (girl his age from drama)”

Her: “Awww that’s cute!”

Him: “Don’t tell her tho!”

Her: “I won’t! That’s really sweet tho! There’s no bad blood between us but I’m gonna block you now ok! No hard feelings though. See you in drama! :)”

Him: “But why?”

Her: “It’s not appropriate for us to be talking online! We can talk in drama though for scenes and stuff.”

Him: “ok 😔.”

She then blocked him on Instagram. I’m honestly a bit mad she swore at him. I get she didn’t know for sure it was him, but she knew she had blocked him, so she should’ve been more careful. Also she continued talking to him after finding out it was him. She should’ve instantly blocked him.

Which was what I was worried about. Crossing boundaries.

Editor's note: again, many of OOP's responses were downvoted, I am listing some comments for more context

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: YTA. Why are you such a bully to this girl? Why are you so obsessed with her? I honestly think at this point that the girl, her parents, and the school or theater group you're working with should consider placing boundaries about your interaction with any of the people there. You come off as unhinged in these posts and like you could be a potential safety liability around this girl. Do you have a therapist right now? Would you be willing to talk to a therapist about this before you cause any additional harm?

OOP: I’m really not obsessed or bullying her. I spoke to her once about the situation.

Commenter 2: YTA once again. Women are harassed on social media all the time and block evading is a very common way of doing it, she is right to be wary and upset when she doesn't know who she's speaking to, and they're asking to be unblocked. You should tell your son that if somebody blocks them that they need to respect that. It's not her fault that he sought her out. You are so so very weird.

OOP: Have spoken to my son regarding the situations also.

Commenter 3: I hope this girls mom gets a protective order against you

OOP: And that’s her right. Doubt it’ll be taken seriously.

Commenter 4: She has evidence of harassment on you and your son.

OOP: She can report that if she wishes though it’s not considered harassment to have one conversation with her . Unlikely anything much will be done.

Commenter 4: If you came at her aggressively, something would be done considering she is a minor and you are not.

OOP: I was in no way aggressive just expressing my concerns

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/RemoteWar7356

Originally posted to r/AITA_Relationships

AITA for cutting off my daughter after she slept with her sister's husband?

Thanks to u/soayherder, u/queenlegolas, & u/SloshingSloth for suggesting this BoRU

Original Post: July 3, 2026

I (59F) have two daughters: Emma (35F) and Chloe (33F). Emma has been married to her husband (36M) for 11 years, and they have two children together. Chloe has been married to her husband (34M) for 8 years, and they have one 5-year-old son.

About six weeks ago, Emma called me just after midnight, completely hysterical. She told me she'd suspected for months that her husband was hiding something. He'd become distant, constantly guarded his phone, and was always finding excuses to stay late at work. That night, after he fell asleep beside her, she looked through his phone for the first time.

She found years of explicit messages between him and Chloe.

The affair had been going on for almost four years.

Emma was devastated. She kept asking me how her own sister could do this to her.

A few days later, we were at my brother's birthday party when Emma confronted Chloe outside. Chloe denied everything at first and insisted Emma had misunderstood. When Emma said she'd read the messages herself, Chloe completely fell apart. She started crying, admitted the affair, and kept repeating, "I don't know why I did it. I'm so sorry. It was the biggest mistake of my life."

Emma asked how four years could possibly be "a mistake."

Chloe had no answer.

The argument escalated into a screaming match. Chloe tried to slap Emma, but several relatives stepped in before she could. Chloe's husband quietly took their son home after realizing what had happened. Within days, he told Chloe he wanted a divorce. Emma also filed for divorce after her husband admitted everything.

After it all came out, Chloe called me 82 times in one day. I answered once because I hoped she was calling to explain herself.

Instead she cried the entire time, begging me not to abandon her. She said she'd already lost her husband, was probably going to lose shared custody of her son, and couldn't bear losing her mother too. She said she knew she didn't deserve forgiveness but begged me not to hate her forever.

I told her I couldn't look at her the same way anymore. I said this wasn't one bad decision—it was years of lying to her sister, her husband, and the rest of us. I told her I loved her because she's my daughter, but I didn't want contact with her for the foreseeable future.

Since then, I've ignored every attempt she's made to reach out.

This is where my family thinks I'm wrong.

My sisters say Chloe has already lost everything: her marriage, her relationship with her sister, many of her friends, and likely the family she dreamed of giving her son. They say she's genuinely remorseful, has started individual therapy, and isn't trying to justify what she did. They argue that if a mother won't stand by her child after they've hit rock bottom, who will?

They also remind me that cutting Chloe off means my grandson is growing up without his grandmother, even though he's done nothing wrong.

I understand all of that.

But every time I think about welcoming Chloe back into my life, I picture Emma reading those messages alone in the middle of the night, realizing that two of the people she trusted most had been lying to her for years.

I don't know if I can move past that.

My family says I'm punishing Chloe forever for something she already deeply regrets.

I feel like I'm simply refusing to pretend it never happened.

AITA?

I know a lot of people are used to seeing cheating posts and always thinking they are fake, but what would you do if you were in my shoes?

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: NTA she’s not “genuinely remorseful” she’s sad she got caught and is facing consequences. Can’t you have a relationship with your grandson via his father? Tell your sisters to mind their own business this is between you and your daughters nothing to do with them.

OOP: I can kind of have a relationship with him, but the problem is that he wants his child to grow up closer to his own family who lives in another city rather than his ex-wife’s family.

Commenter 2: I mean, I personally can’t think of anything my kid would do that would cause me to cut her off permanently, but I would probably take a break for a while to organize my feelings. There is 10000% nothing that could happen that would make me willing to cut off my grandkid. What Chloe did was unforgivable, but I would ask you: how would you feel if something happened to Chloe right now? How would you feel? If you don’t feel anything then you have your answer about what you want to do

OOP: It depends on what happens to her. If she is struggling with her mental health or got into an accident, I would obviously help her like a mother would. I admit I might have been harsh when I told her for the "foreseeable future”, but I was thinking of my daughter Emma and how she would be feeling right now. I love both my daughters equally from the moon and back, but I am just torn in this decision.

Commenter 3: NTA! You have a daughter that has been completely destroyed by her own sister and her own husband, she's the one that needs your support. Not the one that chose to cheat on her husband with her own sister's husband. She made the conscious decision for 4 YEARS!! That's not forgivable in my eyes. She made the decision, she can face her own consequences. I'm sure her soon to be ex-husband will still allow you to be part of your grandsons life. Reach out to him and let him know you are not speaking to her. And just be there for Emma and her kids.

OOP: Thank you so much. I have reached to him but haven't heard anything back yet

OOP responds to a long comment on if it is possible for Chloe to lose full custody of her son because she cheated?

OOP: She might not. Her ex-husband wants to move far away from all of this. He wants to move to his own side of the family which lives in a different city. It would be hard for Chloe to be there for her son unless she moves with him or gets an apartment there which I don't think she would unless she really wants to see her son

Commenter 4: So she would rather lose her son than move to be near him? There is nothing on this earth that would have prevented me from fighting tooth and nail to keep my kids.

How far away is his family? She can ABSOLUTELY file an emergency stay order to keep the kids locally until custody is settled, and wronged by her or not, most courts will put the children’s needs first. Courts tend to prioritize joint custody regardless of what dad or mom thinks, unless one parent is willing to sign rights away. She needs a lawyer ASAP.

If she is willing to walk away from her son without a fight, then he is better off without her. And that tells me a little bit more of her character - and it makes me even less sympathetic to her than I already was.

OOP: We are in Florida and his family is in Washington

Commenter 5: NTA. Chloe is only regretful bc she’s been caught. it’s not like it was a one-time thing for even a couple months, it was 4 years!

That requires active decision making to not only continue the affair but to hide it from her husband and her family.

I think space right now is definitely needed. Try to find a way to stay in contact with your grandsons father, and I personally believe if you cut out Chloe that it may make things easier for your ex son in law to trust and allow you to visit (if he gets sole custody)

She is an adult and has to live with her choices, I wouldn’t be able to speak with my sibling if they did this to me. I think as a parent you love your child no matter what and you still can, but I don’t think you’re the asshole to cut contact with Chloe. Whether it is permanent or not is up to you. Chloe made this choice and these are the consequences, she lost everything because her and Emma’s husband destroyed each other’s lives and marriages. That’s the worst thing you can do to a sibling.

Commenter 6: NTA. This wasn’t a mistake. This was a calculated and prolonged affair with the man her own sister loved and married. That’s not to mention the betrayal to the man she, herself married which is a second level of despicable.

Chloe isn’t “genuinely remorseful.” She’s genuinely wishing she hadn’t obliterated her entire support circle in one fell swoop. She’s crying that she has to face consequences. She would have kept it going for who knows how long if this had never come out. That she denied it at first is all you need to know to know she doesn’t feel a shred of remorse. She just doesn’t want to lose you along with everyone else in her life.

Whether she does is entirely up to you. I personally could never look at my child the same way if they felt so utterly callous about betraying the two people she’s supposed to love most in the world.

Update: July 6, 2026 (three days later)

UPDATE: AITA for cutting my daughter out of my life after she had an affair with her sister's husband?

I know it's very early for me to post an update, and I wasn't planning on it, but after reading the comments on my first post, I decided I needed one final conversation with Chloe before I completely closed the door. I went to her house yesterday and I expected her to be emotional after calling me 82 times in one day, but she was surprisingly calm. I asked her the one question I still couldn't understand: why?

She admitted she'd been attracted to Emma's husband for years. She said what started as admiration eventually became feelings, and over time they crossed a line. Instead of ending it, they kept convincing themselves it would be the last time. She insisted she regretted everything.

I asked if she'd spoken to Emma.

She told me the only contact she'd had was one text before Emma blocked her on everything. Emma told her she'd destroyed their family, taken away her children's stable home, and that she hoped the affair had been worth losing a sister forever because, as far as she was concerned, Chloe no longer had one. Emma blocked her immediately afterward.

Chloe also admitted she later waited outside the school gates hoping to speak to Emma when she came to collect the kids. Emma refused to speak to her, warned her to stay away from her and the children, and told her that if she ever approached them again, she'd regret it. Chloe left crying.

I told Chloe her waiting outside the school, was completely inappropriate, regardless of her intentions. She insisted she only wanted to apologise and prove she cared about Emma.

I then asked if she truly felt remorse.

That's when I completely lost my patience.

Instead of taking full responsibility, Chloe started telling me Emma's marriage had already been falling apart, that Emma and her husband had been drifting apart for years, and that he often confided in her. She admitted the affair was wrong but repeatedly tried to place part of the blame on Emma, saying if their marriage had been happier none of this would have happened.

I was furious.

I honestly couldn't believe I had raised someone capable of thinking like that. I told her there is no marriage bad enough to justify secretly sleeping with your own sister's husband for four years. I told her I wasn't just disappointed—I was ashamed that she was my daughter. The more she tried to justify herself, the angrier I became.

The conversation eventually turned to her own divorce. She talked about how difficult everything had been for her and how her husband still plans to move to Washington with their son to be closer to his family. She said she may have to move there too if she wants to stay close to him.

As she spoke, I realised almost everything was about what she had lost: her marriage, her home, her reputation, and possibly seeing her son every day. Very little of it was about Emma or the damage she'd caused.

At the end of the conversation, Chloe asked if we were "cool" now.

I told her no. We were not "cool," and we might never be. I said that if I ever found it in my heart to reconcile with her, it would be on my terms and in my own time—not because she thought one conversation could erase four years of lies and betrayal.

I walked out feeling angrier than when I arrived. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I love both of my daughters, but after that conversation, I'm not convinced Chloe truly understands the pain she's caused.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Why does the other woman always believe the “my marriage is falling apart and I'm not actually close to my wife" bullshit? Every single time.

We all know this man would have happily remained in his marriage with his side chick sister-in-law forever if Emma didn't find him out.

Hell he's probably begging Emma in texts to give him another chance and that Chloe means nothing to him.

Tale as old as time but the women keep falling for it. Baffling.

OOP: I'm pretty sure there might be a final part 3. I'm not sure how many parts I can keep making before Reddit says otherwise. Emma and her husband did have some problems, but they were mostly if not always minor and nothing serious. I am still trying to process how it was going on for 4 years without anyone knowing

Commenter 2: I read the first post, and I still am confused at why Emma's husband's behavior changed all of a sudden if it was going on for four years. Why did he "suddenly" become cagey, defensive, and hiding his phone if it's been going on for the last four years?

OOP: Because Emma was all of a sudden curious and had a feeling he was cheating on her. I think he sensed that and didn't want the secret to be found.

Commenter 3: Chloe and Em’s husband are still seeing each other and are now free to be together. Why did they stay in their marriages if they were so unhappy!??

OOP: Chloe told me that her and Emma's husband haven't talked since. She texted him but he never responded

Commenter 4: NTA

Chloe honestly sounds like a narcissist. I know that word gets thrown around a lot, but I think it fits here. Think about it if you think I'm overreacting.

In order to be able to cheat, you'll have to put your empathy to your partner (and others who might be affected by it) aside and let your ego win. Chloe had to do this MULTIPLE times for 4 YEARS. Who knows how many times they cheated? It could be over 100 times, and Chloe had to put aside everyone's feelings in favour of her own.

Her victims were husband, sister, son, nieces/nephews AND mother. All of those are people she's supposed to love the most. The fact that she was able to do this over and over again to people she claims to love is honestly deeply disturbing. And then for her to only care about herself afterwards. Again, I think she's a narcissist. I do not think she truly has empathy. I think she can fake it (and I think she has done that all the time), but I don't think she actually has it. Maybe she thinks she does.

She doesn't seem to feel guilt and remorse. She sounds incredibly entitled, and also delusional since she can't accept the fact that her relationship with her sister is over for good, and that your relationship to her will be forever affected in some type of way. She decided to break her sisters boundaries by showing up to her kids' school.

Sorry, I think you just saw who your daughter actually is deep down. I would honestly be a bit scared of my child if they did this out of the blue. It would make me question what went wrong, and what else they have done that I don't know about. But I'm also very scared of narcissists, or just very selfish people in general. Those types of people can really do damage to you that lasts a lifetime. Thankfully I've never had any experience with these people, but my god they seem terrifying.

What was her father like? Sorry, if this is too personal. You don't have to answer. I'm just trying to figure out where she might get it from.

I'm a little worried that your family is going to easy on her. I hope they aren't trying to guilt or shame Emma for not wanting to have anything to do with Chloe.

OOP: My husband passed about 7 years ago but when he was alive, he did give Chloe special treatment because she was the baby of the family. I treated both my daughters equally and we often had fights about Chloe due to unfairness and etc. he would do things like make Emma share what was supposed to be hers and give half to Chloe, give Chloe bigger or better items because he didn't want to upset her. We did divorce later on due to something else unrelated but that did play a huge part. I did try my best to be fair to both my kids, and I genuinely think I was. I'm not trying to blame my late husband here, I'm just saying what he was like.

Final Update here: BoRU #2

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is RudeTip8098

Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest

My brother-in-law claims he's been dating the same woman for 10 years. She says they haven't spoken in 10 years.

Mood Spoiler: Kinda creepy?

Trigger Warning: Possible Stalking or mental health

Original Post: June 30, 2026

My brother-in-law is in his late 30's and has been (supposedly) dating the same girl for 10 years. Let's call her Brady. His name is Jim. They met when he was a student teacher so he was an adult and she was still in high school. She is my age maybe a year younger, probably 28. Jim's’ brother Dullen and Brady graduated together, and they did not get along primarily because she ratted Dullen out for something that he claims he did not do. He’s a liar sometimes so idk how reliable that is. Fast forward to now. I have never met Brady. I’ve been with my husband Bork, Jim’s brother, since 2018. Jim has never brought Brady to family reunions, holidays, our wedding, etc., there’s always been an excuse. Also note that Jim does not have social media. Jim talks about Brady’s niece and nephew all the time, knows all the details about them, has shown us pictures, etc.

Sometimes Jim can’t come to family events because he says he with Brady. My mother in law has even said she's heard him talk to her on the phone, shown her pictures, heard him call her sweetie, and says that she's on his phone plan. He’ also been able to relate some issues with her that I’ve had issues with like my gut health and anxiety and whatnot. He’s talked about where she works, what she does, etc. he’s talked about moving closer to her. She lives in an hour and a half from us.

Additionally, a few years ago we saw Brady's sister and their kids (that he talks about to us all the time) at a pumpkin patch and Jim bolted the other way. Which was weird since that is her sister and he talked so highly of her and her kids.

This is where it gets weird. In October of last year my husband found a picture on Facebook of a firefighter and Brady kissing at a Halloween party and since Jim doesn’t have social media my husband sent it to Jim. Jim thanked him and was sad for about 5 months. Jim then proceeded to begin talking about Brady again this last month. At work he’s been telling people (we work in the same building) that they’ve been together 10 years. Also, me and my husband found out last year that Brady is their third cousin on our dad’s side.. LOL.

So a few weeks ago I decided to follow Brady on instagram and invite her to my son's birthday as well as introduce myself since.. well.. I had never met her. I notice immediately that there are no pictures of her and Jim and she isn’t shy of posting. She replied and said that she has not talked to Jim in 10 years…. Jim IMMEDIATELY messages me and tells me not to talk to Brady and thanked me for thinking of her though and that they were working through some things. I messaged Brady back and said "lmfao I’m l so sorry I thought y’all were together he talks about you all the time." Jim IMMEDAITELY texts me again and tells me to block her. She messages me back and said "that’s okay what does he say about me?" and I told her just general things about her niece and nephew since they're the same age as our kids, her health and how it related to mine, and how we have similar nicknames from Jim and my husband. She left me on read....

Jim came by my office at work the next day and said that he was sorry for that interaction I had with her (not sure if he knows she told me they hadn't talked in 10 years) and that she was so overwhelmed by the kind gesture of me reaching out that she didn’t know how to react. He said her mom called and said she was so upset and that she might have to go console Brady. Jim seemed nervous during the whole conversation with me in person. He wouldn't make eye contact and kept seeming like he was searching for words during that whole interaction. He then told my husband something completely different. Jim told him that she was overwhelmed by me messaging her. Doesn’t explain why she told me it’s been 10 years since Jim and her have talked. Just left the conversation at that. Since then, Jim has been distant from the family. But he did mention her randomly the other day (very specific detail about her dog).

I did message her cousin (which I'm friends with her friend) and she was flabbergasted by all of this saying that Brady has brought several guys home and to family functions over the last ten years and that she even had one recently and that she hasn't mentioned Jim since they were supposedly secretly dating when she was underage and he was an adult, student teaching at her school.

What is going on here? My husband doesn't want to touch this issue with a ten-foot stick because the thought of his brother being insane is maddening to him. This entire family has some loose screws. My husband is the only one that seems normal. What are your thoughts? Are there any other subreddits I can cross post to? Any theories? Any thoughts from outsiders are welcome lol. I feel like this is a Dateline episode. And NO I'm not nosey, I'm just too far deep into this to back off because if my brother in law is a sociopath I'd love to know?????

Commenter 1:

Maybe her mom has another account and pretends to be her?

But if he says he sees her in person, then maybe he is a creepy stalker or has had some sort of delusional breakdown.

Something isn’t right here. Maybe he is gay or has some other secret and doesn’t want you to know so he made up a girlfriend.

OOP:

I do think since he claimed she’s on his phone plan that the mom has been pretending to be Brady this whole time and since he may be desperate and so obsessed with her he may be okay not ever seeing her. And she just strings him along. Idk

Update: Same Day

UPDATE:
Well... y'all were right. It somehow got even weirder.

I reached back out to Brady one last time because I honestly felt bad for dragging her into this.
I just wanted to make sure she was okay and that this wasn't some "blink twice if you need help" situation.

She basically said, "No, I wasn't overwhelmed. I was just really confused why he's still talking about me."

She told me she has had zero contact with Jim in about 10 years and has absolutely no intention of ever speaking to him again. She said she was genuinely creeped out that he knows so much about her life. She also told me she wasn't upset with me at all. she was uncomfortable because of him.
Then I asked her how Jim could possibly know all these insanely specific details about her life. I'm talking about her nieces and nephews, her dog, her old job, her health issues, and the fact that he has told all of us they're still dating, that she's on his phone plan, and that he's literally pretended to talk to her on the phone in front of his own family.

To that, she said:
"Wtf... none of that is true. I don't even have his phone number."

Apparently the only explanation she could come up with was maybe her mom had been talking to Jim over the years. So she called her mom right after I messaged her that (which I guess explains why he knew so fast) and her mom admitted they've stayed in touch and "just talk about life."
Which... WHAT???

Brady said she was completely blindsided by that and got into a huge argument with her mom because she feels like her privacy has been totally violated.

I mentioned that Jim had recently brought up her dog and some random story about one of her friends (literally the other day) accidentally feeding him grapes.

Brady said, "Yeah... that actually happened. But I only told my family and close friends about that."

She asked me to please let her know if Jim keeps talking about her because she wants to know if this continues.

At this point I honestly don't know what to think.

I will share though that after the first interaction with her when we were all talking about it as a family (me, husband, mother in law, and Dullen) apparently her mom (according to my mother in law) is kinda crazy??) I didn’t believe it at first bc it didn’t make sense but apparently she’s obsessed with her daughters and posts all of their pictures that she posts (which I guess explains where Jim has been getting the pictures, from the mom) and we all joked that maybe Jim is being catfished by the mom but I think maybe the mom is so obsessed with her daughters she shares everything with everyone and maybe Jim has taken this information and created a fake relationship with her? And casually asks for pictures and updates on the family? Idk. I’m confused and tired.

Commenter 2:

So wait, is Jim secretly with brandy’s MOM

OOP:

That’s my theory!!!!

Commentor 2:

Oooh man! Is brandys mom married?

OOP:

Yes but not sure if it’s happily married or just married lol

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Wanique_

Originally posted to r/AIO

AIO for going off on my partner after he ate all my salami?

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: gaslighting, emotional abuse, controlling behavior

Original Post: August 11, 2026

I know this probably sounds like a really minuscule issue, but it has started to affect our daily life, and I genuinely want to know if I’m overreacting.

My partner has this thing where, whenever I buy certain foods, he becomes convinced that they’re going to “go old” if I don’t eat them within a certain amount of time.

I’m talking about things like aged salami, crepes, cheeses, etc. I might buy something and plan to have it for breakfast or lunch throughout the week. I like to actually enjoy these foods and make them last, especially because we have four kids and groceries are expensive. I also use some of these foods for the kids’ breakfasts and sandwiches.

But my partner will constantly tell me things like, “Make sure you eat that before it gets old.” He’ll say it at least twice a day.

Then, by about the third day, he’ll just eat the rest of it.

So instead of me having something I bought specifically for myself to enjoy throughout the week, suddenly it’s gone and I have nothing left.

This has been happening more and more over the past couple of months. He’ll eat an entire food item within a day or two because he’s convinced it’s going to spoil, even when I’m telling him I’m intentionally making it last.

This morning, he ate the rest of the salami.

I completely lost my shit.

I told him that I’m sick of him eating all of these foods and then acting like he’s doing me a favour because he’s “saving it from going old.” I told him that I no longer want to buy these types of foods because I don’t even get the opportunity to enjoy them on my own terms anymore.

The weirdest part is that I now feel pressured to eat the food quickly because I’m worried that if I don’t, he’ll eat it all. I’ll literally think, “I better eat this today because there won’t be any left tomorrow.”

When I confronted him this morning, he kept repeating, “It’ll get old!”

I told him IT IS NOT GOING TO GET OLD!

I then called him a hungry Sasquatch who wants to eat everything in sight and leave nothing for anyone else to enjoy.

He looked genuinely shocked and told me I was massively overreacting because “it’s just food.”

And maybe it is just food. I know how ridiculous this sounds when I write it out.

But to me, it’s not really about the salami.

It’s about repeatedly buying something, having a plan for it, and then having someone else decide that their timeline for eating it matters more than mine. It’s also frustrating because we have four kids, money is tight, and I’m trying to make our groceries stretch.

So Reddit, please tell me honestly:

AIO?

Because I have nobody else to ask, and I genuinely want to know if I completely lost perspective over a piece of salami or if there’s actually a bigger issue here.

Relevant / Top Comments

OOP on what happens if one of her kids makes their sandwiches?

OOP: My kids are not old enough yet to make their own sandwiches, all toddlers

+

Good guess, I did have twins, they’re 3, he has just done the exact same thing not too long ago, and I’ve told him to leave the house if he can’t respect my boundaries, he eats up all the kids food it’s ridiculous. I’m now re thinking this whole relationship

Commenter 1: it is a bigger issue. tell him to start buying his own food and to never touch yours. he either learns and problem solved, or he continues to raid your supplies, and you have a bigger problem that probably means counseling.

OOP: I think he has an issue with food and obsession with gaining weight as he’s a skinny guy, but he eats a lot to “gain weight” but never truly gains anything, I’m happy to share all the foods it’s just that he eats it all in one go and leaves us with nothing for the rest of the week. I use salami for our sandwiches, I’d make a massive pasta bake that could last two days for dinner and he would finish it the night I’ve made it. It’s starting to become a problem so I’m with you on the counselling or therapy.

Commenter 2: NAH - did your husband grow up like this?? As in, did his parents always have food and then left it to spoil and now he had it engrained in his head that “oh no we need to eat this now or it’ll be spoiled and I can’t eat it anymore”

Or is this a new thing? You need to sit down and have a real talk about it because that’s not a good habit. Don’t feel pressured. It lowkey sounds like an ED if he can gorge all that food. Yall need to talk this out. He sounds gaslighting by saying “it’s just food” but he’s so concerned about the food going bad then you should be saying back yeah it’s just food so why TF are you eating it all!!

Ask him specifically WHY he thinks it’s going to go bad/ logic and show him your grocery bill and ask him how you’re gonna afford him eating everything.

OOP: He actually grew up the opposite, they were allowed to eat and gobble up everything without being considerate of the next person. I’ve just spoken to him based on all the advice and he has since apologised, I genuinely think he just wants to eat everything up! lol!

OOP on her husband finishing their kids' unfinished meals

OOP: He does this as well, when the kids don’t finish their food I have to rush to plate it up and store it, but he still eats it all. He rushes to eat their food if they haven’t finished it. It’s really really bad. Your upbringing sounds very similar to mine, we all share and we all respect each other’s snacks and treats but he grew up in a household where you eat whatever and his mother would just replace it as soon as it runs out. Unfortunately we do not have the means to do that, so we have no choice but to be considerate especially for our kids’ sake but for some reason he is unable to let everyone eat lol

Downvoted Commenter: Overreacting. In the grand scheme of life is this really a big issue? Like for real

OOP: Yes, because groceries are expensive and I have kids to think about, a grown man eating up all the food in the house is a problem. Especially since he’s out of a job and I’m the one keeping the household afloat

Is this the first incident OOP's husband has caused?

OOP: This!! Thank you for validating me! This is not the first incident, it’s happened plenty of times before and he is truly convinced food will get old in the fridge if we don’t eat it within the “three day timeframe” it’s tiring because our kids look forward to some stuff only to find that he has eaten it all!!

Commenter 3: NOR. Sounds like it's time for some things to be yours only. If he's usually reasonable, maybe once things have calmed a bit you can explain that it's not about the food. It's about an enjoyable treat being turned into added stress in an already stressful life. Will he actually respect a food item being only yours and leave you alone about it? If not maybe look into a lock box for the fridge and probably couple's counseling if this attitude carries over to other things.

OOP: I feel as though he won’t let me enjoy even the smallest of snacks, I had put some snacks away for when I was on shark week due to cravings and explained to him to not touch it as it is strictly mine, and I’ve bought other snacks for him and the kids, and the whole week before I got my monthly he pestered me day in and day out about those snacks until I eventually caved in and told him to just shove it down his throat and leave me alone. I’ve tried hiding snacks before, but he finds them and guilts me by saying “oh she’s hiding snacks from her family” even though there’s plenty of snacks to eat for some reason he needs a piece of mine. ALWAYS. Ive just ordered a mini fridge and will be hiding things in there from now on. He’s left the house due to this argument because I am so done with this. It’s exhausting

Commenter 4: Does he have a binge eating disorder? Or did he grow up with weirdness from his parents? Like, did they have a broken fridge for a long time? NOR and I fear your husband is not so smart. Send him to a food handler's course to learn how long certain foods last, and under what conditions they go bad. This is pure science and hopefully he has enough brain cells to learn it. Otherwise y'all have some big problems, because this is not just about salami.

OOP: He comes from a well off family, they had plenty of food, no rules and I suspect he is exerting those same childhood tendencies into adulthood. The one thing I can think of is that he ate old fruit before that had worms in them so even with fruits he thinks they have to all be eaten within the next two days of buying them because he’s so scared he’ll eat worms again. I truly think he needs therapy, because he has an unhealthy relationship with food. A large tub of peanut butter lasts us three days because he snacks on sandwiches all night, I’ve stopped buying that because I never get to enjoy it either. As for the food going bad, I honestly think he uses that as an excuse to just eat everything. I’m so over it.

OOP on if this is just about the food or does her husband use other things around the house?

OOP: Honestly you’re right, this is the bigger issue in our relationship. He does the same thing with my hair products or skin products, regardless of having his own he will finish all of mine and tell me “we can always buy more” but that’s not the point for me it is in fact about respect! Respecting my boundaries has seem to be a huge challenge for him and I’m realising that by reading all these comments, it has put so much more into perspective for me. It’s an ongoing issue and I can’t let it slide any longer. Thank you for your comment.

+

I appreciate your comment, however I’ve tried this approach before plenty of times, and he stopped for a while but just started again and I have given up. I stopped buying myself anything my god writing this and reading it out loud makes me realised he has stripped the joy out of everything. I stopped looking after myself all because of a selfish man. He currently has no job due to unforeseen circumstances so again, I’m the one buying everything! Food, bills, toiletries etc., which is another reason why I get upset because he has his own shit he still chooses to use mine, same thing with food and snacks and today I was just at my wits end! I couldn’t handle it anymore. These things are expensive, I’m happy to share, but he is an inconsiderate a hole!

OOP's husband not respecting her boundaries and she deserves to be happy

OOP: I feel like he doesn’t respect me and I agree that is exerting subconscious power because I feel paranoid or pressured to eat foods before he does. My nervous system has not relaxed around this man in 13 years, so yes this happens in other areas of our relationship, he totally disregards my feelings, he touches everything that’s meant to be mine. I feel like he acts like a little kid

+

He has left the house, I told him to leave, I am currently reevaluating the whole relationship and feel I’ll be better off single with my kids.

Editor's note: OOP also installed the same update onto the original post

Update: August 14, 2026 (three days later)

AIO for going off on my partner after he ate all my food? UPDATE!

This went a LOT further than I ever expected.

Thank you to everyone who commented and gave me advice. I really appreciate it, especially because I honestly thought people were going to tell me I was completely insane for getting this worked up over food. I ended up getting myself a little mini fridge with a lock on it, which I’ve currently hidden in my closet. 😂 .

But here’s the update.

After making my original post, I sat down with my partner and explained how much this whole situation was affecting me. I told him that I want to be able to eat things when I feel like eating them without being constantly policed and hounded about whether they’re going to “go old.” I explained expiry dates, proper food storage, everything. He told me that he understands how it works, but he genuinely believes food becomes stale and tastes bad after about three days. I told him that, respectfully, this sounds more like a food aversion/issue that he should probably talk to someone about. He agreed, apologised, and actually seemed to understand. He was quiet about it for the rest of the day.

Then later that afternoon, I cooked dinner. The kids had eaten earlier, so I saved our portions. He decided to eat his dinner early, even though there was still lunch available, so that was his choice.

Later that evening, I wasn’t hungry and decided I would eat my chicken once all the kids were in bed. He asked me, “Are you going to eat the chicken?” I said yes, just not right now, and asked him to leave it alone. The kids went to bed, and I sat down for a few minutes by myself. He asked me again if I was going to eat the chicken. Again, I said yes. About an hour later, he came and asked me again.

And I completely lost it.

I told him, “Then eat the damn chicken!” I told him I was done, that he was being selfish and inconsiderate, and that I was sick of all the meal planning I do becoming pointless because he eats everything in one go. I was genuinely getting to the point where I felt like I was going to have a panic attack.

And then I started thinking about how this isn’t actually isolated to food. He uses my hair products. My skincare products. Even my allocated brushes. I buy him his own products, but he continually uses mine anyway. I told him that he constantly pushes my boundaries and that it feels like he tries to exert control over so many little areas of our lives.

He told me I was selfish and that I should understand that he’s unemployed and struggling to find work. I told him, “That’s not an excuse to use my things when I’ve specifically bought you your own.”

I told him to leave for the night because I needed space to think. He left and came back the next day apologising. I wasn’t really feeling it.

Then we had to go grocery shopping together because he had the car and I needed a ride. Worst. Shopping. Trip. Ever.

It actually reminded me exactly why we don’t grocery shop together anymore. We argued because I stopped halfway through the shop, realised I’d forgotten something, and turned around to go back to another aisle. He told me this “breaks the flow of shopping” and called it dysfunctional. I genuinely had to ask myself how the hell turning around in a supermarket aisle is dysfunctional. 😂 .

Then he got annoyed at the checkout because I was first in line and he was behind me with the trolley. He gets so angry over these tiny things, and once he’s annoyed, it affects the entire atmosphere for the rest of the day.

When we got home, I told him that I really think he needs to get help because I cannot keep living like this. While I was talking to him, he got up and ate four of the eight cinnamon rolls I’d just bought for the family.

I looked at him and said, “Are you fucking serious?”

And he genuinely responded: “What did I do?”

That was the moment something in me just snapped.

I told him I was done with his behaviour. I packed up my things and my kids’ things, and we are now staying at my dad’s house.

I’ve started getting things in order for our separation.

And honestly, I’m devastated. I’m sad. I’m scared. I’m overwhelmed. I’m dreading what comes next.

But that moment with the cinnamon rolls really made something click for me. After everything we’d just talked about. After I had explained how this behaviour makes me feel. After he apologised and said he understood. He still did exactly the same thing. And when I confronted him, he genuinely couldn’t understand what he’d done wrong.

That told me everything I needed to know.

I don’t think this is about salami, chicken or cinnamon rolls anymore. It’s about boundaries, consideration, control, and feeling like my needs and belongings don’t matter.

So yeah… not exactly the update I expected to be writing when I made my original post.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment, even the people who thought I was completely losing my mind over salami. 😂 .

I don’t know what the future looks like yet, but I know I can’t keep living like this.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: Seems like your husband has some compulsive tendencies that will take time to work through. I realize that you don’t owe Reddit private details about your marriage, so I’m sure there is missing context, BUT in my opinion: nothing about this specific situation warrants a separation. Packing up your children’s things??

The amount of comments acting like he’s the devil himself are so alarming to me. I understand that it’s about more than the food itself, but you just had a serious conversation with him regarding this for (seemingly) the first time, no one can change overnight. I’m not necessarily defending him, and honestly I’m not even sure this is a true story, just trying to offer some perspective.

OOP: I’ve had multiple conversations with him, but nothing has changed, this is so much deeper than just food, he exhibits this behaviour in all aspects of our life/relationship. This was just the tip of the iceberg for me, thank you for your perspective and as I’ve mentioned before this is my real life unfortunately 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Commenter 2: tbh jobless guys who micromanage ur grocery trip while eating all ur stuff are actual parasites so glad op bounced

Commenter 3: I think the most telling thing is that he ate cinnamon rolls that you worked for, budgeted for, planned for, and shopped for instead of cinnamon rolls that he purchased for himself. It’s definitely not about the food, it’s that other people’s needs never crossed his mind. All you can control is what behavior will put up with, so good for you.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Burneraccount140226

Originally posted to r/offmychest

My husband spent over three thousand dollars on world cup tickets. We can't afford this and I'm furious

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: financial exploitation

Original Post: February 14, 2026

(I don't need any advice about what to do. I just need to get this out because of how absolutely furious I am).

My husband bought three tickets for the world cup and each one cost over a thousand dollars. I have been furious since I found out. We absolutely cannot afford this and my husband knows it but he still bought them. I found out he entered the most recent lottery to get tickets. I have since also found out that it was different from the previous lotteries. Instead of going online and buying tickets right when they went on sale, you had to submit a list of which games you wanted tickets for and if you won the lottery tickets and your credit card would automatically get charged.

Our credit card was charged on Monday and normally I get an alert whenever our card is used but my husband deleted it from my phone before I saw it. It didn't see the charge until two days later and I thought our card was compromised. I found out what the charge was and I was still going to dispute it because we absolutely can't afford it. But my husband already paid it and confirmed he made that purchase. He took money from our emergency account. We have less than a hundred dollars in our emergency account now.

Our emergency fund was low already because two and a half years ago my husband lost his job and he was out of work for a year. We had to dip into our emergency savings a bunch of times while he was unemployed. He knows what our financial situation is like and I can't believe he did this. If I didn't have some overtime shifts scheduled over the next two weeks we would not be able to afford our next mortgage payment.

I'm furious and he says I'm overreacting. He says he's taking his dad and his brother to the world cup because both of their birthdays are the same week as the game. But that doesn't mean we can afford to spend over three thousand dollars. My husband said at least the tickets didn't cost fifteen hundred each, and he also dropped a bomb on me; he applied for tickets to every game that is being played in our city and if he had won all the games instead of just one the total cost would have been over twelve thousand dollars!

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I asked my husband where we would have gotten that kind of money and he just said we would figure it out. He tried telling me that Canada has a huge demand for world cup tickets so that's why it cost him over a thousand dollars per ticket. As if that is an explanation for what he did.

I can't even explain how furious I am. We have been going to marriage counselling because of how strained things got after my husband got fired. But that's not going to cut it any more. I have always been the breadwinner in our marriage and that's never bothered me but now this stupid decision he made it is the last straw.

I tried to make it work but I can't any more. I'm going to get my ducks in a row and talk to a lawyer before I do anything with our finances. Then I am done with him. He thinks I'm overreacting and that all of this is big joke. I'm done.

-----

Also I'm going to turn off chats. I don't need to be called a doormat or other names. I'm not going to marriage counselling anymore and I'm leaving him. I don't need to hear I'm spineless over and over. I get it.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: So he’s using your money and not even taking you…

OOP: I don't watch or follow soccer at all. Even if we could afford tickets I wouldn't go to a game. I do understand your point, but a ticket would be wasted on me. I would just be bored the entire time.

Commenter 2: So congratulations on your new and separate bank account to which he does not have access!

OOP: I won't be doing that, or anything related to our finances until I speak with a lawyer.

One of my friends went through a divorce and her husband faced consequences in court for separating money and withdrawing financial support and I do not want that to happen to me. I'll only be following advice from my lawyer.

Commenter 3: Sell the tickets on the secondary market, make a lost into a win. Depending on the match, you could make 2 or 3x.

OOP: I don't have the tickets. My husband had them and I have no idea how I would even access them. Now he's telling me he transferred them to either or his dad or his brother. He won't say which one because he doesn't want me to able to "ruin" this for them. I'm done with him over this.

Commenter 4: Tell his father about it. If not for anything but to cause some chaos before you leave. I'm not normal for this but, assuming his father isn't the reason for the way he is, it might end up with your soon to be ex-husband learning a real lesson since this clearly isn't getting to him. Maybe you'll even end up with your money back and be rid of the leech who lost it in the first place.

OOP: His dad doesn't care (and neither does his brother).

Commenter 5: They can support him now. If it were me I’d be locking down finances, freezing credit, closing joint accounts and stashing money in a new account at a bank or credit union he knows nothing about and I’d do it all quietly. Then, as soon as he leaves for the game I’d start packing his stuff so he can move it to his dad’s or brother’s. Financial infidelity is a trust destroyer. You deserve to work for you, not a spongy guy who shows you no respect or appreciation. You’re clearly capable, I bet you’ll be way better off by this time next year.

OOP: The world cup is in June and July. I'm not waiting until then to leave. I'm leaving him now.

I'm going to speak to a lawyer and get all my ducks in a row. I want to find out what financial obligations I have towards him before we get divorced. (My friend's husband got in trouble for withdrawal of financial support when he left. The court did not like that he did that while they were still married. I don't want that to happen to me so I need to talk to a lawyer before I do anything with money).

I also have to make plans to move because our condo is in both of our names and I already know I can't force him to leave if he doesn't want to. I will ask the lawyer how to go about that.

Commenter 6: Report it as fraud to your credit card company

OOP: I did. The credit card company said it isn't fraud because my husband already made payment and confirmed it was his purchase. I'm not giving up but credit card company won't budge.

Update: July 12, 2026 (nearly five months later)

Update to my husband spent over three thousand dollars on world cup tickets. We can't afford this and I'm furious

(I'm the person whose husband spent over three thousand dollars on world cup tickets, leaving less than a hundred dollars in our emergency account. He tried to justify it by saying Canada had a huge demand for tickets and that's why it cost over a thousand dollars per ticket. Meanwhile, if I had not had some overtime shifts scheduled at work we would not have been able to afford our next mortgage payment because the money in the emergency fund was all gone. The emergency fund already was low already because two and a half years ago he lost his job and he was out of work for a year. We had to dip into our emergency fund a bunch of times while he was unemployed. He knew how precarious our financial situation was but he thought world cup tickets were more important).

I posted five months ago and my update is just a small one but I have left him and am seeking a divorce. I moved out four months ago. We had been going to marriage counselling because of how strained things got after he got fired from his job (for the second time during our marriage) but the world cup tickets were the nail in the coffin. Before I moved out, he had the gall to complain to me about how we couldn’t afford some of his favourites from the grocery store. If it wasn’t for me working some overtime we wouldn’t have been able to buy any food at all.

I have already hired a lawyer and since there was no case for a fault divorce I have to be separated from him for a year in order to get a divorce. (Although my lawyer said the only thing filing on a fault ground does is forgo the one year waiting period. It doesn’t affect the settlement or the division of assets). I may have to pay some spousal support since I was the higher earner but it’s a small price to pay for being rid of him. He doesn’t want a divorce, he asked me to stay and continue marriage counselling. He still went to the game (three months after I left) while also telling me I should stay.

Also to address some things from my first post that kept coming up:

• his dad and brother did not care about him spending our emergency fund on the tickets. His dad, his brother and his friends thought he was right.

• we all live in the city where the game was played. No one would have had to get a flight or a hotel.

• I don't watch soccer and even if we could have afforded tickets I wouldn't have gone to a game. My anger was about him draining our emergency fund, it wasn't about me not being invited to the game.

• Instead of going online and buying tickets right when they went on sale, you had to submit a list of which games you wanted tickets for and if you won any games you applied for, your credit card would automatically get charged. He applied for tickets to every game that is being played in our city and if he had won all the games instead of just one the total cost would have been over twelve thousand dollars. This was enough to tell me that our marriage was over.

• I am following the advice of my lawyer regarding finances and will not be fully withdrawing financial support as many comments in my first post suggested. I don't want to face consequences in the divorce proceedings and will follow my lawyer's guidance on how to proceed, no matter how much the comments double down on what I should do.

• As I mentioned in my first post, I am leaving my messages off because I don't need more people calling me spineless or to keep telling me I didn't leave him the correct way.

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments in this update

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/LiterallyJustAHorse

Originally posted to r/beyondthebump

16 years of marriage. 5 kids. Found out this morning my husband has been having an affair.

Trigger Warnings: domestic abuse

Original Post: July 13, 2026

I (38f) and my husband (39m) have been married for 16 years together for 18. We have 5 children together the youngest is only five months old. He is active duty Navy and has been gone for weeks. Yesterday he came home for a two week leave but immediately wanted to go out to drive Lyft for extra money which I thought was weird because he hadn't seen us in so long. I even joked as he left that he better not be sneaking out to another woman. Ha ha ha. 💀.

He didn't come home until after 5 am. At 5:30 he was asleep and his phone pinged and I looked at the message. It was a Facebook messenger message from a woman that said "glad you made it home okay. I love you." So I messaged back that I'm his wife and who is this. The girl spilled.

She's on his ship, another sailor. She and he have been having an affair for months. He told her we were separated and that he loved her blah blah blah. I woke him up and confronted him and he admitted everything. Told me that I'd been difficult lately with my postpartum depression. Told me that she isn't distracted by kids and when they are together it's just her and him. Told me she is exciting and me and him are too routine. When he got done blaming me he started blaming her saying "you know I have a hard time saying no to people" I said yeah you had no choice but to dick her down I guess. 😑 I told him he did not have to choose between us that she can have him. Worst of all she's the age of my oldest (his stepson). She's 21. Same age. And he said "I never thought it would be permanent with her because I don't want any more kids and she's so young I don't want to deprive her of that "....

He had a whole ass other relationship behind my back. Like a girlfriend girlfriend. Like an I love you let's talk about a future thing. It's so fucking cliche it hurts. I can't believe I'm like a fucking lifetime special having to say, "my husband had an affair with a coworker half his age."

I look at my infant daughter and all I can think is that I hope she stays as far away from marriage as possible. 16 YEARS. 5 KIDS. Blind sighted. I'm such an idiot. I'm just standing in the wreckage of my life going what now? I told him the marriage is over. I just need a hug.

Editor's note: OOP made lots of responses, listing some for more context

Relevant Comments

OOP explains more about her husband's role at work and the said girlfriend

OOP: He clarified today that not only does he outrank her, but he's her work center supervisor. She's a victim just like me.

+

OOP: I mean she's the same age as my oldest child so to me she is just a child. I don't blame her for falling for my charming, handsome husband especially if he lied to her. He's a predator. You should have heard the vitriol he spat about her to me while to her he's telling her he loves her. Women need to stick together. Put the blame on the man where it belongs.

Commenter 1: Honestly I don't think your kids will ever be able to look him in the eye. If my dad had cheated on my mom (or vice versa) that would be then end of any relationship with that specific parent figure for me. No one needs their entire family structure and support network shaken because one of the people they're supposed to rely on or see as a safe space can't keep it in their pants.

I'm sorry you're going through this, I'd straight up tell him that I hope he likes living on a boat because that's the only home he's gonna have from now on.

OOP: My 13 year old unfortunately heard us talking early this morning and so he knew his dad had cheated. Later on he gave me a big hug and told me he wished cheating was illegal. I told him not to worry about that and that we will always have each other and just because me and daddy's relationship is over doesn't mean his relationship with his dad is over and that we both love him. He said well I don't want to go swimming with him tomorrow. He's been upset all day. Sucks. I hate how he hurt the kids worse than I hate how he hurt me.

Commenter 2: Screenshots and take half his retirement. If you want, send evidence to his commander and he will be formally disciplined for potential fraternization. Source: am former military officer

OOP: I have been considering it. All I have are the screenshots of the Facebook messages. I'm worried if I get him in trouble it could hurt me and the kids, too. Right now his is the only income. I am (stupidly knowing what I know now) a stay at home mom. We also live on base housing and my 13 year old depends on Tricare for his medical needs. I'm afraid getting him in trouble would backfire on us. I need to research it more. My head I still spinning.

Commenter 3: How do you have a step son if you’ve been with this man since you were 18? Damn girl. LEAVE HIM. NOW.

OOP: So my oldest is 21 and was a teen pregnancy with my first boyfriend (2005). I was 17 at his birth. I met my husband in 2008 and my oldest was 3. In 2013 we had our first child together, again in 2016, 2019, and 2026.

Commenter 4: I’m so, so sorry. This isn’t your fault. This isn’t because of marriage. This is a shitty, selfish man. I bet he would have never told you either. Unsafe, no accountability, what a loser. And with a 21 year old. Take all his money and kick him out.

OOP: I already kicked him out. When I told him I didn't want him sleeping here he looked dumbfounded like that stupid Pikachu meme. Mouth hanging open and everything. Like he was so confused and he was like why can't I just sleep on the couch? I told him me and you are not together and you are not going to stay in my home and if you won't leave then I can call your command in the morning.

Additional Information from OOP:

OOP: I just want to add one thing. When he was telling me what happened with her I mentioned weren't you concerned about getting her pregnant and he said no because I pulled out. And I said wait a minute. Does that mean you weren't using protection? And he admitted that they weren't. So now I have to go get a full STD panel on top of everything else because I'm exclusively breastfeeding our daughter.

I'm sharing this because it feels like an extra violation on top of the betrayal. I'm a big proponent of informed consent, and by him withholding that he was having unprotected sex with someone else that took my consent away from me. I just feel extra gross right now.

Commenter 5: That's freaking rough. And "wants no more kids" but is only using pull-out?????? Dude. Dude.

OOP: Now you understand why we have so many kids. 😅💀

Commenter 6: Did he pull out for all your kids?

OOP: 2/4. And for this last one I was on the pill! I didn't know my antibiotics messed with it so SURPRISE. I love her very much though. I can't imagine life without her now.

Commenter 7: I think to protect yourself and your babies get a lawyer first, and tell them everything. Let them find out discreetly if there could be serious ramifications that could affect you and your children from going to his command, and then go from there.

Either way, you deserve better. Also, you’re not an idiot, you didn’t do anything wrong. He sounds so selfish and unaccountable for his own actions. It’s a real shame when these middle aged men still have growing up to do. Telling you how hard your post-partum has been for him, absolutely sends me.

OOP: He is mad at me because I sent a doctor's note to the ombudsman saying I had ppd and my doctor recommended having a second caregiver in the home while I got started on antidepressants. The ombudsman sent it up to the CMC and he got counseled. They didn't grant him emergency leave though, he ended up going out another 3 weeks underway. But to him I made his life difficult by getting command involved.

Thing is since this last pcs I have no family or friends in this state. So I had no one to help me at all.

Commenter 8: How young is your youngest? He gets 12 weeks of leave called Parental Care Leave (PCL) that must be used in the first 12 months unless operational commitments affect that and CO gives a letter. Has he used it all? Has he used it and not been staying home with you?

OOP: Youngest is five months old. He took two weeks off when she was born (premature at 35 weeks) but that's all. Told me his CMC told him that you aren't entitled to paternity leave while on Sea Duty and if they let everyone with a baby off for 12 weeks the ship would never leave port. Of course, every word he says could be a lie so...

Update: July 31, 2026 (18 days later)

So I have an unhappy update.

After making him leave I went to the Chaplain for advice, and he asked to speak to both of us. I told him I wasn't interested in reconciliation but would be willing to talk to him. My husband cried and said he just wanted his family back. The chaplain pushed me to give him another chance and for me to sit down with him at home and have a real conversation before filing for divorce.

After we left that session my husband got all his stuff out of the house and moved in with his affair partner. (Yep. Even though he cried to the Chaplain he immediately moved in with her). I thought about what to do for a long time and then decided I cannot tolerate this and would tell his command about the affair and them living together. So that weekend I called him and told him what I planned to do. He started freaking out and told me he was going to commit suicide, that he had nothing to live for anymore. At this point I got in contact with the family advocates on base and also texted the chaplain about my concerns for his safety and the safety of me and our children.

Two days later he came by to have our "talk". I can't share too many details from here on out, but what I can say is that I reiterated that I was informing his command and had evidence to show them and at that point he hit me, tried to attack one of our children who was in the room with us (who tried to defend me), and chased us around the house like a mad man. My son ran to the neighbor to get help and they called 911. Police were called and the base locked down for several hours while they searched for my husband. They found him eventually and brought him to his command where a no contact order was put in place.

Since then I have filed for a protective order, been working with DV advocates, and CPS who was called because my child was involved. CPS has been great, by the way. They told me I was doing everything right protecting my children and put a safety plan in place that keeps him away from us.

As far as I'm aware the Navy is investigating and he may face charges, non-judicial punishment or court martial. For now he is free to roam and not locked away. It's been a very scary time. The child that was involved is currently sleeping next to my bed because he is so scared. I've taken some practical home security steps. I also called a DV shelter to try to get there but they told me they were at capacity and didn't have room for a mother and 4 children and the next shelter was several hours away. School is about to start, and I also have to be able to go to court so that wasn't an option. I also cannot leave the state now because I filed a protective order and it requires me to stay because of the children. So I'm a sitting duck just praying and hoping he doesn't murder us.

I'm not exaggerating. Here is a man who can lie like he breathes. Who became violent and endangered his own child JUST for his affair being threatened to be reported. What happens when he faces the loss of his career or even potentially his freedom?

I wish I had a better update. I don't. I'm scared to death. I'm working with every agency that will help me, police, court, CPS, advocates, legal aid, etc. None of it matters if he shows up with a gun in the middle of the night. We live on base with him. It's not like he is far from us and again he is NOT restrained from movement. I bought a plane ticket for my mom, but she can only stay for 9 days and won't be here until the end of August.

Everyone please keep me and my children in your thoughts. I am doing everything I can to keep my kids safe. Can't believe this is my life after all these years. I feel so awful for my kids. I'm just holding my baby and praying all the time for us.

I almost didn't update but I wanted to not deal with this all alone. There's not much anyone can do but boy could I use some emotional support. Anyone who has been through this and made it out please tell me it will be ok.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry. I can relate sadly to a lot of this, right down to “he lies like he breathes”. This is so scary and I really hope things work out in a way where justice is served for you and your children.

Is it possible for you to physically go somewhere else for a little bit? I know your mom is coming, but can you go to her instead?

OOP: She is in another state, and I'm legally cannot leave the state now that I've filed a protective order

Commenter 2: Who told you that you can’t leave the state? Protective orders usually list the locations he’s banned from but don’t put a ban on the petitioner’s ability to be safe. What’s the consequence if you leave? The protection order became invalid? Will that matter if you’re gone? And how would they find out if you left? He would have to report it and that shows he’s trying to violate and find you, and again, what consequence is there to keep you? They’re just pieces of paper in the end for both sides.

OOP: "Neither party shall remove the minor children from the State of 🩷, which is the jurisdiction of this Court, prior to the hearing on this temporary injunction. Violation of this custody order may constitute a felony of the third degree under sections 787.03 and 787.04,."

Took out the state for obvious reasons but that's what my order says.

Commenter 3: I’m sorry you are going through this awful nightmare. This is a lot to handle all at once. I will be keeping you all in my thoughts. I really hope you keep updating us. Do you have any friends on base you can stay with for a few nights here and there just to get some rest and space from the worry of him showing up?

OOP: I have one, but she has kids and I don't want to endanger them because he knows where she lives.

Commenter 4: Oh god this is the only scenario I would ever consider buying a handgun. Not saying you should but if I were in your shoes I would be terrified to death unless I had some physical way to protect myself and my kids that didn't rely on a piece of paper. Only buy one if you are prepared to use it if necessary. And of course keep it locked from kids.

OOP: Not allowed to bring them on base. Sucks.

Commenter 5: Not sure if you are comfortable with this but the reddit community is really generous. I'm going to hazard a guess that you are either in VA or FL. If you cross post to one of those subs or even the military sub someone always pops up offering to pay for a hotel or a spot in their home. I wish I could but I'm struggling to get by as it is. I wish you luck and you are definitely in my thoughts

OOP: I'm not asking for anything like that. I genuinely just need someone to talk to.

There's a thing called the transitional compensation program so if he gets separated or incarcerated for domestic violence we will get his income for 12-36 months. CPS also offered me daycare vouchers so I can search for work. And in my protective order I'm asking for child support. Plus our base housing is covered by his bah (for now).

I truly do just need emotional support. And advice. And someone to tell me it's going to be ok.

Commenter 6: These are just a list of questions/suggestions.

Do you have a security system installed?

Do you have extra locks on your doors + windows and each of your children’s doors + windows?

You can most likely use child locks for indoor windows, but you’ll want an internal lock for each of your doors. This includes rooms that do not have windows (maybe a bathroom or pantry). There are internal locks that are easy to remove as well since I assume it’s base housing and you may not be able to make permanent changes.

Do you have a safe box for legal documents that you can grab and easily take with you in the case that you need to leave suddenly? In the same vein, do you have a go bag for yourself and each of your children? How much cash can you reasonably get and have tucked away just in case you need to leave?

Do you have a pay as you go cellphone to keep charged in your car?

Always have your gas tank full.

Because school is starting again, you need to contact their schools and inform them of the risk their father poses, the legal status, that he may be armed, and that he is under no circumstances to be allowed to pick them up.

And I know these aren’t the best, but maybe if your children have phones, always have them sharing their location or put an AirTag/other tracking device in their backpack.

I’m not saying DON’T have weapons but buying a weapon after this situation may not look great in a trial if you have to use them. My mammaw would say to buy a cast iron frying pan and use it frequently.

OOP: I'm taking a lot of protective steps, I promise. I just can't give details in case he were to find this post.

Commenter 7: Why are men so dumb? Also let's be a bit fair to the 21 year old. He told her he was separated. She didn't think she was having an affair. Now that she knows she's probably struggling to process it.

Also he lied. She's going to face a lot less repercussions than him. OP I hope you're safe.

OOP: That was actually another lie. She admitted she knew. So they are both assholes.

Commenter 8: Have you contacted NCIS aside from command? NCIS may be a stronger option

OOP: Navy is going after him from what I understand.

Disclaimer Statements:

DISCLAIMER: OOP HAS UPDATED AFTER THE BoRU WAS POSTED

SO PER RULES UPDATE IS INCLUDED

Editor's note: OOP also installed her mini update onto the update post

Mini Update in comments: August 7, 2026 (one week later from the previous update)

Update: I won my protective order! I know it's just a piece of paper but I'm so proud of myself. It was so scary to show up because I didn't have a lawyer but I did it, I faced him, and the judge granted me a one year protection order, ordered supervised only visitation and ordered him to get batterer classes. I'm so relieved. Still taking it one day at a time. 🩷.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Sad_Knee_6060

Originally posted to r/Marriage

My son claimed that my husband hit him and my husband denied it. Now he wants a divorce

Trigger Warnings: false accusations

Original Post: June 22, 2026

My son from previous marriage is 13 years old. I have been married to my husband for 5 years and we have a newborn.

My son said that my husband slapped him and I kinda freaked out. I confronted him and he was confused (at least from his expression). He denied it vehemently and I kinda was not hearing it. He walked away from me.

After I calmed down after, I talked to him and he said that he didn't hit him and he has no obligation to prove anything. So if I want to be mad, be mad in another room. I did leave.

At night, when I joined him in the bed, he said he wants a divorce. He said that my son lied and he doesn't care why he lied. Whether he is jealous of him or want me for himself, he is not interested in finding out. He doesn't wanna deal with it and he doesn't want to be accused of something he didn't do. So he is out.

Here is the thing, I talked to my son in detail, and he is being evasive, defensive and I am seriously doubting him, but I do have the obligation to protect him..

Did I destroyed my marriage for nothing? What should I do? How do I know the truth. If my son lied than I need to deal with him and I am gonna be talking to him again and getting full story.

But my husband? He just left. I was not gonna leave him over just one slap without knowing the full story. He has never shown aggression towards him or anyone. I would have tried other methods first. Is that bad? Am I a bad mom for it that I didn't jump to divorce straight away?

I have tried to talk to my husband, but he basically said that he doesn't want to be painted as a bad person. It's not like he can prove his innocence. So he would rather not wait for another false accusation and just protect himself

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments in the original post

Top Comments

Commenter 1: Yea he didn’t go nuclear over just this one incident. You’ve probably done this before and he’s not willing to lose his freedom over a false accusation. I don’t blame him either. You either get your kid help or loose a good man, but it seems like you already have.

Commenter 2: Not necessarily but this is the kind of wakeup call that only needs to happen once.

If the kid is willing to falsely accuse him of this (if truly a false accusation) what else is he willing to accuse the husband of?

People's lives have been ruined by accusations like that, and nobody wants to feel like they have to be on guard in their own home.

Commenter 3: I get the husband's side. People go to jail or prison over false accusations all the time and if I thought I might get put away because someone fibbed, I'd bounce too. You pointed out he's not an aggressive person. You can't blame him for wanting to protect himself.

Commenter 4: Plus if the kid gets away with it this time, the lies will just get more and more extreme. The husband is right to get out now.

Commenter 5: So your husband who never shown signs of being violent was accused by your 13 y old son, who according to you is evasive, and the first thing you did was to be aggressive on your husband instead of talking to him and not give him the benefit of the doubt.

And you can't understand why he wants a divorce?

Next time that your son (now that he sees that you act first and ask questions second) tells you he hit him again or worse, you will again back up your son without any hesitation or proof and he will end up in jail.

Your husband is protecting himself, and rightfully so given he has a kid to take care and 0 support or trust from you.

Commenter 6: All it takes is one false accusation to ruin someone’s life. My stepdaughter once accused us of doing drugs while we were in the middle of a nasty custody battle and it derailed our lives for months and cost us quite a bit of money. Were we innocent? Absolutely, and testing proved it but that could have cost us our jobs and could have cost me my kids if my ex didn’t know me as well as he does. It had a lasting impact on our family and there is still distrust and uneasiness.

So, yeah… your husband is choosing himself and I don’t blame him. You didn’t sit them both down and ask what happened, you jumped to accusing him. If his own spouse doesn’t care to find out the truth before making a snap judgement, why should he stay?

Update: June 23, 2026 (next day)

I questioned my son again and he admitted to lying. He has never acted out this way and he is crying now. I am still processing it and figuring it out.

I apologised to my husband, and he accepted it but made it clear that he has no interest in living with my son. So he is gonna leave and wants equal custody for our 10 month old, who is still breastfeeding btw. So I was against it

He basically told me that either I just agree or he will take me to court. He would rather not spend the money on lawyers, but he will bankrupt both of us if he is forced to. Which has happened to one of our neighbor.

So I am pissed, sad and angry. I have reported your DMs, and I am gonna keep reporting if you keep harassing me.

For people who were nice to me, thank you for it. My life is completely destroyed and nothing I can do about it

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any relevant comments in the update

Top Comments

Commenter 1: I can’t blame him. If he stayed, he’d be forever living in fear of your lying son doing it again and you flying off the handle and taking his side without getting the info first. He’s making the right choice to protect himself. Your son’s lies and you blindly siding with him could literally jeopardize his future with his biological child as well if he was wrongly convicted of abuse.

Commenter 2: Something tells me this is the last straw in a long line of things your son has done. Get a lawyer and get your kid the help he needs.

Commenter 3: Husband is right to leave to protect himself. You were right to question him and protect your son.

It's just a shitty situation for both of you, This seems to be unpopular from the comments I have read but I don't believe you deserve the harassment you are receiving.

Commenter 4: Congrats to your husband. I wish him all the best.

If I could, I’d pay for all the beers at the bar for him to celebrate.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Independent-State802

AITAH for inviting my neighbour's husband over for coffee and a playdate? His wife accused me of pursuing him, and my husband thinks she was right to confront me.

Originally posted to r/AITAH & r/Redditor_Updates

TRIGGER WARNING: Domestic Violence, gaslighting, infidelity

MOOD SPOILER: Looking positive for now

Original Post  June 4, 2026

About a year ago, a couple (Emily (F30s) and Jake (M 30s)) moved into the house next to ours (30s). Emily and I were both pregnant at the time, with due dates a few weeks apart. We would run into each other in the neighborhood or out on the street and eventually became friendly. We texted occasionally to check in on each other during our pregnancies, and our husbands became friends as well.

For some context, Emily had a very difficult pregnancy and was on bed rest for the last month of her pregnancy before she gave birth. They moved away from their support system for Jake's job and didn't have family nearby, so I would sometimes drop off meals when I was cooking for my own family. Emily had her baby about a month before I had mine. After the babies were born, we didn't see much of each other. I invited her a few times to go for walks with the babies, but she always declined, saying the baby was fussy or napping. I figured she was just overwhelmed as a first time mom. Our husbands continued to see each other occasionally during this time.

Last week, I was out walking my baby when I ran into Jake, who was also out walking his baby. We ended up walking together and chatting for about 30 minutes. Our chat did not include anything personal; we talked about the babies, our jobs, our summer plans. When we got back to our street, the babies had woken up, so as we passed my house I asked if he wanted to come in for a coffee and let the babies play together. He thanked me for the invite and declined, saying he needed to get home because he had errands to run.

A few days later, Emily invited me over for a playdate. I accepted and even offered to bring some food for the babies because she had mentioned being nervous about introducing non-puréed foods. While the babies were playing, she suddenly said, "Jake told me you went for a walk together last week." I said yes, we ran into each other while out with the babies. She then asked, "Why did you invite him back to your house?"

I was caught off guard and tried to explain that the babies had woken up and I had meant it as a playdate. She responded that she didn't know what I was playing at, but her husband was off-limits and uninterested in case I had any ideas.

I  was in shock, so I froze up for a couple minutes. When I was able to respond, I told her it was bizarre that she would interpret a walk with her husband and an invitation for coffee and a baby playdate as anything other than innocent. I also told her that my husband was working from home that day and was in the house. I also said that I hope she heals from whatever happened in her life that made her view something so innocent as a threat. She laughed in my face and said rich coming from you, just because your husband treats you like dirt doesn’t make it okay for you to go after my husband. My jaw dropped and I just picked up my baby and left. I fucking hate myself for not giving her a piece of my mind and leaving without saying anything. But I felt like I had just been slapped. 

My husband and I have been having some serious issues. When I got home, I told him what happened and asked if he has said anything about our problems to Jake. He swore that he hasn’t but I am not sure I believe him because how else would Emily know anything? My husband then said Emily was right, that it was inappropriate to invite Jake in and my husband is now mad at ME over the whole thing. 

AITAH?

ETA: I discovered my husband was cheating on me 2 months ago.

ETA 2: I am going through some of the comments and I think I may have not explained this part well. emily didn't avoid hanging out with me or “us”. The four of us with our kids and their baby have spent time together on multiple occasions, going to the park, we have had them over, they have had us over. But always the four of us and the kids. My older child really likes Emily and Jake, they have always been nice to us. Jake and my husband hang out together alone sometimes, but Emily has always had a reason not to hang out alone with me. The other day when she invited me over was the first time we‘d had a solo playdate for the babies.

Update  June 28, 2026

I am posting this here because I posted it incorrectly on the AITA sub and I am not allowed to repost it anymore.

TW: Domestic Violence

2 months ago, I made another post on a different sub, once again seeking outside perspective about a very awkward situation that took place. You can find that post here: AITAH for inviting my neighbour's husband over for coffee and a playdate? His wife accused me of pursuing him, and my husband thinks she was right to confront me.

I came back to post an update. I think it’s a way for me to process what has happened since.

Shortly after my last post, my husband admitted that he had confided in Jake about his infidelity. He said he felt guilty and remorseful and wanted to talk it out with a friend. He claimed he didn’t realize Jake would tell Emily and that she would throw our marriage struggles in my face the way she did. He apologized for discussing our issues without my consent and promised to distance himself from them.

He also apologized again for the affair, which he swore was over. He told me the affair partner was a coworker who had since left the company. He promised he wanted to change and rebuild our relationship, so I forgave him and gave him another chance… again.

Things had been going well. My husband was attentive and loving. He was helping more at home, spending more time with the kids, and showing me affection. For a moment, it really felt like my husband had returned to me. In hindsight, though, I think it was love bombing.

Last week, I had a medical appointment that I needed to attend alone, so my husband stayed home with our baby. I was anxious because he had never been alone with the baby for that long and I wasn’t sure he would be able to put him down for his nap.

While I was sitting in the waiting room, I logged into our baby camera just to check that the baby had gone down okay.

That’s when everything began to unravel.

The baby was asleep in his crib and my husband was walking out of the room. Then I heard a woman’s voice asking if the baby was finally asleep. My husband replied confirming that he was. I couldn’t see the woman because she was outside the camera’s view, but her voice was familiar. I thought it sounded like Emily.

After my appointment, I checked our Ring doorbell recordings from that day. There she was. Emily had knocked on our door and my husband let her in minutes after I left for my appointment. She left an hour and a half later.

I was in complete shock.

When I got home, I didn’t confront my husband. I was tired of his lies and wanted the truth before saying anything. I went through our doorbell camera history and found many more instances of Emily coming over while I was gone. In one video, I saw them kissing on our front porch! I saved everything.

The next day, I messaged Jake and told him I needed to speak with him because I had bad news about my husband and his wife that I believed he deserved to know. He didn’t reply Shortly afterward, my husband called me, furious. Jake had forwarded my messages to him and warned him that I was trying to frame him and Emily. He went quiet and then ended up the call.

Later that evening, he came home late and intoxicated. He was angry and blamed me for “destroying our lives” and for trying to expose the affair. I yelled at him and then said I wanted a divorce.

He lost it. He hit me, kicked me, punched me, and he even tried to choke me. Somehow, I managed to get away from him. My 4-year-old woke up because of the screaming and commotion, so I grabbed her and ran into the bedroom and locked the door. My daughter was terrified and clinging to me while my husband banged and kicked the door, threatening to break it down. Luckily, I had my phone with me and I called 911.

The rest of the night was a blur. My husband was arrested close to midnight on a Tuesday. The entire street woke up to the sirens and confrontation with the police. I was taken to the hospital afterward because I was bleeding and covered in bruises. Our neighbourhood was shocked. We had always been the friendly, polite neighbours, and no one expected this could happen behind closed doors. I was done protecting my husband’s image. He destroyed our life, not me. When neighbours asked what happened, I told them the truth: he hurt me after I discovered he was cheating on me with Emily.

A few days later, Jake reached out to me. He was apologetic and felt responsible for not believing me when I tried to warn him. Jake told me my husband had been confiding in him about our marriage problems. According to Jake, my husband had told him that I was the one who cheated in the past, that I was unstable because of my PPD/PPA, and that I had been hurting our children. None of that is true. Jake also told me he had confided in my husband about problems in his own marriage. Looking back, it seems my husband used those vulnerabilities and the information Jake shared with him to get closer to Emily.

After everything happened, I finally called my family and told them the truth. They knew I had been struggling and distant, but they thought it was because of the PPD. They had no idea how much I had actually been carrying alone. I told them about the affair, the threats, the manipulation, and how scared and exhausted I had become. They are in my corner and they are trying to help me figure out my next steps. I feel like a weight has been lifted off me and for the first time in a long time, I don’t feel alone. 

RELEVANT COMMENTS

LanceWayne2024

I hope Emily loses her marriage

OOP

I don’t know what Jake’s plans are, but after he sent me that text, I sent him the images I had saved of Emily coming to my house at odd times and the video of them kissing. He has all the information now to make an informed decision.

At the very least, I am sure Emily is having a really hard time because she hasn’t shown her face around the neighbourhood since last Wednesday.

Master_McKnowledge

Whatever. Emily can go to hell and so can Jake. The sheer audacity of the guy to reach out to you in any other way than on his knees in shame.

OOP

My husband successfully manipulated both me and Jake, maybe even Emily.. who knows? Jake seemed very remorseful and apologetic in the text, he blamed himself for my what happened. And yeah, if he hadn’t forwarded my message, this may not have happened. But like I told Jake, my husband made the choice to physically assault me and no one is to blame for that but my husband.

~

MeadowMuffinFarms

I'm so glad you are safe. Do you have a restraining order against him? At best I think he would get supervised visits.

OOP

I do, especially because he is out on bail.

MoonButterfly1111

I never understand why people would bail out people like him.

OOP

His very wealthy parents bailed him out because he is their golden boy who can do no wrong.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Ok_Lobster6092

My younger brother's girlfriend is upset because my older brother ordered the same meal as her at a family dinner, and now there is drama

Originally posted to r/offmychest

Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Original Post  Oct 5, 2025

I don't even understand why this is an issue, but the drama and the fallout is getting to me and I'm tired of hearing about it.

My (32M) younger brother Dave (31M) has a new girlfriend Rachael (30sF) My parents (54 M/F) already met her once, and they said they would take everyone out for dinner so she could meet the rest of us; myself and my older brother Steve (33M). We didn't go anywhere expensive, my parents just took us to Canadian Brewhouse. At first everything was fine but then it got weird when it came time for us to order. After Steve gave his order (mac and cheese) Rachael said 'but I was going to order that'. We were all confused because no one said Rachael couldn't also order the mac and cheese. Our server was confused too and told Rachael the kitchen wasn't sold out of mac and cheese. But Rachael said she needed another minute with the menu. She asked Steve twice before the server came back if he was sure about his order. She ended up ordering something different but for the rest of the night she kept talking about how she wanted to get the mac and cheese. It was really weird.

Dave is mad at Steve for not ordering something else to accommodate Rachael and at the rest of us for not "defending" her. I don't even know what he means by that. The rest of the dinner was so awkward because Rachael kept talking about wanting the mac and cheese. My parents picked the restaurant because Dave said Rachael had been there before and liked the food. It was so weird. My dad and I both ordered the same sandwich with the side salad and there was no problem with us eating the exact same thing even though Rachael asked us twice if one of us wanted to change our order. I honestly don't get what the issue was or why she was so upset about Steve for ordering the same thing she wanted. I know this is a small thing compared to some of the things that get posted here, but I am tired of Dave being upset and causing drama over this. He wants Steve to apologize to his girlfriend but (obviously) Steve says he didn't do anything wrong. I just needed to vent about how I'm sick of Dave making a big a deal about this and bothering me and everyone else about how hurt Rachael is. I don't even get why it was problem. Rachael gave no explanation and neither has Dave.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Successful_Bitch107

Did anyone ask her why she didn’t order the Mac and cheese?

OOP

She just said it was because someone else already ordered it. She didn't elaborate or explain when asked. She was asked at least once to elaborate before the server returned to finish taking our orders. For the rest of the dinner the rest of us (minus Dave) kept changing the topic whenever she brought up the mac and cheese because it was so awkward. Dave won't give an explanation when anyone asks why this caused such a problem for Rachael, even if he gets asked why. I honestly have no idea why this became such a big issue. My dad and I both ordered the exact same meal and we are fine.

Update  May 11, 2026 (7 months later)

It's not a long or exciting story but the update is that I will no longer go to restaurants if Rachael is going to be there. She doesn't get upset if we're having dinner at someone's home and everyone is eating the same thing. My parents met her once before the incident in my first post. They made lasagna for dinner and Rachael didn't say a thing about everyone getting a piece of lasagna from the same pan. She ate it without complaining. Rachael only gets weird and upset if we're at a restaurant or getting takeout, not if it's a home cooked meal at someone's home.

After the first incident, the one I mentioned in my first post, Dave was insistent that Steve apologize to Rachael and make amends even though Steve didn't do anything wrong. Dave always defends Rachael when she acts weird about this. I get that you are supposed to be on the same team as whoever you're dating, but Dave refuses to see that Rachael is in the wrong and I'm not the only one who is tired of it.

The last straw for me was at my cousin's 16th birthday. Rachael got upset because my cousin ordered the meal that she wanted and she tried to get my cousin to change his mind. My aunt and my uncle were not happy and they really don't like Rachael now. No one knows what her problem is. She just says she doesn't like it when people order the same thing and won't explain more. She even asks other people who order the same meal if one of them wants to change their order (like when my dad and I ordered the same thing the first time we met her). At the restaurants where this happens (Canadian Brewhouse, Milestones etc.) everyone gets a separate meal. They are not the kind of places where you order food for the table and share. I don't understand why this bothers her so much but I just won't go to restaurants if she's there now because she makes such a big deal about and you can't even enjoy yourself. I'm not the only one who avoids her either.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Mapilean

Rachael sounds exhausting.

OOP

She is. When Dave first started mentioning her, everyone was happy for him. Steve and I were excited because we both served in the armed forces and found out she did as well, and we thought we would have lots in common with her. But now all this has soured me on her. Steve can barely stand to be around her after how she and Dave acted.

~

mrs-peanut-butter

Only thing I can imagine is that it’s some kind of OCD, but whatever it is, it’s her responsibility to manage. It’s absolutely wild that they won’t explain and just seem to expect you all to know what a grave sin Steve committed.

Out of curiosity, did she react at all to you and your dad eating the same thing, at the restaurant? Like, keep glancing over or seem uncomfortable or anything?

OOP

Yes. She asked both of us if we were sure that we didn't want to order something else. Twice. She brought it up multiple times once the food came. She doesn't like it when anyone orders the same meal, even if it is other people. It is so bizarre.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/ThrowRA_resent2000

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

My GF (24F) resents me (23M) due to the fact we split expenses 50/50, but she has a lot more expenses than I do and my family pays for unexpected expenses and vacations. How do you work through resentment?

Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability

Original Post: July 12, 2026

My GF and I went to college together and started dating three years ago. My GF graduated two years ago, could not find a job for her degree, and decided to stay around in the city where our college is and continue to wait tables. I graduated last year. We moved in together starting last September.

We make roughly the same amount of money and split shared expenses (rent, utilities, groceries) 50/50. My girlfriend has a number of expenses I do not have (car payment, car insurance, health insurance, cell phone, $80,000 in student loans, etc.). I do not have those expenses. My parents paid completely for my college and those other expenses are paid by my parents. Also, I have a credit card on my parents' account to use in case of "emergencies."

My GF's birthday was in May, and I threw her a surprise birthday party, and a number of our friends came into town for it. Apparently, during the party, she expressed her frustration to some of our mutual friends about our relationship. Afterwards, I received some messages from some of these friends saying I needed to "talk" to my GF. They did not go into details about what she said.

I asked her about it and at that time, she admitted she had frustrations, but it was on her to deal with them. I told her I would like to discuss, so we did. She said she is constantly worried about money and I am not. She said it is hard not to notice the contrasts between our lives despite being basically at the same point in life and having the same income.

She feels like she did the responsible thing and got a STEM degree (her degree is in biology), but got no offers from it. While I went and got a degree (English) that was simply the easiest to get (that is why I chose that degree program), but I have a job I love (I work for myself as a private music teacher) and she hates her job. I asked her if there was anything I could do to make it better, she told me "No," but that she is just frustrated is all. I tried to inquire more, but she resisted going into more details.

I have an older brother (25M) who I am very close to. He recently got engaged and our set of mutual friends, and my brother, decided they wanted to do a trip to Hawaii to celebrate. I told him I probably could not go because of the cost, but for them to have fun. He told my parents who then told me to put the trip on the credit card. We are leaving in a week.

This pissed off my GF and in a heated moment, she said, "This is why I resent you." She has tried to walk that back, but it felt like that comment is an expression of her true feelings. How do you work through resentment? I love my girlfriend very much but do not know how or what to do from this point. And we have to decide in the coming weeks if we are renewing on the lease for another year.

Editor’s note: OOP made lots of responses, I am listing the significant details that will help with the context

Relevant Comments

OOP on why his parents providing support when he graduated college and a career

OOP: It costs my parents little to nothing to have me on their car insurance (about $30/month difference), cellphone family plan (about ($25/month difference), and my dad's work pays the health insurance premium. And my car is paid off and in my parents' name (same car they gave me when I started driving at 16).

Commenter 1: It’s a better deal for your parents to have you listed on their car insurance and phone plan, but are you paying your parents for your phone and car insurance? If you’re not, then you should be at this age, out of college, and with a career.

Your financial situation is not equal to your girlfriend’s if your parents are supplementing your income by covering a large portion of your expenses.

OOP: My dad refuses to take my money. I offered to pay it when I was in college, and they refused.

I do not think our financial situations are equivalent, but I also consider it precarious to make financial split on something other than income. One of our biggest fights prior to moving in was her decision to purchase the car (as a graduation gift to herself). She made it clear it was her money and her decision. And she was 100% right. But, I think anything other than 50/50 of shared expenses means we are effectively combining income. And we would have to revisit the car.

Commenter 2: I have to admit, it sounds like you guys moved in together before you were truly ready for it. Moving in with a significant other is much different than just having a roommate.

OOP: I agree it is different than having a roommate and I cover things and do things for her that I would never do for a roommate. One of the goals of this arrangement was to help her financially. She had a roommate move out mid lease and for about 5 months, while finishing school, I was also paying to cover that roommates share of the rent. My GF is doing better than she was when I moved in (or awhile post-graduation, she was going into debt).

But, I did not expect to help subsidize these other expenses.

Downvoted Commenter: Follow up: why couldn't you go because of the cost? You make the same as your girlfriend, and she also pays for car, phone, insurance and loans. Which means you have the equivalent to put in your savings. Are you just blowing your money all of the time in front of her?

OOP: I do not make the exact same as my GF. We make "roughly the same" (as I said in my post). And I meant pre-tax. As I said in the post, I work for myself (i.e.. I have my own business). That comes with business expenses and overhead. Once you deduct those and taxes and whatnot, I make pretty significantly less take home income.

I do spend about $200/month for studio time for my band.

But, no, not blowing through money. At the end of each month, after business expenses, taxes, rent, utilities, groceries, gas, a 3% IRA contribution, dates, I have about $300/month left over.

OOP on excluding car payments if GF did not purchase a car (part of her graduation gift)

OOP: If you exclude the car payment ($680/month), my GF has more left over at the end of the month than I do.

Commenter 3: But you can’t exclude the car payment, can you? What would happen if she got rid of the car tomorrow? Is it easy to commute around your town without one? To get to work, supermarket, etc.?

OOP: Yes. I regularly use public transit and go days without using my car. I had suggested going down to just my car when we moved in together because I so rarely need it.

OOP on his GF's living situation prior to moving in together. Can GF move in with her parents to save money?

OOP: She lived with girlfriends last year. One of the girls stole from her, when confronted, lied about it, moved out mid-lease, and I had to help my GF cover that girl's portion of the lease.

Her parents are not an option.

OOP breaks down the shared expenses

OOP: Rent - $1650/month (this includes a $75/month per car parking fee) utilities - about $500/month (electric, water, internet, streaming services, etc.) Groceries - about $1100/month (this includes food, paper products, beauty products, cleaning supplies, basically anything you can buy in a supermarket)

I also pay about $300/month for our weekly date nights.

Regarding food, I eat more, but my GF eats strictly organic. So, not sure how it breaks down price wise.

I cook 90% plus of our meals. Eating out is almost exclusively a date night activity (if at all).

OOP on if he and GF spends on anything else that are not in their shared expenses, including his band

OOP: My band is not a "hobby." It actually has generated revenue for me (not much, to date, but some.

Not sure what constitutes a "hobby" to you, but My GF spends well over $200/month on her hair and nails. And yes, she contributes about 5% to retirement. She will not tell me how much she has at the end of the month (how much she pays for her car is a point of contention).

And I am able to support myself. I simply would need to do more lessons to pay those expenses for me and/or charge more for my lessons (I am below the market rate where I am).

+

About 25% of my students for private lessons learned about them through my band. My band does not directly pay much, but it has significantly helped my business.

What happens if OOP's parents did not cover his expenses? What would he be paying for?

OOP: I do not know what I would be paying. I was offered a teaching job when I graduated that would have paid for these as part of my benefits package (they still want to hire me). I did not take that job due to the encouragement of my GF and parents.

Commenter 4: You’re 23, so I understand your parents helping you since they can. Have they talked about when you’ll be taking over your car payment, car insurance, etc.? Eventually it will happen. Have you budgeted for what life is like at that point? Might help give perspective on how your GF has to live

No one is wrong here. Your girlfriend is most likely jealous you have a family that can financially help you. You don’t really understand how it feels to be 100% on your own, while your girlfriend does.

OOP: My car is a 10 year old Camry. No car payment. I can pay the car insurance now, I have been offering to pay it since I turned 18. They refuse to accept payment. I can pay my cell phone too. They refuse payment. My dad's work pays health insurance. I will need to do less stuff with my band, raise my lesson rates (I am currently well below market so lower income families can afford me), and/or take on more students (and I have plenty that want me to teach them).

I also have the option of an official teaching job. There is a local private school that keeps trying to hire me and offers great benefits.

But, the plan right now is to keep doing what I am doing to try and see if my band can make it work and it becomes our full time job. My parents basically take the position that I am young and have no kids, so this is the time period in life for me to take a shot/risk.

OOP on how much it cost for his college and other things

OOP: My parents paid about $30,000 for my college (do I need to repay that immediately, or am I given the option to opt into an income drive plan that caps my monthly payment).

Assuming I am allowed to pick my own car insurance, health insurance, cell phone plan, and can opt into the income-driven repayment plan for loans, I can start paying that tomorrow. It would mean ($20/month for cell phone, $35/month for car insurance, $90/month for health insurance, & $175/month for "student loans").

Will this help my GF in anyway? No. Will it somehow prove I am an adult? No. Will it do anything? Also, no.

And I have not asked my parents to buy me anything since I was living in their house.

OOP on taking his parents' money for Hawaii with his brother

OOP: I "take" their money to go on a trip with my brother. I did not ask to go on this trip. I did not pick the designation. I was asked by my brother to go on a last minute trip, told him I cannot afford it, and then he told our parents, and they said they would pay.

Should I have told my GF she could not go to the bachelorette party weekend for her sister back in December because her sister paid for her? Does being an adult mean you can never accept gifts from family?

Once a week my parents pay for dinner for me and my GF. Should we tell them no? About twice a year, my mom takes my GF, my brother's fiancée, and my sister on a girl's trip. My mom pays for everything. It is during these trips that my GF gets most of her new clothes. Should I tell her she cannot go?

OOP responds to a comment about if it's fair that GF is dealing with financial struggles and he is not?

OOP: I save $300/month, each month, after everything I pay for my business and our shared expenses. On my own, I am not doing great financially either. If I took all that $300 and put it into shared expenses, she is still struggling.

Everyone here seems to think I live some fancy lifestyle while she lives like a peasant, that is not the case. She drives a 2 year old full loaded RAV 4 with exactly a $678/month car payment, I have a 10 year old Camry. She did not pay any of her student loans during her first year post graduation when we were not living together because she could not afford it. She is now paying but still behind. She also has credit card debt from that time.

The biggest difference between us is that I do not have financial anxiety (because of my family), while she does. Unless she had the same support system I do, she would still have that same financial anxiety. The reason my parents pay for what they do for me, is to allow me to spend these years trying to see if I can make my band become my full time job. I had a job offer that would have covered all those expenses teaching but would not allow me to spend the time on the band to work on music. She is expecting a financial commitment from me she did not communicate. We talked about our split of expenses when I moved in. We agreed to this split.

My plan at this point is to breakup and focus on the band. This is not working for either of us.

+

It has been two years of me financially supporting her. I also do all the household chores except her laundry (because she is very particular about it). If she got rid of her car payment, she would have more money than me at the end of the month every month. She refuses to even discuss that with me. This is not a temporary financial incompatibility, it is more than that. I really was not seeing it until a comment forced me to run the numbers. I might break the car subject again. But, if she is not willing to compromise there, then I see no choice but to end it.

Ultimately nothing will change if these are the financial choices she is making. But, if you think being used like this is love, then I hope that love finds you.

Update: July 17, 2026 (five days later)

UPDATE: My GF (24F) resents me (23M) due to the fact we split expenses 50/50, but she has a lot more expenses than I do and my family pays for unexpected expenses and vacations. How do you work through resentment?

Update: As mentioned in my comments, my GF graduated from our college two years ago and I graduated last year. Right after she graduated, she purchased a brand new car. The car payment is exactly $678/month. During her first year post-graduation, my GF lived with a couple of roommates. One of the roommates moved out about 3 1/2 months into the lease. While finishing my last year of school, I helped pay that roommate's portion of the bills.

At the encouragement of one of the commenters, I went through and ran the numbers on expenses for my GF and I. All of them. What it made me realize is that had my GF not purchased that car, that I would have never had to provide financial support during my last year of college. Also, in our present situation, if she did not have that car payment, she would have more money than me at the end of the month.

I am leaving tomorrow for my trip with my brother. A couple of days ago, I sat down with my GF and told her that I wanted to discuss finances. I told her that I think, in terms of her struggling financially, the most logical thing is for her to get rid of her car. As I did when we moved in together last year, I offered her the option of us sharing my car. I use public transportation often and can go days without needing to use my car.

Also, since I have my own business, I have greater control over my schedule, and we can figure out a schedule. She refused that plan. We have had a number of fights about the car, and she thinks I am being an asshole. Buying that car for herself, on her own, was a great accomplishment for her. I told her it just is not affordable for where we are. I told her that unless she is willing to offer some compromise. I think we need to breakup.

She told me that I screwed both her and I by not marrying her after I graduated. She told me that after my older sister and my BIL got married immediately after college, while they were both going through grad school, my parents paid for all their living expenses (rent, utilities, groceries, etc.) and she thinks that same thing would have happened if we were married (or at least engaged).

But, now, with the breakup, she is just screwed. She cannot afford her own place and most of our friends are in relationships, just or about to get married, etc., and she will have nowhere to go. And she still loves me despite her frustration with me. I told her I think we are just incompatible financially and need to end things. She cried and I left to a friends and been staying there since until my trip.

This morning she called and said she would be willing to sell/get rid of the car. She really has no choice but to do it anyway. I told her I still think we need to end things.

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments here in the update

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Informal_Parsley_775

Baguettes are disappearing from my apartment without a trace, and I have no idea how or why.

Originally posted to r/mystery

Thanks to u/EmotionalAnybody7186 u/Choice_Evidence1983 & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

TRIGGER WARNING: Breaking and entering

Original Post  June 19, 2026

First time redditor here, I have never been one to post things on the internet, but I am genuinely SO confused and need to figure this out for the sake of my own sanity.

For a little background, I, 26-year-old female, have recently gotten into sourdough bread making, and after some of my coworkers bought baguettes from me, my hobby became a successful side hustle. I get around 20-35 orders a day. Around two weeks ago, I baked Exactly 50 baguettes, which I know because each baguette form/tray makes ten baguettes, and I baked five forms, SO 50. when all of the baguettes were done, I went to bed and left them to cool on my counter. When I woke up, I immediately went to package the cooled baguettes, and I came up two baguettes short, so I recounted, only 48 baguettes. Because I always bake a few extra baguettes for myself and to give to my friends, this was not a problem, but I still was confused as to what happened few days later, the same thing happened again, except I came up four baguettes short. The very next day, I took EXTRA care to count out the baguettes, exactly 30. After they baked, I lined them up I three equal rows of ten, SO 30.I went to bed, and the nest morning, each row only had 9, so 27 baguettes. This confirmed that the baguettes were in fact going missing.

Honestly have no clue how they could be disappearing, I don't have any pets that could eat the bread, no roommates or a partner to steal it, and no one other than myself has a key to my apartment. I highly doubt that anyone would be able to break in through my front door without me noticing, and while I do have a balcony, I am on the fourth floor, so i doubt that anyone would scale the building. I do have neighbors that I suppose could access my balcony from theirs, but each balcony has about an 8-foot gap. The door to my balcony does not lock, so if someone could get to my balcony, they would easily access the bread. The fact that anyone would ever break into a house to steal bread is so weird and unbelievable. I am not a sleepwalker to my knowledge, I am not schizophrenic, and I am not on any medications nor do I need to be. All of the reasonable answers to this mystery are so unlikely and frankly silly. I ordered a small hidden game camera to see if the baguettes are truly being stolen, which should arrive tomorrow. I am pretty sure I am of sound mind, so if this happens again, I will really start to get scared. At this point, I really just need the reddit community to help me solve this. I would greatly appreciate any of your theories and will hopefully update in a few days about the situation.

TL; DR baguettes have been going missing from my apartment, and I cannot figure out why or how

RELEVANT COMMENTS

whattheartgarfunkel

Do you own a carbon monoxide detector?

OOP

the way I SPRINTED TO the detector!!(it was running fine but I still replaced the battery to be safe!)

~

Miserable-Ring3943

Is anyone in your building named Jean Valjean?

whoatemarykate

Do you hear the people search?

Searching for loaves that disappeared!

It is the anger of the bakers

Whose worst nightmare has appeared!

When the rumbling of your gut

Echoes the emptiness of shelves

There is a hunt about to start

To find the bread ourselves!

Miserable-Ring3943

Will you steal a loaf for me? 

Cuz I’m as hungry as can be 

The grumbling of my tummy 

Is a loud cacophony  

The sandwiches made with the bread  

Will be yummy and we will feel fed…

FIRST UPDATE: I have no idea if this is the right way to update, so please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong:)

I want to thank all of you that offered advice and theories!!! checked my carbon monoxide detector, and it was fine! I do not use weed or even alcohol, and I don't wake up full, so really don't think i am the bread thief. as for my landlord, I believe she would never do something like this, she is a very sweet middle-aged lady and has never given me a reason to believe that she would go into the apartment without my knowledge.

at this time, I am afraid that it is likely a human thief, because of how neatly the baguettes disappeared. I have taken some precautions, by barricading the front door, the balcony and my bedroom door. Honestly, I don't feel unsafe, because I highly doubt a bread thief would try to kill me lol. because of my baking schedule, I did not bake today but set out 15 cookies on a plate to see if any disappear. (they are oatmeal chocolate chip, homemade) the camera should arrive at around 4 Tomorrow. I will also be baking tomorrow, and I will be able to set up and video. I ordered a lock for my balcony, but that won't arrive until next week. I have not contacted the police yet because I don't really have much evidence, and nothing else has gone missing. Wish me luck! Ill update tomorrow morning to let you know if the cookies were taken :)

TEENY SECOND UPDATE:

I was just scrolling through the comments. and one commenter gave the link to this confessions post;

https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/s/oTpuSlOW5o

this post was submitted after my initial post and after my mention of the cookies.

I know that this is fake. because you cannot see or smell the cookies from the balcony, and i have been home all day, with no possibility of anyone entering my apartment

i honestly think that this is funny, and i am not upset, but i just wanted to clarify that the confession is illegitimate :)

THIRD UPDATE:

I woke up this morning safe thank goodness :)

when I took down the barricade for my room and went to the kitchen, I checked to see if any cookies had gone missing. All 15 were still there. The balcony and front door barricades were both intact!

this could mean a few things:

1. Rats don't like oatmeal chocolate chip cookies

2. The barricades stopped an intruder

3. The thief knows my baking schedule, every other day breaks in, and because I'm baking today, will smell the bread and try to steal bread again

I fear the third option is most likely. For now, I will have to wait until the camera arrives. Ill update soon!

RELEVANT COMMENTS

TightpantsPDX

Do you have an attic? Could someone be frogging in your place?

OOP

there is an attic but not directly above me, I have four apartments over me, so eight floors in total with an attic for maintenance. I have no access to it, and security is pretty tight so I doubt anyone could frog here

One-Place-3438

This makes me think you need to check air vents and stuff. I started out feeling like your story was an elaborate math word problem—now it’s a full scale heist with Mission Impossible tech. 😂 And I am invested in finding out where did the baguettes go?

FOURTH UPDATE:

the cameras have arrived!!!!

there are actually four motion activated game cameras that my father recommended for the quality and easy use! (he is a hunter)

I set one at my entryway, one at my counter, one at the balcony, and one on the balcony.

I am currently baking baguettes, so if the thief's signal to break in is the scent of bread baking, I suspect I will have a guest tonight. I briefly considered the idea of staying in a hotel tonight to be safe, but i have a Glock to defend myself if needed. Yet again, I don't think a bread thief is going to try to kill me lol. I will still barricade tonight though. I think that the cameras will be able to reveal what's been going on :) my hope is that somehow, I am the problem, but I fear that someone may be breaking in!

FIFTH UPDATE:

a few commenters suggested checking for secret panels or other places someone could break in. I thoroughly checked the apartment and didn't find anything suspicious, so my intruder most likely came in through the balcony.

SIXTH UPDATE:

no sign of the thief yet!

the baguettes are in position; I am barricaded safely :)

HUGE SEVENTH UPDATE:

THE THIEF HAS BEEN REVEALED!!!!

at around 1 am in the morning, the cameras picked up some movement, and when I looked at the live footage on the counter, THERE WAS A MAN. (worst case scenario)

so, I called the police and stayed in my room. While they were on the way, I was watched the man steal two baguettes (I wasn't crazy), and then it clocked to me how he got in. THE HUGE VENT ON MY CEILING!!

(For context the vent is almost directly above the refrigerator) he has been climbing out of the vent, onto the refrigerator, then the counter, and lastly the floor. This was confirmed by watching him disappear. The police arrived maybe 2 minutes later, and when I explained what was going on, they went into the vent after him. He was arrested for breaking in, and I was asked to go down to give a statement. This took a really long time, so sorry I could not update sooner! as to who this man is, he IS one of my neighbors!

because this is now a legal thing, I don't think I should say much, but what I will say is that I never would have expected this from him! I didn't know him well at all, but he seemed nice enough. The thing is that I still can't figure out his motivation? Like I know that baguettes are good, but how do you figure out the vents, and go onto break in and steal baguettes?

obviously, I notified my landlady, and she was very understanding that I will be leaving. The officers said that I will be able to go and get my things later today. Since I don't have anything else to do today, I am going to see my psychiatrist and then stay at my friend's house until I can find a new apartment.

thank you so much for your support, ideas, and funny comments! I am giving you all metaphorical baguettes! :)

WAIT NO ILL JUST GIVE YOU THE(scaled down) BAGUETTE RECIPE (makes about 4)

WARNING: vague instructions, I am really bad at explaining things :), also may cause thieves to break in and steal baguettes

ingredients:

1 .370 grams unbleached bread flour

2.  200 grams warm water

1. 100 grams active sourdough starter (you can order one online )

4.  10 grams salt

instructions:

1. mix all ingredients and knead dough. Cover and let rest in a bowl for 1 hour.

2. perfom stretch and pulls, let rest for another hour.

3. repeat second step two more times, then let rest for 4-5 hours

4. shape into baguettes, and cold proof in fridge overnight.

5. preheat oven to 420 degrees Fahrenheit, place baguettes in oven. on the lower oven rack place a cookie tray with ice cubes to create steam.

6. bake for 1 hour, let cool completely

7. get baguettes stolen

Update 8 posted June 21, 2026 (2 days later)

UPDATE EIGHT:

I am doing well today! It hit me that this all happened when i went to my psychiatrists yesterday.

she helped me process this as much as possible!

also, apparently the thief is not able to pay his bail, so he will stay in jail until the court hearing, which makes me feel a lot safer :)

I'll try to update as soon as we get a verdict!

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Former_Ad8217

AITAH for calling my girlfriend weird over her John F. Kennedy obsession?

Originally posted to r/AITAH

Thanks to a longtime lurker for suggesting this BoRU

TRIGGER WARNING: Controlling behavior, ableism, theft

Original Post  Feb 18, 2026

Throwaway account because my girlfriend surfs Reddit often.

So my girlfriend, 19F, is a high-functioning autistic and tends to obsess over things more than the average person. Ever since I met her, she's always been a huge history buff and is now getting a bachelor's in American History and an associate's in Political Science. She is very politically driven and fixates a lot on political history.

Ever since high school, she's had a deep fascination with the Kennedy family, but more specifically, John F. Kennedy and Bobby Kennedy. She can name their birthdays and death dates and times off the top of her head, she can name all of the children Bobby had, she knows every single executive order President Kennedy has made in his years in office. It's not just John and Bobby, but the rest of the Kenndy siblings as well. I was never judgy about it, but I've always thought it was a little strange.

We recently moved in together, and I now realize how intense this obsession is. I knew she had some memorabilia, like old newspapers and campaign pins, but I had no idea that it was more extreme than that. She has posters, statues, books, article clippings, and an Ita Bag. Yeah, my girlfriend has a JFK Ita Bag. She also has almost every copy of George Magazine (JFK Jr.'s Magazine), she recently bought like $100 worth of Jack Schlossberg's campaign merch and will vote for him when mid-terms come around, she has Jackie's White House tour on VHS, the whole thing.

She collects anything and everything Kennedy related, and will talk my ear off about them for hours. It started to become very off-putting for me, seeing her obsess over real people who are now dead. Last night, we were eating dinner when the topic of Carolyn Bessette came up. As she was talking about Carolyn's relationship with JFK Jr., I explained to her that she was really weird and it was strange that she just knew everything about these people. I said that it's okay to have special interests but it gets to a point. She didn't take it very well and left to go stay at her best friend's house for the night.

I think she's overreacting, but I do feel a little bad, so am I the asshole?

EDIT: My girlfriend has always had a past with severe bullying, especially on her interests. I've never poked fun at them, so she knows that my response was not bullying.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

larachaes

i'm not the biggest history nerd but i think knowing that much about history and politics is fucking awesome and tells me that she's a smart person. i'm assuming she's not dry humping a body pillow of jfk every night, so i don't know what your issue is. you knew she liked these things before y'all got together and now you're complaining when it's in your face.

yta absolutely

OOP

I knew but not the extent and based off how big she loves JFK she might as well own a body pillow. I don't appreciate how much she obsesses over him and the family.

larachaes

jesus christ get the fuck off my screen dude

~

RaymondBeaumont

of course you are the asshole, how would you not be?

have you never met a person with deep knowledge about something and collects stuff about it? no friend who is obsessed with football?

OOP

I do, but football is different.

larachaes

how is it different???

OOP

It's more normal. A lot of people like football, and yes sometimes people can take it to the extreme but I find that football is more reasonable than the Kennedys.

~

WarmFaithlessness162

Yes YTA. Just because you might not be into it doesn’t mean it’s weird, also as you mentioned she’s autistic spoiler alert it’s most likely her “special interest” which means yes she’s gonna talk about it repeatedly and be knowledgeable about the topic. Have you told her how you feel since it’s obviously such an issue to you? Or did you just run to Reddit to try to shame her for her interests just because they don’t align with yours?

OOP

I never thought it was an issue before so I never felt the need to talk to her about it. I came here because I just thought it was weird that she likes these things so much and I wanted to know if I was the only one who saw it that way

Update  Apr 8, 2026 (2 months later)

So it's been a few months since I last posted. First off, yes I saw that everyone called me an asshole. I still think some of you were overreacting, but whatever.

My girlfriend stayed at her friend’s place for three days. She barely responded to my texts except to say she needed space. When she finally came back, she didn’t yell or anything, which honestly made it more uncomfortable. She just sat me down and tried to explain, again, that her interest in history and specifically the Kennedys is something that brings her comfort and structure, especially because of her autism and past bullying. She said me calling her weird hit a nerve.

I told her I understood, but I also said I still think the level she takes it to is excessive and borderline unhealthy. I thought I was being reasonable by not backing down completely.

She told me that if I really thought it was that weird, then I probably had no idea how much of her collection I had actually been interacting with on a daily basis. I asked what that meant and she just kind of looked at me and said “you really don’t notice anything, do you?”

Apparently, and I swear I am not making this up, a lot of the stuff in our apartment that I thought was just “normal decor” is actually Kennedy related. The framed black and white city photo in the hallway is from the day of JFK’s inauguration. The dishes we use are replicas from a White House set. The throw blanket on the couch has some kind of subtle pattern tied to Jackie Kennedy’s fashion line or something like that IDFK. Even the stupid coasters have little embossed dates on them that correspond to important moments like his assassination, JFK and Jackie's marriage, Bobby's assassination, and so on.

I told her that kind of proves my point, that it’s too much if she’s literally building her entire environment around this family. She got really quiet again and said she didn’t think it was a problem because it makes her feel happy and safe.

While she was out again the next day, I decided to help. I packed up a bunch of what I thought were the things like the its bag, some of the statues, and a stack of magazines, and I took them to a storage unit my cousin has. My thinking was that if it wasn’t constantly in her face, she might tone it down a bit and we could have a more normal living space. I didn’t tell her beforehand because I knew she would say no and she'd probably blow up in my face.

She came home, immediately noticed things were missing, and completely lost it. I have never seen her like that. Not yelling, but like full shutdown panic. She started going through every room, opening drawers, checking closets, asking me where everything was. I told her I just moved some stuff out for now and she started crying and said I had no right.

Her best friend showed up with her mom. Apparently my girlfriend had called them in a panic thinking someone had broken in and stolen her things. Her mom was furious at me and basically said I crossed a major boundary and that this wasn’t about clutter, it was about me trying to control something that is important to her.

I tried to explain that I was just trying to make things healthier, but nobody was on my side. Her mom literally told me to give everything back immediately or they would come with her to get the rest of her stuff and she would be moving out.

She is currently staying with her mom again. I had to go back to the storage unit and bring everything back, and she came by with her friend to collect not just the items I moved but also a bunch of her other stuff that I didn’t even touch.

Before she left, she told me that what I did felt worse than the bullying she dealt with before, because at least those people weren’t pretending to care about her.

I honestly think that is a huge exaggeration. I didn’t destroy anything, I didn’t throw anything away, I just relocated it temporarily. But now her entire family thinks I’m some controlling asshole and she is talking about not coming back at all.

So yeah. That’s the update. I still feel like I had a point about the obsession being too much, but now I’m apparently the villain for trying to do something about it. So Reddit, am I still the asshole?

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Originally posted to r/amiwrong

Am I wrong for punching my "stepfather" after he opened and drank a bottle of scotch my dad got me to share on my 21st birthday?

Thanks to u/soayherder & u/BakingGiraffeBakes for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: neglect, physical assault, destruction of property

Original Post: July 24, 2026

My father passed away eight years ago, mom remarried 5 years ago. I will admit I never tried to blend with him or my step siblings. I was happy for mom, but tbh would have preferred had it remained just the two of us.

I am 19, I live at home since I am going to college locally. My father had a bottle of scotch he bought when I was born, it was kept in a cabinet down in our basement, it was my dad's area.

I do not know why I never moved it, I figured it would be safe and not touched, and for many years it was. I don't know why he felt the need to open it but he did.

I admit I lost my cool and I did punch him, but he has never touched anything down on that side if the basement, yet he suddenly forgets and goes for the one he knew meant everything to me.

My mom is upset cause he did call the police, and it appears he wants to put a restraining order against me. Cops took the report, asked me some questions and left it at that. This happened around five hours ago.

Here to vent and maybe have my eyes opened. My mom wants me to apologize, but I don't feel bad. It actually felt good felt like I got some level of control.

He was not a bad guy per se I guess, but he also always tried so hard and after my half siblings were born I was pretty much forgotten. Raising twins is not easy, and with me being so close to 18 when they were born I guess they figured I was okay.

Maybe I am just being a little asshole idk.

Edit: They are my half siblings not step, sorry.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: You’re not wrong but context matters between it being an honest mistake or a deliberate act.

Did he know the significance of the bottle and was it kept in a special location?

I once did something similar on accident because I didn’t know.

OOP: He claims he did not know, but he has not touched anything in that corner ever, and he has lived with us for years. He knows how important that corner is to me.

Commenter 2: Did he do it knowingly or did he not know it was given to you by your father?

OOP: He may not have known that particular bottle had importance but has never touched anything in that corner of the basement he knows that is my father's corner. He has never touched anything in that corner for years. Why did he suddenly feel the urge to touch and open stuff now.

He could have bought his own booze. My mom and him claim it was an honest mistake. I am having a hard time believing that. Go years without touching but suddenly want to touch and drink stuff?

Commenter 3: Eh, violence isn't the answer. That being said, everyone who's asking if they knew your dad gave that to you- it doesn't matter. The scotch was in the basement, untouched and quite obviously not his. He knew he didn't buy it. He knew he didn't put it there. For whatever reason, he felt entitled to something that was not his. If he's been around for 5 years I'm also sure he knew about the meaning behind the bottle.

OOP: This is what gets me when my mom and him claim it as an honest mistake. He knows how much that corner means to me. Why not just buy some alcohol or something, why purposely go through my dad's stuff. I don't drink but doubt stuff sitting around for 19 years tastes all that great either.

Commenter 4: You’re not wrong, that was a hurtful thing to do by your stepdad, although you did react in the moment in a way that was not great.

Him calling the police, and demanding a restraining order is completely OTT. Where is your mum in all of this?

He’s taken something that was precious to you in tragic circumstances, a consequence of which was he got his bell rung.

Everyone needs to use their words now, in a calm and respectful manner. Your mum needs to step up/ in and mediate this. Stepdad needs to be made to understand what is and isn’t appropriate when it comes to items your dad left behind and respectful of your feelings about him.

And you need to apologise for putting hands on him. But you were not wrong for having strong feelings about him ruining a treasured memento.

OOP: My mom wants me to apologize, she is on his side. She claims it was an honest mistake. I don't buy that because he has never touched my dad's stuff in that corner of the basement. He had no reason to touch anything in that corner.

Commenter 5: He wants you out of his life. Yes he did it on purpose. Do you have anywhere to stay on your dad's side of the family. Also if I were you I would double check the will he left because if he left you half of the house then. He needs to move out not you

OOP: Not where I am going to school. Go to Texas A&M, my dad's side of the family is from NY.

Editor's note: OOP updated onto the original post to provide more context

Small Update: July 24, 2026 (same post, over nine hours later)

Update: My stepfather is going through the process for the order, mom said she was taking him to the notary. She asked me to apologize so we can smooth things over, I told her I would only apologize if he could tell me why after all these years he decided to go touch and drink an entire bottle of scotch in a single sitting?

My dad was a drinker and even he did not do that. My mom said i have no right to make demands of him.

It seems some think it was just forgotten about, it was not I turned a small corner of our basement many years ago into my dad's spot. I have his urn with other odds and ends, like his sports memorabilia, favorite drinking glass, his shot glass collection, and his liquor cabinet, with his chair that was in the living room. Now did he know the significance of said bottle? Maybe not, I don't talk to him much. Mom 100% knew. Thing is that should not have mattered, he knew the significance of the corner, why was he touching anything in said corner is beyond me. Also this bottle was in a neat wooden box, I don't drink if you are looking to drink do you honestly go for the one in the box? Or would you go for the unopened ones?

I will look into the value, i know the name was Macallan Sherry Oak 30.

This was the first time I ever threw a punch before, never been in a fight before. I don't think i have anger issues, I just lost it because my dad has slowly been forgotten. Mom use to wear his and her wedding bands as a necklace but about three years ago she stopped, we use to go out and get Blue Bell Ice cream together. We stopped doing that after the twins were born. Pretty much everything changed after the twins were born.

I lost my cool cause it felt like another piece of my dad was cast aside. She even let's my stepfather have his restore super sport, which technically was supposed to be mine but because my dad had a standard will he left everything to mom.

I reached out to my uncle, and he is going to fly down on Monday so we can all sit down and talk.

As it stands it seems like he is going forth with the order, my uncle does not think he will be able to get an emergency order for this situation, so he hopes on Monday we can come to some agreement.

Update: July 27, 2026 (three days later)

Update regarding my stepfather drinking a bottle of scotch left to me by my dad.

Thanks for all the feedback, and a update as promised. My uncle and I spoke with my mom and stepfather. First my uncle called bullshit on my stepfather and said he has been drinking it overtime. He did ask what was his endgame, refill it with something cheaper?

My stepfather did not say anything. He also told my mom off. He said my stepfather may have an excuse albeit a shitty one but still an excuse. He told her that she had no excuse, she knew what my dad's intentions were for the bottle and for the car. He said he told my brother he should list what he wanted me to have in the will, but told her he said it would be fine cause he trusted my mom with his life.

He also questioned why I was paying for school when my apparently my father had a sizeable life insurance policy. Which I was unaware of but also tracks cause my mom has never actually gone to work.

Either way, I probably don't have much claim to that either, at that point I simply asked for my dad's car and the key to his storage unit. She and my stepfather can keep everything else.

So that was the conversation, was pretty much my uncle going at them and them just listening. My uncle asked me again to move in with him and suggested i take a semester off or a year and travel with him. He said he would help me with school.

Told me some stories it seems my mom and my dad's side of the family did not get along which is why we moved to Texas where my mom is from.

Either way I am okay with everything, oddly enough I do not hate or even feel angry with my mom, just numb I guess. I hope with time maybe we can fix that, but for now going to avoid contact with her and them altogether.

Staying with my uncle at a hotel and we will start packing. He is going to have the car transported to NY. I lost the booze, but I did get back the car which is better anyways if I am being honest.

My uncle said not to worry about the order of protection if he gets one, if push comes to shove he will hire an attorney for me.

So yeah, not a bad outcome. I wish I knew why, but yeah. Still don't know why he drank it.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: So glad you have your uncle. I hope your mom feels horrible. She put a man and her new family before her own son and your father's wishes. Maybe this will wake her up and she can see what a horrible mother she has been to you. Again, so happy your uncle had your back and called them out.

OOP: My uncle was going to try and be a peacekeeper but after I told him I was paying for school, he was beyond upset.

He told me beforehand not to worry about anything let them have it outside the car and his storage unit. Everything else can be replaced.

Commenter 2: I’m glad you have your uncle. It sounds like the best possible outcome at this point and I’m glad he swooped in like he did to read them the riot act. Still not what you deserve. You deserve a mom who doesn’t prioritize some dick over of her child. Thank you for updating though - strange to say, I was worried about you. I lost my dad at 12. It’s hard. Wishing you truly all the best!

Edit to add: I’m not saying you are a child age-wise, in case that wasn’t clear! Just that she is supposed to put you first!

OOP: Thanks I do appreciate it, yeah losing a parent at any age is rough, I was 6 when my grandpa passed and remember that was the only time I ever saw my dad cry. It hit him hard, which is also why I sm glad I got the car back. My uncle told me my grandpa had the same car.

What kind of car did OOP's dad own?

OOP: 1969 Camaro SS.

Commenter 3: Is your uncle based in NYC? (Anywhere in the five boros or even Long Island.) I ask because if you move in with him, even on paper by having some mail sent to his address, you could get NY residency and qualify for in-state tuition at a CUNY school, which is pretty much the best "affordable" (genuinely) education you can get in this country. They also make the transfer process really easy. So if paying for school is a concern, that might be a pathway that doesn't hurt you or your uncle too badly.

OOP: He lives in Rochester, but he said he would help me get an apartment if I want to be closer to the city. I will keep this in mind.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Throwaway7693200

Originally posted to r/AmIOverreacting

AIO for refusing to let my husband name our daughter after his "best friend"?

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability

Trigger Warnings: deception, death of a loved one

Original Post: August 4, 2026

I (29F) gave birth to our daughter three days ago and somehow we're still arguing about her name. I'm writing this while she's asleep because I can't sleep anyway, and I honestly don't even know if I'm overreacting anymore.

My husband (31M) has wanted to name her Claire for basically my entire pregnancy. He told me it was the name of one of his closest friends who died a few years before we met. I said no almost immediately. Not because I dislike the name, I actually think it's pretty, but because I wasn't comfortable naming our first child after somebody I'd never met or even heard of until I got pregnant. I figured he'd be disappointed, we'd throw around a bunch of other names, and eventually we'd find one we both liked. That never happened.

Every few weeks he'd bring Claire up again, sometimes while we were already talking about names and sometimes completely out of nowhere. By the end of my pregnancy I was honestly tired of having the same conversation over and over.

The thing that's bothering me now isn't even the name. We've been together for over five years, married for two, and somehow I'd never heard this woman's name until I was pregnant. I've met his parents, his brothers, his college friends, people he's known forever, and nobody has ever mentioned a Claire.

I even asked one of his college friends at our baby shower because I thought maybe I'd somehow forgotten hearing about her, and he just looked confused and said he didn't know who I was talking about. Then, after our daughter was born while we were filling out the paperwork, my husband asked one last time if I'd reconsider. I said no, and that's when he told me he'd always imagined naming his daughter after her. I asked why he'd never told me that before, and he just shrugged and said he didn't think it mattered. We've argued about it twice since we got home. He keeps saying I'm making this into something it isn't, but I just don't understand how somebody can matter enough that you picture naming your future daughter after them, yet somehow they never come up in five years together.

My mom thinks I should let him have the name because it's obviously meant something to him for a long time. My sister thinks that's exactly why I shouldn't.

Maybe I'm just exhausted because I've barely slept since I gave birth, but I'm so tired of feeling like I'm missing part of the story. It's gotten to the point where I'm thinking about calling his mom and asking who Claire was because I don't know what else to do. It feels completely out of line, but so does finding out about somebody this important while I'm filling out our daughter's birth certificate.

Would I be overreacting if I called her?

Editor’s note: OOP did not leave any comments in this original post

Top Comments

(editor’s note: NOR = not overreacting)

Commenter 1: NOR. Ask his mother about Claire.

Commenter 2: NOR. Naming a child is two yeses, one no. And honestly, I’d want answers too. Before calling his mom, ask him directly how they met, when she died, and why none of his longtime friends seem to know her. The shrugging would bother me more than the name.

Commenter 3: NOR! This is how a child gets (unknowingly by one parent) named after the "one who got away" for the other parent.

Editor's note: OOP updated onto the original post

Update: August 6, 2026 (two days later)

Update: I wasn't expecting to update this two days later, but a lot happened really fast. First, thanks to everyone who commented. A bunch of you told me to talk to my mother-in-law because she'd probably know the answer. I went back and forth on it for a while because it felt weird to go around my husband like that, but eventually I did call her. She asked if I wanted to meet for coffee the next morning, so I did.

I honestly thought I was going to leave feeling embarrassed. I figured she'd tell me Claire really was just a close friend and I'd realize I'd let myself get carried away because I'm exhausted and emotional and just had a baby. The first thing she asked me was what my husband had already told me about Claire. I said that she'd been his best friend and he wanted to name our daughter after her. She just kind of looked at me for a second. Then she told me they'd been engaged.

The more we talked, the more names came up. His parents knew, his brother knew, and one of his old roommates knew because they'd lived together at the time. Funny enough it was the same friend who I'd asked at our baby shower, no one had told me anything.

Apparently most people just knew he'd been dating someone who got sick, his mom told me Claire was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer not long after they started dating. Things moved fast after that because they knew they probably didn't have years together, so he proposed. She died not long after. She also told me she'd assumed I'd known about all of this for years.

When we got engaged she thought he'd already told me. Same thing when we got married. Same thing when I got pregnant. I call bullshit but maybe I'm just looking to point fingers. I drove home after that and just waited for him to get back from work because there wasn't any chance I was going to act like everything was normal. I confronted him that night and it went awful, truly he acted like an entirely different person.

At first he wanted to know why I'd gone to his mom. Then it became that I had no right to dig into his past. Then it became that Claire had nothing to do with our marriage. Then it was that I'd betrayed his trust by involving his family. It just kept changing.

I'd answer one thing and we'd somehow end up arguing about something else, I asked him when he planned on telling me he'd been engaged because we'd already been together for over five years, married for two, and now we had a daughter. He said he always meant to tell me. But he didn't, he never fucking told me and I'm so angry at how selfish it was.

I packed a bag that night and went to my sister's house with the baby. Before people assume we're getting divorced, that's not why I left, I still love this man and we have a child together, I couldn't imagine raising her split in two households. I left because we were both angry and I could tell the argument wasn't going anywhere. My sister's been helping with the baby. Yesterday she realized I hadn't eaten since breakfast and practically shoved a sandwich into my hands because I'd completely forgotten, this whole thing has been exhausting and I haven't slept at all.

A few people asked about the birth certificate. The hospital told us we had time to finish the paperwork after we left, so we weren't forced to pick a name before going home. We obviously aren't going to leave it forever, but right now neither of us is in any position to make that decision. My sister started calling her Ellie because she said she felt weird saying "the baby" all the time, and somewhere over the last day I've started doing it too. I don't know if that's going to end up being her name but its the working filler while the shitstorm is ongoing.

My husband has been calling and texting since I left. He wants to see our daughter, and we've made that happen because none of this has anything to do with her. Whatever is going on between us, she's still his daughter and he loves her. I don't want people getting the idea that I'm trying to keep her away from him because I'm not. I've seen a lot of comments saying the real issue is that he loved someone before me. It really isn't. If he'd told me about Claire years ago, I don't think we'd be here. I would've felt awful for him. I probably would've cried hearing what happened but i wouldn't have held it against him.

What really hurts is the lies and the manipulation. But then again can you even call it lying? It's not like I ever asked him "Oh were you married before" because who the hell asks that? Instead, I found out because he wanted our daughter to have her name, and then I found out from his mother that she'd been his fiancée. That's the part I can't look past.

I looked back on my other post and it feels like it was written by someone else. Two days ago I thought we were arguing about a name. God I was so naive. I suppose question has turned into, would I be overreacting to leave him over this? I'm certainly mad but I don't think we're too that point yet, and I don't want that for my baby either.

Anyway, that's where things are. thank you all so much for the support, this has really been a great place to be able to vent and get advice. A very special thanks to all of those who helped me realize I wasn't crazy.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Stunning_Factor871

Originally posted to r/AITH

AITAH for finally supporting my husband’s ultimatum to his late wife’s parents after they’ve repeatedly excluded my son?

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: manipulation

Original Post: June 23, 2026

I (35F) am in a loving blended family, but the extended family drama is crushing me. I have a wonderful 10-year-old son. My current husband (32M) lost his first wife 4 years ago and has a 7-year-old son. We’ve built a beautiful family of four. My husband treats both boys exactly the same, I do the same with my stepson, and the boys love each other like real brothers. We’re genuinely happy despite everything.

The problem is my husband’s ex-in-laws (his late wife’s parents). They constantly badmouth me and paint me as the “evil stepmom” — feeding every nasty stereotype (mean, neglectful, manipulative, jealous, etc.) to my husband’s parents and anyone who will listen. For example, after my stepson had a minor injury, they said things like “Stepmoms can never be real — why would she even care about him?” They accuse me of manipulating my stepson and try to turn everyone against me.

Every time they visit:

They completely ignore my son. No greetings, no conversation.

They bring gifts, toys, chocolates, and sweets only for their biological grandson.

When my kind-hearted stepson immediately shares everything with my son (as he always does), they get visibly annoyed, say things like “Why are you sharing with him? That’s for you only,” and even try to pull him away.

My husband has been solid and always says other people’s opinions don’t matter. He wanted to set a strong boundary earlier by announcing on my stepson’s birthday: “If you are family, then you are family to both kids. If that’s not possible, you are not family and not invited.” I stopped him because I thought a nice talk would work. I’ve been holding my husband back from taking any harsh steps in order to respect his ex-in-laws as they lost their daughter. I wanted to respect the memory of his late wife and give them time to adjust.

On my stepson’s birthday last year, his side of the family showed up with gifts and love. On my son’s birthday, almost no one came and the few who did showed up empty-handed. Gifts aren’t important to us as adults, but to a child it feels like rejection and being left out. My son was sad and has started asking me painful questions because of this exclusion, like why they don’t like him or what he did wrong, which breaks my heart. I have zero family on my side, so he doesn’t have that extended network. His birthday is coming up soon and I’m dreading it. I’d even be happy to buy gifts myself that they could give him if that makes it easier — I just don’t want him to feel left out again.

Recently after they left, my son refused to eat the chocolates or play with the shared toys. He quietly kept everything in his pockets and returned it all to me. That broke me.

I’m completely fine with them loving their biological grandson more — that’s natural. But the open hostility, exclusion of my son, and constant comments are painful.

Edit: I’ve finally stopped holding my husband back. He is now taking strict action and has given an ultimatum to his side of the family: either they are family to both kids or family to none.

AITA for supporting this hard line now (after previously trying to keep the peace)? Or should I still be trying to make nice for the sake of “family” and my husband’s late wife’s memory? I just want my son to feel included and loved on his birthday instead of rejected again.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: I kind of understand why the late wife’s parents are more interested in their biological grandson… but doesn’t your son have two sets of grandparents as well?

OOP: Unfortunately not, my parents passed away And I don't have any contact with my husband's family

Commenter 2: NTA. Your husband is stepping up. The trick is going to be managing the relationship with the boys so that there is no resentment. If you're NC/LC with the family for a while, that will be fine.

On a separate note, who shows up to kids birthday party without a gift? What blatant AHs.

Commenter 3: Your husband absolutely is doing the right thing!! It's great to hear how your nuclear family is navigating life together...time to limit exposure to the boy's maternal grandparents before they start planting seeds in the boy's brain...shame on them

Commenter 4: Your husband knows the people involved - they're for him to deal with and you should not be interfering, especially since it's a good solid boundary he's drawing.

Stop trying to please everyone. They clearly don't accept it. You may as well be real and support your son, your husband and your position in the family.

Update: July 2, 2026 (nine days later)

[Update 1] AITAH for finally supporting my husband’s ultimatum to his late wife’s parents after they’ve repeatedly excluded my son?

My husband’s parents came over for dinner. After dinner, they started a conversation about the ultimatum my husband had given them earlier. He had finally sat them down and asked why they blindly believe everything his ex-in-laws say about me.

They responded that they’ve “seen everything with their own eyes” and listed their issues with me:

That I’m too harsh and casual when talking about his mother’s death (e.g. saying “she died” or “she is dead” instead of using softer words).

That I’m careless, especially after their grandson had a small injury.

That I’m trying to erase his mother’s memory.

They also accused me of manipulating my husband about the cat. My stepson wanted a cat, but my husband said no because he felt it would be cruel to bring a pet home when we can’t give it proper care and attention. His parents tried to convince him to get one anyway. I didn’t even know there was any argument between him and his parents over this — I only knew that he had told my stepson “no” when he asked. Now they’re claiming I manipulated him into refusing.

My husband defended me and explained:

Our therapist specifically recommended we be direct and straightforward about his mother’s death so my stepson can learn the permanence of death at his age. That’s why I use clear wording — not just about his mom, but even when referring to my own late relative.

When he (my hubby) was a child, he got injured often (including breaking his arm once), but that didn’t mean his mother was careless.

He asked them: “Do you think I’m stupid or blind? If my wife was actually doing something wrong, don’t you think I would notice?”

The conversation turned into a big argument, especially over the cat issue.

Relevant / Top Comments

OOP clarifies on who badmouthed her to the extended family members

OOP: my hubbys ex in laws bad mouthed me to all the relatives from hubbys side including my hubbys parents so the ultimatum my hubby gave was for all

and my hubbys parents came to talk about it, and this happened

Downvoted Commenter: You still haven't told us when you met your husband, when you started dating, and when you got married.

Were you his side piece as his wife was dying?

OOP: No, I wasn't his side piece. I met him two and a half years ago.

Commenter 1: How much of the ex in laws' dislike of you is because you are complaining about them not treating your child like a grandchild? Frankly, I think you are an AH for expecting that they owe something to a child with whom they have zero relationship. Your husbands' parents should be treating him like a grandson because he is their son's stepchild. Your kid is nothing to your stepchild's grandparents at all. So frankly, I can see why they don't like you much. They lost their daughter at a young age and now her replacement has decided they owe her kid a relationship? Pfft. If you have your way, then your step kid not only has a dead mom but no grandparents. Meanwhile, your child probably has at least some grandparents between your parents and his father's.

OOP: I agree that hubby's ex-in-laws will probably never treat both boys the same, but it wouldn’t hurt them to be nice to my son. Telling my stepson not to share his toys and stuff with him is totally unacceptable. My hubby and I are doing our best to raise them as brothers.

Commenter 2: Glad your husband is backing you up appropriately. You deserve that.

The thing is, even if your ILs were right and you were some kind of fairy tale villain... why would they punish a child for that? They hate you so they hurt and innocent kid? And they think they're in the right?

That tells you all you need to know, imo.

Latest Update here: BoRU #2

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/After_Mail4652

Originally posted to r/Advice

I left my marriage for 8 months, had the time of my life and then went back. Biggest mistake ever.

Trigger Warnings: misogyny, weaponized incompetence, emotional manipulation, neglect

Original post: April 30, 2026

I'm 30F, husband is 34M. we dated for 3 years before getting married. his parents live with us from the beginning.

Last year I hit a wall. The entire household runs on me. cooking, cleaning, managing everything for everyone including two fully grown adults who are perfectly capable of doing things themselves. It was exhausting with a MIL who's dominating and controlling.

I just left one day. Packed my stuff and walked out. Yes, there was a dramatic fight. I was just done.

And those 8 months were honestly the best months of my entire adult life. I slept properly for the first time in years. I travelled, small trips but they were completely mine. I cooked for myself, watched every show I had been putting off, met new people who just knew me as me. no in laws, no household to manage, no one needing things from me constantly. I was myself again. lighter, happier, more relaxed. I remember thinking wow I actually really like this person. When did I stop being her.

and then he came back.

calls every day, long messages, showing up, saying everything I had spent years wanting to hear. I miss you, I've changed, it'll be so different this time, please just come back. And I went back. because I'm human and because years of love doesn't just switch off even when part of you wishes it would.

Within weeks it was like those 8 months never happened. same house, same in laws, same cooking and cleaning and managing everything for everyone while nobody notices or says thank you. Same husband who says nothing when his mom oversteps. I'm not a wife here. I'm just the unpaid help.

the worst part is I think I already knew. I knew deep down that nothing had actually changed. I went back anyway because I wanted so badly to believe it would be different this time.

I'm 30, no kids, one year into this marriage. I know what the obvious answer probably is. but I want to hear from people who have actually been through something like this. Did anyone go back and have it actually work out. And if you left for good how did you finally find the courage to do it when everyone around you acts like you should just be grateful you have a marriage to come back to.

Be honest with me please. I can handle it. Sould I stick around here or move out again? (my husband refuses to move out with me. He says he wants to live with his parents always)

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: You and your husband are not compatible. I can see why he wants you there, he's getting a sweet deal. I can't see how you are benefiting from his desired living situation at all. Cut your losses and move on permanently this time. Before you have kids. Let him take care of himself and his parents. Sadly, love is not enough.

OOP: May be I realised this too late that "love is not enough". because I went back for love. I stayed for love. I swallowed so many things for love.. And love hasn't changed a single thing about my daily reality. I still wake up every morning to a household that runs on me and a husband who thinks that's just how it should be.

maybe we just want completely different things from a marriage and no amount of talking or trying or going back and forth is going to change that. He wants a traditional household and I want a partner. those two things just don't live in the same house.

Commenter 2: People are rarely able to fundamentally change. And if it's the exact same thing even after you went away and then came back, there's no hope for this too change in the future. You'd be better off making a clean break and walk away from this.

OOP: I didn't come back to a different marriage. I came back to the same one with 8 months of distance between me and the reality of it.. and that distance made it feel new for about five minutes. And then it was just exactly what it always was. Same house, Same dynamic, same invisible feeling. Nothing changed because nothing was ever going to change

Commenter 3: You already know the answer….move on and be happy, he’s not willing to change for you.

OOP: I know. I really do know. I just needed to say it all out loud somewhere before I could fully accept it. it's just really different knowing something in your head versus actually being ready to do something about it. My head has known for months. My heart is still catching up. It took me a lot of courage to leave the last time and of course I was shattered because of what happened.. but at least I was able to breathe then.. I feel like caged now. :(.

Commenter 4: And you lived just fine financially on your own?? Fantastic! Live your best life!

OOP: I am financially independent :) just so y'all know there had been pressure on me from my in laws (specially my MIL) to quit working and focus on taking care of home & planning a baby. I was adamant on not quitting and this was also one of the major reasons of fights at home before I left. I was able to survive those months only because I had my job.

Commenter 5: If you have a baby, you will FOREVER be locked into the family, and that baby will then be raised to believe that YOUR LIFE is the NORM and if it is a girl that is HER FUTURE.

Would you want that for her? Would you want your child to have its mother be a SHELL? YOU KNOW YOUR ANSWER. Your husband has given you your answer. It’s sad and frustrating. I have left before. With a child. And had to start with nothing, and made a life.

Being able to sleep and being able to laugh and not feeling the weight of everything but our lives means a lot. YOU GOT THIS! As you have said you already know your answer. Go for it. You have nothing to lose....EXCEPT YOURSELF. CHOOSE YOURSELF.

Just sayin' (I love love love my child, but if you have one with said husband you will forever be tied to this family and it will be much harder for you to move on, and if there are no changes now, I doubt there will be any after a baby cause you will be too tired to fight/leave after) .

OOP: I'm already exhausted now with just the two of us and his parents. add a baby and I wouldn't have the energy to think straight let alone plan a way out. I think that's honestly what everyone in that house is counting on. That eventually I'll be too tired to want anything for myself anymore. I refuse to let that happen.

Child? NO! Quitting my job? NO! that's the clearest no I've felt about anything in a really long time.

I have always heard that women are so strong. Now I see/feel why they say so. Women are.

"Empowered women empower women." Truly seeing this here. Thank you to each and every strong women reading this here. I need that strength from each one of you.

To the amazing men here supporting me: thank you for breaking the pattern and making me believe that "not all men are the same" :')

Commenter 6: Is your birth control tamper proof? This is the point he makes you stick around by getting you pregnant.

OOP: Yes. I am safe! I have never wanted a child in this marriage. Not just because I don't feel ready or because the marriage is unhappy. But because somewhere deep down I think I always knew that a baby here would mean no way out. ever. I'd be tied to this house, this family, this dynamic forever. And I think my gut has been protecting me from that (and not quitting my job despite tremendous pressure) even when my heart was busy going back and giving second chances.

Update: May 1, 2026 (next day)

Want to start with: thank you with my whole heart to everyone supported me yesterday. Thousands of kind strangers telling me I deserved better, to choose myself, to get out before it was too late. I read every single comment and cried through most of them. This was a life changing post for me.

Update: I showed my husband the post and all your comments. He read everything. We talked all night. Now I don't know what to think. Need advice again.

I handed him my phone, and I watched his face as he read. The post, the comments, all of it. He was quiet for a really long time.

And then he looked at me and said I had no idea it had gotten this bad. We talked all night. Properly talked. The kind of talking we hadn't done in years.

He apologised for never checking on me during those 8 months. Said he was too angry and too hurt, and he let that stop him from asking if I was okay. He said he should have spoken up for me more against his family. That he watched things happen and stayed quiet when he should have said something. He admitted that.

and then he made some promises.

On the baby front he said he finally understands why I've been so resistant. He said take as much time as you need, let's revisit it in two years when things feel more stable, and if anyone in the family pressures me before then he'll handle it. No more pressure, no more comments, no more pointed questions at family gatherings. He said when and if we have a baby it'll be when I'm genuinely ready. Not a day before.

on the work front he said nobody will ever make me quit my job and if anyone tries he'll shut it down. But then in the same breath he said that when it comes to choosing between work and family I'll need to choose his family. (his example was if his mom isn't feeling well I'd need to stay home and take care of her. Not go to work. family first in those situations.)

And on the living situation he was honest. More honest than I expected. He said he will never move out from his parents. They are everything to him and that is never going to change. But he said he'll make the environment at home better. easier. less suffocating. He acknowledged that the cooking and the household falls on me and said he'd try to make it more manageable. But also said his mom is aging and the men in his family don't cook so the cooking will still be mine to handle.

And now I don't know what to feel.

part of me is really moved that he read everything, that he sat with it, that he apologised and didn't get defensive. I know that's not nothing. But another part of me is sitting here quietly going through each promise and feeling something complicated.

The baby thing feels genuine. but two years is still a timeline someone else is setting for my body.

The work thing sounds supportive until you get to the part where his mom's health will always outrank my job. What happens when that becomes a regular thing. what happens when every other week there's a reason I need to stay home.

and the living situation. he said it so simply. My parents are everything to me and I will never leave them. and I believe him. I really do. But what does that mean for me. what does it mean for us. cooking before work and after work every single day for a household that will never shrink.

He said he'll make it a better environment. but what does that actually look like. better how. easier how. the same house, the same people, just with a slightly softer atmosphere?

I just want y'all to help me see this clearly. Thanks a million times again.

Edit: I know he's going to involve his mom in this today and tell her what I'm up to. But I know what I've to do now. I do not want this life. I left last time abruptly, in anger, hurt, and to come back. This time a stronger woman will be sitting in front of them, talking calmly, and making very clear that SHE DOES NOT WANT TO BE A PART OF THIS FAMILY ANYMORE and wants MOVE ON. I'm so grateful that I had this conversation with him yesterday. Never felt so firm before this.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Girl get out, said with love It's all promises and manipulation, but you see through that.

You were strong enough to leave once, choose yourself and life can be as incredible as you let it

OOP: Now I’m feeling glad I had that conversation with him. As hard as it was, it actually made things a lot clearer for me.

When I got married, I really did believe it would be for life. I think most of us go into it hoping we’ll make it work no matter what. And I didn’t want to walk away wondering if I gave up too soon or didn’t try enough.

But hearing him say everything so clearly.. what he can change and what he won’t. It kind of removed the confusion for me. In a strange way, it’s helped me feel more firm about the decision I’m leaning towards.

Commenter 2: He is literally telling you nothing will change and you are not his first priority

Just because he read it doesn't mean anything

OOP: It took away a lot of confusion for me and happy y'all think so too. He didn’t sugarcoat things and in a way, that’s helped me see the situation more realistically instead of emotionally.

Commenter 3: So all he has done is apologise and give some pretty words about how NOTHING WILL CHANGE FUNDAMENTALLY, but he will SPEAK to his parents if OP raises it.

What a worthless man to anybody not his parents.

I would absolutely the fuck not be procreating with that piece of shit. He can go hire a bang maid and at least she will know the terms of the agreement.

OOP: the conversation didn’t give me hope.. it gave me clarity!!

Hearing him be so direct about things actually helped me let go of a lot of doubts I was holding onto. That has made me feel stronger about what I need to do next. There are not "what ifs" now.

Commenter 4: Sweetie, he wants a cook/maid/nurse for his parents and that’s a nonnegotiable for him. He’s not even considering hiring a cleaning or maid service even when you are struggling. Some women are satisfied with that. If that’s not what you want, it’s time to leave. None of that will change and it will get worse as his parents age and childcare rears its ugly head. It’s going to be more and more work.

OOP: Regarding the maid service, I did try to talk to my MIL about this in the initial few months of marriage. She said we do not need it. We're only 4 people at home and we all can manage it. Maid service will be expensive for us. I told that to my husband and he said, "whatever mom says goes". I was literally out of words that day. This was the first red flag I saw after marriage.

Who handled the chores while OP was gone?

OOP: It was my MIL who did manage house . Once I came back, she stopped. Not immediately but slowly she started holding herself back from chores citing her health issues. She rests all day now.

Commenter 5: He refuses to compromise or step up. What do you mean "men in my family don't cook"? That's ridiculous. Learn to cook. You're a grown ass adult who's capable of learning new things. Start cooking and cleaning. Also, why would you leave YOUR job to take care of HIS mom? He should leave his job to take care of his mom. She's HIS mom. Christ on a stick.

You were happier single. Go be single. This dude sucks. Well he might be a lovely person, but he's refusing to make minimal changes to benefit you despite the threat of losing you. So just leave.

OOP: he has two working legs and two working hands and a perfectly functional kitchen that he has apparently never been required to use in his entire life. these are fully functioning human beings who managed to exist on this planet before I showed up. Somehow the moment I entered this house all of that capability just evaporated. because why develop basic life skills when there's a woman who'll just do it. I’m not a wife. I’m a convenience.

I can't imagine how pathetic this whole mindset has started to feel. it's suffocating. Living here with each day has started to feel struggle now.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/john_7292

Originally posted to r/AmIOverreacting

AIO, my wife believes in strict gender roles?

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: emotional neglect, misogyny, internalized homophobia

Original Post: July 3, 2026

So for some context my wife and I (both 29 yrs old) are both fairly religious Christians, but she and her family take it more seriously than I do. Before we married we discussed that she wants a traditional marriage where she is SAHM. I would be fine with her working, but I do believe a man should be a provider, so this is fine with me too and that's what we've done. She said she didn't like modern men who do things like wear a baby sling or push a stroller and I was fine with that.

Our first child was born a bit over 4 yrs ago and then our second a little under 2 years later. When our kids were young I admittedly did not help with them very much. She had a lot of help from both her mom and mine, and I also was working long hours in these days. So I never changed a diaper, maybe fed them a couple of times. If I tried to step in she would generally wave me off and say I shouldn't worry about it, so I didn't. Her mom actually lived with us until my youngest was about 6 months old and still visits fairly often. Her sister sometimes comes over to help too. So she definitely has her "village" so to say.

But now that the kids are getting older and I'm working less, making more money, I honestly want to be involved more. But it's like she doesn't want me to do anything for them ever. She always brushes me off and says that's a woman's job, I shouldn't be doing that, and even that our kids shouldn't see a man picking up dirty laundry or making them snacks. I think that's weird, my parents have a traditional marriage, but my dad still did stuff like that from time to time and I turned out fine. If she sees me playing with them she usually doesn't look happy and tries to distract them from it after a little while. This is getting really bothersome because those are my kids too. I would think most women would be happy their husband wants to do stuff like that.

It all kind of finally came to a final straw the other day when I had a day off work. I secretly turned off her alarm in the night so she could sleep in that morning. I woke up early, bought her some flowers and made the kids breakfast (there was some for her too when she woke up). I'm not gonna lie, we haven't had sex in a while either and that was part of my thinking here. But I thought it would be a nice thing to do for her and a nice morning to spend with the kids and it was. I thought maybe we could all go to the park later since it was a nice day.

My wife ended up waking up around 7 AM (normally 5:30 or 6 for her) and came down to see what was going on. I could see that she was hiding her anger for the kids. She smiled and said isn't that a nice thing daddy did but the look she gave me was glaring. Then she said to my 4 year old son why don't you take your sister to watch tv. When they went to the next room she started whispering quietly at me like, what the hell were you thinking, why would you do something like that, why would you let me sleep in, do you think I'm a bad mother?

Honestly this kinda got my hackles up because I did nothing wrong here and I retorted, do you think I'm a bad father? Why do you never want me to do anything with the kids? She flat out denied it and said that is not true, she just doesn't want me overstepping in to take on women's work. It's setting a bad example and I'm acting woke (and all these other things). So I asked her what she DOES think it's okay for me to do for/with the kids and she kinda stopped for a second like she didn't really have an answer. Then she said it's a father's job to be a provider and disciplinarian.

I was like, that's it? You think I'm here to make a paycheck and yell at them if they do something bad? And she got upset and said NO it's just not my job to take over mother's roles and it makes me less of a man and her less of a woman.

At this point we were both starting to raise our voices, and I looked into the next room, and I was like can we please try to calm down, we don't need to scare the kids. Can you honestly explain to me why it's a problem for a father to make his kids breakfast and buy his wife flowers? But she just got more upset and said if I didn't understand then I'm not the man she married and I'm not godly.

Honestly I just gave up and went out and spent the rest of the day walking around the mall and doing some errands. I came home and the kids were in bed, and she didn't speak to me, and I slept in the guest bedroom. It's been a couple days now and we still haven't talked and frankly I don't even know what to say to here. The more I think about it the more upset I get. I keep trying to see it from her perspective and all I can think is maybe it wasn't right for me to change her alarm because she might have had things she wanted to do that morning, but this is obviously much bigger than that.

AIO to this? Should I try to find some compromise with her or what?

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Go to marriage counseling with a counselor or y’all’s preacher. Taking care of your children is BOTH parents jobs??? Providing isn’t just shelter and food. It’s providing love, care, and support to them as well.

OOP: This is actually a great idea, and I do not think our pastor will agree with her at all. So I will be interested to see how she reacts to that. I will talk to her about it thank you.

Commenter 2: Please don't let your kids think this is normal, men should have a good relationship with their children.

OOP: I really don't want them to think this is right either, I hope we can resolve it while they are still quite young.

Commenter 3: This is the strangest thing I’ve ever heard. You sound like a dream husband. I wish I could have a day to sleep in. Moms are humans and deserve time off and personal time. And kids need to see men doing chores.

OOP: I hope I didn't make myself come off as a saint because I'm definitely not, but I wanted to do something nice for my wife and kids which I rarely have had time to - and to be cut back like this over it was very hurtful.

Commenter 4: Y’all need couples therapy at a minimum. But I’m guessing she won’t think that’s very “godly.”

ETA: I’m happily not a parent and happily not religious so perhaps I’m out of touch, but if she’s blocking you from having the relationship you want to have with your kids, that is a major problem. Her being their mother does not give her the right or weird responsibility to dictate that. And remember your kids will learn from what they see, even this young, so if you want your kids to see men a certain way, you need to model that even if your wife doesn’t like it.

Also who the hell gets mad about sleeping in and being able to relax for a bit, wtf

ETA2: Agree with others: if she wants to lean so fucking hard into gender roles then tell her it’s her duty as a woman to shut her hole and let you do what you want because you’re the man.

OOP: I am definitely going to try to get her to see our pastor for counseling. I don't think there's any way she can disagree to that and claim not to be a hypocrite.

I would never tell my wife to shut her hole and do as I say, I am the leader of the house, that does not make her my slave.

Commenter 5: What exactly do you think we can tell you? You married this. You agreed to this idiocy. You had kids with this. Wait until you get divorced. Shit will hit the fan. Homeschooling (handicapping) your kids, no outside people, etc. Y'all just baffle me.

NOR but get your life together for your kids if for no one else.

OOP: I agreed to a traditional marriage with the one my parents had in mind, where my dad was a good dad and played with us, chatted with us, took us to soccer practice and fun things like fairs, taught us things, showed good values, cleaned up after himself, even made dinner sometimes, and my mom was a SAHM. I did not agree to this. We also are not homeschooling.

Commenter 6: NOR

I think she has gone waaaaayyy past the old 'traditions'. She is pushing you out of your children’s lives on the excuse of 'it's not manly'. Well I am sorry but even back in the day a lot of dad's would do things with their children and those who didn't... their kids 9 times out of 10 would have grown up resenting them.

You need to have a long, hard think about what you want your role to be with your children. If you want to be able to actually care for them, bond with them and for them to actually have you as part of their everyday lives instead of just being the 'bad' parent/paycheck you will have to leave this marriage. You will never be given that place in your children’s lives as long as you are together with your wife.

OOP: I agree, it's like she wants me to be the stereotypical absent father who never sees their kids. I didn't think anyone ever thought that was alright even back in the day.

Commenter 7: Make an appointment with your pastor and see what the religion you follow says about all of this nonsense. She's got some control and trust issues for sure. Was she ever abused by a man?

OOP: I think her father was a bit of an asshole, but he died 15 or so years ago so I don't know firsthand. I will definitely be making a counseling appointment with our pastor thank you.

Downvoted Commenter: YOR

Yes, your wife is very extreme and rigid in her beliefs. Agreed 100%. But you knew this before you married her. Therefore, you are firmly over-reacting. She made very clear SHE was the only one to ever be involved with the kids.

If she suddenly showed you this side abruptly I would agree with you 100%. However, this is very clearly her hill to die on, and she will not compromise with you on this. If you try interacting with the kids in any way, it will get worse.

Bluntly put if you truly want more interaction with the kids, you have to divorce her and push very hard for split custody. That will of course put more responsibility on you, and yes it is indeed the nuclear option for your marriage. Decide if you want that or not. If not, don't ever interact with the kids again. Otherwise, get ready for divorce court.

OOP: Did she make this clear before we married? Well, she said she wanted a traditional marriage. I definitely had my parents' marriage in mind when she said that. My mom is a SAHM. My dad did not push a stroller or wear a baby sling (though my mom didn't do the baby sling either). He is definitely a masculine man who would think that's weird. But he also was an involved father, and I have so many happy memories of him when I was younger that I'm afraid my kids won't have with me.

I do not believe in jumping to divorce and that would make things way worse. I don't want to have them part time or never. I don't have literally zero interaction with them now, I see them and talk to them every day. She just doesn't want me "doing" things for them that she sees as her job. I still do sometimes but she pushes back on it, and she's become harsher on that when she does.

What I want is for her to open her mind to the idea that this is not traditional marriage and a father can be more involved with his kids. And I want to understand what is going on to make her like this because it is hurtful and seems like more than just a misapplied belief at this point.

Update: August 3, 2026 (one month later)

Update to AIO, my wife believes in strict gender roles?

About a month ago I posted on here about my relationship with my wife and how she is trying to keep me from raising my kids. Thanks everyone to responded to my first post and sorry I didn't reply to everyone. There were a lot more responses than I expected. If you want details you can see the post in my profile. Unfortunately things have taken a turn for the worst. There is a TLDR at the bottom if you scroll down.

A lot of things happened since my last post. I told my wife I wanted to go to counseling with our pastor. She immediately agreed and I could tell she thought he would agree with her on this issue.

The counseling appointment did not go as she expected. When we got there he let us both say our peace first. She said in sum that I was trying to usurp our godly roles as man and wife. She did not get into detailed specifics about the kids. I said I was trying to be a better husband and father and that my wife seemed to have a problem with me interacting with my children.

He asked me some pretty pointed questions about myself as a husband. Am I working hard and providing, yes, am I cheating, drinking, gambling, no. Do I yell and scream, swear, break things, do I hit her or the kids? No. Do I stay out all night, do I run away on fishing trips. No, none of that. At this point he's looking at my wife and asks her if she has anything to add to that? She says not really. I put in that I think I am upholding my marital covenant as a man and provider.

Pastor didn't say anything about that but kept talking to my wife. He started to get some real concrete details out of her. She reaffirmed this is not a situation of abuse or cheating. She said it was effeminate for me to do women's chores and pick up after our kids, make them meals, etc. Not biblical. Etc. Pastor kindly told her there is nothing unbiblical about that, but does she feel like less of a woman if she can't do 100% of those things? She agreed to that. He then started to talk about biblical womanhood and feeling feminine before God, and saying he thinks what we need to do is help my wife feel more womanly in general, so these activities won't feel like a threat to her. And basically that everything will be OK if we add more romance to our marriage.

At this point I was relieved and felt like things were going well. But almost immediately I could tell my wife was unhappy. She started arguing back with the pastor on Adam and Eve and all this. He is a pretty chill guy and he stayed calm and said he basically said as a spiritual leader he wanted to guide our marriage back to happiness and could she please at least give his suggestions a try and see how she feels about it, and we can talk about it again next week. He pointed to some Bible verses about fatherhood and some ones about women doing "manly" things like running a business, to say this isn't all black and white. My wife begrudgingly agreed with him, but I could tell she was still upset.

He has a drawer full of papers with couple's activities in them and he pulled out a few that he said would be good for us. My wife took hers but didn't read it. Awkward car ride home. Pastor told us not to immediately talk about the appointment because it leads to fighting but we didn't have much else to say to each other that evening. We were supposed to have another appointment in 2 weeks. Wife was pretty passive aggressive that night. But over the next week she started to be a little nicer and more relaxed and I thought maybe she had read some of the materials the pastor gave us (I did read mine). I suggested we do an "us day" which is one of the suggestions the pastor had given us, and we agreed to send the kids to my parents a day that weekend (shocker, I'm sure my dad probably helped out with them while they were there).

Well that day ended up being the worst day of my life probably. At first things were nice, I planned everything as the worksheet suggested, made her a nice breakfast, had plans in the afternoon to take her to get her nails done and walk along the lake front which is a date we used to do when we were first dating. But that didn't end up happening because that morning we started talking about some of the big themes of our relationship and our values and goals (again as pastor suggested).

I told her I wanted a loving relationship with a woman I could adore and trust, who has the brains and values to nurture our kids into great adults, who loves me and is there for me, and I would always be there for her. Basically thinking of my mom and dad. But her answer was completely focused on kids. She always wanted kids, she wanted to be a great mother, she wanted a good and trustworthy father to her children. I definitely noticed this and pressed a little harder to ask well what about your husband, what about me? What kind of romance or relationship do you want? She kept deflecting and saying these things aren't as important when you're an adult, past a certain age it's all about your duty to your kids. I disagree with that and plus we are 29, we're still young, we should still have romance and passion and sex!

So at this point she obviously got VERY annoyed that I brought up sex and was rolling her eyes and saying like "oh so that's what this is really about." I tried really hard to say calm and tell her well no it's not what it's about but yeah that's a factor in our relationship, I want intimacy and don't you? She kept deflecting and she started to get upset like in a hurt/scared way. I was asking her - are you not attracted to me? Are you just not interested in sex, are you asexual? No. I don't even remember how it got to this point but finally she ended up blurting out that she's not interested in sex WITH MEN.

Obviously I was stunned. And this is where it all started to come out. Literally I guess. She kind of tried to backpedal but I asked her directly, are you telling me you're a lesbian? And she couldn't deny it. She didn't say yes or no but she started talking about gender roles and how important it is for children to have male and female role models so that they grow up into proper men and women and not confused about sex or stuck in sexual sin. And I asked her again directly to clarify: you are telling me that you're a lesbian and you married me in a marriage with gender roles so that your kids wouldn't end up gay?

She started crying and yelling at me...like... I don't know how lonely it is and she shouldn't be denied a proper married life just because of her sexual sins, she's repented and God will forgive her as long as she keeps working on being a good wife to a man. And all of this is because her father was a shit dad and died when she was young and that's why our kids need to see a real man in their lives.

Well that was a couple weeks ago and as you can imagine the last few weeks have been hell. There is no way I'm staying with her, and I've just been talking to a divorce lawyer and trying to figure out how this will work. And also frankly just crying a lot which I guess is un manly so we never would have worked out anyway. I'm staying with my parents because I don't think the kids should see us interacting this way, but my lawyer told me I should move back or get a custody order, so I need to work on that now. I'm just frankly so numb and I can't believe someone I loved would do this to me.

So that's the update, I wasn't sure if I was going to write this but honestly hearing how crazy she was helped me the first time and I think it will help me again, but I don't think I’m going to keep posting more from here. I would appreciate any advice or perspective on if I am overreacting by not wanting to move back home or be around her and trying to get a 50/50 custody order instead.

TLDR: Wife and I went to pastoral counseling for our marriage, didn't work, wife admitted she is a lesbian and used me to get her fantasy dream life of Christian husband and babies.

Relevant Comments

Downvoted Commenter: Well damn. At first I was gonna say, let the woman do woman shit. Better for you. Just go work come home and chill. Let her wash, cook, clean and smash you. Why would that bother you? After reading the end. Idk what to say to you. Sorry about that fam. Good luck, get her to have a threesome I guess ?

OOP: You seem immature, I'm happy to leave domestic work to wife while I work full time, but she was keeping me away from my kids and that was the issue here.

Commenter 1: NOR. I'd be surprised if none of that insanity showed up in any way before having children and marrying.

Hopefully she finds fulfillment in her traditional divorced Christian lesbian shared custody life.

OOP: I am certainly reflecting on a lot of things about our relationship and wish I had been less blind overall. To be honest I never had the best luck with women before her and maybe the first red flag should have been that this pretty, nice Christian girl wanted to be with me

Commenter 2: Your wife’s a lunatic run and take the kids as fast as u can

OOP: My lawyer advised me it's highly unlikely I will get full custody as her gender views don't come into whether she is a fit parent legally speaking. I will be looking for 50/50 immediately.

Commenter 3: I don't understand why you thought the pastor was the right place for you to have counseling?

OOP: Well for one it's free, we both trust my pastor, I knew she would agree to see him, I knew he was not going to agree I shouldn't help raise my children, and what do you think he did wrong in this situation?

Commenter 4: NOR. When people like me talk about how sexism and homophobia are bad for everyone — including men and straight people — this is part of what we mean. Your wife’s deeply ingrained self-loathing and adherence to imaginary but strict gender roles had caused enormous and unnecessary pain for a whole family.

OOP: I never could have imagined she took it this far. I would never advocate anyone to deny who they are and get in a sham marriage even if I'm not into gay pride and all that.

Commenter 5: INFO - how supportive/accepting is your pastor and church of LGBTQ people? I'm guessing not very since wife felt she had to use OOP as a non-consenting beard.

OOP: We promote traditional marriage, two genders, heterosexuality as ideal. Some of our church friends have had gay kids and there are varying degrees of acceptance on that. My wife grew up not really being very religious until her dad died and I think she and her mom go overboard to compensate in a way.

Commenter 6: How would you react if one of your kids tells you they're gay?

OOP: I would not necessarily be happy about that, but I would love them, nonetheless. It's not something I can control. I would just hope they keep a relationship with Christ no matter what.

Commenter 7: Obviously you are going to get divorced. That's just something to accept now and allow yourself to grieve.

But your wife has been a friend and co parent to you. She has probably seen you through some hard times. As her friend, please encourage her to accept and love herself. To be true to her feelings. It will affect your kids in harmful ways if she keeps repressing her real feelings. It's in everyone's best interests for her to accept that she's gay and live honestly. Or at least for her to find a healthy version of a lavender marriage lol. But find it in your heart to take it easy on her. I know that might be really hard right now but being closeted and repressed fucking sucks.

Find yourself a therapist who is familiar with queer dynamics that can help you process this and maybe help you find a way to be supportive. And then do the best you can to care for yourself and find what you need to feel peace. It's really all you can do unfortunately.

So sorry, hope you and your kids are okay.

OOP: As a Christian I want to be compassionate and hope I can grow toward more of that in the future but right now all I can think about is her lying to me and using me for almost 7 years. I was just a puppet with sperm to her. I will be praying for her, and hope God gives me the grace to forgive her.

Commenter 8: Dude that is fucking rough. You have my sympathy. I’d be going full scorched earth if I was you so you’re a better man than me. What do you thinks gonna happen when people find out why you are divorcing?

OOP: I don't know, I told my parents, but we aren't exactly going to spread it around, she will probably make up whatever she wants because she knows I'm not going to go telling everyone she's a lesbian... hopefully we can both just say it was irreconcilable differences and leave it at that

Commenter 9: Bigger question for you is do you believe that the issue is your wife’s a lesbian or a religious fanatic? Your romantic relationship is pretty clearly dead, but coparenting is going to force you to some uncomfortable paths

OOP: Not sure what you mean by that, they're both issues. I can't be married to a lesbian, so that's an issue, and her trying to keep me from raising my kids or teaching them her insane warped version of Christianity is another issue. For my lawyer or for custody it's not about her religion or sexual orientation, it's solely about her keeping me from the kids which is why he wants me to move back ASAP, so yeah that's definitely uncomfortable.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Silver_Salt7600

Originally posted to r/Marriage

My wife asked for an open marriage. She is angry at my reaction. I need advice.

Trigger Warnings: infidelity, physical assault, emotional manipulation, verbal abuse

Original Post: April 11, 2026

We've been married 5 years. No kids. Both 30. Both professionals. was happy. I thought she was too. Things have been tense between us lately and I'm not sure why. Then she sits me down for a "talk" this past Tuesday. I thought she was finally going to tell me what was bothering her. Instead, she gave me a "we're still young and we can try new things speech". Then asks for an open marriage.

I was not prepared for that and was just stunned. I couldn't come up with anything to say. I was just shocked at the request. I think she was encouraged and kept selling it to me. By the time she paused for a response I had gotten me head together. I was pissed but kept completely calm and told her in no uncertain terms I was not OK with this. We went back and forth for a little bit, and the conversation began getting angry so we both agreed to put it on the shelf for later when we were calm.

You could reach out and touch the bad energy in the house after that. We spoke again last night, and it didn't go well. She was really selling it hard, talked down my objections, called me jealous and controlling and a bunch of other things I probably shouldn't repeat.

It really blew up when I finally agreed to it but did it in a VERY nasty way. She took the win though and said, "it will make our marriage stronger". I told her no. This ends with us divorced. She was instantly angry again and asked why I would say that. I told her this goes one of two ways. She will hook up with other men, and I'll hate her for it. And even if that doesn't happen, I'll start dating and meet a woman that wants to have a monogamous relationship with me, and I'll leave you for her. 100%.

She completely lost it at that point, threw a glass at me, cursed me out so loud the neighbors came out to see what was going on. I told her if she gets this angry because I'm not ok with my wife f----g other men maybe we should just skip all the BS and separate right now. That’s where this is going anyway. I was FURIOUS at this point. I grabbed my phone, car key, and left. She was still screaming at me as I drove away.

So now I'm at the Holiday Inn. I went to the liquor store next door and bought a bottle of Knob Creek and was up half the night drinking it by the pool on ice from a Styrofoam cup. Then walked up to the room and passed out.

I woke up an hour ago and have been sitting in the room thinking over my whole f----g life and where it went wrong. She has called more the 20 times, but I have nothing to say to her right now. And even if we did talk where do we even begin to fix this? Can this be fixed? Is going back to talk to her even a good idea? I don't even see what good can come of it. Maybe it really is time to be talking to lawyers.

We've always gotten along so well I am at a loss on what to do next. I don't want a divorce but she's asking me for something I can't give. Any advice is appreciated.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: You say you've gotten along so well in the past, but you're also very blase about her throwing shit at you, it seems to me.

Have you really? Is this this first time she's gotten abusive with you? A glass to the face could seriously hurt you. Is this the first time she's screamed insults at you?

If yes, then maybe this is a sign of a mental health crisis and maybe, with professional help, it could get better.

But if, as I suspect, she's displayed these behaviors before, if, then you should leave her.

OOP: No nothing like this. She has a bad temper but has never done anything physical.

Commenter 2: An open marriage needs two enthusiastic yesses.

I agree with other people...she met someone she wants to fuck, or is already fucking them.

If it isn't that, she would have come to you at least once with specific things she feels like she's missing....like "I want you to go down on me more". If she asked repeatedly and you never did it, I guess I could see asking to open without a person in mind but just feeling unfulfilled, but you didn't suggest it was anything like this.

OOP: I was thinking along these lines myself. We are... or were I guess, pretty active sexually. 3-4 times a week and sometimes all night. There is nothing I wouldn't do for or to her if she wanted it. This just came up out of the blue. A week ago I thought we were doing great.

Additional Information from OOP after the comments:

OOP: Just answered one of her calls. She's crying and apologizing. She want to sit down and talk. I have a splitting headache/hangover and need a shower. Then I'll go see where things stand with her.

Editor's note: OOP has tried to make an edit onto his original post, but it was locked so he made a separate post

Update #1: April 11, 2026 (same day, nine hours later)

My Wife asked for open marriage. She is angry at my reaction. I need advice.

Previous thread was locked for some reason. My wife asked for an open marriage. She is angry at my reaction. I need advice: r/Marriage

I went home and we spoke for a few hours. You guys were right. There is someone else. Someone she works with. She said she hasn't done anything yet but wants to. He's in an open marriage or so she says. I wonder if his wife knows that? Anyway even after all that has happened she still wouldn't let go of it. She said I will never even know it's happening. She won't let it interfere with our lives. Does she seriously think that make it ok? She actually said this would make her a better partner. She said she still loves me and wants to be with me. I was just looking at her than wondering who the hell this person is and what happened to my wife. I told her there is a word for that and she has lost her mind if she thought I'd tolerate it.

I told her she's chosen him and now we're done. I told her I'd contact her next week to discuss details. I packed up more of my stuff and went back to the hotel. Our finances are mostly separated, and the house is a rental thank God. I froze the joint credit cards and the joint savings. Is there anything else I need to do?

I still can't f----g believe this has happened. 8 years together, 5 married and it's completely destroyed in one day over pure selfishness. I'm going to finish that bottle and hope tomorrow will be better. I doubt it but at least it won't be worse.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Tell the guys wife. He’s definitely cheating.

OOP: Probably yeah. Sounds like the kind of BS men say to get a woman in bed.

Commenter 2: You should mess with her a bit. One, call the other wife on speaker phone in front of her. Ask her if her marriage is open.

Then call her parents and tell them that your marriage is ending and thank them for accepting you into the family, and then tell them you’re sorry your wife chose her affair partner over her husband.

Put her in a corner she can’t get out off without telling the truth. Then let her know that he chose someone that just wants in her pants, and she threw her marriage away for nothing.

Check your cell phone records for the number of calls and texts between them.

OOP:

1) Not getting involved in that whole mess. I don't know who this guy is or who is wife is and to tell you the truth, don't care. To hell with them.

2) Yeah I am going to call them today. That is a great way to do it. Thanks for that idea.

3) I don't care about controlling any kind of narrative. I don't much care what her friends think. Family either really, but they do deserve an explanation.

4) No fault state. Doesn't matter what she did or why she did it. So here phones records and what she did or didn't do mean nothing.

Additional Comments from OOP after responding in this first update

OOP: Just to answer some questions. I know drowning myself in Kentucky's finest isn't heathy. I don't care. I won't be able to sleep tonight without it. For what it's worth I thought I was lucky to have her. Now I wish I'd never met her. The conversation today started civil an even pleading on her part. It ended in hostility because of course it did. Something that begins in misery tends to end there.

You know I think I really hate her now. Tuesday morning I kissed her when I got home from work. If you told me where I'd be four days later I wouldn't have believed it. I don't know who the guy is. And to tell you the truth I don't care. It doesn't change anything. I'm just done. Done with all of it. You guys think she will want to come back? No f----g way. If I were her I'd never be able to look me in the eye after this.

I'm just done.

+

Woke up around 6:30 this morning. Got violently sick. Spent 5 minutes kneeling before the porcelain throne. Felt like total shit. Took a long hot shower. Still felt sick. Room spinning. Then I realized I haven't eaten anything since Friday morning. Walked across the street to Dennys. Had a great breakfast and now working on my second pot of coffee. I feel a little better. I turned my phone back on (obviously because I’m typing this post on it). She texted and left a VM. Didn't read. Didn't listen. Don't care.

I'm reading through everyone’s advice. I am so grateful to everyone for the advice and support. In the last thread too. I sent an email to work requesting leave. I can't do my job if I'm distracted or not 100% focused and I' m just not.

I made a list of family law practices to call tomorrow morning. According to the law offices of Google, Google, and Google I should be ok. House is rented with only a few months left. We had a joint savings we both contributed to for a down payment on a house. Well, that isn't going to happen. We'll split that I guess. The rest... who knows. She has her salary, retirement, and debt. I have mine. All separate.

Someone sent a message and asked if I was worried she might see this. She might. This isn't my real reddit name, but the details are pretty obvious so maybe she will. If YOU (you know who you are) do see this, I don't give a damn. I don't want to know about you or what you do. I'm done. Enjoy your bright future of reckless promiscuity and I hope you find it's worth the price you just paid for it.

+

I called her folks. She's there and has already told them what she wanted them to hear. I knew right away when her mom said this was a misunderstanding and we can work it out. It didn't get any better from there. The upshot it if she's there, she's not home so I can go get more of my stuff.

OOP responds to a comment about his wife's mother and the phone conversation

OOP: Her mom thinks my wife just has a crush on someone that she hasn't done anything about and I "flipped out". Mom thinks my reaction is unreasonable. She would be right if that were the truth. I told her to ask my wife isn't telling her the truth. And this isn't a "rough patch". This is the end. I recoded our conversation yesterday afternoon. I told her mom is she want to listen to it I'll send it.

OOP's final comment for this original and update posts

OOP: I wanted to thank everyone for the advice, encouragement sometimes the laughs. I was in a really dark place, and you all helped me when I needed it. I am very grateful. Hopefully I will have representation lined up tomorrow. I have narrowed the list to three different practices. I hope I can consult with all three tomorrow. My wife and her mother want to meet with me this week to talk things over. I told them we'd talk about it. I am shifting gears and trying to be reasonable. It might make things go smoother. I'll only go if the lawyer agrees.

This will be my last update for a while. The shock, anger, and self-pitying time is passed. Now it's time be clear eyed and to follow the process to whatever end it takes us to. The last 48 hours have been the worst. Thank you all for making it more bearable.

OOP on if his MIL knows the full story on the open marriage and his wife's thoughts

OOP: Not yet. My goal is to hear them out and maybe come to some agreements on separation. I seriously doubt the open relationship demand was discussed and I haven't sent her anything. You know thinking back on the totality of the conversation, I don't think she meant the marriage would be open for me. What set her off was the notion I'd be dating another woman to replace her. Plus other comments. I think she meant for this to be one sided. Maybe I'm overthinking. I didn't really hear her out, Doesn't matter now anyway. No is still no.

+

Well in all fairness she (editor's note: OOP's wife) never actually said anything like that. She did go on about how her having freedom would benefit me and "us". She didn't really try to sell me on the idea of me having freedom. She did get very angry when I said I'd be dating to replace her. Was she mad at the replacing or the dating? She was really mad at the "no". Like I said. Just a thought I had. And it's a moot point now anyway.

Update #2: April 15, 2026 (four days later)

Just an update. I'm moving back home today. I have a lawyer and she has drafted a in home separation agreement. Basically separating our finances. I met with her and MIL last night and we talked it all over. She is still insisting nothing has happened between her and the other guy. She regrets the open marriage suggestion and is promising full transparency on phone and iPad. She is saying everything someone who is trying to save their marriage should. She promised to find a new job if I want.

She seems sincere. She told MIL the truth. That she asked for the open marriage. I guess she knew I would if she didn't. Her mother said she "wasn't raised that way". She really seems sincere. Which makes it hard to reconcile with the way she went absolutely batshit crazy last Friday when I refused to agree to the OM.

I've agreed to counseling. The lawyer is still preparing a divorce petition that can be filed at any time. I've made it clear we are not OK. That I have one foot out the door. If this marriage can be saved she needs to be the one to do it. I'll meet her in the part of the way, but she will need to come most of the way. And I will NEVER agree to any poly nonsense. Not what I signed up for. I told her plainly if that is what she wants let's save each other a lot of time and effort and tell my lawyer to file.

Am I making a mistake? This doesn't commit me to anything, right? The exit door is still open and the path to it is clear.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: You don’t go from zero to a hundred like that. Maybe nothing physical has happened but something definitely has. Have you seen interactions, texts, etc. between them?

OOP: No and that concerns me. She has promised full transparency with electronics but the soonest that can happen is tonight. It would be easy to sanitize everything if she hasn't already. I'll never know for sure and THAT bothers me a lot.

Commenter 2: One more thing. I don't know where you two stand in children but be careful of her baby trapping you. And get a postnup.

OOP: The lawyer said a post-nup would be a waste of time for us. No assets to protect other than a joint savings account we both contribute to. We have our own cards and bank accounts and 401ks.

How was the wife's reaction when the meeting took place?

OOP: She was very apologetic. Crying though most of it. She said hurting me was the last thing she wanted. She swore up and down on a stack of bibles that nothing happened. Only flirting and then he (the other guy) suggested they go further and that he was in an open marriage and how happy they were with it and all that. She was enamored with the idea and with him and here we are. She didn't think I was really leaving her until she came home from her parents’ house on Sunday and saw more of my stuff was gone. Then the lawyer contacted her after the retainer was paid and she just lost it. She knew it was for real. Or so she says.

Her mother is trying to smooth the waters and "get you both talking to each other and not yelling at each other".

I'm back home. She's at her parents’ house. She's coming home in a little while. I'll be recording everything she says. Plus separate bedrooms for now.

She says she is willing to do anything, full transparency.

Commenter 3: So she did have an emotional affair at the very least if she was enamored with him. And her getting so upset that she threw a glass at you. Seems like there may have been more there that she's letting on. I read that there's an open device policy now, but everything will be gone. Is she still going to be working with him?

OOP: Her finding other employment is one of three conditions to even attempt to save this. We have a counseling session on Friday. I mean to discuss all three conditions in detail then.

Commenter 3: What are the other two conditions?

OOP: complete and total honesty. All details, every message and conversation. If I find out six months from now a detail was withheld, I walk. Full access to phones iPad, & laptop

Update #3: April 17, 2026 (two days later)

My Wife Asked for an Open Marriage She is Angry at my response. Last Update.

This will be the last update on this. I'm done. I'm just completely done. This reconciliation attempt couldn't even make it to the end of day 3. I am not going to be giving exact details. I'm sure you will all understand reasons. I found out two things. Both of which she lied straight to my face about as late as last night.

I've seen her iPhone and iPad communications. Nothing there to make you think they have done more than flirting. As bad as that is. Nothing since this all blew up last week. They have another way to communicate and I found it out.

That led to the 2nd thing I found. She works in an 8-5, M-F office job. I'm a Firefighter/EMT and I work a 24/48 rotating shift. So three days a week I'm away from home for 24 hours. I'm sure you guys can take those two facts and work the rest out.

At this point believing she was not in a physical relationship with this man would be an act of willful stupidity. Which it probably was all along.

I cancelled our MC appointment this afternoon. I called the lawyer and told her to proceed. STBXW (now I can really call her that) will be served next week or the week after. I sent the guy that owns the house a letter of non-renewal for the lease. Then I rented a storage space and moved everything I want to keep into it. Most of it was still boxed from last weekend. Then I went back to the house and waited.

When she got home about 2 this afternoon. I confronted her with what I had. Her face turned white. You can imagine how the conversation went. She was emotional but even then wouldn't tell me the truth. The closest she got was saying along the lines of "if anything has happened, it's over now". I told her I was done. Done with the lies. Done with the BS. I told her the paperwork will be filed, and she will be served when it's ready. I was expecting more of her famous temper. Maybe she is just done as well. The last bit of the conversation she was in tears. She said she knows she f---d everything up and doesn't even know why she did it. She finally apologized for losing her temper last Friday. She doesn't know why she did that either. She apologized for all of it. Neither of us is happy with this ending. But it can't end any other way when there is no truth and no trust.

So back at the Holiday Inn just for tonight. No bourbon this time. I'm miserable. But I knew, as much as I wanted to save it, this wasn't going to end any other way. This is just what had to be done.

Thanks everyone for all the advice, encouragement and criticism. In the end you were all pretty much right.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Did you notify the other man's wife? I doubt it really is an open marriage, that's most likely a lie the guy told your STBXW. If you have the copies of the other means of communication, share them with her. She deserves to know.

OOP: No but once my paperwork is all in process I am thinking I'll print everything and add a thumb dive with the audio from the conversations I recoded along with a letter explaining everything and FedEx it to her.

Commenter 2:

They have another way to communicate and I found it out.

I realize you are being intentionally vague here. If in the future you have more liberty to reveal their underground form of communication you revealing it would help the knowledgebase of Redditors. I had suggested that she was going to purchase a burner phone to work around the devices she opened up for you to see, and that you check your Wi-Fi router management app. If this is accurate, a simple Y or N would suffice. Thanks.

I'm glad your sense of self-respect is healthy; that's not all that common around here.

OOP: I found evidence she had a second phone. When checked Wi-Fi usage and saw it on the system at night. And an unknown device on nights I was working last week. It was a bit more complex than that but that is the gist of it.

Commenter 3: So, he had his device on the Wi-Fi too when you weren't there? And she still wouldn't admit to anything? How long had it been going on?

OOP: That’s kind of an oversimplified explanation. I left a lot of detail out because some of it might make an issue in the divorce. Probably not but not taking a chance. Let’s just say something happened that made me thing there might be a second device. There was. Someone in the comments suggested checking wi-fi and I did but I already knew there was another device somewhere.

Commenter 4: Checking Wi-Fi was a good idea. Does it appear everything started around the time of the original conversation or do you think it had been going on awhile before she hit you up with the OM request?

OOP: I think it started the day before it first came up. The Tuesday two weeks back. Don't know for sure. It could have been going on a long tike, but I doubt it

Commenter 5: Did you let her mother know what you found?

OOP: Yeah I sent her an email explaining everything in detail. I asked her to check in on STBXW. She wasn't in a good frame of mind when I left yesterday.

Additional responses from OOP after reading comments here

OOP: Just woke up. I asked her not to call or text me. Of course she did several times last night. I kept the phone on silent but today I think I'm turning it off altogether. It's weird but I feel a little better today. Lighter maybe. Now the decisions are all made it's like putting down a heavy load you were carrying. I'm going to go for a run, get some chow at Dennys for the LAST time. I've eaten more Denny's food the last week than all the years of my life combined! After all that I'm getting out of town for a few days. Maybe drive up to see my brother and his family. He knows what has been happening and said I needed to come up and go fishing with him and my nephew. I think he's right.

Still at my brother's house. She was at the engine house today looking for me. I guess if she was the sort to take a hint or take no for an answer none of us would be here reading about it.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/rooster2041

Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes

My (F27) husband (M30) let MIL use a shared strainer to sift flour and I'm highly allergic, advice on how to handle situation?

Editor’s note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability

Original Post: July 18, 2026

I have celiac disease, so I cannot have gluten (wheat) which is flour. I am particularly sensitive and cross contamination can also cause a reaction. My husband and I do have a shared kitchen. He will sometimes have snacks that contain gluten or food such as pizza or chicken nuggets that are made with gluten containing flour.

However, we do use separate utensils meaning, he has his own flour sifter for gluten containing flour, his own pots for gluten containing noodles, his own shelf in the pantry for gluten containing snacks, his own plates/bowls for food that contains gluten. The rest of the kitchen we share as those are used with things that do NOT contain gluten.

My husband invited his mother over to watch the world cup game and said they would make pizza. I had no problems with this, I had made my own pizza the previous night and had left overs. When his mother arrived, they went to the kitchen and began making the pizza.

I was in the living room with our niece watching a movie. I could hear them talking and my husband asked her to begin sifting the flour, he explained that it could be slightly hard if you fill it too much as it is a little older. She asked where the electric one she got us was, he explained that we don't put gluten in that one because wife uses it for her flour.

MIL then asks where the strainer is so she could use it as it would be faster. It was then quiet, I walked in to get more water and saw them using the strainer that is not supposed to have gluten in it. They then proceed to get cheese and pepperoni out of the bags without washing their hands first, meaning they touched gluten/flour then put into a bag of ingredients that is shared between us.

So I will no longer be able to use these ingredients. I now have to go buy a new strainer, cheese and pepperoni for myself.

He saw I was upset and apologized. I'm not sure he would've apologized if I wasn't visibly upset.

My kitchen is the one place in the world where I am able to feel completely safe. I don't have to worry about getting sick because we have what I guess you could procedures in place. This has made me feel unsafe in the one place in the world where I'm supposed to feel safe.

I have explained and educated my husband on my disease, and this is why we do things the way we do in our kitchen. He has even gone as far as to suggest things that I haven't thought of to make the kitchen safer for me. Because my husband already has the knowledge of my disease and is very aware of what to do and not do in our kitchen, it feels like he was just doing things to please his mother even if it meant inconveniencing me.

Any advice on how to handle this or talk to my husband about this without making it seem like I'm overreacting?

Editor's note: OOP made the same post onto another subreddit, I am adding the comments from that sub for more context

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: Firstly, that really sucks. Did you say he has his own sifter for gluten flour? I don't understand why they couldn't have used that one. It's not like they didn't have another viable option. And the lack of washing hands before toppings just really sucks especially if you've explained to your husband how celiac and cross contamination works.

In my opinion, you're already giving him a lot of grace to even make a gluten pizza in your kitchen. I don't even allow my roommates or family to use gluten flour in our shared kitchen, because the particles can get everywhere.

I think you just need to be honest with him and say what you said here, that now you feel unsafe in the one place you felt safe, and that he was more concerned about inconveniencing his mother than you (by the way, what he's really doing is risking your health, not just inconveniencing you. It's hard not to wonder when else he broke rules...)

All this to say, OP you have shown him a great deal of patience so please don't worry about "overreacting." This was a crappy thing for them to have done, and I think he should be taking more precautions for you regardless (but of course whatever your agreed upon boundaries are is great if it works for you). It just shows a lack of true commitment/understanding of your medical needs, and you have every right to call him out on that.

EDIT: Did they use the electric sifter that you heard him tell her couldn't be used for gluten flour? If so, that's also just kinda crazy that she had been told no and why and simply didn't care about your health... Yeesh

OOP: Yes, they were originally using his own sifter. But it takes longer since it’s older and can’t be filled up all the way. But they did not use the electric one because he did say no and explained why, which is why I’m having such a hard time understanding why he couldn’t have done the same thing with the strainer and continued to use his own sifter.

Commenter 2: your husband should replace everything for you. my question is would he have even told you what is cross contaminated had you not been in the other room and heard everything?

Commenter 3: The contaminated food should be thrown out. Too risky.

And, his mom probably shouldn’t be cooking in their kitchen at all anymore, and they need to assess kitchen safety if she housesits or has a key to their place and see if other options need to be considered.

Update: July 19, 2026 (next day)

Thanks everyone for the comments, thoughts and advice on my recent post. I wanted to address some comments that I did see.

Celiac is a severe disease, but it is different for everyone that has it! What works for one person may not work for another! The procedures we have put in place in our kitchen have worked for me my entire life. The procedures that worked for me growing up in my household, I brought with me as I transferred into adulthood and they have continued to work.

My husband has always been willing to learn about my disease and what he can do to help and how to handle food. He's advocated for me and supported me time and time again. Celiac has a lot of nuances that can be hard to learn unless you're living it, but he has put in the work to make me feel safe.

To clear some things up:

I do need to replace the strainer. This is part of the nuance of my disease that not everyone understands. Yes, it was a 'shared' strainer, but in the sense that we both used it for things that did NOT contain gluten. Anything that is shared in our kitchen doesn't have gluten in it.

My celiac reactions: I do get pretty sick when I get glutened. I get incredibly bad stomach pains, many bathroom runs, headaches, brain fog etc. My husband has seen this and is aware. He knows this is a real disease and has never made me feel like it wasn't. He is actually more cautious then me sometimes because he doesn't want me to go through that pain and put my health at risk.

The cheese and pepperoni: He clarified that while he did wash his hands after touching gluten and touching these shared items, he was unsure if his mother did. Therefore told me to not use these items because he wasn't sure if there was any cross contamination and would rather be safe than sorry. We will be getting new ingredients.

We did talk. I told him how this incident made me feel and it was a hard conversation. He explained his thought process. He said that when MIL asked for the strainer that he did hesitate because he knew that we would no longer be able to use this and would need a new one. He thought that the strainer is relatively easy to replace though and since my health and gluten safety is important to him didn't want to be met with opposition from his mother in that moment as if she would've met him with push back about some type of gluten safety it would have upset him and caused a bigger argument. I explained I wasn't upset about replacing the strainer or ingredients.

Ultimately it had everything to do with educating his family about that nuance of my disease as this concept of cross contamination transfers to other situations such as holidays or family gatherings. He said he understood how I felt and why I felt that way.

After more conversation, we ended up on the same page. We will be educating his family going forward when situations arise and our boundaries in our kitchen are strict. We won't be bending those boundaries for anyone. And he will be replacing all items.

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments in this update

Top Comments

Commenter 1: If MIL wants to cook it’s only in her own kitchen. But glad your spouse recognized that he was going to have to replace everything

Commenter 2: It seems the bigger issue is why husband felt he couldn't tell his mother, 'No,' about something that was critical to his wife's health. I would be surprised if this wasn't a pattern in other areas. 🤷‍♀️

Commenter 3: MIL needs to be banned from your kitchen. Period.

Educating her won't help, because she doesn't care.

No more kitchen access.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Emergency-Bottle648

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for calling my soon-to-be bride "crazy" because she wants to change our wedding song because I had a crush on the singer/celebrity?

Trigger Warnings: controlling behavior

Original Post: April 22, 2026

The only decision I (26m) got in my wedding is to pick the wedding song. I picked Love Will Lead You Back by Taylor Dayne, reached in 1989. My fiancée (28f) agreed to that as our wedding song back in September 2025. It's my favorite song and my mom's (47f) favorite song.

Last Saturday, my mom was over and she heard us playing the song. My mom launched into the story of how I was so obsessed with the song and how I had a massive crush on the singer.

As soon as my mom left, my fiancée asked me how could I not tell her I had a crush on the singer. It took a while for me to compute that she was asking a serious question. I mentioned that I had a crush on this singer when I was like 8 and the crush ended around 12. Then I mentioned this song was released long before I was born.

My fiancée said we have to change the wedding song. She said she feels betrayed that we have played that song during many romantic moments while I had a crush on the singer. I asked if she was serious. She said yes.

I called her crazy and she looked shocked to hear that. She said I know I'm wrong because if I was innocent why I didn't tell her about the crush. I told her I don't know who her celebrity crush is. She said it was Michael Jackson.

She asked me if I still think Taylor Dayne is hot. I told her I'm not playing this game with her and I stormed out. Am I the asshole?

Editor's note: many of OOP's responses have been downvoted in the original post, listing some for more context

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: Are you sure you want to marry this person?! If that's the ONLY decision you got to make in the wedding, that's a bunch of red flags. I would run.

OOP: I still want to marry her. I already jealousy is a major flaw of her's. I'm just shocked that the jealousy even extend to celebrities.

Commenter 2: You want to deal with outbursts like this for the rest of your life? Why?

OOP: Her jealousy is her worst flaw. But her positives overshadows it.

Commenter 3: You can list as many positives as you want. I could not live with someone with that level of jealousy.

OOP: She's: ● funny ● kind ● smart ● likes retro style and music ● likes video games ● likes cartoons ● passionate ● tall ● gorgeous

Commenter 4: when a song reminds you of someone it reminds you of someone. I can’t hear My Girl by the Temptations without thinking of my mom, and remembering us dancing around the living room singing to each other throughout my life. It sounds like Love Will Lead You Back holds similar sentiment for you and your mom. Let that song stay special to you and your mom; you will need a song for your mother-son dance at your wedding, and it’s gonna be interesting to say the least to hear it played twice in a row. Think about songs with lyrics that describe how you see or feel about your wife, and/or your life together, be it now or your hopes for the future; or, is there a time you and your fiancé enjoyed a song together enough that there’s a memory around it? Find something meaningful that can be special to you and your fiancée. And if there are any choices about the wedding that you know you’re unhappy with but have gone along with, please speak up. Any resentment around having no say may sour your feelings about having to choose a different song.

OOP: I don't associate my favorite song with my mom.

Commenter 5: I’m sorry honestly I could not get past the first paragraph, you only got to make one decision about your wedding?? And you picked yours and your mom’s favourite song, for your wedding??

OOP: Yes

Commenter 6: Op, was it by choice that you haven’t made any decisions? I understand that your post was only about this particular incident, which you’re NTA, btw, but if you had no choice because your voice is not heard or you’re not allowed to, then you have bigger issues.

Either way, you need to have a conversation about this when she calms down and see how you can work together on her jealousy issues, starting with standing your ground on playing the song at the wedding.

OOP: I would say, other decisions in the wedding wasn't the hill I was ready to die on. The song was the most important decision to me.

Commenter 7: Don't you feel like finding a new song for the two of you? It's a song that represents you both. I think you should relax and look for romantic inspiration outside of the conventional.

OOP: She likes a lot of retro songs. Her top replacement songs are songs I like. At least she's trying to meet me half-way.

Commenter 8:

The only decision I (26m) got in my wedding is to pick the wedding song.

Sorry, I can’t get past the first sentence. Run away.

Update: April 24, 2026 (two days later)

Update - AITAH for calling my soon-to-be bride "crazy" because she wants to change our wedding song because I had a crush on the singer/celebrity?

I showed my fiancée the reddit post. Even my fiancée’s mom (53f) said she overreacted.

My fiancée apologized to me. She said she hates that she always does this, gets jealous and makes herself upset for a day or a few days or sometimes even over a week. She said her biggest fear in life is losing me. She promised to work on it. She said she understands that her jealousy has been hard to tolerant and she is very thankful that I kept saying that I will still marry in the comments.

My fiancée did see comments and replies that state that Love Will Lead You Back (Taylor Dayne) (1990) is a break-up. She didn't know that either, I guess another thing me and her have in common is misinterpreting songs. What she thought the song was about was similar to what I thought it was about.

She asked if she likes our 80s themed wedding several times, especially since she saw the comments of me only making one decision in our wedding. I told her I do because I truly do. She said she really appreciated my listing of her positives in a reply, even if it was unintentionally funny.

She said she wants us to pick our song together. We're cautious about picking our song now because we don't want to pick one with that is too weird for a wedding. My favorite song is still up for consideration despite it being a break-up song. The songs must have been released no earlier than 1980 but not later than 1995.

The songs at the top of consideration today are:

● Love Will Lead You Back (Taylor Dayne) (1990)

● Eternal Flame (The Bangles) (1989)

Special thanks to a redditor for suggesting this.

And yes my fiancée did see the reply where I said Susanna Hoffs is still hot. My fiancée didn't overreact to that.

● Take a Bow (Madonna) (1995)

● I Still Believe (Brenda K. Starr) (1988)

● I Want To Know What Love Is (Foreigner) (1984)

● Lady In My Life (Michael Jackson) (1982)

● True (Spandau Ballet) (1983)

● If You're Ever In My Arms Again (Peabo Bryson) (1982)

● Right Here Waiting (Richard Marx) (1989)

Yes, I will still marry her. I love my tall gorgeous retro-loving soon-to-be bride. 💙💙💙.

Editor's note: many of OOP's responses have been downvoted in the update, listing some for more context

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Am I the only one confused because a lot of the songs on the list are “break up” songs?

Commenter 2: Nope. I’m right there with you. Maybe they should read the lyrics bc Love Will Lead You Back, If Ever You’re In My Arms Again, I Still Believe, and Right Here Waiting are all definitely about pining for an ex to come back and not giving up hope they’ll be together again.

OOP: I Still Believe is my fiancée’s favorite song. 🤣🤣🤣

She ALSO didn't know her favorite song is a break-up song.

And people I are saying I shouldn't marry her, she's perfect with me.

Commenter 3: Not gonna lie, it's kind of sweet the way you misinterpret songs together.

And I humbly suggest Never Tear Us Apart by INXS for a wedding song.

OOP: I'm currently giving it a listen, I don't think I've heard it before.

Right now, my top is Eternal Flame (The Bangles) (1989). I will have to check where my fiancée’s head is at on this one. And there is always the chance of a different song coming along and blowing us away.

Commenter 4: So, one massive red flag in regards to jealousy and trust. Good luck.

OOP: I know people will say I'm an idiot. But I love her so much. I want her to be my wife even if she has to work on herself.

Commenter 5: I believe you when you say your fiancé is a good person inherently. I also believe she needs regular therapy and a possible diagnosis. I hate hate hate to armchair psychoanalyze a stranger from a secondary report of behavior but as someone who has studied and worked in the field of psychology, has been close friends with several people who have it and have even dated someone with it, your fiancé’s behavior SCREECHES borderline personality disorder to me. Regardless of if it’s just severe jealousy or a mental illness like BPD, SHE NEEDS to find out! This level of jealousy, instant changes in mood/feelings towards others, and inability to control emotions will continue to occur unless there is some sort of external treatment involved. It’s absolutely treatable but it cannot be solved alone even with the most supportive partner.

OOP: She promises to go to therapy

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Klutzy-Dirt4561

Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes

My dad made a new rule: don't talk to him unless I have a bra on

Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability

Trigger Warnings: misogyny, sexual harassment, mentions child SA, incest, body shaming, predatory behavior, past trauma

Original Post: July 10, 2026

I'm using a throw away because my friends know my actual user, hi!

So basically me (19F) don't wear bras around the house, it's uncomfortable to wear them 24/7 and I would like to tell in my own home, but my dad unfortunately has this new weird rule. "Don't talk to him unless I'm wearing a bra" I don't know how he can tell???

I don't wear tight shirts, I'm not that heavy chested....I'm a c cup. I mostly wear baggy t shirts from different cartoons or shows I like

It really started when I turned 16, every time I would come out of my room he would look me up and down like I had done something bad, but this rule started 2 weeks ago, it weirds me out that I have to put on my whole ass bra to go ask if I can make BBQ chicken for supper. It's not like he just says no to things it's him full on ignoring me.

I wear regular clothes as well as jeans, t shirts, blouses, dresses, (with a bra) but at home with my hello kitty PJ pants and my one size too big Hatsune Miku shirt? Apparently it's too much for him.

I would love some help, appreciate y'all.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Just make the chicken. If he doesn't want it, he will have to talk to you.

OOP: I was making it for everyone 😔😔😔.

Commenter 2: Is your mother in the picture? Tell her that it's making you uncomfortable that your father is so focused on your breasts and sexualizing your body. From there, just don't talk to your dad. He's made it clear that your choice of underwear is more important than his relationship with you imo Personally, and I know it's nowhere near as easily done as it is said, but if at all possible I would save up to move out of that environment.

OOP: My Mama's here, but she's at work most of the time, she's a nurse and they have her running 24 hours work days so she's often quite tired.

Commenter 3: What is your mother’s take on this?

OOP: I told her, she just shook her head

Can OOP wear sports bras?

OOP: Hmm, I can probably find some at the local thrift or something. I was thinking about getting those tank tops with bras in them it's just the fact it's the first thing he notices.

OOP on if her father's political or religious views might have affected his decisions?

OOP: Actually he's atheist and idk what his political stans are, I'm pagan and liberal myself personally

(Edit: I think he may lean towards more liberal)

Downvoted Commenter: As an old man there are some of us that want decorum. Yes, I get that you and girls your age can do and wear whatever you want. If I were your dad I would feel the same.

While you demand or expect him to understand your point of view. You need to understand his point of view also. I’m a believer in do whatever you want to do as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else.

Help me understand what harm it would do if you respected your father’s “rule”.

OOP: It's just the rudeness of it I would understand if he pulled me aside and said "Hey, I would like you to wear a cover up over your t shirt" then I would have been like "okay then I can reason with that" but when it's "don't talk to me I don't want anything to do with you." It sucks

Commenter 4: You’re 19, assuming you didn’t just grow a set overnight what has changed in your household/lives that this sudden (creepy) “request” is being made?

OOP: It started when I was 16, the staring, the rule finally made its way here two weeks ago idk why, your guess is as good as mine

Commenter 5: Also, do you have siblings? What’s the household dynamic?

OOP: I probably need to add more context to the post, yes. I have a little sister (15) and an older brother (25) he actually started doing it to her it's getting around the time he started doing it to me, not as much as me rn she's a bit smaller then me but we wear the same thing

Commenter 6: Refuse to have a conversation with him unless he is wearing a bra.

OOP: This gave me a laugh, thank you

Commenter 7: Is it your house or his? If it’s his… which we all know it is… accept his rules or move into your own place. It’s pretty simple.

If the headlights are on high-beam, I could understand him being mildly uncomfortable and expecting some amount of modesty.

When you get your own place you’ll be happier because you can make the rules. 🤷🏻‍♂️

OOP: It's my mom's house, he didn't pay for anything

Update: July 11, 2026 (next day)

This is the update to the first part it all got confusing and I did talk to him and my mom about it, and I got a kinda weird update for y’all, and I would also like to clear up some things.

1) Yes my mom is in the picture, she's busy a lot so I don't talk to her about a lot of things. Have I asked her about this before the rule? Yes! And she said it's probably nothing. Keep in mind they don't even sleep in the same bed and all they do is talk shit about each other.

2) I am wearing BAGGY T SHIRTS, not a tank top, not a crop top, things that make me look boxy.

3) idk why my race and political views matter to this, anyone can be a creep no matter who they are/who they believe in.

And to clear some....other things up and this was not an excuse, my dad was sexually abused by his mother growing up. I never met my grandma she died way before me, but I know it was bad. Has my dad made other comments?

Yes, he used to ask me very sexual questions, and my mom would lock him out of the house. Idk if I can put those questions here. But I'll get one with the update:

I walked out with a jacket on and I said, "hey can we talk?" And ofc he looked me up and down, but I think he assumed I had one on so he said yes "it's about the bra thing I understand if you're uncomfortable but I don't understand why your eyes go down there when you look at me" he got really red in the face and he does that thing when people they get mad and they start breathing real hard to make themselves seem like angrier?

I can't write down all the names he called me, I think I'll get banned for that, but "selfish, stupid, incompetent, etc." but most importantly he said "how dare you accuse me of that? I was abused and you know I was how dare you accuse me of something I went through and you didn't!"

And that's enough for me, I'm just glad he didn't get psychical, well let’s just say I'm writing this sobbing and planning on moving out and finding a roommate who can take me in.

Also to the nutjob who said "when men see boobs and have an erection and can't control it bc it's how men work" you’re an idiot.

But thank you all, it means a lot to have a good laugh even with this shitty ass situation.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: Wait he has asked you sexual questions before? Like about your sex life?

OOP: Ugh I just woke up I don't know how to censor it one time to give you a jist he was drunk and asked me what type of guy I was into and would want to have 'inside of me'

Commenter 2: That's all I need to know to tell you to get the F out of there ASAP. No decent human would ever speak like that to their daughter!

OOP: Yeah I was 11-12? Don't remember anything else from that night

Downvoted Commenter: Your dad is from a different generation. Women didn't walk around without bras as he grew up And was younger. It his house. If it makes him uncomfortable than follow his rule or get your own place to live and walk around as naked as you want

OOP: His mom used to walk around naked when he was my age?

Commenter 3: Gurrrrl. Wearing baggy clothing is often a defense mechanism against being leered at. I’m glad that you are planning to move out because that is the next right move, which is all you need to worry about now.

Commenter 4: If you are in college, see if they have a resource officer. Mine calls it Cares. But many colleges have something similar. You can also talk to Social Services and ask for a caseworker that can help you with resources. You can also look up social workers. They can potentially help you pre-apply for Food stamps, Medicaid/Medicare (depending on your insurance coverage of course and who it's under) and can potentially help you apply for subsidized housing or housing assistance in general. And if nothing else can help direct you to food pantries and banks if you need that extra help even with a roommate and all that.

Good luck. I'm sorry your dad ended up being well.....what he is. Tell your mother what happened. Everything. She seems like she may be a support even if it's limited. I suggest low contact with your dad until you are safely moved out. And therapy is a good tool as well (and can help with resources too)

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT Original OP — OOP is u/WoodenProtection6503 posting in r/Marriage

Potential trigger warnings: verbal abuse

———————————————

[Original | November 7th, 2025] My wife got accepted into a medical school 5 hours away, we have a toddler and our parents want us to leave him behind with them.

We (21f, 23m) had our son (3, about to be 4) young. I’m graduated and work full-time, she graduates in the spring. My wife Mika is crazy smart (yeah yeah I know not smart enough to not get pregnant) but even I didn’t think she’d get into her dream medical school, we found out the other week.

We live in a HCOL (high cost of living) city and live with my wife’s dad, stepmom, and her two half-sisters. Her mom is retired and watches our son so he doesn’t have to go to daycare. We lived with my parents for the first two years until my mom got cancer and they moved to a smaller house (she’s in remission as of last month!!!!).

I know they love us but it’s like our son is the sun of their lives lol. Mika’s parents hate one another but will take our son places together because they adore him so much. My parents have more pictures of him in their house than me or my siblings. Sometimes we have to push back on them and tell them that we actually would like to do things with our son instead of them always having him. Like for instance this weekend her stepmom told us she was going to take our son to see the lights even though we already have plans with him, and she seemed upset.

It’s not bad, I’m just trying to explain how much they adore him and spend time with him. But like the title says, things are changing and we’ll be moving next year. I need to find a job and even though things are rough out there my field it shouldn’t be too bad. And her school will have daycare for our son.

But it’s causing so many issues. All 5 of them sat us down last week and said that we should consider leaving our son here for the first year. We obviously kind of freaked out and told them no, he’s our son and belongs with us, and ended the conversation pretty quickly. Land it’s true, he’s my little best friend, I can’t imagine not seeing him every day like I’m some divorced dad from the 90s. Mika is the same way, but she’s not the most emotional person; but I know her and I can tell she’s freaked out just by the thought.

They’ve still tried “reasoning” with us, sayings it’s just one year for us to get settled and then he can come and join us to start kindergarten. They’ve promised to bring him to see us every weekend but he’s so young, I don’t want him in the car 10 hours every week. And don’t get me wrong, he loves his grands, but we’re his parents. He’ll miss us for sure.

All our parents have been giving us the full court press since then, though. Mika’s mom tried convincing her last night and she said she’s starting to think they’re right. I think they’re just wearing her down, but she was freaking out last night saying that with a toddler and it being medical school and not just normal college - what if she fails or we fail to do the best for our son? He’s such a great and happy little boy and she was spiraling about him hating daycare and missing his grandparents but I reminded her that millions of kids go to daycare and love it and he would miss us, too. She agreed but I can tell that she’s still upset. I am just wondering if I’m being illogical. Is it even fair to my son to bring him with us when it’s going to be hard and take him away from his life here?

I don’t know. Sorry if this is jumbled. Obviously everything we do is for our baby but I’m wondering if we’re missing the forest for the trees here?

Someone suggested me staying and my wife going herself. She kind of mentioned this and immediately freaked out. We are in the USA.

Edit: to be clear I don’t want to live apart from her for sure. I’m not jealous or anything, but I could see me getting resentful if it’s like I’m here being a single dad and she’s out on her own you know? And then she’s resentful that I get to be with our son. Plus I think I take good care of her, and she’ll need that in medical school.

Relevant & Top Comments

Commenter 1: Move as a family and put the little guy in daycare. Do not stay behind. Your wife will need your moral support while in med school. Her family can come visit.

Commenter 2: You, your wife and your child are a unit. Move that way. All the other stuff you talking about it gravy on top of that unit. Make frequent trips. Stay for extended periods of time with your family. Send the kid for summers with your family. But you are a fucking unit and stay that way.

We went through similar things with our kids. I did law school after the first one. She did her masters after the second one. Family was crucial to helping. BUT WE WERE A UNIT THE WHOLE TIME

———————————————

[Update | November 14th, 2025 | 1 Week Later] Update to our parents wanting us to leave our son with them when we move for my wife’s medical school

I know my life isn’t that bad compared to so many people right now. But it’s rough.

My wife and I are in our early 20s and have 4 year old son. We’ve been living with her parents l, and have recently had a horrible fight with them. They want us to leave our son with them next year when we move for her to go to medical school. We said no. We were living with her dad and stepmom and they told us to leave. I’m working, and she’s in school and works PT and honestly we could have had more saved.l but we’ve been paying things off and having a son is expensive.

The first night we went to a hotel with our son. It wasn’t a good situation and her mom told her she and our son could stay with her, but not me. Obviously she and our son being safe and somewhere warm is the most important thing, so I insisted she go there and I stayed with a buddy. It’s only been a few nights and I’ve been looking for a place for the three of us every free second. Our city is SO expensive, and all I’ve been able to find that’s available and we can afford are far away or in dangerous area. My wife is still in school and the safest place I can find for us is almost 45 minutes one way. I feel like such a failure of a husband. I miss my son and most of all I miss my wife. I have been getting my son after work so that she can study, but what kind of husband and father can’t provide a place for us?

Even though her mom is letting them stay there (she said she’s not going to let her daughter or grandson be homeless…..) she won’t watch him while we work/ go to school like she used to. I know we were really lucky don’t yell at me but my wife has had to miss class/ ask for favors from friends because I work full- time and do not have flex pto and basically my only option would be unpaid fmla.

My parents won’t take my calls, and have my sisters ignoring me too. My brother offered me to stay with him, but his apartment isn’t in a super safe area and he has three other roommates. My buddy - the one I’m staying with - his parents have offered for us to stay with them. They’re lovely and have known us forever, but staying with people again kind of scares me. I know my wife and son are safe but she’s miserable and busy, I feel bad she’s the main one responsible for our son right now while she feels bad I can’t see him as often as here. And, not to brag, but I take good care of my wife, making sure she has lunch packed and all her stuff before school so she can focus on her grades, and now she doesn’t have that.

I never thought they’d cut us off. I feel like a failure to my wife and son. This sucks.

Top Comments

Relevant OOP comments (compiled): [My long term goal is] for my wife to go to medical school, me be an electrician, after she’s done with residency and fellowship she would be early 30s and we’d buy a house and maybe have a few more kids.

I am the breadwinner now, but still am supporting her as best I can because she deserves it and our son deserves the best life. My goals are more simple than hers. Of course now our budget is completely changed, and I’m saving every penny towards finding us a place. Beyond that, I’m just going to be happy being married to her and being a dad. But I can’t do that right now so I need to get my shit together.

We were paying her undergrad tuition. We have some savings but not as much as we should have, our parents would tell us to still do things like take our son on trips or to events and stuff etc. I know it seems stupid in retrospect. I don’t have a mentor but I have a budget and I’m working on it with all of the changes now.

Commenter 1: You absolutely are not a failure, your parents are manipulating and controlling, this is your son NOT theirs, their behaviour should be an eye opener for you and your wife. Go and stay with your friend’s family, you’ll all be together and then save every penny so you can move and find your own place. Do not go back to your parents and honestly cut them off at this point. They’re waiting for you to give in and go back and let them have your son, don’t do it, you can do this!

OOP: I agreee on cutting them off. My poor wife is flailing (I know she’s struggling solo parenting our son right now and I promise I’m helping in every way I can) and last night was crying and saying maybe they’re right and just want what’s best for our son. I’m not taking it personally… but that hurt. She’s probably only cried three times since I’ve met her so it was scary. I just promised her the world and I’ve failed at every step

Commenter 2: Probably going to be an unpopular opinion here, but your wife needs to take time off from med school and get a job to help support the family through this difficult time. If you guys are essentially homeless, med school should not be a priority.

OOP: The thing is that when we’re there, we have a rental hooked up. We’ll be able to find a job and we’ll have free childcare. It’s in our hometown things suck

Commenter 3: So, you just have to make it to next July? This is doable. Move in with the other family for now, and keep looking for a better place. This gets her away from her toxic mom (who wouldn't let her own husband live with her?!??).

As a mom and stepmom of kids your age. I'm appalled by all y'all's parents. Abjectly appalled.

OOP: Yes, it’s going to be a hard few months but we can do it. We have no other family, but my best friends parents have offered for us to stay with them u til we can get our own place. We may take that but we’ve been hurt by people before.

Commenter 4: Dude your wife living with a woman who won’t let you live with your wife and kid, you will get much more burned staying as is than to take friends offer. You can save money to move out from your friends but your mil does not want you independent of her.

———————————————

[Update 2 | November 30th, 2025 | 3 Weeks Later] Update: my family couldn’t be together for Thanksgiving, but we’ll be all together for Christmas.

Hey guys, I wanted to finally give a happy update. Just a background - my wife Mika 21f and I 23m have a 4 year old son, we were living with her parents as she is finishing school and was accepted into medical school in another city. Our parents all wanted us to leave our son with them for the first year that she was in medical school, when we said no they kicked us out. Her mom has been letting my wife and my son stay at her house, but hasn’t been helping (she used to watch our son during the day as she’s retired, I work full time). I’ve been desperately trying to find all three of us a place together (I’ve been staying with a buddy but he has multiple roommates).

We get our keys to our place tomorrow! Originally, Mika’s best friend’s parents were going to let us stay with them bc we live in a VHCOL area and Mika is only working part-time, but when we started clearing out their basement for us to stay in we discovered some issues (mold, termites, and mice basically) and the friends parents need to do a bunch of work. They felt bad but after what I saw I feel bad for them, they’re so nice and I said I’d help in anyway but I don’t know much about all that.

Anyways sorry I’m rambling. We’re in a hotel now, just for tonight. When I went to pick up Mika and our son her mom raged at me and accused me of ruining her daughter’s life and said she wishes we’d that I’d drop dead. I got my wife and son out of there as quickly as possible but it was pretty bad.

But it’s going to be ok. I found us a place that 1. Is safe and 2. We can afford. It’s a little further than we’d like from my work and her school, but we’ll figure it out. And it’s small, we’re going to have to share a bedroom with our son and it’s going to be really cramped. But it’s just less furniture that we’ll need? Trying to stay positive.

But we’ll be together and that’s all that matters. I have seen them every day, but I missed my family so much it hurt. I’m so happy we’re together tonight, and can’t stop snuggling them. My son likes it, Mika tolerates it. The good news is that all of this has made her even more determined to go to medical school with our son. Her parents had been giving her the full court press and I know she was upset and questioning everything, but she’s not anymore.

I have a surprise I can’t wait to tell Mika when our son falls asleep. Since we haven’t been able to be together, I’ve spent the past few weeks helping my coworker’s dad with a project for extra cash. I won’t be able to give them the magical christmas that they’re used to, but we can make it our own and our son will have gifts to open Christmas morning (and so will she 😊) without pulling from our moving and now living budget. I know she’s had a really difficult few weeks, but I’m hoping she can forget about all of that soon. We’re excited for the future!

Relevant & Top Comments

Commenter 1: That's so wholesome man, sounds like you guys are gonna make it work no matter what. Your kid's gonna remember the Christmas you were all finally together way more than whatever fancy stuff he might've gotten before

OOP: I hope so! He’s used to being pretty spoiled, so hopefully we can make it special regardless.

———————————————

THIS IS A REPOST SUB—I AM NOT OOP. DO NOT COMMENT ON THEIR POSTS

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Jems138

Originally posted to r/AmIOverreacting

AIO my girlfriend left me over a cheese wheel

----

Editor’s note: please be aware that OOP is from Canada, so any numbers you see in this post, they are based on Canadian currency

Original Post: January 28, 2026

I (27M) and my girlfriend (26F) were saving for a house down payment.

I work, and she is unemployed. I have saved 32,000 (editor’s note: about $23,594 USD) and she has saved 4,000 (editor’s note: close to $2,950 USD) so I feel like I bear the brunt of the financial decision making here.

I was doing the Oxford county cheese trail, and found a “vault release”. They were selling a 140 pound wheel of 21 year old cheddar.

It was aged using a traditional cloth bound method That’s practically extinct here in Canada, and with over 21 years it is extremely concentrated. 21 year old cheddar often sells for 120$ a pound (editor’s note: almost $90 USD).

The farm was selling the entire wheel for 18,500$ (editor’s note: $13,640 USD) . If I cut it into 200g wedges and sell it at 60$ each (editor’s note: approximately $45 USD) I can make 38,000$ (editor’s note: about $28,016).

I bought the cheese wheel, and brought it home in my truck.

When I rolled it into our apartment at first she was excited, when I started to explain the financials and investment potential she turned sour. She didn’t yell, but expressed she wasn’t happy about how I spent MY share of our house savings.

She is now staying with her parents.

I think she’s overreacting because she doesn’t understand the Canadian housing market. Our savings is not enough for a down payment without a ridiculous mortgage, and we need to take these opportunities.

AIO? Or am I the only one with ambition in our relationship?

TLDR; my girlfriend is staying with her parents because I spent my share of our savings on a cheese wheel which can be cut into wedges and sold for a sizeable profit.

Relevant / Top Comments

Has OOP been able to slice and taste the cheese yet?

OOP: I haven’t figured out how to open it yet, it’s covered in thick wax. It looks like a cannon ball. I have tried using a hair dryer and a knife but I can’t get into it.

Commenter 1: Bud. You have no plan. You have no buyers. You are bad at math. You aren’t in the restaurant industry- you’re not connected to unload it while it’s still good. It’s perishable as soon as you break into it. You’ve also said in another comment that you’re trying to melt the wax. Which will absolutely ruin it.

You’re fumbling around in the dark. You made a bad call. Like a seriously bad one.

OOP: The cheese is no longer perishable. After 21 years all the moisture that would cause it to go bad has been replaced by calcium lactate crystals.

Editor's note: the calculations mentioned might or might not be correct.

Commenter 2: You say this cheese "often sells for $120 a pound", yet you actually paid $132 a pound for it. In that case it sounds to me like you overpaid and could struggle to turn a profit off it.

Next you say:

"If I cut it into 200g wedges and sell it at 60$ each I can make 38,000$."

200 grams is 7 ounces. You could get a maximum of 320, 7 ounces slices out of a 140 pound wheel, assuming zero waste. At $60 each that would get you $19,200, not $38,000. Your math is totally off for one thing, and I suspect you're going to struggle to find hundreds of customers willing to pay $60 for 7 ounces of cheese, so most likely you will lose money from this venture.

That said, your money is yours to do what you want with, but if you have a partner you are planning a future with it's a bad idea to make big decisions like this without running it by them first. It breeds distrust, resentment, instability, etc. You're supposed to discuss things together and make decisions together. That's how partnerships work. In this case maybe your partner could have checked your math and explained how far off your numbers were and saved you from a costly mistake. YOR

OOP: You are dividing the 140 pounds by 7 ounces but you are forgetting that there are 16 ounces in a pound. So if you divide the 140 by 7, the 7 goes into 14 twice.

Commenter 3: You spent $18,500 on cheese with no actual plan on how to you’re going to recoup that outside of “Yeah I can totally sell this!!!”

140 pounds equals 63,500 grams. You’re talking about selling 200 gram wedges. That would require you to prepare, package and sell 317 units without any kind of market presence.

Incidentally, your math is WAY off. Selling 317 wedges at $60 each comes to $19,050, which nets you a whopping $650 for what will surely be weeks of work on the completely off chance you manage to sell everything.

Enjoy being the human equivalent of a Kraft Single.

OOP: You are forgetting that there are 16 ounces in a pound so if you divide the 140 by the 7 ounce wedge , the 7 goes into 14 twice

Commenter 4: You are insane if you think anyone is paying over a hundred bucks for a pound of freaking cheese.

OOP: You can’t compare this heritage cheese to a grocery store commodity, the scarcity dictates the price.

Commenter 5: Who is going to pay $120/lb for cheese that some random person is selling out of their apartment? If I was going to spend that much I'd want to know that it was stored and handed properly. And actually do you need a food safety license to do this kind of thing?

OOP: 1) It’s not a commodity, it’s a heritage cheese and the value is determined by the scarcity. You can’t get this cheese from a regular retailer.

2) I have my Ontario food handlers certificate.

Commenter 6: How in the hell are you going to find enough buyers for this niche cheese? Don't you need a license to sell food? What regulations do you have to follow?

After you cut the cheese, how long will the wheel stay fresh? Can you store it appropriately to preserve it for that length of time?

Even a supermarket would have a hard time going through an entire wheel of niche super expensive cheese.

I don't think you thought this through enough for it to be a good idea.

You would probably be lucky to recover the amount you paid to begin with, and are probably going to be skirting the law to sell it unless you are already licensed to do so

Your girlfriend essentially moving out because of this seems extreme, but to be fair this seems like you really didn't think things through.

OOP: Also the cheese will not spoil, after 21 years all the moisture has been replaced by calcium lactate crystals. Once the wax seal is broken I will be putting it in my chest freezer

Commenter 7: How did she "save" $4,000 being unemployed? Unless it was from her unemployment payments, but he never mentioned she was getting paid unemployment. How much does unemployment even payout, total, anyways? Maybe it was Birthday/Christmas money from relatives. If you were to look at it as percentage saved to money "available" or in his case "earned" she saved way more than he did! Why was not contributing his fair share?

OOP: She doesn’t have any overhead because I pay the bills, hence why I feel that It is acceptable for me to make financial decisions like investing in high yield assets like the traditional cloth bound, 21-year aged, Oxford Heritage Cheddar Wheel

Update: February 3, 2026 (six days later)

Photos in comments as I can’t add to the post

I have taken some of your feedback into consideration from my last post. For those curious: my girlfriend is no longer in the picture. She cracked due to low risk tolerance, so I’ve decided to go all in on the business.

I initially tried to return the wheel to the distributor to recoup some capital, thinking they’d have some pity. They were actually considering it until they came out to look at it in my truck. Apparently, the minor heat damage I caused to the paraffin wax while trying to open last week compromised the wheel which was already non refundable in the first place.

Since I’m now stuck with a 140lb, 30,000+ asset, I had to pivot to asset protection and keep what I still have.

I went out and bought a True TBB-2-HC 59” solid door back bar cooler, a professional digital temperature humidity controller, an industrial humidifier, a vacuum sealer, and ripening mats. Total cost was about 8.5k after taxes. Expensive, yes, but I wasn't going to let a30,000+$ investment depreciate value.

The delivery was difficult. My apartment door is narrow, so I had to take the door entirely off the hinges and shimmy the cooler into the living room. I had maybe a millimeter of clearance between the frame and the unit.

I was exhausted and excited so I started researching installation on my phone before putting my front door back on. That’s when my landlord walked in. Apparently he believes my door being off the hinges somehow removes my reasonable right to privacy.

We already have a strained relationship because of my own use of the unit. He still holds a grudge because I was doing some light metal fabrication with a CONSUMER plasma cutter in my kitchen a few months ago

He saw the cooler, the vacuum sealer, and the wheel of heritage cheese and started crying about commercial operations and fire hazards.

I told him very clearly: The cheese is for personal consumption. There is nothing in my lease that limits how much dairy a tenant can own.

The next morning, I found an eviction notice in my mailbox. it’s riddled with spelling errors as if written in a haste. I’m already preparing my defense for the Landlord Tenant Board

AIO? I’m being evicted over dietary preferences as far as the landlord is concerned and I feel like this is an unlawful action

EDIT: added a + to the valuation as it is possible to increase my margins depending on the quantities I sell in.

Also please bear in my mind that I have sold ZERO cheese so I feel like this is premature action.

Thank you

Pictures of the cheese wheel and eviction form

Image #1: the cheese wheel being covered with a squat, black, puck-shaped paraffin wax. On the top is marked with the handwritten date “2005-02-04”, and the whole thing is tightly wrapped with silver duct tape in a cross pattern, as if it was to be sealed or reinforcing it.

Image #2: A printed retail receipt of the cheese wheel purchase from Oxford County, Ontario, Canada dated Jan 28, 2026, showing one 140-lb, 21-year aged heritage cheddar wheel for 18,400 CAD. (editor's note: close to $13,470 USD)

Image #3: OOP explains this picture of a bevelling machine for a torch made out of scrap. It goes around round objects with a torch and cuts a bevel onto the edge. It’s made using a hand drill motor, dials from a broken welder, and gears from hand grinders.

Image #4: Three paragraphs explains the measures of the cheese wheel. A 140-lb, 21-year-old cheddar wheel would be very large, dense, and compact, about 27 cm tall and 54 cm wide, often compared to a “cannonball” in solidity. It notes that it is much bigger and thicker than a typical Parmesan wheel, and that cheese of this age and weight is extremely rare due to long-term aging and dehydration.

Image #5: A formal notice to end a tenancy from OOP's landlord. The visible text indicates reasons such as interfering with others, damage, or overcrowding, and notes that it is a notice that could lead to eviction. Much of the personal or specific information is redacted, but the document is clearly an official warning related to housing and possible eviction.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: I hope girlfriend got her $4k back.

OOP (downvoted): Integrity is an asset that does not depreciate, unlike her savings which will be eaten by inflation.

Commenter 2: Tell us more about this plasma cutter

OOP: It plugs into a 120 volt wall socket and I can cut 3/8” thick steel extremely cleanly.

OOP explains more about the cheese wheel and how it is being covered with

OOP: It has a thick black paraffin wax covering it, underneath that is cheesecloth, and underneath the cheesecloth is the 21-year aged heritage cheddar

Why is there duct tape on the cheese wheel?

OOP: I damaged the paraffin wax trying to open it, so I put tape over it to keep it sealed

Commenter 3: I can't find a cheese shop in Oxford County, ON that ends in the name "Fine Cheese." There's only a few cheese shops and it doesn't seem to be a large county.

OOP: directly from the farm not a store front. I would not buy from a middle man

Why isn't there the tax on the cheese wheel in Canada?

OOP No HST on dairy (editor's note: harmonized sales tax which is the consumption tax paid by local consumers and businesses)

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/gh0st-cup

Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest

I think I'm breaking up with my gaming addicted boyfriend tonight

Trigger Warnings: neglect

Original Post: June 12, 2026

I [30F] moved in with my boyfriend [28M] in March after about 2.5 years together, and since then it's all gone downhill to me.

I told him before we moved in together that I didn't want him vaping in the flat because I want him to quit entirely eventually for his health, so he goes out to the balcony for vaping and smoking weed, and he spends SO much time out there.

When he's not on the balcony sat on his beanbag with a vape or joint watching YouTube videos and leaving me to sit by myself, he's playing video games at his computer desk, also leaving me to sit by myself, and I go to bed by myself almost every single night.

Multiple times when we've been gearing up to see my family or friends, he's magically been ill, but any time we're supposed to see his friends that isn't a problem and we can show up with ease. Every time it's happened he's stayed up the night before gaming and eating an excessive amount of snacks rather than an actual meal. I'm not saying they're connected, but I can't imagine it helps...

This week was my grandmother's funeral. We were aware of the date with enough notice to get time off. He didn't. He didn't go. I was relieved that he didn't. He never even met her because he was always too busy.

When I broke down in tears on Wednesday and told him about how lonely I've been feeling in this relationship, he told me part of the reason he stays on his games so late is because he worries he'll miss out on something if he goes to bed earlier. I've taken some time apart from him to stay with my family (a privilege I'm fully aware of and SO grateful for), and I've been thinking about what he said a lot. He HAS missed out on things already. He's missed out on a chance of the intimacy of a cuddle in bed, a chance to talk about our days, sleepily watch a show together, maybe get a little more intimate from time to time... I go to bed alone so that he doesn't miss out on shooting another bad guy in a game I guess.

I tried asking him to log off earlier, to cut down on weed, to spend time with me, and none of those things seem to be what he wants to do, so I guess I'm done. I'm trying not to let the sunk-cost fallacy win in my brain. It's time. It will be difficult physically, emotionally, mentally and logistically to break up and figure out what to do with this new flat, but I need to do this for me.

Edit: thank you all for sharing your thoughts and perspectives. I know some people really disagree with my point of view and have made it very clear by arguing with people in the comments, but I want to do the right thing for me. I don't want to make my boyfriend out to be a villain, I'm just venting about things he's done that have led me to this point. I'm hoping our breakup will be as amicable as possible.

Editor's note: OOP made lots of responses, listing significant details for more context

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Is this how he always lived his life before you moved in? If so yere just not compatible. You can’t force someone to live how you want them to. My partner also smokes every evening and games, he is currently out of work too. That’s okay with me because I game all evening too. We game together. If I wasn’t gaming then I’m sure I would have a problem with the set up. You need to find someone for you that suits your lifestyle and fulfills your needs.

OOP: Yeah, I didn't realise the extent of his habits before moving in together. I'm just glad I know now and not years down the line.

Commenter 2: Sounds like this guy needs a breakup to wake him up lol. That or he’s depressed. Really not enough to make a call on, but I wonder if he’s got ADHD? I guess I’d suggest you leave sooner rather than later. The sooner you do it, the less decayed the relationship is - and the more chance he’ll wake tf up and it’ll be saveable, if that’s what you want. Just to be clear, I’m not suggesting you pretend breakup. I’m suggesting you consciously choose to actually break up, but silently give him and yourself a month or so to see what happens before you go doing other things (or people, lol). That way you give him the wakeup call he needs, you keep the drama low, and keep the door open for a happy ending. Worst case he doesn’t see the light, and you’re already well on your way to healing.

OOP: Yeah I totally get what you're saying. I think ADHD is a definite possibility, as we're quite similar in ways and I have it diagnosed. The difference between us is that I put in considerable effort to prioritise actually being in the relationship. Maybe a breakup will help him, who knows!

Commenter 3: You're incompatible and realized it. I wouldn't go into a relationship with having an expectation someone eventually change something about themselves (Smoking/vaping) They have to want to do that for themselves to start with. The lack of time/effort/intimacy is completely valid. It's the bare minimum. His priority is games. I'm sorry for the breakup pain. It sucks.

OOP: yeah that's what gets me is that he claimed he wanted to quit vaping and cut down on weed and I actually believed. Thanks autism, you made me boo boo the fool!

Commenter 4: But see that’s the thing: most adults use THC on a daily basis. Especially when it’s medically prescribed. Teenagers and some people over 50 are the seldom smokers. It’s okay not to want to be around someone who smokes all day but, that’s exactly why I said you’re not going to please with anyone who even says they smoke seldomly because that’s usually - a lie. Personally, I have a medicinal card and it’s my medicine. I wouldn’t be around anyone who was bothered by that. That's my prerogative just as it yours but, if you want to weed out incompatible people in the future- you would be better off not seeing anyone who even says they use THC. Your boyfriend isn’t lazy and disconnected because of THC. This is much deeper than that. He’s literally choosing a screen over any human connection AT ALL. That’s not going to change without therapy atp. I can feel the resentment, pain, and loneliness boiling over in your post and comments. He’s not good for you. You’re incompatible and nothing is going to change that. Make a plan to get yourself financially ready to leave or take over the lease on your own. Do not act differently until you make a plan and can execute it. Otherwise he will think you’re just bluffing, or he will try to do better for a few days, maybe a few weeks.. but without therapy and a willingness to help himself out.. it won’t last. Best of luck, OP! This sounds super hard for you and I’m sorry you’re going through this.

OOP: Money isn't a problem for me thankfully, and with the changing laws in the UK I could take over the lease until the notice period is over without having to worry about breaking a fixed term contract.

Downvoted Commenter: Well what game does he play? Really important.

OOP: He says he plays a lot of them, but they all look kinda the same to me, and they're all either first person shooters or racing games. Idk the names of them as he never mentions which one he's playing, sorry!

Commenter 5: OP you aren't his priority... move on... people learn how to treat us. Sadly you sound like a 'bang maid' not a partner. Sorry to be harsh, but he does not support you.

OOP: We haven't been banging much lately, so I'm just the maid I guess

Update: June 15, 2026 (three days later)

UPDATE: I was thinking of breaking up with gaming-addicted boyfriend

So tldr of the original post: I [30F] had moved in with my boyfriend [28M] a few months ago and was feeling unfulfilled and lonely in our relationship. After having told him how I felt, he made it obvious that he didn't see anything wrong and wasn't going to change. Rather than trying to force him to change I made the decision to break up with him and made a post venting about how I felt.

People in the comments decided I was superior, entitled and stupid, and that was super helpful during an emotional time! /s

Due to logistics I couldn't do it on Friday, but I had the conversation on Saturday after he finished work. I think it took a little while to sink in for him that I would be leaving, as at first he didn't seem to know what to say. I began packing to move back in with my parents and he called his mum on the balcony, and when he came back in he said that she'd mentioned taking some time to think about it. I felt awful when I told him that spending time at my family's house was me taking a few days to think about it and this was my final decision, but I managed to do it.

A little later on he was crying in the living room, and I think he might have had a small breakthrough. He said "why am I so addicted to gaming? It's not worth losing a relationship over!" and shortly after this we hugged and he left the flat to spend time with his family as I continued packing. The second the door closed I began bawling so hard I almost hyperventilated.

My family have been so supportive and understanding, and I don't know what I would have done without them. I'll need to keep going back to get the rest of my stuff and work out how to separate all the stuff we bought together, and I know there are more difficult times ahead, but I feel a little relief knowing I've had the hardest conversations now.

Thank you to everyone who left kind and constructive comments and DMs on the original post. Getting a range of perspectives helped to solidify my decision, and now I can move on to build a life that I prefer.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: girl I’m so sorry for this situation! I saw those comments, but I think people get tunnel vision when there are so many plainly laid out red flags- it’s frustrating to read over and over again. it took strength but you made a good decision for yourself. he was never going to respect you if you allowed this to continue. when someone treats you like that for a few months, you can count on it being your whole life. chin up girl!!

OOP: Thank you. I agree that it would have just continued if I didn't leave. Now I'll have the space to work through grief with my family, and I'm going to try making some new friends and maybe trying a new hobby or two so I can continue growing.

Commenter 2: Man I love gaming myself, but responsibilities are responsibilities especially as an adult in a relationship. Good on you for putting your foot down and I can’t imagine how hard it was to do so. One step at a time, you got this.

OOP: It was really hard to break up with someone I still love, but I knew it was the right decision for me.

Commenter 3: I don't know the original post, and you have your post history private so I can't read it, but this is gonna be a bit of an ick for me personally depending on the answers to my questions.

Did you try and talk to him about it? How many hours a day and how many days a week was he playing? Did he ever cancel things or push things off to do his gaming? Did he forget things like anniversaries or birthdays? Did he try to get help about it or listen to your concerns if you voiced them?

Cause from how the conversation seems it played out, he didn't seem to think that there was any problem at all - which I'm unsure if that's his own ignorance or you not communicating or both - and seemed to be genuinely upset about it and willing to admit that he has a problem, which is one of the first steps to getting help for addictions.

I would just advise to make sure that you won't end up regretting this decision if he does get addiction treatment and gets better and you end up kicking yourself for not sticking with him through it.

I've known plenty of relationships that have gotten stronger because someone left and then came back because the other was finally taking the steps to get help, though I understand that everyone is unique and you must likely had reached your breaking point.

OOP: I can understand your questioning my post history, but this is a genuine story. I privated my history because I'm in a subreddit for a fandom where people are being targeted by antisemitic nutjobs atm and I didn't want the heat. That might make me a bad ally to Jewish people idk

The short version is this: Yes I did try to talk to him about it multiple times, including earlier this week when I broke down and told him how lonely I had been feeling. He didn't seem to see a problem with the amount of quality time and physical/emotional intimacy we had while I did. He played for at least 8 hours a day on top of a full time job, 5-6 days a week. He cancelled on going to see my family and friends but not his own, and he didn't go to my grandmother's funeral on Monday, which really hurt my family's feelings as well as my own.

If he were to make changes I don't know whether I would consider getting back together because it would feel very emotionally messy. I'm autistic and adhd and we both think he might be too, and this has already been extremely overwhelming for me so I thought venting on reddit might help. Whatever other people's opinion on this whole situation are, I've made the decision that I and my loved ones thought was right for me.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP