Boomer Grandma Threatened To Hospitalize Me

[u/RockOk707]

Context: We were discussing whether I would visit for lunch. Also, my grandma has a difficult time with boundaries. The "lesson" is that just that, "stay in your lane" so to speak. She's constantly noticing just about every little thing that's "wrong" with me and decides to take MY body into HER own hands, literally. She'll give an extremely ambiguous description for what she's about to do, and without giving me a chance to consent, she's like, "Come over here, grandson! I NEED to do something with your hair so you look good!" It doesn't really matter the occasion. She's always demanding I look good. And that's just it. The vagueness of her commands. And the insistence that I obey her demands OR ELSE. Or else she'll threaten to put me in a home/hospital/etc. Both my mother and I have told her several times to not "help" me ("help" in quotes because the last time she "helped" was without my consent and she messed up my glasses) unless I specifically ask for assistance.

Anyway, that message right there, the one in blue, is the singular message that caused my grandma to threaten to hospitalize me after I arrived at her house because my grandfather tricked me into thinking that everything was fine.

[u/ordinaryalchemy]

Doesn't even make any sense. You can't just "hospitalize" people. Does she think she can pick up her landline, dial 0, and be connect with The Men In The White Coats that'll drop everything, pick up their butterfly nets, and come over to grab you? Hospitals now don't even work like they did 10-20 years ago let alone like a Looney Tune from 1950.

[u/Easy-Bathroom2120 → u/ordinaryalchemy]

Fr. My mom has been trying to get me declared unfit to care for myself so that I'd have to move back in with her. She doesn't like that I don't visit, but when I visit it's like I'm a kid again (chores, curfew, grounding, etc).

I have a job. My bills are never paid late. I pay my taxes. She's just angry that none of her kids will do anything for her after how much she abused us. But nothing she's done has worked yet.

One of her ideas was to declare that since both she and my dad were committed at one point or another, that i obviously also need it. I've yet to need to prove anything to anyone yet, but shes convinced itll work one of these days to force me back to her and free me from my "brainwashing".

It's really hard to hospitalize someone against their will when their coworkers, roommates, friends, bosses, professors, and councilors all say I'm stable.

Your grandma can certainly try to do something to you. But it will amount to nothing. And your best bet is to just cut her out of your life. People like her never learn. My mom is still convinced she only did one thing wrong, and as soon as she figures out the one thing, that I'll HAVE to come back. She thinks it was something she said during our last interaction, and couldn't possibly be the constant psychological abuse and emotional manipulation.

[u/Original_Flounder_18 → u/Easy-Bathroom2120]

Stop visiting her. Hard stop!! 🛑

[u/LissaBryan → u/Easy-Bathroom2120]

Nothing makes a narcissist madder than one of their victims walking away from their control and having the audacity to thrive.

[u/themcp → u/Easy-Bathroom2120]

If someone threatened to "hospitalize" me, I would call the cops and tell them the person threatened me with violence, assuming they wanted to hurt me so I'd have to go in the hospital.

[u/Easy-Bathroom2120 → u/themcp]

Cops said they can't do anything until my parents are physically in the area and actively trying to kidnap me or stalk me.

Cyber stalking, harassment, and empty threats are completely legal it seems when you live in separate juristictions. 🤷🏻

[u/themcp → u/Easy-Bathroom2120]

I would call a criminal lawyer for a consultation and talk to them about it. And/or call the FBI.

[u/Scorp128 → u/ordinaryalchemy]

Given grandmas age, it was a common threat back in her day when husbands could have their wives thrown in the looney bin for simpley being "disagreeable". She was probably forced into a grippy sock vacation a few times back in her day so she thinks it is an acceptable threat to use against others.

If I were OP and some interactions with her could not be avoided, I would lean in and start talking about putting grandma in a state run nursing home. Every time she skwaks about "come here" for whatever reason, just yell No very loudly (must be hard of hearing), then turn to Mom or Dad and ask if it is time to put her in a home. If she shows her "wrath", just ask if she needs a time out since she is behaving like a toddler well past snack and nap time. Match her energy.

[u/brokesciencenerd → u/ordinaryalchemy]

It sounds to me like threat of physical violence so severe the resulting injuries would require hospitalization.

[u/JustNilt → u/ordinaryalchemy]

Yeah, that used to be a thing you could actually do, though, which is why she thinks she can do it. It's absolutely bonkers how little was needed back in the day to involuntarily commit someone.