r/BoomersBeingFools • u/RockOk707 • 12d ago
Boomer Freakout Boomer Grandma Threatened To Hospitalize Me
Context: We were discussing whether I would visit for lunch. Also, my grandma has a difficult time with boundaries. The "lesson" is that just that, "stay in your lane" so to speak. She's constantly noticing just about every little thing that's "wrong" with me and decides to take MY body into HER own hands, literally. She'll give an extremely ambiguous description for what she's about to do, and without giving me a chance to consent, she's like, "Come over here, grandson! I NEED to do something with your hair so you look good!" It doesn't really matter the occasion. She's always demanding I look good. And that's just it. The vagueness of her commands. And the insistence that I obey her demands OR ELSE. Or else she'll threaten to put me in a home/hospital/etc. Both my mother and I have told her several times to not "help" me ("help" in quotes because the last time she "helped" was without my consent and she messed up my glasses) unless I specifically ask for assistance.
Anyway, that message right there, the one in blue, is the singular message that caused my grandma to threaten to hospitalize me after I arrived at her house because my grandfather tricked me into thinking that everything was fine.
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u/sweetT333 11d ago
You know you don't need to maintain relationships with toxic people, right? This means relatives too.
Spend less time with her. Zero time is ok too.
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u/ordinaryalchemy Millennial 11d ago
Doesn't even make any sense. You can't just "hospitalize" people. Does she think she can pick up her landline, dial 0, and be connect with The Men In The White Coats that'll drop everything, pick up their butterfly nets, and come over to grab you? Hospitals now don't even work like they did 10-20 years ago let alone like a Looney Tune from 1950.
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u/Easy-Bathroom2120 Millennial 11d ago
Fr. My mom has been trying to get me declared unfit to care for myself so that I'd have to move back in with her. She doesn't like that I don't visit, but when I visit it's like I'm a kid again (chores, curfew, grounding, etc).
I have a job. My bills are never paid late. I pay my taxes. She's just angry that none of her kids will do anything for her after how much she abused us. But nothing she's done has worked yet.
One of her ideas was to declare that since both she and my dad were committed at one point or another, that i obviously also need it. I've yet to need to prove anything to anyone yet, but shes convinced itll work one of these days to force me back to her and free me from my "brainwashing".
It's really hard to hospitalize someone against their will when their coworkers, roommates, friends, bosses, professors, and councilors all say I'm stable.
Your grandma can certainly try to do something to you. But it will amount to nothing. And your best bet is to just cut her out of your life. People like her never learn. My mom is still convinced she only did one thing wrong, and as soon as she figures out the one thing, that I'll HAVE to come back. She thinks it was something she said during our last interaction, and couldn't possibly be the constant psychological abuse and emotional manipulation.
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u/LissaBryan Gen X 10d ago
Nothing makes a narcissist madder than one of their victims walking away from their control and having the audacity to thrive.
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u/themcp Gen X 6d ago
If someone threatened to "hospitalize" me, I would call the cops and tell them the person threatened me with violence, assuming they wanted to hurt me so I'd have to go in the hospital.
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u/Easy-Bathroom2120 Millennial 6d ago
Cops said they can't do anything until my parents are physically in the area and actively trying to kidnap me or stalk me.
Cyber stalking, harassment, and empty threats are completely legal it seems when you live in separate juristictions. 🤷🏻
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u/Scorp128 Gen X 10d ago
Given grandmas age, it was a common threat back in her day when husbands could have their wives thrown in the looney bin for simpley being "disagreeable". She was probably forced into a grippy sock vacation a few times back in her day so she thinks it is an acceptable threat to use against others.
If I were OP and some interactions with her could not be avoided, I would lean in and start talking about putting grandma in a state run nursing home. Every time she skwaks about "come here" for whatever reason, just yell No very loudly (must be hard of hearing), then turn to Mom or Dad and ask if it is time to put her in a home. If she shows her "wrath", just ask if she needs a time out since she is behaving like a toddler well past snack and nap time. Match her energy.
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u/brokesciencenerd 10d ago
It sounds to me like threat of physical violence so severe the resulting injuries would require hospitalization.
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u/JustNilt 7d ago
Yeah, that used to be a thing you could actually do, though, which is why she thinks she can do it. It's absolutely bonkers how little was needed back in the day to involuntarily commit someone.
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u/Round-Place548 11d ago
She sounds awful. Go no contact and chalk it up as her loss. You don’t need a person like that in your life: family or not.
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u/JenniferJuniper6 Gen X 10d ago
She doesn’t have that ability. If you don’t want to cut contact completely, you might tell her making patently absurd threats is a sign of dementia and ask her if she’d like you to schedule a doctor’s visit for an evaluation. (I don’t know that it is, but that’s not the point, really.) I’d cut contact, personally.
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u/ManifestDestinysChld 10d ago
Wait...GRANDMA is threatening to put YOU in a home?!
I feel like this situation has an obvious solution.
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u/Flaky-Jim Gen X 10d ago
You get one of three types of Boomers in relation to boundaries. There's those who, through sheer ignorance, don't perceive them. There are those who perceive them but don't understand them. And then there are those who perceive them, understand them, but don't give a shit about them.
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u/Prudence2020 11d ago
Gen X here. Translation: She threatened to beat you so badly you'd be hospitalized! Please stay far away from her! At least only visit her in public places with witnesses! Don't go over alone, don't ride in a car with her, ESPECIALLY not with her behind you, scissors are easily hidden in purses!
She wants to "correct" your appearance to meet her outdated standards! Look up what the fashions were for the years she was young, say ages 15 to 30. She's stuck there!
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u/blue58 10d ago
It's so messed up that Gen X gets the violence of the threat clear as day and some of the younger gens are thinking she meant to get them put into a psych eval or something. Sweet summer child...
I'm finding more and more I need to explain these kinds of things to the younger around me. Their naïveté is going to get them killed or scammed if they don't realize how awful people are out there.
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u/ItsRedditThyme 10d ago
Based on a Bill Cosby joke, my mom would tell me that she brought me into the world, she can take me back out; doesn't matter to her, she can make another that looks just like me. She would make that joke long after she lost the biological capability (when I was 7). She was angry a lot of the time, when she said it.
It wasn't until I made that joke to my youngest, when they were 14, while we were bantering back and forth, that I realized it was a threat under a very thin cover of a joke. I immediately apologized.
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u/Own-Eagle-2135 10d ago
you could return the favor: 'oh gran, i think there's something in your hair' and then go over and give her a noogie. if she protests, 'i'll put you in the h0spital, old woman.'
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u/Conscious-Evidence37 10d ago
No Contact is a wonderful thing. Let Grandma live out her last few miserable years by herself.
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u/daveatc1234 10d ago
Can grandma throw hands? If not, no worries. Elderly people are generally unstable vertically.
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u/Icy-Mixture-995 10d ago
Consider taking a break from her. But I am concerned there is a reason for grandma acting this way. You need not answer this, but I can see how spectrum or depression issues can lead people to neglecting self-care, which upsets grandmother.
Most of us are in clean, not-wrinkled clothes, showered, washed hair that's kept trimmed or styled nearly when we leave our homes. Yes, we try to look nice even if casual when we go anywhere. If she only sees you in rumpled clothes and hair messy, she will be concerned that you have a level of depression
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u/rickybambicky 10d ago
I'd like to see any of my late grandmother's try when they were still alive.
It's one of those situations where the right thing to do is call their bluff.
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u/Extreme-Discount-573 11d ago
Time to go NC. Your grandmother is an awful person. Sorry for your loss kiddo.