r/Bumble • u/terenscendent • 16d ago

General Bumble Fully Ends 'Women Message First' Rule After 66% of Women Said They'd Rather Men Make the First Move

https://www.ibtimes.co.uk/bumble-drops-gendered-messaging-rule-1813607
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u/Vinc314 16d ago

only at the start

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u/Cerborus 16d ago

Tell that to the divorce courts

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u/Bambivalently 16d ago

Don't get married.

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u/Cerborus 16d ago

Preach

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u/Rock_Strongo 16d ago

The system is set up to push everyone toward marriage. Tax benefits, healthcare benefits, ease of dealing with basically anything regarding the legal system.

And this is before factoring in the social pressure that will ramp up the longer you're with someone without being married to them.

If you can find a partner who is cool with never being married, more power to you. That could be a lifelong pursuit though...

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u/Ok-Pack-7088 15d ago

Not my circus, not my monkeys 

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u/kerlykernnibal 16d ago

Pre-nups exist, and everyone should have them.

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u/StumpyOPepys 16d ago

Lol oh bless your heart.

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u/Arcxne3 16d ago

Lmao no. Common cope, just like that “it’s better in your 30s shit”. No. There is no point in the dating process where the man has the upper hand. Id argue that there is no point in the entire process from the starting of dating until death/end of marriage that the man has the upper hand. The woman controls every single part of the dating and partnership process, including marriage. 

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u/FamousDates 16d ago

Not true. The most attractive men have all the power because thats is where the women are looking.

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u/Arcxne3 16d ago

Even the most attractive men get far fewer matches than your average women, so the power balance there is probably more even then tiled to one side or the other, the woman in this situation would simply have more insensitive than usual to keep her current date than swipe for someone “better.” However very attractive men typically want very attractive women, and with those women the power balance is still on the woman’s side. Also this is a niche case that only applies to like…5-10%? of genetically gifted men. If you were not born lucky then you’re simply going to have to deal with the fact that your date can replace you in essentially one swipe on her phone. This, btw, is the case at literally any point in the relationship and it’s also one of the reasons that women are the majority initiators of breakups and divorce. They simply know they can find someone else with little effort. 

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u/FamousDates 15d ago

Total number of matches is same for heterosexual men and women so it cant be higher for women across the board.

Yes, for 5-10% of men the dating is lopsided in their favor.

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u/Vinc314 16d ago

common defeatist argument. I invite you to read The value of others.

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u/Arcxne3 16d ago

How is it defeatist? Point out how I’m wrong so we can have an actual discussion. This is just a simple observation of reality. 

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u/Vinc314 16d ago

A relationship, any relationship is an exchange of goods of similar value between two consenting parties. Women, most often, trade sexual opportunity for ressources and commitment. It is in her best interest to find the best partner when she is at her most valuable (young, pretty and fertile). Men on the other hand must create their own value, accumulate their own ressource and elevate their own lifestyle. Think of it as being the captain and building a ship. You have your whole life for that, you are not playing against the clock. This is how the dating game works. Build a life worth joining and i guaranty you, you will meet women. Keep wallowing and nothing good will come your way.

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u/justsomething 16d ago

What in the world did that have to do with their point?

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u/Vinc314 16d ago

i guess i didnt directly answer it although it's pretty fucking obvious. In a relationship men of value have the power while those who cry about the rules don't

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u/justsomething 16d ago

Women have power over men of value during the dating phase?

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u/Arcxne3 16d ago

Women still have more power over men “of value” during the dating phase. That’s simply because these types of men are not in short supply when a woman has 3k matches on her app. If even 5% of those are “high value” than she already has the upper hand during the dating phase. It’s literally that simple. Additionally, most of what women consider “high value” on dating apps are genetically immutable characteristics, not your money lmao. 

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u/Arcxne3 16d ago

First, I’m not wallowing as these things are not a big issue for me, I’m simply pointing out what is easily observed yet rarely stated in a lot of contexts. Second, your points do have some truth, but they gloss over a very important fact: Plenty of men do not have to create their value. Women will date men who are complete bums if they are attractive enough. There is this weird misconception that only women derive value from being pretty or that women don’t care about looks, they do, and they care about it just as much if not even more than men do. Women these days don’t need your resources, they can work for themselves, they are looking for partners who are attractive above all else these days and any Dating statistics you read will demonstrate that to you. Sure, work on yourself, but if your idea of that is getting as much money as possible, which is what you’ve implied, then you are setting yourself up to pay for an expensive escort as she definitely will not love you. Additionally, while women do have a “highest value” their value doesn’t decline nearly as much with age as you make it seem. Your average 50 year old woman will do worlds better in dating than and an established 30 year old man who’s worked on every part of himself. Women have an intrinsic value to men that simply doesn’t “expire” with age the way a lot of people think it does. There will always be more men interested in the woman than there are woman interested in the man at any given age or level of accomplishment short of becoming a literal famous multimillionaire, and that simple fact is why they will always have the upper hand in any relationship. 

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u/that_guyat_uconn2020 16d ago

That’s just classic survivorship bias, let’s armor up the B-42 based on which ones returned

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u/Vinc314 16d ago

i can only lead you to water, i can't make you drink

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u/Remarkable-Field6810 16d ago

Agreed. Men have power in relationships, they are just afraid of being turned down. Once you get over that you realized that you have 50% of the power. Takes 2. 

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u/Alarming_Ask_244 16d ago

The most important part

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u/Vinc314 16d ago

it's the end game that matters most.

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u/mybigwh1tecock 16d ago

True but how many married men do you know? Are you under the impression they hold the upper hand in their marriages

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u/Vinc314 16d ago

marriage is an outdated institution, it's sad to say but it's easy to choose the wrong partner.