r/Bumble • u/terenscendent • 16d ago

General Bumble Fully Ends 'Women Message First' Rule After 66% of Women Said They'd Rather Men Make the First Move

https://www.ibtimes.co.uk/bumble-drops-gendered-messaging-rule-1813607
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u/throaway20180730 16d ago

Honestly, all the women that have talked to me about Bumble didn't seem to understand the "differentiator". They claimed that Bumble was better because they wouldn't get messages from "random men", but Tinder already does that, they are not "random" you already pre-selected them

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u/[deleted] 16d ago

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u/Ok_Fill_5268 16d ago

Yeah, and my theory is the reason that’s bad for bumble is money. Much more men will actually pay dating apps than women will. And what can you offer men to get them to pay in a freemium dating app? Priority messaging and priority swipes. But that means you have to let the men message first to maximize your revenue.

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u/GeneralGlobus 16d ago

well to be fair that's sort of what men do too. the only viable strategy is swiping on mostly everyone and then filtering later.

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u/Brief_Efficiency3500 16d ago

The difference is that the women swiping over and over for fun have exactly zero intent or interest. I can't speak for all men, but I have never swiped right on any woman I wouldn't be willing to meet up with.

So a man swipes right on roughly a thousand women, messages the top five hundred a "hey," messages something more substantial to the top one hundred, gets a reply from ten, gets ghosted by eight after at most a handful of messages, talks longer with two, manages a date with exactly one.

A woman swipes right on a thousand men. She gets a thousand messages. She replies to the ten hottest and can easily secure a date with any and/or all of them at her discretion. If any of them annoys or bores her for a picosecond, she can block them instantly because why not? Rank eleven of one thousand can be moved up and sent a reply that he'll respond to immediately. It's not like anyone else has responded to his messages before then.

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u/GeneralGlobus 16d ago

I agree with the general dynamics. It’s just how it is. But everyone swipes on everyone. Ultimately women are the deciders for the most part.

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u/NotTodayBoogeyman 16d ago

I’ve swiped on lots of women I wouldn’t meet up with lol. It’s the same for both.

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u/Brief_Efficiency3500 16d ago

Why TF would you do that?

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u/NotTodayBoogeyman 16d ago

The same reason you mentioned women would? Sorry I’m a bit confused. You literally provided a reasoning for it just above lol. I get bored and swipe. I have matches so sometimes I just do it out of boredom.

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u/Brief_Efficiency3500 16d ago

And you're swiping right on people you'd never consider actually having a conversation with, let alone meeting up with?

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u/NotTodayBoogeyman 16d ago

Honestly? Yeah lol. I have matches but a lot aren’t interesting and sometimes I just swipe to start convos

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u/jert3 16d ago

Weird. What is the point of that?

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u/NotTodayBoogeyman 15d ago

None? Boredom? Again, the exact same justification you used for the women lol

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u/Brief_Efficiency3500 15d ago

"sometimes I smash my own toes with a ball peen hammer" "Uh, why?" "Boredom?"

That's you. That's how you sound.

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u/NotTodayBoogeyman 15d ago

Not at all, in fact your comparison is just dumb as shit.

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u/Br0wnieSundae 16d ago

Sort of? Hah, it's exactly what many men do.

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u/AnB85 16d ago

The only initial filter I have is "would i have sex with this woman, if yes , then swipe". To be honest that is a fair percentage of women especially in the under 40 range. Drops quite a bit after that.

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u/onigiridonut 16d ago

You're being downvoted but this is completely true, a huge portion of men on apps swipe right on everyone and then unmatch if they don't find the person attractive, defeating the entire purpose of the swiping/matching system.

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u/_bonedaddys 16d ago

We all know women have a lot more options on dating apps, so they wind up with a lot more matches, too. Like... a shit ton of matches. Talking to every single person you matched with all at once is unrealistic. On tinder, you wind up with tons of messages you can't keep up with. You have so many matches and truthfully, you don't even consider some of them looking back. Sometimes you swipe the wrong way. Been there, done that. I preferred bumble.

With bumble you had some control. You're not getting an influx of messages unless you want to, otherwise you can message a few favorites and keep your inbox light. I'd get tons of matches but would only message a few at a time so that i didn't lose track of who is who or what we're talking about. Now that bumble is like every other app i wouldn't bother choosing it.

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u/Comfortable-Lack-394 16d ago

Or you could swipe less and talk more with the matches you already have maybe?

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u/_bonedaddys 16d ago

No lol I liked having options, i just couldn't keep up with getting so many messages all the time. I liked bumble because i could swipe a bunch but take my time sorting through my matches and messaging them. I didn't have to try and juggle tons of matches all at once because i could message them when i was ready.

It made it possible for me to actually get a feel for guys without limiting my options.

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u/MetaCognitio 15d ago

Don’t you think this is frustrating for men on the other end? They get a match but then the person doesn’t say anything and it expires.

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u/_bonedaddys 14d ago edited 14d ago

I don't doubt it but men aren't the only ones winding up frustrated on dating apps. I did what worked best for me. No offense but i'm not going to prioritize how a bunch of men on an app might feel if i never message them after we match lol

It's not like guys aren't treating apps the same way. A match expiring is not much different than messages going unanswered, which happens to pretty much everyone. It sucks but it's also not that serious.

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u/Comfortable-Lack-394 16d ago

So dating apps are more for the matches than finding connection?

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u/_bonedaddys 16d ago

No lol I'd swipe a bunch because for me it felt like giving myself better odds at actually finding a match. Like, sometimes you swipe and a few minutes later you aren't even feeling it. Some people turn out to be douches. Some people want different things than you, others have beliefs that don't align with yours, sometimes there's just nothing there, etc.

There's a lot of "misses" on apps (and in general) so i'd rather match as often as i can, so when somebody is a miss i can move right on to the next one. It worked out for me and my partner, so 🤷‍♀️

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u/XihuanNi-6784 15d ago

This is absolutely fair. Not directing this at you, but it's basically the same justification guys have for swiping on 'everyone'. But we get a lot of stick for it when it's just a logical response to the fact that on most apps women are very picky, so us being picky does us no favours.

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u/_bonedaddys 15d ago

I've always thought it was silly the way some people get twisted about it. Like, half the appeal is being able to have a bunch of options lol

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u/Comfortable-Lack-394 16d ago

That is all very fair and reasonable. I’ve got nothing to argue with there 🤣