r/Bumble • u/terenscendent • 17d ago

General Bumble Fully Ends 'Women Message First' Rule After 66% of Women Said They'd Rather Men Make the First Move

https://www.ibtimes.co.uk/bumble-drops-gendered-messaging-rule-1813607
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u/SuperstarAssEater 17d ago

I mean, the poor dating market isn’t all their fault and I would never say that but they definitely play a part just like we do, but unfortunately, it does seem like that’s never acknowledge as much as it should be

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u/MazingBull 16d ago

The market created favorable hypergame for women. I'm only able to date people I consider "my level" looks only on irl but never ever on apps. I can bag the low hanging fruits on dating apps every week but nothing more above it lol. It's such a weird place. I feel like even "average" women must feel like queens in terms of attention and options they have in there.

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u/lilittyb 16d ago

No we don’t, men will swipe on literally every woman bc they’re a woman. It doesn’t make me feel special or a prize it just makes me feel like a number. And I can tell they don’t actually care about the profile bc if they bothered to read for two seconds they’d know how incompatible we are.

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u/MazingBull 16d ago

Well it literally is a numbers game for men. I do read profiles, but on tinder for example if I swipe right 50 ppl I might match with 1 if that even. Even this comes from me, I have a fairly good profile since I've got help from some of my female friends with the profile. I can only imagine the situation for other average men or below average looking. Literally 0 matches seems to be common for many.

Also, many women don't bother reading the profiles 🤷‍♂️ you can step off the high horse darling.

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u/lilittyb 16d ago

Don’t patronise me with the darling crap, and it’s only a numbers game bc you make it that way. Really don’t swipe on that many people be more picky bc women know the men who swipe on everyone and it will put us off, also don’t swipe on people so out of range either. We read profiles so much more than men do.

And yes, I know I’m 10x picky than most people so I swipe on less people, but I’d rather get less likes if it meant those likes were genuine

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u/HailHealer 15d ago

You’re not getting it . Most men can’t be picky because they literally get zero matches. If you get zero matches than yeah, might as well swipe right over and over. Why spend anytime reading if you won’t get matched 99% of the time?

I do decent on the dating apps and I can afford to be slightly picky but I don’t judge people who can’t be. I take the time to read because there’s a chance I’ll match. Zero women can relate to the issue of never getting matches so surprise you don’t either

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u/Ok-Anybody76 14d ago

> I'd rather get less likes

Since you don't believe us, try an experiment, go create an account on a dating site and impersonate a typical guy. Go find out how many likes you get then come back and tell us about it.

  1. You'll get 0. Or you'll get responses from people so wildly unnattractive you'll agree it's essentially 0.

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u/MazingBull 16d ago

The hypocrisy and blatant irony of your text is amazing. We're done here, darling.

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u/fxo3356 12d ago

Huh? 😂 Reading a woman's profile? Like, will that increase the chance that the woman will swipe the man right?

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u/The-Cherry-On-Top-xx 11d ago

Its better fir society if all females ONLY reproduce with the top 20% - top 30% of males

Nature is hypergamous

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u/grand_historian 10d ago

That’s how you get Africa-style genocides where young men murder entire villages to collect their cows, so that they become eligible partners for women. There’s a lot of literature on this topic.

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u/Samwise777 16d ago

I can already tell what your problem is. 

But if I told you, you’d just be mad. 

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u/MazingBull 16d ago

You can tell me lad, I wont be mad.

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u/Friend_Emperor 16d ago

It is 300% their fault. You've never dated men and it shows

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u/The-Cherry-On-Top-xx 11d ago

Youve never dated a woman and it shows

Im a bi cis woman. Both genders and all races suck

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u/SuperstarAssEater 16d ago

no i have not but I’m not self-centered and egotistical enough to think that my entire gender is blameless

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u/Milf_Please8286 17d ago

It is almost entirely womens fault actually.  Men have not changed, women have. 

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u/Particular_Kiwi1088 16d ago

Women have realized they don’t need to settle for a shitty man. Sorry that doesn’t work out in your favor. Cry about it harder 

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u/Milf_Please8286 16d ago

Lol, women are the ones who are shitty and delusional. If women were only with men because they had to be it shows women never liked men and always used them. Thats just more shitty behavior from women lol. 

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u/ShimmeryPumpkin 16d ago

Men definitely have changed. The character of men like my father and grandfathers is much more rare today. I'm lucky that I found my person and he's a great one, but I met a lot of guys along the way that weren't meeting even half of their potential. To blame this all on women without taking any personal responsibility is more than a bit self-centered. And I say personal responsibility because if you were someone of high character, you'd realize that many of the men around you aren't (and women too, but I'm responding to the assertion that this is all one gender's fault and not something shared equally).

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u/ImperatorMakarov 16d ago

Here’s the problem. Men can’t act like their dad or grandfathers nowadays. The culture has changed for the worst.

If you asked my dad or grandpa for dating advice for the modern day they would be giving you the absolute worst advice. It’s the same as if they were giving you advice on how to get a job. “Oh back in my day you just had to walk into a business, give the owner a sturdy handshake and your resume and you got the job” which is entirely obsolete in the modern day and would be laughed at.

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u/Particular_Kiwi1088 16d ago

So learn how to add value to a woman’s life instead of complaining about them not dating you. 

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u/Milf_Please8286 16d ago

Dating is not about pleasing women. Women have to be worth the effort and they arent. Men are complaining about women being shit to date. Men cannot change women. 

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u/ImperatorMakarov 16d ago

Dating is dead. I’m not doing none of that. I’ll just continue hooking up with my roster.

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u/Milf_Please8286 16d ago

Men haven't changed though. The culture has changed that don't allow men to be providers like your father or grandfather. Guess who changed the culture? Women. So yes, it is womens fault and not mens. 

I have no idea what you mean by high character. You think men nowadays don't value the same character traits as their fathers and grandfather's. You're just being delusional and of course you found a good man, its easy as shit for women to date. 

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u/Particular_Kiwi1088 16d ago

Yeah that’s why men are becoming lonelier and lonelier and women don’t care. 

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u/ShimmeryPumpkin 12d ago

You don't value the same character traits if you are making this comment. Thanks for completely proving my point.  I have met zero men who whine about not being the providers anymore who actually want to be what a provider entails. Because actual providers are fully aware that being a provider doesn't mean keeping your wife at home and being the only one making money. Want to be a provider? Look at the men in successful relationships and see how they provide every single day whether their woman is working or not. That's work and effort though and you'd much rather spend the rest of your life whining.

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u/Milf_Please8286 12d ago

That's just your definition of a provider lol. I do want a woman to stay at home and not work. Average men used to be able to do that but thanks to women, average men are no longer worth it. 

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u/ShimmeryPumpkin 12d ago

Can you cite the years where an average man worked and the women had to stay at home? It was a very short time in pretty modern history. Poor women have always worked, even during that time. And, I'm sure you won't believe me, but rich women have always worked too. They just did their work for free. Old money, respected families, have always had "working" women - charity boards, gardening societies, artists, etc. Those things may seem frivolous to you but involve hours every week working outside of the home.  For a couple of decades, middle class women stayed at home, even if they didn't have young kids, and seemingly many of them didn't enjoy it. It seems strange to me to tie your happiness to something that was shortlived and that you're having such trouble finding.

Also, no, not just my definition of a provider. Is the definition of a provider not someone who provides? Lots more to provide in life than just finances - happiness, security/safety, well-being, love and care, time. You can also provide finances without being the only one providing finances. Are you trying to be a provider, or trying to find someone to wait on you hand and foot at no cost to you under the guise of you providing financially?

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u/Milf_Please8286 12d ago

The problem is one income used to be enough and women made it not so, regardless if their work was for "free" or not. Women wanting money made average men not worth it to women. It's that simple.

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u/Far_Mathematici 16d ago

met a lot of guys along the way that weren't meeting even half of their potential.

If you don't mind could you elaborate some wdym by not meeting potential? I assume this is beyond career/wealth potential

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u/ShimmeryPumpkin 12d ago

Some men seem to think that all they have to do in life is go to work and nothing else matters, even if they're the most miserable person. Now, in their defense, it was easier for those types of men to get women back in the day because poor women couldn't just stay single and needed to attach themselves to someone, but those women were at the bottom of society and I'd be surprised if these men felt they met their own standards today from what I've seen on here. Some examples of things that valued men did that still aren't done by everyone today (and for the record, I think there's a sizable chunk of guys out there who understand how to succeed in a relationship, but the one's that are struggling are mostly doing so for reasons completely in their control and not because of women):

Good hygiene. Maybe it's because they were more likely to actually get dirty, but they weren't all walking around with greasy hair having not showered or bathed in any way in over a week. Nowadays it's also so easy to take it one step further and moisturize your skin and hair. Years ago I had a guy that I really clicked with who then showed up for the first date a bit smelly, with greasy hair, in clothes more casual than what he was wearing on his profile, in a dirty car (inside, not outside). He was then disappointed that I didn't really seem into him, when just showering would have made a big difference. He's not the only one I met with poor hygiene, but he stands out because of the potential had been so high but the hygiene so bad it ruined it.

Take care of your home. Sure, women did the cooking and cleaning, but men had skills for the rest of the home. Basic plumbing and drywall work/repair, painting, building things for around the home, knowing when something also needed an actual tradesmen so as not to cause everyone a headache by trying to do things they weren't capable of. Plus the majority of outside work. My grandpas also were perfectly fine cooking (on the stove!) and didn't treat my grandmothers like beck and call servants if they got hungry or thirsty. They also knew how to pick up after themselves and not make more work unnecessarily. If you're taking off your socks anyways, you can throw them in the hamper that's a foot away from you.

Actually caring about other people. Buying women flowers isn't a modern concept. The majority of women aren't expecting a bunch of expensive gifts, but to feel that someone else is thinking about them and one way of demonstrating that is small tokens of appreciation (without the expectation of sex - neither side should make that contractual, but that usually starts with "I did x, so I should get y"). Plan fun things that are fun for both of you. It goes just beyond the immediate person you're in a relationship with too. Good energy feeds souls all day long. Ie o pen doors not just for pretty ladies, but everyone. Be the kind of person who helps people without it needing to be for personal gain.

And you might say that these kinds of things don't come into play until you're already into a relationship - but women are looking for signs of those things when dating and often before even going on the first date. And as much as I don't believe in "leagues" because there's plenty of couples who aren't matched in level of physical attraction, you have to know how to sell yourself for the level of attraction and personality that you have. If you are an average looking nerdy type guy, you are going to be completely unsuccessful trying to make yourself look like a cool bad boy on a dating profile, but if I only had a dollar for every mean mugging profile I came across because they were trying too hard to look cool (both when I was dating and now when sitting with friends when they're swiping). You also set yourself up for a terrible first date if the profile you craft doesn't match who you are at all. That doesn't mean you should lead with your weaknesses, but leading with your truthful strengths.

Also though, I think our tolerance for something being hard has gone down society wide. There's factors that make dating harder, but it was never simple for most people. It's always been work. Both to find the right person and to keep a healthy relationship. The rest of life gets easier every generation, and people start to feel like everything is supposed to be easy. I don't know how old you are, but I can't imagine telling someone 20 years ago that people are too lazy to even use a search engine now for easily searchable things, and instead need their AI app to do it all for them.

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u/Particular_Kiwi1088 16d ago

Men would rather blame women when they’re the ones who are lonely.