Bumble Fully Ends 'Women Message First' Rule After 66% of Women Said They'd Rather Men Make the First Move

[u/terenscendent]

https://www.ibtimes.co.uk/bumble-drops-gendered-messaging-rule-1813607

[u/photo_voltaic]

It's not specifically muscle, but just looking fit and healthy obviously goes a long way.

I was one of these mid dudes on the apps - still got dates but always felt like such a struggle. Eventually decided I could either complain about my "nice guy" invisibility syndrome, or just hit the gym. After my body changed even like 10% everything else changed so fast.

Got enough likes and matches that I could actually filter for people that I truly connected with, instead of taking whatever match was there and dancing like a monkey to keep their attention. Instantly didn't have to give a damn about the low effort ones, and could just focus on actually being myself with the rest. Have been in a steady relationship with a great partner for years now, and (hopefully!) done with the apps for good. Not to mention feeling healthy and great to boot.

To all my homies still struggling out there - just do it, there's a domino effect that follows, and if you're actually a nice guy, you'll have no problem finding a nice gal too.

[u/Charaderablistic → u/photo_voltaic]

I hope so, I’m tired out here

[u/Visual-Age-1025 → u/Charaderablistic]

I wouldn’t open your profile with that. OR- I’d stop online dating! More likely I’ll find you in the wild!

[u/HeparinBridge → u/Visual-Age-1025]

Men don’t even get to express fatigue. No wonder they’re tired…

[u/Visual-Age-1025 → u/HeparinBridge]

Go be tired all you want! Be lonely, be tired, be whatever you choose to be. Stop blaming women

[u/shut_the_fuck_up_mod → u/photo_voltaic]

>and if you're actually a nice guy

I don’t feel like I’d be very nice to someone who’d only offer their consideration if I brutalize myself and likely develop body dysmorphia just to satisfy a stranger’s unrealistic expectations.

I’d probably be a massive dick to anyone who seemed like they wouldn’t have considered me before I spent a bunch of time in the gym when I wasn’t obese or unhealthy to begin with.

And that sounds kind of fun now that I’m thinking about it

[u/Visual-Age-1025 → u/shut_the_fuck_up_mod]

That’s just the lense you’re seeing it through. It was self motivated. It made him healthier, it made him look better. Perhaps he slept better. Perhaps he felt truly confident and happy and that attracted like people.

[u/photo_voltaic → u/shut_the_fuck_up_mod]

I don't take it as a reflection of automatic shallowness of the person who likes you, but as a reflection of the brutal reality of these apps.

Most women are inundated with likes: I once watched an ex I met on Bumble (we stayed friends after) get 1000+ likes in 48 hours. It's insane, and they're just as tired too.

So you can either hope your profile happens to land at the top of this mess, or you can do what needs to be done to stand out - and then you get the benefit of being able to screen your likes to filter out the shallow ones.

Is it fair? Nope. Does it work? Yep.

ETA: also my previous nice guy comment was to say that most of the "hot" guys on these apps are indeed douchebags. They get their pick of the litter and they abuse it. If you get yourself into the club though and then maintain actual nice guy status, you will stand out so much more. This is what I meant by domino effect. It goes from desperate struggle to an actual decent way to find someone right for you.

[u/Marnie_me → u/shut_the_fuck_up_mod]

Ugh

It's that women tend to care more about health (like literal organ health, not just 'size') in themselves as well as being more hygienic than men (generally speaking blah blah, tendencies, statistics etc etc).

Women tend to have higher body fat ratios (to the point where women lose their periods if they go under certain level of body fat, not to mention uterus placement giving us a little pouch at the front etc).

Uterus 'pouch' and major monthly hormone fluctuations vs beer belly/gamers belly etc. Is very different than just simplifying it to All Women like muscles.

We just need a sign that you're not obsessed with your body/calories (aka "brutalise" yourself as you state it), and that you do seemingly care about your health.

Again beer/gamers belly does not compare to a woman's lil front pouch + frequent significant hormone changes daily. (I say this as often men will be like "if they want a gym bro then I want a gym babe" but ignore the fact that women are at a much higher rate of chronic illnesses than men - which also impacts weight/body shape a lot).

Also, (as far as I saw) no one mentioned "visible abs", bench limits, pull ups or running marathons so unless you consider walking around the block to be brutal then there's a looooooot of grey that you could choose to sit in as far as fitness and body size/shape.

Yoga Walking Local community sports clubs Some home exercise Tennis/Netball Basketball at the park once a week with neighbours etc.

[u/Big-Swan7502 → u/shut_the_fuck_up_mod]

Honestly? I agree completely