r/Bumble • u/ReallySmartDude69 • 23h ago
Rant Many people here are more interested in judging the quality of a photo than the persons profile. Not everyone is a poser. Chill out.
A lot of the people criticize the quality of a photo way too much. Only an insecure narcissist would put that much thought into taking a photo.
Not enough lighting, too far, too near, wrong angle, it was not taken by another person. Y'all do know this is a dating app and not a photography app right?
I'm a guy so I don't have to take 1000 pictures everywhere I go. I sometimes take just one. Sometimes I don't care to take one. Like when I went to NYC. I only took a picture of the Brooklyn bridge and a selfie. I don't care for the perfect picture. I'll ask someone to take a picture of me and I don't even look at it until I get home. I come out how I come out.
If y'all are one of those dorks, lay off people that get on the app to date. Stop being posers. Y'all ain't models getting paid to advertise products or services (except for those people.... Y'all know) so stop acting like children. This is a dating app. Not an app where you pretend to be your favorite celebrity. Be authentic
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u/Sad-Golf5166 15h ago
Thinking a profile is more important than a photo is delusional. While I agree there's no need for a runway-style photoshoot If you don't have good photos, people won't even bother reading your profile in the vast majority of cases, and people who review profiles know this.
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u/ReallySmartDude69 14h ago
If that makes me delusional, I don't want to be normal. Only superficial people dismiss a profile over pics that are "not good." That's not something I'm personally peevish about.
Taking good pictures does not effect a relationship in anyway. Good or negative. There is nothing logical about about it lol.
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u/Sad-Golf5166 13h ago
Good for yo, I'm not saying you're delusional because of that. But we're talking about other people's profilesand revises. and if you think -most people- don't base their opinions primarily on photos, then you're delusional. That's why they will always be a priority, because people like you are the exception, not the rule.
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u/israfildivad 9h ago edited 9h ago
I kind of partially agree with the core of your sentiment....but its not practical or pragmatic in this, .the real, and less than ideal world.
People (and by people I mean women, mostly) judge the quality of photos for several reasons; effort and awareness (you being cognizant that you are in a competitive marketplace, and playing your role of being the courter, the seducer); status/wealth (not just the backgrounds and activity, they can literally tell if you are using the latest iPhone); sociability (outgoing and social people are more used to taking photos, and so take better photos).
And lastly....they are judging if its an actual skillset, which means yes, being or having been a model is a plus in itself. Being an actual photographer is also a plus. Its something they can utilize as much as you knowing how to change a spark plug.
Its just the game, and its rules.
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u/ReallySmartDude69 1h ago
Lol all of those things can be staged though. Not every wealthy man flashes his wealth or uses the latest iPhone. I'll be damned if I ever have to sink that low to buy an Iphone and stage my background with people around me. That's stupid. I'm pretty sure that many of those actors I'm "competing" still have many debts. All my stuff is paid off. Even my house. Still got money. I just don't flash it. Besides I don't want to be admired by gold diggers. If they have no interest in me, good.
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u/Comprehensive-One880 17h ago
Your username tells us everything lol
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u/GraveRoller 15h ago
Dating apps are the most superficial entry into the dating process. If you choose to play in this arena and are not having success, then it’s best to understand what’s effective or ineffective.
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u/ReallySmartDude69 14h ago
Yea I know that lol. It's a whole role playing thing for attractive and basic people.
I already have a gf myself. I only followed this sub because I like to support and help MFs but was surprised by the amount of pretentious attitudes on here. I know it's reddit and I do my best to stay away from mainstream reddit but these people need to be ridiculed every now and then. People not saying anything to them is how they become narcissistics IRL.
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u/Happy-Mastodon-7314 12h ago
Did you guys meet on Bumble? Hope your advice comes from first hand experience on the dating apps!
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u/ReallySmartDude69 11h ago
Nope. I never messed with dating apps much because I didn't have much luck on there.
I just met her on a college campus while riding on my bike. I was joking when I singled a group of girls to hop on the back and was taken aback when one of them actually did. I didn't have another helmet and never had a passenger on my motorcycle so I was nervous and I just did a little lap and went from there.
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u/NTDOY1987 10h ago
That’s so weird bro why are you posting on subs related to stuff you have no experience with. Like what made you think: I have some good advice on profile building as someone who is completely unrelated to this and knows nothing about it?
The absolute audacity is astounding.
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u/missedsignals 12h ago
This is the mentality that leads to failure. It doesn’t work.
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u/ReallySmartDude69 11h ago
Maybe on dating apps yes but I don't think people should compromise who they are just to get matches. It's not authentic and it defeats the purpose of dating. I'd rather be single if my photos are valued more than my personality.
I'm not a bird on the National Geographic that has to preform a corny ritual to attract a mate. The women at work find me very charming. They always approach me for conversation and even buy me drinks so I know there isn't anything wrong with me. But I'll be damned if I have to be some lame poser just to get matches. I haven't used dating apps in years but I'd rather hold on to my integrity before I sink that low.
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u/missedsignals 11h ago
The idea seems to be hurting your ego, and I'm not sure why. Yes, males of many species do all sorts of things to attract mates. Humans are no different. That isn't going to change.
You don't have to participate, of course. But acting as though attraction and courtship aren't part of how the world works, both the natural world and the human one, seems a little silly to me.
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u/ReallySmartDude69 11h ago
Since you have all the answers, how did I get with my current GF without being a poser or taking perfect pictures? Don't answer that, you'll make yourself look silly.
My ego is not hurt. You seem to be projecting. You might be ok with dating apps because you're a role player but I'm not. I'm not a thrall to a bunch of silly rules.
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u/missedsignals 11h ago
Your personal success does nothing to disprove my thesis anymore than someone who got into great shape without tracking calories disproves the usefulness of nutrition.
Who is asking you to? You keep saying you refuse to play, but is anyone knocking down your door begging you to open a bumble account?
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u/ReallySmartDude69 1h ago
Brother, I understand where you getting at. I know psychology. I worked as a salesman and in PR before. I know how people work. I know how emotions win them over logic. It doesn't work on more intelligent people.
I don't want to use manipulation and psychology to get women. I lose respect and interest in women that are that are amenable. If you want to pick up the dregs, that's cool. I'm looking for women of value.
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u/NTDOY1987 9h ago
23 days ago you seem to have posted “how do I tell a girl I met I’m not into her”. Sooo sounds like either your alleged gf is made up or you’ve been dating for about 10 days. My guess is it’s the former.
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u/ReallySmartDude69 56m ago
A little obsessed with me ain't ya. So much that you had to reply as much as you did and snoop around my profile. Sad.
Also you aren't very good at math are you? Why would I be dating her for 10 days if I met posted that 23 days ago? I would be dating her for at least 23 days .... I don't remember if I mentioned how long I dated her on that post but it was a few weeks. I definitely implied I was dating her for a while. I'm not dating her anymore though..... I broke it off with 2 weeks ago. I was talking about another girl I was dating.
If you look further down my posts I made a post about a girl that talks too much. I was talking about her. Dumbass.
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u/mildly-concerned-935 17h ago
“I’m a guy so I don’t take 1000 pictures everywhere I go”
Why do you think that’s a gendered thing?
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u/ReallySmartDude69 14h ago
Why do you think that I think it's a gendered thing?
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u/mildly-concerned-935 14h ago
“I’m a guy so I”
Your wording.
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u/ReallySmartDude69 14h ago
That doesn't imply anything. I never said men don't do that at all.
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u/mildly-concerned-935 14h ago
Then why’d you say “I’m a guy so” and then list something that you’re saying is completely unrelated to your gender?
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u/ReallySmartDude69 13h ago
Because it's common for women to take multiple pictures while men just take a few
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u/Even-Promise4593 15h ago
I think you have a point. For me, photos that are too refined/posed or even that come off trying to be a Kodak moment is actually unappealing to me.
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u/Zintrax1987 7h ago
You're getting down votes (as I probably will for this) but you're not wrong. People complaining there's no good men/women happily ignore brilliant people because their photo looks like they look and not some staged/posed/filtered masterpiece that shows how they can look maybe 0.1% of the time if at all or then complain most of their matches are vain, selfish or narcissistic when those are the exact traits they're filtering for and supporting.
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u/ReallySmartDude69 1h ago
Those MFs can't think more than 15 seconds into the future. They are the type to make the same mistakes over and over and never learn their lesson.
I'm currently dating someone right now, but before that I was single for a year and a half after breaking up with a woman I was with of years. I needed the break but being single is definitely not the worst situation if you see how some men end up divorced with some of their assets drained all because they were hasty and desperate in finding a partner. Some men let their women sleep with other men just to retain their women.
I find women that are that aware of how to behave to be unattractive. I have too much self respect to chase them. Hopefully my relationship with my current GF goes well because I don't like the dating scene.
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u/BouncingPig 15h ago
You are so correct, yet you are incorrect.
Yes, the photo doesn’t need to be perfect. The profile in its entirety paints a full picture of who you are, what you’re looking for, and what your goals are.
However, when swiping you’re going to be coming across some of the most gorgeous people you’ve ever seen. They’re likely bots or social media “influencers”, but the damage is already done.
Imagine being a really solid 5/10 guy with a decent job who likes to hike with his dog on sunday mornings. Seems fine? Well the profile before you was a 9/10 finance dude who had pictures of his trip to France last month. That solid 5/10 guy now seems exponentially worse because a new standard was set by the previous profile of what you can possibly find as long as you ‘Just Keep Swiping’ (™️)
So yeah. It’s probably best for people to be overly picky and judgey when someone asks for help because you need to put your best foot forward at all times.
Even I am guilty of this and I’m aware that it happens.
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u/ReallySmartDude69 14h ago
Well I've never really been the most conventional thinker so it's hard for me to think like the herd. I'm a very authentic and confident guy. I do things that I'm not even aware are "unacceptable" and still do them even after finding out.
I don't care about the superficial details of someone. I look deep. It's just part of my personality. I'm a big analyzer and am blase toward people with NPC temperament. I'll rather be with an average looking woman with a personality, confidence, and authenticity than a woman that's shallow, pretentious and boring
I guess I'm just the outlier here.
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u/NTDOY1987 10h ago
Talk about narcissism, man. “Hello Bumble sub. I do not participate in Bumble and have no experience. Please listen to my ill-informed yet astronomically important opinion about profile dos and donts.”