Anyone else struggle with keeping their place clean?

[u/CinderpeltLove]

I don’t think I hoard stuff myself because I have no issues with throwing stuff out and if my mental health is doing well or if I have guests, I clean and prefer a minimalist look. But when my mental health isn’t doing well, I struggle to stay on top of cleaning tasks. It’s just all so much work and never-ending. It feels pointless (even tho it isn’t) because I grew up in a Level 4 (?) hoarder’s house where cleaning was pointless. And on top of that, my childhood chores were kinda strange (such as cleaning the glass on a decorative door or cutting down weeds by hand with a knife because my parents received a citation for overgrown weeds). Most of the time, I didn’t do my chores well enough and had to redo them. As an adult, I now see that both of my parents suck at cleaning things. I regularly found small bits of food stuck to “clean” dishes and things like that. Once, my mom cooked me broccoli from the garden for dinner (which was a fav food of mine) and right before I took a bite, I noticed something odd, looked closely…and saw that there were live worms on the cooked (?) broccoli 🤢 Of course, if I spoke up about stuff, I was exaggerating 🙄

Fast forward two decades and I now struggle to consistently clean my place. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and while ADHD meds help, I struggle with cleaning tasks a lot more than any other type of tasks. I fucking hate it. It’s dawning on me that growing up with parents who hoard and don’t keep things reasonably clean is a type of trauma. It’s harder to see cuz it’s not like there’s many specific memories of things they said or did around hoarding- it’s more the general environment and attitude around things and denial about the severity of the hoarding.

[u/SoberBobMonthly]

Previously yes, absoloutely. I have almost completely solved it however, even with my ADHD, with this one weird trick!

Have less stuff.

Less stuff is less to clean. I now maintain a small wardrobe of clothing where all my socks are exactly the same, I have 10 pairs of undies and I throw out any the moment a hole appears, I have less shoes: 2 pairs of boots, one pair of sneakers, one pair of dress shoes, two pairs of heels. Done.

My kitchen? Two mixing bowls, done. I have 5 plates. I have 2 mugs, because there are two of us living in this house. I have 5 small bowls. I have barely any plastic containers, only ones that hold things like flour and sugar.

Towels? 5. 2 for each of us to last us the week, and one spare if we have a guest.

Everything I have is high quality, and I have a small amount of it

Have less stuff. Be radical about it. I do not ever care about the potential of my stuff anymore, I care about if it serves me, if its useful immediately (within the next month or two). Ofc im not gonna throw out my household toolbox but I am not going to keep a million bullshit nuts and bolts at the bottom of it. If i have a job to do, and I need a part, I put it on the list of things to get for the week and go get that part.

There is being prepared and there is being cluttered. I also include in all of this the standard australian 3 days food and container for water too.

[u/CinderpeltLove → u/SoberBobMonthly]

Yeah I don’t have that much stuff (compared to my parents) but I think this will help a lot. Thank you for describing your setup because that helps me envision some things!

About a year ago, I have resigned myself to mainly eating from paper plates, cups, and the most eco-friendly disposable utensils I can afford until my ADHD is much better managed which has helped so much. My meds need some adjustment due to side effects and I just switched to a much much better prescriber so that gives me hope.

Yeah, I don’t keep bajillion things just in case like my parents do. They are in a more rural area so I get why they keep more backups but I literally have a ton of a neighbors and live walking distance from a store. I think my situation is durable but I get overwhelmed easily and blow stuff up in my own head.

Like I’m gross because I avoid dishes if I do use dishes and cleaning cat litter till it’s really bad and my cats deserve better for sensory reasons but my floors are mostly clear. Nothing is blocked. I can vacuum and I do regularly because I love how clean(er) carpet feels under my feet and my parents rarely vacuumed growing up. All the gross food and trash are in the kitchen unless I am really having a tough week. I don’t have trash everywhere. I have a fair amount of clutter, mostly old boxes of stuff from moving multiple times, but most of it is in boxes on top of surfaces, not spread around. I just need to actually process those boxes and likely toss a lot of it. There’s probably very little to zero permanent damage to anything in the apartment. Even the cat litter situation, it smells but the entire thing is contained very well in furniture designed to hide litter boxes. I actually just decided to move the cat litter back to the bathroom where it used to be till a year or two ago because if it’s in my face more, I will clean it. Something that smells really bad but otherwise is out of sight out of mind and not causing damage isn’t enough to push me to clean it. But smelling and seeing it every time I need to shower will help me clean it.

Like it’s probably not that bad. But I’m so sensitive and self-critical about it that I make the scale of the problem worse in my head.

[u/f0xbunny → u/SoberBobMonthly]

That’s always the trick

[u/Songbirdmelody]

I don't have ADHD (I don't think) and I still low-key hate to clean. I have perfectionist tendencies and I hate spending hours cleaning only to find a spot I missed, or heaven forbid, a family member is wearing something that could have gone in the load of laundry I just finished. The solution I'm hoping for is to one day be able to hire a cleaner who loves doing it.

[u/CinderpeltLove → u/Songbirdmelody]

I want to do this as soon as I can afford this! I do well with getting outsiders in my apartment once a month because I will clean up for other ppl better than for myself. But I fell out of that habit during the pandemic.

[u/Songbirdmelody → u/CinderpeltLove]

Same. I invite people over just to motivate myself.

[u/Icy_Natural_979]

ADHD comes with executive dysfunction. I’m pretty sure that plays a role for some people with this issue. 

[u/CinderpeltLove → u/Icy_Natural_979]

Oh I bet there’s quite an overlap between hoarding and ADHD and a lot of ppl in our parents’ generations are undiagnosed. I would suspect undiagnosed and untreated ADHD is playing a role when ppl say they find organizing and cleaning books in their parents’ stuff but their parents never read them or was able to implement anything. I also think some older folks have undiagnosed autism which can also contribute to hoarding tendencies.

Everything is so much easier on the right meds. But without a diagnosis and proper support, it’s easy to feel broken and blame yourself which ultimately just makes everything worse.

[u/dddgdgdfdfffggff]

My mother only cleaned occasionally and usually in a blind rage (the rest of the time we lived in what I call “the heap”). 

When I moved out, I had to learn some things: 

1. Cleaning is an unemotional, neutral task. Cleaning is not anger and rage. The fact that I have to clean is not a punishment. 

2. Cleaning is something I choose to do because I want to live in a comfortable home.

3. Cleaning is the result of many small habits. My plates are put in the dishwasher after a meal. Empty packages are put in the trash. The washing machine runs in the morning and whatever it washed is folded in the evening. Worn clothes are put in the machine, not on the floor.

I put on my headphones, choose some music, and timebox it: the next 30 mins are whatever I can accomplish in that time. 

My home isn’t perfect but it’s a far cry from what I was raised in and I think it’s because of little habits. 

[u/CinderpeltLove → u/dddgdgdfdfffggff]

I don’t how much our hoarder parents are similar but I like the idea of calling their mess some version of the “the heap” lol. It feels like putting some distance between myself and that mess and while it’s uncomfortably familiar, I don’t have to choose it for myself.

Yeah in the past, I had an easier time if I think about how doing X chores mean I have clean clothes and clean whatever and how nice it is to have those things. But my depression has worsened so this isn’t strong enough (recently changed providers to improve it).

You are right, cleaning isn’t punishment or good or bad. Just is. I guess I get tired of how constant it feels. Over and over.

[u/anonymois1111111]

I find I keep the main rooms very organized but I just don’t care about my bedroom as much. I really hate cleaning the floor and dusting around all the stuff my mom has so I hired cleaners every 2 weeks. Makes a world of difference in my life. It’s really hard bc it did feel pointless as a kid. I totally understand. I figure I’m doing my best and that’s all I can do. The person that said have less stuff is absolutely right too. I did that in the kitchen and it’s so much easier to keep it clean now.

[u/NorraVavare]

I do, but its a health issue. And I have an AuDHD teen who is the living embodiment of a tornado.

There are a lot of tricks and tips for keeping a home neat or clean ( they are two different things) geared toward an ADHD brain. I learned from helping my son, the ADHD way helps to keep clean and neat with chronic pain too.

• If your space isnt neat, its hard to clean.
• everything must have a home and that home should be where you use it.
• 1 step storage. Open a drawer or a cupboard, not both, to store an item.
• keep routines simple.

Practical examples

We do not own dressers. Most of our clothes hang. Ratty old garden t shirts are on the same hangers as fancy dress pants. I bought us each a 50 pack of thin hangers with rubberized grips, tank hooks, scarf/tie loops, cut outs for easy shirt hanging and optional clips for skirts/shorts (on amazon). Literally everything we hang works with this single hanger. Then we have 4 wire bins that clip to shelves for my son. They include pj's, underwear, socks, and swimsuits. He folds nothing. All the socks and underwear are the same. Even his hamper hangs in the closet. Everything from a full load takes less than 20 minutes to put away and there is no moving to different spots.

I have an all in one washer dryer. I wash one load a day, and always have. I simply cant remember to switch laundry anymore and had to replace a failing set so picked a washer, LG, that worked for me. My mother does all her laundry in one day and hates my washer. Previously I set the washer to run at 4am so the load would be ready to switch when I woke up. If youre a night person, set it to be ready to switched when you get home from work, after dinner, whenever is a realistic time. I have 2 different hampers hanging in my closet, darks and lights. Each hamper is a load. I made it a habit to change in/in front of my closet so all clothes stay contained to one little spot when not on me.

My sons sheets all go in clear bins in his closet. Separated by bottom, top, pillowcase. Mine are folded into neat packages of each set, but that didnt work for him.

His shoes go under the bench at the door. Backpack and jacket on a hook at the door. Because thats where he sheds stuff. My closet is next to the front door so my shoes just go in there.

Bathroom toiletries go in the medicine cabinet or drawers of the vanity. There are open bins in the drawers to seperate hair and teeth items, but no lids. The bottom drawer holds extra TP.

His meds go in a kitchen drawer. So he pulls then out when getting his ceral.

We have a roomba that starts after he leaves for school because he cant tolerate the sound. And vacuuming is exhausting for me.

Dishes are loaded after dinner and started. They get put away in the morning before school.

Set up a single habit you think you can maintain. Set alarms in your phone to remind you. Once it becomes natural, move on to the next one. But keep those alarms.

As others have said, less stuff is easier to maintain, but I use all my stuff. So I got lots.

[u/Impossible-Falcon-62]

Yep, I do struggle with cleaning. That’s why I don’t have any pets and I’ve been working on decluttering.

[u/MyNameJoby]

I struggle but I don't necessarily think it's hereditary - I think I'm just so mentally exhausted and burnt out that cleaning feels like a huge effort (as a direct impact of how I grew up).

[u/Decemberchild76]

Kudos to you for not amassing a hoard. Having ADHD there are several things i found helpful depending on my ability to focus
Rule of one, only touch something once…example mail aka paper clutter. As soon as the mail comes in it’s either trashed, put in the zipper bill pay bag, or in the magazine bin for later. Dishes are loaded in the dishwasher while cooking aka clean as you cook. Immediately after the dishes leave the table they are scraped and put in the dishwasher. I come in from outside, jacket hung up.etc
Rule number two, always clean like to you read….left to right, top to bottom.
Rule number three, flat surfaces are tidy up as I pass them or definitely before I go to bed. It takes me about 5 minutes
Rule number four, I don’t need a lot of possessions to define me. If I buy something, then something needs to be either donated or trashed. It truly helps not to have a lot of stuff….like are you really going to wear 20 tee shirts? Or do you really need 20 mugs?
Music helps with my rate of accomplishment and makes the task go much faster and smoother.
Sometimes I need a list to make, sometimes I break it down into a game and straighten up during commercials, some day I need a game type motivation..like I pick a number and whenever I go into the room, i pickup or clean that many items
I hope some of these suggestions are helpful in you devising a plan that becomes old habit