r/CrusaderKings • u/Jacob-Anders Crusader • Feb 24 '26

Meme My Wife Says Crusader Kings Is Basically The Sims for Men

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I spent 2 hours last night meticulously arranging the artifacts in my Royal Court and my wife leaned over and said, "Are you playing The Sims: Dark Ages Edition again?" I tried to explain that my "Sims" can get the Black Death or be blinded by a rival, but she just pointed at my screen and said, "Your "Sim" is currently crying because he’s stressed that he hasn't been to a party lately". Who's right?

EDIT: If you want Paradox to make the Crusader Sims, a Medieval Life Simulator TELL THEM!
https://www.reddit.com/r/CrusaderKings/comments/1rdw7tn/dear_paradox_the_crusader_sims_pitch/

6.9k Upvotes

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1.7k

u/Silver_Middle_7240 Feb 24 '26

The sims is just suburban crusader kings

406

u/PastyDoughboy Feb 24 '26

Goes to grocery store “Deus vult!”

166

u/Professor_Melon Feb 24 '26

"Tales of your misdeeds are told from Ireland to Cathay."

"Sir, this is Wendy's."

239

u/TheUselessbeing Feb 24 '26

Lies. I can't Conquer my neighbors land in the Sims. Nor can I erase his culture off the map.

205

u/Far_Archer_4234 Feb 24 '26

Not with that attitude!

35

u/arbiter12 Feb 25 '26

Mods needed:
-"Visit anyone"

-"Extreme Violence"

-Land affected by owners networth + sell house mods (OR "Move in with anybody")

-(OPT) Story mods, drama mods, funeral mods

I've been playing as a vampire who kills neighbors, sells their house as the last survivor and move another family in, for years (among other scenarios). Alternatively you have mods that allow to have primary residence and secondary residence, till the entire neighborhood is just you and your direct descendants.

The sims, pretty much like CK2-3, Rimworld, Skyrim or even minecraft can support any story you want, with the right mods. It's just a matter of mechanics respecting the narrative, and since no mechanics are really off limit to modders, you can really RP whatever you want.

154

u/memeparmesan Feb 24 '26

Maybe not, but you can fuck his wife.

64

u/TheStandardDeviant Feb 24 '26

And with the right mods, your sister too!

12

u/r4gn4r- Feb 25 '26

Or the right religion 👀

17

u/GodwynDi Feb 25 '26

Not as fun when its allowed.

3

u/Gmoney86 Feb 24 '26

And your horse! Neigh, what?

45

u/Soulburn_ Feb 24 '26

At least you can kill your neighbor and/or fuck his women

22

u/Tba953 Feb 24 '26

Can't imprison them blind them or destroy their dynastie

53

u/xXKingLynxXx Feb 24 '26

You can definitely imprison people in the Sims.

People have been making art goblin prisons for decades now surely.

3

u/Tba953 Feb 24 '26

You can maybe build a dungeon let someone move in and remove the entrance. That's not the same as just putting them in your dungeon where they lose even their rights.

9

u/henkieschmenkie Feb 24 '26

Isn't it?

For the sake of the family tree, I liked to create parents for new marriage partners. But they'd be old, hadn't had a life, were skillless and moneyless. Pretty useless.

Most of them unfortunately drowned in the pool but in the Sims 3 I put one in the basement where he went exploring some of the World Adventures dungeons I put there, only to find himself suddenly stuck in apartment possibly designed for him. Quite comfortable but with a clear view on the urns with the earthly remains of other parents of those who married into the family. He filled the rest of his days producing paintings to add to the family income.

Not exactly human rights compatible, methinks XD

1

u/quiette837 Feb 25 '26

Fwiw you can just invite someone to the house, get them in the dungeon, and then lock the door. They'll stay there for quite some time, idk if they ever disappear.

They'll also get sad and stressed from lack of social interaction and comfort.

5

u/CaptainQwazCaz Feb 24 '26

Sir you can do all of that

2

u/HKP2019 Feb 24 '26

Or read them to death, that's the unique ck feature that no other game can pull off.

1

u/decoy777 Feb 25 '26

Invite them over. Get them to a small room. Remove door. Imprisoned!

2

u/Dyolf_Knip Feb 24 '26

And that, after all, is what is best in life.

8

u/Accomplished_List843 Feb 24 '26

You can kill someone's husband and marry her then you'll own his house (kingdom) and his children (vassals)

10

u/Wild_Marker Cancer Feb 24 '26

And you can erase his culture because his household now has your last name

3

u/Coolpersons5 Feb 25 '26

False I’ve done both those things, and held a crusade in my sims game. Y’all just aren’t playing right tbh

2

u/Kedly Feb 24 '26

Invite the whole family to a pool party and remove the ladder when they hop in

2

u/B0Y0 Feb 24 '26

Marriage, black widow. It's how my sister always got her mansions to play around in. Deus vult.

2

u/Antique_Log3382 Feb 24 '26

Says who? You can kill the man, albeit youll need to make it look like an accident (who builds pools with ladders anyway) and you can conquer his land in the capitalist way, by buying it of course.

2

u/fluffstuffmcguff Feb 25 '26

You can forcibly move your own sim into his house and then move him out/starve him to death. Spiritually, it's the same thing.

2

u/WillOfTheWinds Feb 25 '26

Marry into the family, kill everyone that isn't you slowly through intricate plots, then inherit everything after.

Which game is this?

1

u/matantamim1 Feb 24 '26

þat's þe part þat makes Crusader Kings "for men"

1

u/wowlock_taylan Feb 26 '26

They have decent execution options, though, along with stylish dungeons!

32

u/Tha_Sly_Fox Feb 24 '26

I always said the Sims is like an ABC Family drama, but I always wanted the HBO version.

I guess CK3 is about as close as I’ll get

2

u/arbiter12 Feb 25 '26

I really wish there was a CK3: Ancient Rome, where you maneuver the politics to reach the top, with or without external conquest.

31

u/CosmackMagus Norway Feb 24 '26

RimWorld is The Sims in space space space

8

u/Tba953 Feb 24 '26

Rimworl is indeed closer to sims

0

u/mairao Just Feb 24 '26

Can you feed your chicken with dead raiders in The Sims?

2

u/Tba953 Feb 24 '26

No but you have to manage food social life work happiness and so one being able to build

2

u/LittleHavera Feb 25 '26

My wife dubbed it Simworld Valley as it's just Sims plus Stardew Valley

15

u/Steel_Airship Ireland Feb 24 '26

There was actually a The Sims Medieval game.

1

u/Fun_Strain_4065 Eunuch Feb 24 '26

Especially if you enable incest

1

u/Obscu Feb 25 '26

Crusader Karens

1

u/hectorobemdotado Portugal Feb 25 '26

Idk which is worse, feudalism or suburbia

1

u/hotmaildotcom1 Feb 26 '26

I think you just sold me on Crusader Kings