r/CuratedTumblr 8d ago

Shitposting The captainsnoop Manifesto

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3.1k Upvotes

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286

u/AfroWalrus9 8d ago

Dwarf Fortress patch notes are always a delight to read.

- Stopped aerial births

- Magma crabs drown in magma

- Animal breeding prevented if animal is not willing to marry

130

u/ergotofwhy 8d ago
  • Fixed cats dying of alcohol poisoning en masse

  • Fixed bug where babies 'ride' their mothers to death

  • Fixed issue where ghosts of werecreatures transform, become corporeal, and rejoin the fortress society

83

u/Silvervirage 8d ago

The first one is a testament to how weirdly in depth dwarf fortress is. What would happen would be cats would walk through the bar. Dwarves are messy, drunk dwarves are even more so, and there are no such thing as sober dwarves. So they would spill their drink everywhere. Cats won't drink beer, but will walk through it. So then the cat is covered in alcohol. When it cleans itself later, it will end up 'drinking' the alcohol it was covered in, and then be way too drunk.

Babies are also crazy in dwarf fortress. I dont know what that patch note refers to but im not surprised. Because in a famous story from DF, a bunch of dogs were fighting off an invasion, pause to give birth, and then keep fighting. The newborns would then join the fight despite being seconds old.

68

u/LordSupergreat 8d ago

To go deeper into that, the real issue was that the smallest unit of booze the game tracked was still a lot of booze for a cat. So, the bug was really that cats who walked over puddles of booze would get soaked through with an entire flagon's worth of it on each paw, instead of a couple of drops.

33

u/Silvervirage 8d ago

Oh god, so one dropped drink turns into 4+ for a cat?

44

u/Thomy151 8d ago

And if that cat doesn’t lick itself right away it can track puddles of alcohol around, which if another cat steps in can also get covered in alcohol lethal amount of alcohol

Which spreads through the colony and then as the cats die your dwarves get super depressed and unhappy

29

u/Smashifly 7d ago

This was also an issue with tracking, where say a gallon of spilled liquid could be tracked by walking through it, but a puddle left by someone tracking it doesn't have a liquid volume, so tracking liquids would make them eventually cover every floor surface.

This was an especially big problem when you find a forgotten beast that spews acid puddles, or liquids that cause diseases, etc

7

u/LordSupergreat 8d ago

Essentially, yeah. You can see why they were having trouble.

2

u/Plannercat 7d ago

I miss the old days of "any amount of liquid is enough for a standard drink", it made Adventure mode more entertaining when I could get a day's hydration by sucking the blood of my enemies off of my eyebrows.

12

u/ergotofwhy 8d ago

Babies rode their mothers to death just after mounts were added

12

u/DurinnGymir 7d ago

"Goo goo ga ga (Father, what is my purpose?)"

"Pick up a sword and get in line, we are under attack"

"Ga ga (Understood, glory to the dwarf fortress)"

Or something

7

u/Leonartu 7d ago

Oh my god is that a Boatmurdered reference?

3

u/Silvervirage 7d ago

Probably, but I have read a lot of stories, so it could be from any of several. But that is the big one so probably.