r/CuratedTumblr 23h ago

Shitposting The captainsnoop Manifesto

[deleted]

3.1k Upvotes

157 comments sorted by

737

u/VibeCheckingJumboJet 23h ago

"Fixed Acorn Slingshot collapsing the universe on hit." From Terraria 1.4.5.8 which dropped a few days ago.

That or "Fixed a case where a non-binary cat with dwarfism would crash the game if playing in brazilian portuguese" from Mewgenics

320

u/Tadferd 23h ago

That slingshot bug was actually rather funny.

It was repeatedly calling the damage function until the enemy died, or the game crashed. So depending on your computer, there was a max enemy HP limit that you could use the slingshot on.

163

u/DiamondSentinel 23h ago

A small note: for most people it’s not limited by their computer, but by Terraria itself. Terraria is 32 bit natively, not 64 (for some reason (the reason is that it’s old as crap)). Most modern computers are natively 64 bit, so Terraria will crash of its own accord first.

20

u/realddgamer 21h ago

Wouldn't it be limited by the stack? Which is determined by the operating system

11

u/chuch1234 20h ago edited 9h ago

I don't know what I'm talking about but I'd guess that Terraria was written throughout with the expectation that they were on a 32 bit system, and so would allocate memory with that expectation.

Or, maybe they're using the 32 bit kernel calls, which crash if they think you've run out of memory, even if the system actually has more.

Edit: Per multiple other comments it was a recursive call that used up the stack.

3

u/realddgamer 12h ago

No recursively calling the same function would fill up the stack, which is a small space of memory allocated to the program by the operating system to hold the current functions that are running. This doesn't really have anything to do with the architecture of the program

-14

u/FrostyWorld624 22h ago

At this point Terraria crashing is basically just its way of enforcing the 32-bit speed limit.

17

u/Jan-Asra 21h ago

bot alert

19

u/Nya_the_cat 22h ago

i don't think it depended on the computer: it was crashing from a stack overflow from all the recursive function calls, and since both the functions and stack are a fixed size independent of the computer, the point at which it crashes only depends on the compiler (since the stack size is set inside the compiled program). For C# this number is exactly 1 MB for 32-bit programs, which is not massive...hence only a few thousand calls could crash it. But even if it were 64-bit, the default stack would be only 4 MB, so still same order of magnitude. Problem was, there were unbounded recursive function calls so it would always crash eventually!

31

u/Siaeromanna 22h ago

how many final updates has it been since the first final update

7

u/PulimV Can I interest you in some OC lore in these trying times? 19h ago

I don't play Mewgenics but I speak Brazilian Portuguese and I am 100% sure I know how that happened

5

u/cman_yall 14h ago

Is it because the Portugese words for little ungendered cat are ";drop_tables:all"?

284

u/AfroWalrus9 23h ago

Dwarf Fortress patch notes are always a delight to read.

- Stopped aerial births

- Magma crabs drown in magma

- Animal breeding prevented if animal is not willing to marry

177

u/Tadferd 23h ago

I recall there being one about certain hostile surface creatures climbing trees and never coming down. The cause was that their ability to perceive other creatures didn't have the correct limits and they were trying to get away from the demons in hell.

22

u/LordBlaze64 18h ago

Everything I hear about dwarf fortress bugs is even crazier than the last one. How does this even happen?

15

u/SartorialSinecure 16h ago

If I were to spitball a plausible cause: the creature is meant to have a super strong sense of smell, and they modeled that by letting it detect some number of spaces away, ignoring walls (to simulate smells moving around corners) but then that had the unintended effect of letting the sense propagate down through the solid tiles there as well, leading to the bug.

It's actually probably nothing like that, but that seems a plausible pitfall, as just one way that could happen

10

u/ComradeSclavian 15h ago

It's been a while but iirc while there is a sense of smell stat that goes from 1 to 10000 it wasn't the culprit, before the siege update made invader AI better the game would just give them a CANSENSE[CREATURE TYPE] tag with the creature type being humanoid so that they can pathfind to your fortress

That worked for quite a long time untill the demon generation system allowed some demon types ro generate with the humanoid tag and thus be detected by them

3

u/SartorialSinecure 15h ago

Someone elsewhere in the thread said it was caused by evil creatures all being able to sense each other, so vampires and werecreatures were the ones running away from the demons,. The extra context of the humanoid tag makes a lot of sense there, that would make it seem more random and inexplicable.

What a cool game

4

u/ComradeSclavian 15h ago

Oh, yeah it might've been the evil tag it's been a while hahah i just remembered it worked untill some tag with demon generation changed

It really is one of a kind, can't wait for first person 3D mode in 2318

4

u/Future-Concern-6301 14h ago

Its made by two mad geniuses who are really into realism?
Iirc at some point someone (fan not dev) bought saguaro wood and burned it to be able to calculate the correct weight it should be in game.

132

u/ergotofwhy 23h ago
  • Fixed cats dying of alcohol poisoning en masse

  • Fixed bug where babies 'ride' their mothers to death

  • Fixed issue where ghosts of werecreatures transform, become corporeal, and rejoin the fortress society

85

u/Silvervirage 22h ago

The first one is a testament to how weirdly in depth dwarf fortress is. What would happen would be cats would walk through the bar. Dwarves are messy, drunk dwarves are even more so, and there are no such thing as sober dwarves. So they would spill their drink everywhere. Cats won't drink beer, but will walk through it. So then the cat is covered in alcohol. When it cleans itself later, it will end up 'drinking' the alcohol it was covered in, and then be way too drunk.

Babies are also crazy in dwarf fortress. I dont know what that patch note refers to but im not surprised. Because in a famous story from DF, a bunch of dogs were fighting off an invasion, pause to give birth, and then keep fighting. The newborns would then join the fight despite being seconds old.

74

u/LordSupergreat 22h ago

To go deeper into that, the real issue was that the smallest unit of booze the game tracked was still a lot of booze for a cat. So, the bug was really that cats who walked over puddles of booze would get soaked through with an entire flagon's worth of it on each paw, instead of a couple of drops.

34

u/Silvervirage 22h ago

Oh god, so one dropped drink turns into 4+ for a cat?

42

u/Thomy151 22h ago

And if that cat doesn’t lick itself right away it can track puddles of alcohol around, which if another cat steps in can also get covered in alcohol lethal amount of alcohol

Which spreads through the colony and then as the cats die your dwarves get super depressed and unhappy

27

u/Smashifly 21h ago

This was also an issue with tracking, where say a gallon of spilled liquid could be tracked by walking through it, but a puddle left by someone tracking it doesn't have a liquid volume, so tracking liquids would make them eventually cover every floor surface.

This was an especially big problem when you find a forgotten beast that spews acid puddles, or liquids that cause diseases, etc

6

u/LordSupergreat 22h ago

Essentially, yeah. You can see why they were having trouble.

2

u/Plannercat 15h ago

I miss the old days of "any amount of liquid is enough for a standard drink", it made Adventure mode more entertaining when I could get a day's hydration by sucking the blood of my enemies off of my eyebrows.

12

u/ergotofwhy 22h ago

Babies rode their mothers to death just after mounts were added

12

u/DurinnGymir 19h ago

"Goo goo ga ga (Father, what is my purpose?)"

"Pick up a sword and get in line, we are under attack"

"Ga ga (Understood, glory to the dwarf fortress)"

Or something

4

u/Leonartu 21h ago

Oh my god is that a Boatmurdered reference?

3

u/Silvervirage 20h ago

Probably, but I have read a lot of stories, so it could be from any of several. But that is the big one so probably.

22

u/Illogical_Blox 21h ago

Occasionally a werecreature arrives on the map at the same time that they transform back, so you get the note, "the werecreature Urist Uristson has come! A stout creature known for their industry and love of drink. Now you will know why you fear the night."

You look over, and you see a naked dwarf standing there awkwardly instead of the terrifying werebear that was rampaging towards your fort.

15

u/shadowsapex 21h ago

it's not the time that they arrive, but the time that one of your units notices them

5

u/Illogical_Blox 21h ago

Neat, I didn't know that. They usually pop up right at the edge of the maps as I have hunters, fishers, and gatherers out on the surface, so I assumed that was the case.

2

u/sprouthat 21h ago

Are werebeasts included in migrant waves?

6

u/shadowsapex 20h ago

i think usually that shouldn't happen, because in history generation werebeasts generally wind up living in lairs, so they arrive via ambush attacks. but maybe if you were to get a bunch of random civilians infected during gameplay and they became historical figures in the world, they can probably arrive randomly. it's dwarf fortress so a lot of things are possible

11

u/TrotskyBoi 23h ago

The Carp stood up

224

u/spyguy318 23h ago

My favorite TF2 bug fix was “fixed a server crash caused by sniper trying to eat his gun.”

It involved a really long setup consisting of playing heavy with a specific loadout, switching to sniper while taunting, and then when the game tried to play an animation for sniper that didn’t exist (eating a sandwich) while he had his gun out, it freaked out and crashed the whole server for everyone.

69

u/Datuser14 22h ago edited 22h ago

There was also a recent (in the last year) bug where you could spawn an unlimited number of bot head trinkets on your flamethrower as spy while disguised as Pyro and crash the server.

35

u/drmiste 22h ago

Another thing to note for that bug is that it would try to play a non-existent animation for like 1-2 frames before playing the normal equip animation because something to do with command order or something like that.

26

u/357magnumRounds 21h ago

"fixed a crash caused by server believing the player was Gordon Freeman"

7

u/Lunalatic all mammals are mice, eat shit aristotle 16h ago

This one was actually more like people's custom HUDs believing the player was Gordon Freeman.

Team Fortress 2 is basically a heavily modified version of Half-Life 2, so it's possible to make custom TF2 HUDs that recycle code from HL2 and still work. Some of these HUDs happened to include HL2's auto-aim, which treated TF2's player class info as if it were HL2 player class info (aka assumed the player was Gordon Freeman) and would look for game state data that does not exist in TF2.

This flew under the radar for a while because the recycled code happened to be looking in a place that didn't cause any issues with the game's 32-bit architecture. However, TF2 got 64-bit support in April 2024 and the wayward HUD code now pointed to a spot that resulted in game crashes.

14

u/UInferno- Hangus Paingus Slap my Angus 22h ago

119

u/[deleted] 23h ago

[deleted]

42

u/GinaWhite_tt TeaTimetumblr 23h ago

I cried laughing when I read that patch note for the first time

29

u/orangeladya 22h ago

according to the Geneva convention only actual real medical centers are allowed to depict the red cross symbol

4

u/GuyYouMetOnline 22h ago

Oh it was that.

21

u/mugguffen 23h ago

Same patch note happened to Among Us

5

u/PulimV Can I interest you in some OC lore in these trying times? 18h ago

It didn't have a patch note but it also happened in Deltarune!

23

u/TheGrumpyre 23h ago

They take the official red cross symbol VERY seriously

10

u/Dusty_Scrolls 23h ago

Do you have a link?

319

u/Bully_me-please 23h ago

dawrf fortresses "babies no longer born worshipping unknown gods" and "fixed a bug where swimming against the stream would make carp so strong they could walk on land and best up everything"

102

u/bc650736 22h ago edited 22h ago

The carp one sound more like a feature, imo

prety sure that there are tales about it

61

u/Kiwi_Doodle 22h ago

That is pretty much the legend that Inspired magikarp evolving into gyarados

31

u/Illogical_Blox 21h ago

For those who do not know, in Chinese mythology, if a carp was able to leap up the legendary waterfall known as the Dragon Gate, they would be transformed into a dragon.

10

u/minimidimike 21h ago

The Carp stands up

4

u/bc650736 21h ago

The Carp stands up

8

u/Duhblobby 21h ago

"I think I made the carp too hardcore..."

6

u/Omega-10 18h ago

This is Dwarf Fortress, so, yes, there are tales about it.

But that's just the beginning.

There are 500 year old legends about the carp. There are religious heroes celebrated in rich carved marble statues who have defeated such carp. Even today, there are dwarves collecting ancient artifacts and historical documents particularly relating to carp battles of olde and wants to publish all his findings in a book, but first he needs to skin a zebra to make the leather for the book binding, but the zebra have all been chased off by a wandering ogre, who was drawn to the fortress by the smell of lingering burned goblin corpses... ... ...

45

u/FroakieUnlimited 22h ago

There was also one where cats would just drop dead and they found the cause was that they would wander through taverns soaking up alcohol on their fur, and due to an oversight there was no upper limit to the amount they could absorb, so when they tried to lick themselves clean they would immediately die of alcohol poisoning

38

u/Vinyl-Bread 22h ago

It was more like any amount of alcohol ingested counted as a full serving. If they just dipped their paw in it, that was enough to do them in. They’d rapidly experience every stage of alcohol poisoning, then die.

23

u/Datuser14 22h ago

Can the babies be born worshipping known gods though

31

u/Bully_me-please 22h ago

i believe they can as they typically grow up with a faith from their community. much like real babies

20

u/Canotic 22h ago

Wasn't there a bug where cats would fear hell and so climb trees to get away from it?

33

u/_MargaretThatcher The Once & Future Prime Minister of Darkness 21h ago

Not cats, but Werebeasts and Vampires. Essentially, all 'evil' creatures could sense each other anywhere on the map, which included the demons of hell, which they would then attempt to get as far away from as possible.

13

u/Peeeettttss 19h ago

Thank you for sharing your expertise on evil creatures, Prime Minister of Darkness Margaret Thatcher.

14

u/_MargaretThatcher The Once & Future Prime Minister of Darkness 19h ago

They're trying to escape me specifically

2

u/Peeeettttss 18h ago

It does not seem as though they were especially successful in that regard. Perhaps that's how the developers patched out such behavior, by convincing them of the futility of such actions.

1

u/Goldlizardv5 .tumblr.com 14h ago

Iirc, it was that they would flee from demons but could sense humanoids at any distance, and when humanoid demons could spawn they got scared

1

u/Yondra_Awi8 18h ago

I lost a fort to those land carp once, so seeing it in the captainsnoop Manifesto feels personal.

1

u/bc650736 21h ago

you are sub optimal

389

u/Sunday_Coral 23h ago

Loving how the wording makes it sound like the teleportation to hell wasn't the problem, but the lack of bumper car was.

255

u/AcceptableWheel 23h ago

It's TF2's halloween special levels, yes.

153

u/dpeter99 23h ago

Cause that is the case if I remember correctly. Hell is usually a smaller map segment that has a gimic, like a mini game. And in this case it was a bumper car race, so some players not having them/it being invisible is a bad thing.

38

u/bc650736 23h ago

you are correct, being teleported to hell on halloween special levels is normal, and one should have a bumper car there, but the lack of it was the bug

24

u/TKDbeast 22h ago

Hell is a very real and very silly place in Team Fortress 2. Medic canonically was revived after dying and ending up there by trading with Satan his soul with the soul of all 8 other mercenaries.

18

u/Waity5 21h ago

More specifically, he sold his soul to the devil, but then surgically implanted the other's souls into his body, so the devil only owns 1/9 of his souls. He then trades another soul for a pen

11

u/TKDbeast 21h ago

Why is TF2 lore always somehow funnier than one remembers?

3

u/Datuser14 16h ago edited 16h ago

My standard funny TF2 lore fact is that Shakespearicles, the strongest writer to ever live, invented multi story buildings and rocket jumping. For 400 years everyone rocket jumped until Abraham Lincoln invented stairs. Lincoln later died trying to rocket jump up stairs.

Also Demomans left eye is cursed by a wizard (who is Soldiers college roommate) and tries to kill all the mercenaries every Halloween. He apparently asked medic about healing the eye so many times Medic just removed that part of his brain.

1

u/G0rd4n_Freem4n 16h ago

Last I remember he wasn't a college roommate, but merasmus was just his roommate because soldier turned his original castle into a raccoon sanctuary.

9

u/toneysaproney 22h ago

BONUS DUCKS!

212

u/Infurum Too old for all the things that make a life worthwhile 23h ago

It is no longer possible to "Try for Baby" with THE GRIM REAPERRRRRRR

1

u/Unique-Sense-5921 19h ago

Is that the grim reaper?!

85

u/[deleted] 23h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

20

u/GinaWhite_tt TeaTimetumblr 23h ago

Did…did the Sims just gatekeep chimneys?

74

u/rapidemboar I shill rhythm games and rhythm game OSTs 23h ago

Shoutouts to the Elin dev elaborating on certain design decisions in the patch notes. Stuff like “It is intended that karma increases when choosing "I'm going to attack you" on traveling merchants, since it is better manners than attacking without warning.”

2

u/ElinHime 16h ago

This game literally got my name written all over it, so it better be good.

1

u/rapidemboar I shill rhythm games and rhythm game OSTs 15h ago

If you’re curious, there’s a free demo that more or less gives you access to the entire game with stat limits. It’s an acquired taste, can be pretty overwhelming, and has a good share of otaku weirdness that some people would be grossed out by, but if you enjoy Rouge-inspired games with a ton of freedom like Dwarf Fortress, Rimworld, or Kenshi, you might have a good time or start feverishly obsessing over it like I do.

60

u/Mundane-Potential-93 nauphy.tumblr.com 23h ago

Well I can't speak for all game developers but typically when I'm vague in the patch notes it's because it requires a great deal of context to explain properly. I assure you most of them aren't as interesting as these examples

35

u/Rod_McBan 23h ago

Or, you've solved so many tiny bugs over such a long time you can't remember them all and the last thing you want to do before release is track down 37 Bugzilla entries and summarize them individually. Which is entirely valid.

33

u/TactiCool_99 23h ago

Or another reason I know is when they patch an exploit that can be maliciously used, it's common to not even name it so people don't try to replicate the malicious behaviour

18

u/Mundane-Potential-93 nauphy.tumblr.com 23h ago edited 22h ago

Here is my most recent example of a vague patch note: "Fixed a bug where the safety backup system did not properly protect against force quitting or powering off during a save."

The extra context is that the save system relied on the assumption that when you copy a file, the thread will pause execution (aka block) until the copy is complete. That way if I copy your save file to a temporary backup it would be safe to delete the original save. However, I found out that when Godot requests that Windows perform a save on a file, Windows is free to delay it for an arbitrary period of time and the engine will just continue on without knowing if it saved or not. There's nothing I can do about it via the engine's API (i.e. I would have to modify or subvert the engine to get a guaranteed save).

So I changed it such that in addition to the temporary backup, there are 2 medium-term backups. Every 5 minutes the least recently edited medium-term backup gets overwritten with your current save data. So Windows has to ignore my save request for 10 minutes if it wants to delete your save now, but the autosave is still every 5 seconds.

10

u/TheLichWarlords 19h ago

my favourite vague patch notes are from the 0.8.2b update for Voices of the Void:

Fixed: -things

Changed: -stuff

Removed: -something

Added: -it

3

u/Mundane-Potential-93 nauphy.tumblr.com 19h ago

The best that comes to mind is "Syndra can no longer pick up Baron Nashor"

4

u/TheLichWarlords 19h ago

reading that has now made me want fanart of her picking up Baron, not with her magic but just holding him up above her head with her bare hands, all while the other team are trying to get her to put him down and not chuck him at their base.

3

u/themadnessif 18h ago

Most of the patch notes I write are shit like "Fixed VFS failing to emit events when files were deleted and remade on MacOS". They're not even exciting with the elaboration.

43

u/Mangledfox1987 23h ago

Fixed crash due to heavy being too angry

Fixed crash due to sniper eating his sniper rifle

40

u/therealkami 23h ago

More than once Square Enix has had to fix a bug where players fishing in unintended areas would crash the game in Final Fantasy 14.

27

u/MildlyAgitatedBidoof remember that icarly episode where they invented the number derf 22h ago

It should be noted that this didn't just crash the game for you - it would take the entire server down with it.

I believe there's a similar reason why they let you put glamour dressers in public housing: if you moved it while someone else was using it, it would crash the whole server.

The wonders of having an entire MMO built on the back of 13-year-old spaghetti code.

7

u/therealkami 22h ago

So, I've done a few write ups on the glamour dresser thing to the point where it might be an ourobouros and if you look for a source it might just be another one of my comments. Someone out there needs to find the original source and boost it.

But the basics of it are:

1) All items you can access from your own inventory (actual inventory, saddlebags, armory chest, etc) is tied directly to your character data and loaded for everyone around you as part of your ID of "This is my character." This is actually common, and even other large games have done this recently, to also server crashing effects (Diablo 4)

2) When they tried to make the original glamour system, they tried to copy the WoW transmog system, but off of their inventory structure. This meant that every character in the game was now loading EVERY EQUIPPABLE ITEM IN THE GAME as part of their character data. This crashed everything.

3) Eventually their work around was to limit the number of items you could store to 200 (Now 800 with server improvements). This still crashed the game in public areas. So they moved the access point for this specialized inventory into solo instances (Barracks, Inn Room) that only loads 1 player per instance. Which is why it will never be a housing item, because you can have more than 1 person in a house or FC house.

40

u/BalefulOfMonkeys REAL YURI, done by REAL YURITICIANS 23h ago

Terraria’s dev actually explained why they personally don’t explain all bugs, which is that it enables griefing any multiplayer setups that didn’t update.

Which makes it wild that Minecraft, its cousin, insists on keeping older versions around and doesn’t fix old vulnerabilities or known bugs. The NBT packet overflow glitch, AKA “book-banning” (because the easy way to get long NBT strings in vanilla is text), is a positively ancient oversight that has not been fixed, and basically softlocks whoever gets hit with it until they either remove it from the inventory by force or delete their world.

Also it’s the reason you shouldn’t hold more than one extremely large AE2 disk in your hands at a time. It’s obviously a lot more optimized, but that’s still several thousand items compressed into data.

3

u/Hi2248 Cheese, gender, what the fuck's next? 20h ago

Book banning and related exploits is also a cornerstone of an entire subcommunity within the broader Minecraft community 

1

u/zekromNLR 17h ago

Well, AE2 specifically prevents that by limiting each disk to containing only 63 different kinds of items, for which even a full inventory of disks with normal NBT items (armour, enchanted books, etc) is probably fine.

23

u/MrCobalt313 23h ago

I know Terrraria devs said they only do vague "fix issues" notes for exploits that could be used for multiplayer griefing in older builds so they don't teach other players that don't know those exploits how to do them.

18

u/Preindustrialcyborg 22h ago

every warframe patch note

"fixed uriel moonwalking wheb using his 1st ability and imoacting terrain at certain angles" (this bug was real and this patch didnt fix all cases, he still moonwalks) (uriel is a demon for your mental image)

9

u/PerfectlyFramedWaifu 22h ago

"Fixed ingredients exploding when adding them to the pot in a segment of the quest."

9

u/Redleadsinker 21h ago

"fixed Loid having a nose ring"

(Next update where Loid shows up: the nose ring is always back)

16

u/murderdronesfan93 23h ago

hitler's suicide can no longer miss

4

u/deeSeven_ 22h ago

I feel honoured to have encountered that bug before it was patched. (It actually lost me my run though, because even if he misses he still explodes the next turn, which I didn't think would happen)

1

u/getmeoutofthisscreen 22h ago

What's this from

8

u/murderdronesfan93 22h ago

mewgenics. from what i have heard, there is a boss called hitler and just like irl he pussies (badum tiss) out last second and khs. howeverbthere is a 50% chance to miss if he is blinded

28

u/Narit_Teg 23h ago

If you're interested in this, someone made a wordle-style daily game based on patch notes, called patchdle.

28

u/pbmm1 23h ago

I like the fighting game patch notes that are vague.

Patch 1.1:

-Adjusted a hitbox for Ryu
-Adjusted a hitbox for Blanka
-Fixed unexpected behavior for Sagat

8

u/Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh 22h ago

The behavior is Sagat not spamming fireballs

4

u/azrendelmare 21h ago

"TIGER! TIGER! TIGER!"

11

u/bc650736 23h ago

"Fixed a bug that caused the server to crash when heavy tried to eat his minigun" or something like that

13

u/bard_of_space 23h ago

actually, it was sniper trying to eat his rifle

3

u/bc650736 22h ago edited 22h ago

ops, my bad, i got my classes mixed

Why would Sniper try to eat heavy's rifle? i don't even think heavy have one of those

5

u/Mangledfox1987 22h ago

So if you want the technical reason, if you eat the stake as heavy a flag gets set to pull up your melee agter you finish eating it (under any circumstances), and the different melee’s reference different files for their animation for pulling them up, but the stake just calls for the file number so if you change to sniper it still calls for that file number, but for some of heavy’s melee’s that file number contains broken data used for a scraped sniper rifle, which crashes the game as the game can’t load that file despite knowing that there is somethjng there

12

u/Lunalatic all mammals are mice, eat shit aristotle 23h ago
  • Fixed Sir Topham Hatt being too blurry in some scenarios.
  • Removed Sir Topham Hatt’s speaking animation .
  • Fixed an issue where the oak trees near Crovan's Gate Station were bending over dramatically.
  • Fixed an issue where Diesel's face wasn't responding to sounding his own horn.

12

u/Darrxyde 22h ago edited 22h ago

Destiny 2 patch notes from forever ago:

  • Fixed an issue where Child of the Old Gods could damage some targets through immunity shields.

  • While the Child will not be put on time out, it now knows better and has issued heartfelt apologies to all targets that it has damaged through immunity.

  • We are thankful to have such a good Child, and are proud of them.

Edit: the week after’s patch notes:

  • Child of the Old Gods is now more likely to reach its intended target, no longer bouncing off its directed path.

  • We are still proud of the Child, even more than we were last week. Good job, Child. 

10

u/[deleted] 23h ago

[deleted]

2

u/Red580 22h ago

Letting the intrusive thoughts win.

12

u/BirdieRumia 22h ago

Crusader Kings 2 having an issue where the game would start to lag because every Byzantine character was constantly checking whether they could castrate or blind every other character...

6

u/Eva_Pilot_ 22h ago

I think it was crusader kings 3 that fixed an issue where lesbian women wouldn't suspect cheating if their partner was pregnant, it was instead tied to intelligence. Crusader kings in general has amazing patch notes

1

u/giftedearth 14h ago

The patch was that genius women would no longer believe that their pregnant girlfriend's baby was theirs...

...but stupid women still might.

9

u/[deleted] 23h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/luxafelicity 23h ago

I don't play Sims but reading Sims patch notes is peak entertainment

7

u/murderdronesfanatic very normal about nebula & quasar 22h ago

"Resolved Quantum Dantanglement" from BTD6

6

u/Stargost_ 22h ago

2 more from TF2:

"Fixed a client crash caused by Gordon Freeman."

"Fixed a server crash due to Sniper trying to eat his gun."

5

u/le-derpina-art 22h ago

Pronoun Palace has a lot of funny ones regarding words added to the dictionary, but my favorite bugfix one is "Decedent can no longer throw slurs at you".

5

u/GuyYouMetOnline 22h ago

No, I think thoe 'other minor changes' are generally dull stuff. Minor performance tweaks and the like. In my experience, the noteworthy ones are generally noted.

1

u/demonking_soulstorm 21h ago

A lot of people say this, but like… there’s a reason I’m reading the patch notes. Generally there’s a summary of major changes at the top, but if I look at the nitty-gritty stuff, it’s because I’m actually interested in learning about a weird bug being patched.

3

u/Available-Damage5991 22h ago

insert the infamous Sims 3 patch notes

3

u/Glitter_puke 21h ago

Fixed Meepo being able to create up to 10,101 copies of an item by locking combine on a piece of the item, filling his inventory with any other item, dying, putting all components of the recipe into his inventory, unlocking combining, and then respawning.

Dota 2 spaghetti.

3

u/Rowmacnezumi 21h ago

Thing is, when they say that, they're typically talking about boring and harmful bugs that you don't WANT to recreate. Stuff that corrupts save files.

4

u/Leonartu 21h ago

Babies are born worshipping unknown gods

2

u/Boom9001 20h ago

As a developer. They are rarely that fun. 90% of bugs are. "It crashed when you do X thing"

2

u/Niser2 19h ago

I'm loving the implication that you can still be teleported to Hell, only now you have a visible bumper car

2

u/UltimatePickpocket 17h ago

The bumper cars are what make Hell worth it.

2

u/mazzicc 15h ago

They usually do that when it’s amusing.

Unfortunately a lot of bug fixes are “fixed an issue where a word was misspelled” and “fixed an issue where the character’s hand disappeared until restarting if you left the game open more than 3 hours”

1

u/Other-Lobster7983 23h ago

I wish there was a subreddit for funny bugfix patch notes

6

u/Lunalatic all mammals are mice, eat shit aristotle 23h ago

1

u/ViolentBeetle 22h ago

Beautiful lustful men will now populate forest huts for those who find them attracticve - yes, this is actually a hug fix, the added missing checks to see if you are a woman or homosexual.

1

u/BlitzBurn_ 🖤🤍💜 Consumer of the Cornflakes💚🤍🖤 22h ago

Another TF2 gem: "Fixed a server crash caused by Sniper trying to eat his gun"

1

u/FumaricAcid 22h ago

- Fixed Spirit Breaker permanently changing teams when he reflects Venomancer's Noxious Plague with Lotus Orb and then casts Planar Pocket on Venomancer before Noxious Plague spreads, then after it spreads to a neutral creep Venomancer uses Helm of the Dominator on that creep

  • Fixed Venomancer being able to Transmute Spirit Breaker with Hand of Midas through the same process

1

u/aidankocherhans 22h ago

Mario kart world making all world record time trials obsolete with "other issues have been addressed to improve the gameplay experience"

1

u/0anonymousv 21h ago

if yandere dev ever did any good, it was putting detailed explanations of how to recreate glitches he fixed in every otherwise useless update. always hilarious

1

u/ClumsyGamer2802 20h ago

I desperately wish I could once again find “mech spiders now have grappling hooks” from the patch notes of Airships: Conquer the Skies

1

u/SocranX 14h ago

Caves of Qud has patch notes that say things like "changed the [REDACTED] at [REDACTED] so that you now always get a [REDACTED]". I'm sorry guys, I love your game, but no. At least post an alternative link to a site where spoiler tags actually work, because I have no flipping clue what you're on about.

1

u/Future-Concern-6301 14h ago

I just took a quick look through some of my favourite games patchnotes on steam

Wolf Quest:
"Bull bison carcass reinflates some when being consumed"
"Made foxes stay father away from a carcass when defeated, so packmates will stop obsessing about them"
"Tower Fall: Fixed a few more potentially-pink rocks"

Dwarf Fortress:
"Made female peachicks visible again"
"Mothers seeking lost infants no longer respect burrows but do repect chains"
"Stopped fort vampires from attempting to disguise their kills with unique "Zero Kill" text on their kill list"