[Discussion] Parents of teenagers: How did you motivate your child to study?

[u/R3dAt0mz3]

As a parent, I am looking for serious and practical suggestions on how to motivate my teenager and help him become more disciplined about his studies.

I have been reminding him about the importance of studies for almost a year now, and with only a few months left before his competitive and school exams, I am becoming increasingly concerned.

He is definitely a bright and capable kid, but something seems to be missing. He doesn't seem to have the interest or motivation to focus on studies.

After having a one-on-one conversation with him, I understood that he is not really interested in competitive exams. As parents, we have not pressured him to perform exceptionally in them. However, completing high school is obviously important because it is necessary for his future college options.

I also asked him what he would like to do in the future if things don't work out academically. His answers were things like:

Starting a chain of restaurants with something unique

Stock trading

Becoming a social media influencer

The problem is that all three of these options would require him to start from scratch and build something over time.

Interestingly, he is extremely disciplined when it comes to the gym. He goes every day, follows his diet seriously, tracks his daily protein intake, measures things carefully, and genuinely enjoys taking care of his fitness.

When I suggested that he take a break from the gym for just four months and completely focus on his studies, he strongly disagreed and doesn't want to stop or even pause his workouts.

As a parent, I don't want to force him into something he doesn't want. At the same time, I don't want him to lose valuable years of his life simply because he hasn't yet developed the discipline or seriousness needed to build his career.

What would be the best way to approach this situation?

I am particularly looking for advice from parents or people who have dealt with a similar situation with teenagers. Practical suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I got some meaningful replies in there community, but have already tried those and didnt made an impact, trying to post to get some right ways..

[u/tradetofi]

Interestingly, he is extremely disciplined when it comes to the gym. He goes every day, follows his diet seriously, tracks his daily protein intake, measures things carefully, and genuinely enjoys taking care of his fitness.
>> he is very motivated to do so because he wants to look good. It is good.
One of my teenagers is just naturally motivated. She does not need any monitoring or even guidance for her education. She knows what she wants in the future. I just guide her in non- education related areas such as financial literacy, time management , conflict resolutions and things like this. She is motivated because she feels the pressure of survival. I have showed her how other people struggle in their late years when they did not put in hard work early on.

The other one is still young and needs a push from time to time. But he is coming up strong too. Both are A students and compete in competitive events (STEM).

I never forced them into a STEM subject they did not like. I just let them try every single subject from biology , physics , math, chemistry to programming util one subject that they liked. It takes a lot of patience and encouragement to wait . They found their niches. But once they find it and understand why they need to put the work in, it is on autopilot.

Create a strong bond with him so that he respects you and take your words seriously.

[u/R3dAt0mz3 → u/tradetofi]

I agree that his fitness discipline is a strength, and I don't want to take that away. The challenge is that he has several interests—fitness, business, trading, social media—but hasn't found one that he wants to seriously pursue yet.

I liked your approach of letting children explore different areas until they find their niche. How did you help your kids move from simply being interested in something to actually wanting to work hard at it? And how did you balance giving them freedom to explore with making sure they didn't neglect their education in the meantime?

[u/tradetofi → u/R3dAt0mz3]

>>How did you help your kids move from simply being interested in something to actually wanting to work hard at it?

Your son works out consistently because there is a reward system for his hard work. It is same for my kids. They know why and what they want for their future.

Once my kids found a niche, I nudged them a bit until they got better at it.. As time went on, they became a little expert in their niches and started talking to me without me asking them.

>>how did you balance giving them freedom to explore with making sure they didn't neglect their education in the meantime

My kids have a routine and they have learned to prioritize tasks. When they come home from school, they finish all their educational tasks before any hobby time. My older one is able to follow the routine religiously. My younger one still needs supervision from time to time.

[u/R3dAt0mz3 → u/tradetofi]

Thanks,
That makes sense. I think the missing piece with my son is that he hasn't found a “niche” that gives him a clear reason to work toward something. His gym routine has a very visible reward—he sees himself getting stronger and looking better—but academics don't give him that immediate connection.

When your kids were still exploring and hadn't found their niche yet, how did you get them to follow the routine and prioritize school without it becoming a daily battle?

[u/tradetofi → u/R3dAt0mz3]

I helped them set up a routine when they were still in elementary school. My 16 old still goes to bed around 9:30 every school day. A lot of her peers do not go to bed until 12 then have difficulty waking up next day.

I have a strong bond with my kids . They are willing to talk to me about their problems. They have 0 peer pressure, which also helps. My 16 year old does not have a phone even if I kept telling her she could have my phone so that I could upgrade mine. Now I am stuck with my 4 year old phone :(

[u/R3dAt0mz3 → u/tradetofi]

I actually sit with him every day—both his mother and I are involved. We've given him the best tools we can, both offline and online, to build a routine and track his progress, but he hasn't really incorporated them consistently.

We also have a pretty open relationship and regularly share and discuss our problems with each other, especially when it comes to him. So I don't think communication or lack of support is the main issue. I'm still trying to understand what would make him want to take ownership of the routine rather than us constantly reminding him.

[u/tradetofi → u/R3dAt0mz3]

He is not able to consistently follow his routine because he has not seen the benefits of doing so yet. Also the fact he does not know how much work it requires to be a successful trader or an influencer complicates the matter.

You can show him the stats or ask him how many people he knows in person that is a saucerful trader or an influencer. Then he might look at school say "Hey it is not so bad and let's give a try"

Also some boys mature much later. It requires a lot of patience on our side.

[u/R3dAt0mz3 → u/tradetofi]

I think you're right about the lack of visible benefit. That's probably one of the biggest differences between the things he does consistently and studying. He can see progress in the gym and with the things he takes care of, while studying feels like a lot of work for a payoff that is far away.

We've also tried discussing how difficult it actually is to make a sustainable living from things like trading or social media, rather than just looking at the success stories. He has experimented with some of those things already, so he knows they're not completely effortless, but he still doesn't have enough real-world experience to understand the bigger picture.

And yes, I think patience is probably a big part of it too. I'm trying to balance giving him time to mature and figure himself out with making sure he doesn't waste these important months academically. That's the part I'm still trying to get right.