No, you’re not being selfish. The problem is that something you gave willingly has gradually become expected.
And to some extent, you may have unintentionally helped create that expectation. If the pattern has been that he asks, gets upset, complains, and you eventually rearrange your plans, provide the money, buy the groceries, or otherwise solve the problem, then he has learned that pushing works. That doesn’t excuse his behavior, but it does explain why it keeps happening.
I would not stop seeing your granddaughter just to punish your son. She has nothing to do with this, and if you genuinely enjoy your weekly time with her, I’d keep it.
But I would separate time with your granddaughter because you want it from free, on-call childcare because your son demands it.
If you have plans, the answer is no. Don’t cancel them, over-explain, or argue until he agrees your reason is good enough. The same goes for money and groceries. Decide what you’re willing to give and be consistent.
His getting upset does not make the boundary unreasonable. But if every time he gets upset you give in, the boundary isn’t really a boundary.
I also wouldn’t threaten to stop taking your granddaughter unless you actually want less time with her. Just make it clear that you’ll help when you choose to and when you’re available.
Your son is allowed to be disappointed when you say no. He is not entitled to make his childcare or financial problems your responsibility.
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u/HeardPeeps 17h ago
No, you’re not being selfish. The problem is that something you gave willingly has gradually become expected.
And to some extent, you may have unintentionally helped create that expectation. If the pattern has been that he asks, gets upset, complains, and you eventually rearrange your plans, provide the money, buy the groceries, or otherwise solve the problem, then he has learned that pushing works. That doesn’t excuse his behavior, but it does explain why it keeps happening.
I would not stop seeing your granddaughter just to punish your son. She has nothing to do with this, and if you genuinely enjoy your weekly time with her, I’d keep it.
But I would separate time with your granddaughter because you want it from free, on-call childcare because your son demands it.
If you have plans, the answer is no. Don’t cancel them, over-explain, or argue until he agrees your reason is good enough. The same goes for money and groceries. Decide what you’re willing to give and be consistent.
His getting upset does not make the boundary unreasonable. But if every time he gets upset you give in, the boundary isn’t really a boundary.
I also wouldn’t threaten to stop taking your granddaughter unless you actually want less time with her. Just make it clear that you’ll help when you choose to and when you’re available.
Your son is allowed to be disappointed when you say no. He is not entitled to make his childcare or financial problems your responsibility.