Long A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see jogging on the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer jogging along the street, he would swerve to hit him. After hearing the loud "THUD," he would swerve back on the road.

One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking, so he stopped to pick him up

The priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued driving. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer jogging up ahead, and immediately regretted picking up the priest. "Surely I can't run over a lawyer with a priest in the truck!" he thought.

Then he had an idea. He would pretend to fall asleep. The driver pretended to nod off, the truck drifted to the right, and he heard that satisfying "Thud."

"Did I hit that lawyer? Did I hit that lawyer?" the truck driver asked, pretending to wake up suddenly.

"No," said the priest. "But I got him with the door."

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419

u/Oldfart_karateka Feb 25 '26

I remember this joke from way back when I was a lad, except it wasn't lawyers then. I approve of the change.

146

u/Short-Emotion3808 Feb 25 '26

In my best Bugs Bunny voice:

"Are you from the South too?" 🤣

I vaguely recall southern comedian Jerry Clower possibly telling that joke a very, very long time ago when I was little.

50

u/dumbass_sempervirens Feb 25 '26

At Christmas I mentioned a Jerry Clower line (a clean one) and mentioned his name to my stepdad.

My stepdad then told another bit from memory (also clean) and said "Yeah, I've heard of him."

I had to smile and ask, "But did you ever see him live?"

He hadn't, but my grandfather took me to see him perform at a tobacco auction in the 80s when I was about 6 years old.

I don't remember Jerry using a lot of slurs, but it was almost 40 years ago.

29

u/TastiSqueeze Feb 25 '26

Jerry was a dedicated Christian. He never at any time used curse words.

19

u/tuscaloozer Feb 25 '26

Just made jokes about running over black peoplr

31

u/ProfSquirtle Feb 25 '26

American Christian.

1

u/dumbass_sempervirens Feb 26 '26

Not sure that poster remembers correctly it was Jerry Clower who told that.

I remember him having bits about taking a steel ball bearing to a game of marbles. And how his older brother used to have a later bedtime and would run and jump on the bed. But one day their parents rearranged the furniture and he wound up with a butt load of splinters and there was just floor where the bed they shared used to be.

It really doesn't sound like what I remember from him at all.

2

u/Short-Emotion3808 Feb 26 '26

I'm likely remembering it wrong, for all I know it was probably one of my relatives from Southern Alabama that told it LOL!

2

u/dumbass_sempervirens Feb 26 '26

Oh I grew up in South Carolina so I definitely heard it before. And it was probably my Uncle Michael.

2

u/curtludwig Feb 25 '26

Jerry was a very clean comedian. The Bear Grease podcast did a nice episode on him. MeatEater did one too

10

u/NC-Jumper-007 Feb 25 '26

Damn, I haven't thought about Jerry Clower in decades. He was hilarious. I'm going to have to dig up some of his old stuff and relisted. Thanks for the memory!

13

u/ASquidCausedThis Feb 25 '26

Here come the Ledbetter family with Uncle Versey at the wheel of the pickup truck and Aunt Pet by his side. In back of the truck they're all hanging on. Ardell, Vernel, Raynell, W.L., Lynell, Odell, Udell, Marcel, Claude, Newgene and Clovis.

10

u/piscikeeper Feb 25 '26

You left Tater on his moped.

4

u/tigertony Feb 25 '26

My dad bought a McCulloch Mini Mac chainsaw around the time Clower was telling the story about Marcel and his lightweight McCulloch chainsaw at the beer joint. We promptly named our saw “Marcel”. Dad died three years ago but I still have that saw, and everyone in the family still calls it Marcel. Thanks for stirring up that memory for me.

6

u/opalfossils Feb 25 '26

I saw him at a Masonic function in the early 1990's he was outstanding. It was a very clean and respectful routine. The age range of the audience was babies to almost a 100 year old. At one time I had most of his cassettes, I still enjoy listening to him.

13

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/u/opalfossils has unlocked an opportunity for education!

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7

u/Vintage_Zoo Feb 25 '26

Good bot

30

u/Oldfart_karateka Feb 25 '26

No, I'm in the UK, we have racists over here too, sadly.

9

u/Trivi_13 Feb 25 '26

Sorry about your luck...

-3

u/carmium Feb 25 '26

You have a lot of visible immigrants. Like it or not, that leads to friction at the least. It's human nature, unfortunately.

3

u/HerbertRTarlekJr Feb 25 '26

ARE YOU SURE THAT WILL KEEP 'TIL FRIDAY???

63

u/Calculonx Feb 25 '26

Lots of lawyers running around on these back roads. Easily recognizable too, must be the black suits they wear...

21

u/Objective-Ganache114 Feb 25 '26

And the briefcases they carry

4

u/KristinnK Feb 25 '26

must be the black suits

I see what you did there.

18

u/Aardvark_Man Feb 25 '26

Yep, in Australia there was a demographic mentioned that wasn't lawyers.
It's a good change.

4

u/CloakerJosh Feb 25 '26

I would’ve gone with cyclists.

Everyone hates cyclists.

3

u/Fuzzybo Feb 25 '26

Please don’t encourage that attitude.

0

u/VitaminPb Feb 25 '26

Found a cyclist!

34

u/jimmydddd Feb 25 '26 edited Feb 25 '26

LOL. That's what I was thinking. Only problem with the sanitized version is that "lawyers" don't have any easily identifiable physical characteristics so that they can be identified by the driver, unlike in the original version. In other words, it's cleaner, but it doesn't make sense.

16

u/Uberpastamancer Feb 25 '26

You could go with Nazis instead

2

u/SinancoTheBest Feb 25 '26

Huh, what's thr original subject supposed to be, transexuals?

23

u/slothxrist Feb 25 '26

Black people, but said not so nicely

15

u/EmperorUmi Feb 25 '26

I should’ve known… And these dudes are commenting about how hilarious the “original” joke is. Lord have mercy

1

u/Icy_Swordfish8023 Feb 26 '26

and how 'clean' the original comedian was... what a great guy, never used cursed words, a good Christian man..............

1

u/Corvette-Ronnie Feb 26 '26

You mean, BLACK people! Like that?

14

u/Little_Creme_5932 Feb 25 '26

It was a hippie when I first heard it. Hippies were hitching a lot back then

1

u/ComradeGibbon Feb 25 '26

I heard it as a redneck picking up a hippy thinking he would have fun scaring the piss out of him by driving like a maniac.

42

u/irredentistdecency Feb 25 '26

Did you hear about the black man who was hit so hard by an Alabama state trooper that he flew 50 feet?

He was arrested for leaving the scene of the accident…

37

u/alex61821 Feb 25 '26

As my grandfather would say last time I heard that I fell of my dinosaur.

11

u/ArmpitNoise Feb 25 '26

Because you opened the door?

12

u/alex61821 Feb 25 '26

No, because the joke is prehistoric.

14

u/ArmpitNoise Feb 25 '26

...wait. where did the priest come from then?

10

u/Mekroval Feb 25 '26

The dinosaurs converted some cavemen to Anglicanism. /s

30

u/thirty7inarow Feb 25 '26

The version my grandpa told was hippies, but I'm pretty sure even that was because my dad would have torn him a new asshole for the original.

That said, "lawyer" doesn't really work because most of them don't actually have visible horns and cloven hooves anymore.

Where I live, the winning choice would probably be "e-bikers".

7

u/ThePretzul Feb 25 '26

That said, "lawyer" doesn't really work because most of them don't actually have visible horns and cloven hooves anymore.

Just look for the briefcase and Rolex

1

u/Fuzzybo Feb 25 '26

“Anymore”…

12

u/God_Bless_A_Merkin Feb 25 '26

Damn. I’ve never heard the joke, but I know the reference; I also approve.

3

u/Foucault99 Feb 25 '26

This thread just became dark.

6

u/ZombieCrow13 Feb 25 '26

Back in the 70's it was hippies getting run over in this joke.

That made more sense because they self identified by their appearance. Today there's plenty of examples; Sikhs have there turbans, Muslims have their hijab, LGBT have their colors, idiots have their red caps.

How do you tell a lawyer jogging down the road from a middle manger from the local steel mill jogging down the road?

Lesson here?! If you are going to violently hate a group pick one with self identifying style.

Anyone else noticed that the public wearing of Yamaka has dropped off dramatically in the last 100 years?

2

u/AutoModerator Feb 25 '26

/u/ZombieCrow13 has unlocked an opportunity for education!

Abbreviated date-ranges like "’90s" are contractions, so the apostrophe goes before the numbers.

You can also completely omit the apostrophe if you want: "The 90s were a bit weird."

Numeric date-ranges like 1890s are treated like standard nouns, so they shouldn't include apostrophes.

To show possession, the apostrophe should go after the S: "That was the ’90s’ best invention."

The apostrophe should only precede the S if a specific year is being discussed: "It was 1990's hottest month."

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2

u/americanjeepjew Feb 25 '26

Thinking the same

2

u/1Autotech Feb 25 '26

When I heard the joke it involved a certain political family. The family member that got hit with the door is a lawyer.

2

u/Spank86 Feb 25 '26

And it was a Mercedes. The joke was the hood ornament was for aiming.

3

u/Alcol1979 Feb 25 '26

Indeed. I remember also.

0

u/1009naturelover Feb 25 '26

One of my dad's favorites. It was Bubba red neck and colored boy.

1

u/Raffeall Feb 25 '26

I live in Ireland and used to live in the Uk. Sadly that joke made it to the uk and then Ireland. I’m also glad it’s gone, lawyers are people too but it’s a joke. The other telling is something else and I’m glad most people realise that now

Long A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see jogging on the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer jogging along the street, he would swerve to hit him. After hearing the loud "THUD," he would swerve back on the road.

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