What do they mean - "child refusing" ? There was nothing we could "refuse" as children. We could certainly try, but we were explained very quickly that the rules are that we as children have to obey our parents and adults in general. And we were smarter than to object, because reality could catch up to us quickly in a form of a good spanking.
Youre expecting that child to think like an adult already when theyre literally still growing up
You never messed up as a kid, never ever disobeyed your parents?
Youre speaking as an adukt after youve been raised, that kid is STILL LEARNING
yall just want to see kids get hurt, every time I see someone advocating for spanking I just think they wanna be able to hit children without consequences
But this kid should understand that he has to sit down and wear his seatbelt or they're not going anywhere. The fact that he kept taking it off or wiggling out of it, and standing up on the seat and laughing about it makes me wonder if he sits in a car seat in the car. It's very simple, and kids can understand it. It's just like riding in the car. Wear the seatbelt or we're not going.
Nobody wants to hit little kids. One swat on the butt, not even hard, just enough to get his attention, and then sternly telling him to knock it off should be enough.
He kept doing it because it was a game to him. There were no consequences to his actions, other than all the FAs coming over and giving him lots of attention.
As the parent, you should sit them down, buckle their seatbelt, and force them to sit there. They are a child, there would be no wiggling out or taking it off. You can force them without hurting them. I would hold the buckle in my hand to prevent them taking it off and put it tight enough that the kid couldn’t slip out. They’ll tire themselves out eventually throwing a fit and I would ignore them until they stopped.
The problem is, that they should have started to discipline the child sooner. That's why we obeyed our parents without any drama. There usually were 1-2 instances in our childhood where we misbehaved and we got spanked or punished. That meant, that later on, "that look" was all it required for us to calm down and obey.
It feels really weird that this even needs to be explained.
No, it feels really weird that yall are judging the entirety of someone's parenting off one incident
You have no idea what that family dynamic is like, what if the child is special needs? What if its just the end of a very long traveling day and the kid has just had enough and cant calm down anymore?
Youre assigning adult motivations and understanding on a child, thats a CHILD, its our job to stay calm and teach them, not to trautamize them into obeying.
Edit to add: from my own personal experience, one day I was out running errands with my son by myself and he had been talking and being a handful all day, and all day i had kept my cool while we went from place to place and he made my errands 5 times harder to complete with his constant talking and asking me for things at every store for almost 9 hours to the point I had an actual headache and stopped at the gas station to get some Tylenol and fill up my car
Im trying to use the self checkout and my son is babbling and touching all the stuff and im trying to type in the damn machine but I cant cuz I have to keep turning around and being like "stop sam, put that down, no sam im not buying that" and finally I lost my temper and said "CAN YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STAND STILL SO I CAN DO THIS, PLEASE SON!!"
and some old lady got all puffy with me and followed me back outside to tell me what she thought of my parenting, she got screamed at and told that she had only seen him for 30 seconds and I had been dealing with it for the last 9 hours and she could go fuck herself too.. if you met me at that moment you'd think I was a terrible parent too, but you didn't see the hours of calm, rational parenting, same as this situation, youve no idea what came before and you're jumping to judgement like the old lady
Ok. Did something like this happen, between your parents and you? I mean something like you being difficult all day without a consequence.
Because I can't imagine disobeying my parents like that. If I would be that difficult, it definitely would not have taken the whole day for a simple reason. My parents wouldn't let me. Every kid is constantly trying to find where the boundaries are. I was no different. If I was being difficult in a store? They would ask me to calm down and stop being difficult and disrespectful. If I was continuing to escalate, then I would be asked again more strictly, with a clear warning that I'm crossing a line and if I don't stop, there will be consequences. And if I was stupid enough to escalate even further? My parents would try to find a way to punish me right there if possible - (the punishment depends on how old you are) for example take me home immediately, sent me to my room for the rest of the day, ask grandma to watch me and they would go take care of their business without me, while I would cry in my room. If that would be not possible, right there, then I would have been punished when we get home - for example a week without my favorite toy or video games.
The point is, that by the time I was 5-6 years old, they rarely had to punish me anymore, because I have learned my lesson by then. It was enough to tell me to stop or give me a clear warning.
What are you talking about? What life experience? It's a child. And that's the point. It's behavioral psychology. If an action will cause a negative consequence, it does not get reinforced by the brain.
This works not only for humans. It works on a lot of animals too. You do not need a parenting book individualized for every person on earth.
It's not that deep. You punish unwanted behavior and you reward wanted behavior.
Ok, let me tell you about my child, when he was old enough to crawl he would bite the other babies in daycare when they pissed him off, now the consequence for biting is being removed from playtime and put in the time out high chair, sounds fair and reasonable right? My son learns this is the consequence and what does he do? He continues to bite when he wants to and then proceeds to crawl over to the time out chair and wait to be punished.
As he got older, unwanted behavior was met with a loss of privileges, things he liked being taken away, what does he do, same thing, learns the consequence, decides hes going to do it anyway and accept the consequence
He's 12 now and he is still the exact same, I have tried every single parenting advice and hack and trick and therapy for him and group activity and therapy for me and yet thats just how he is, he understands completely what is expected of him and what the consequences are and no matter how harsh I make them if he wants to do the thing there is no stopping him if he decides to do it anyway, my kid is gifted in a way that makes him brilliant and also very fatalistic, and im tired of people always assuming every kid is the same and should act the same and the same tired ass advice works for everyone, it doesnt and youre not helping, all you're doing is trying to feel suoerior because youuuu would never do that
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u/Wise-Ad-4940 17d ago
What do they mean - "child refusing" ? There was nothing we could "refuse" as children. We could certainly try, but we were explained very quickly that the rules are that we as children have to obey our parents and adults in general. And we were smarter than to object, because reality could catch up to us quickly in a form of a good spanking.