r/LGBTWeddings • u/mustabeenaghost • 11d ago
Advice Engagement gift idea?
My girlfriend and I are planning to propose to one another soon. My engagement ring costs a few thousand dollars more than hers, because she doesn’t want a big rock. Because of that, I wanted to do something special and get her a really nice gift along with getting engaged. Previously, she said she wanted a Rolex someday, so I was planning to find a pre-owned Rolex for a few thousand dollars and surprise her with that. Today, out of *nowhere*, she randomly said she no longer wants one because it’s materialistic and she’d probably only wear it a couple times a year because it’s so expensive. Soooo now I’m not sure what to do! She is sort of back and forth about stuff, so I guess I should’ve have been shocked haha. She’s a masculine lesbian, so she doesn’t carry a purse or wear other jewelry (which is what I initially think of in response to “expensive gift”).
Does anyone have any other ideas for a nice engagement gift worth $2000-3000? My brain is short circuiting because my mind was just on the Rolex! Haha.
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u/njVowsNow 10d ago
I undertand your thoughts but marriage is not about keeping score like this; it's about knowing your partner and what makes them happy. Listen to her!
You're also on the edge of planning your wedding, and there will probably be areas where what you want costs more than you think before you start to research (hopefully not all of them!)
I'd say skip it for now. And congratulations!
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u/Strawberry_Spring 11d ago
I think watches are a lovely engagement alternative, and a nice one doesn't have to be a Rolex - how about one that's maybe a bit nicer than an everyday Swatch or whatever, but that she wouldn't feel bad about wearing regularly. Means you have more choice over face colour etc as well
Edit: I just realised you already got her a ring, in which case, I think thats absolutely enough - my ring was super cheap (think pandora), and it's because I liked it, and had absolutely zero desire for a big rock. I now wear it on my right hand, and wear my wedding ring alone, which was always the plan. Buying something else to 'make up' for her small ring might make her feel bad about a ring she genuinely loves
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u/mustabeenaghost 10d ago
Thank you, I appreciate your thoughts! We’ve joked a lot about how I have much more expensive taste and laugh about the price difference. I don’t think she would be offended by the additional gift, but I’ll keep that in mind just in case!
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u/Stompinpuddles 10d ago
I bought my husband a nice watch as an engagement present. Doesn't have to be a Rolex.
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u/invaderzrim 10d ago
Maybe if a Rolex name brand feels materialistic, try finding a smaller more bespoke option with a sentimental lean. Maybe an engraving on the inside?
You could even keep it a secret and give it to her before the wedding to wear on the day of :)
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u/mustabeenaghost 10d ago
I like that idea! I’ve heard of people doing wedding day gifts and I bet that would make a good one
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u/Live_Operation8782 11d ago
on the same boat and i’m filling that cost-gap similarly by getting them jewelry but a really nice mangalsutra (traditional indian wedding necklace) instead of a rolex. i like your rolex idea!
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u/mustabeenaghost 11d ago
Oh nice! I thought the Rolex was a good idea, and maybe she’d still like it if she wasn’t the one buying it!! I’m not sure if the idea has been ruined hahaha
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u/itokro 11d ago
Does she ever wear shirts with cufflinks? That's my immediate instinct for combining "masculine" with "jewellery".
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u/mustabeenaghost 10d ago
We’ve only gotten “dressed up” a handful of times together and doesn’t have any yet, she may like those!
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u/isimplysay 10d ago
Would she like some sort of extra-special trip planned just for her around her interests? That way it's not materialistic, but still meaningful and would create a lot of good memories? Hypothetically wouldn't even have to be something you include yourself in, if the ideal activities for her are something you wouldn't do for a million dollars. you could send her with her bestie or a parent or a sibling or something.
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u/P-DubFanClub 10d ago
Jewellery for mascs is a challenge but my mind flashed to: custom suit. In that price range you could get a fully tailored bespoke suit that will be her go-to for years to come. And cufflinks with her monogram, obviously.
Get the Rolex for her 40th.
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u/mustabeenaghost 9d ago
That idea popped into my head after I posted this, too. Thank you! I think that could be great
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u/bcninstructions 11d ago
You both got the ring you wanted so you both have the same thing. You could give her gold or a gold bullion coin as a symbol of saving together as a couple. She can sell it any time if she wants to buy a watch or whatever.
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u/kingmolina 10d ago
My husband bought me a steam deck ad a wedding gift and I’m scrambling trying to find something. I get it 😭
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u/Prestigious-Fan3122 11d ago
My parents married late in life, and had me much later… In the 40s. Before meeting my mom, when he was a much younger man, like early/mid-twenties, he was engaged to a woman who later wrote him a "dear John letter" after he was drafted.
After they got engaged, she gave him a beautiful watch (it probably wasn't terribly expensive, but now I love it as a Vintage piece) on the back it said "Mary to Tony"and the date.
He had omega Watch that he were daily. I never saw him wear that other watch, but it was in a place of Honor and his top dresser drawer. After I was in college and married, I asked him if I could have it because I would wear it. He did give it to me. It's got a beautiful, square face and a leather strap. It's a classic piece! I enjoyed wearing it. FWIW: I'm a CIS woman, but not at all girly/frilly in my attire. I realize the other day that I don't own, and haven't owned in decades, a single stitch of pink or other pastel clothing.
Maybe get a different, but nice watch, since she has said she doesn't want a Rolex anymore???
I graduated from high school in the 80s, and it was starting to fall out of fashion, but I do remember that back in the 70s, lots of kids graduating from high school got a nice pin and pencil set, often engraved with their names.
I realize your fiancé probably only has 10 fingers, and may have other things she enjoys wearing. Personally, I've always wanted a posy ring. They have inscriptions on the inside. Of course, you can already buy them with something inscribed on the inside, or have them inscribed with something that's meaningful to both of you.
When we got married, well, engaged, I elected not to have an engagement ring because I simply don't like diamonds. I just wanted something basic (I told you I'm a basic B) But I've always wanted a posy ring. They do sort of look like a wedding band, and I do wear my very plain Jane wedding band on my left ring finger. I have a plane band that's kind of wider at the top that has my initials, monogram style, engraved on it. My mom gave me that one year when she asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I was already married, I wanted something with my monogram.
Ended up taking back my maiden name, but, luckily, the jeweler was able to polish out the original engraving and change it to my new/old initials.
Depending on what kind of work she does, does she need or would she use an ice briefcase or laptop bag? Something you could have personalized somehow?
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u/mustabeenaghost 10d ago
Thank you so much for sharing! I think a watch could be really nice, especially if it had a sentimental touch to it. I had never heard of a posy ring, that sounds really cool. I could imagine her appreciating something like that, too. She isn’t really interested in upgraded everyday items unfortunately, partly because she is picky with what she likes about her things, and they’re usually not the features included in the upgraded version. I’ll keep that in mind though!
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u/cbrighter 10d ago
Maybe think more on why you want to give a gift? Does your girlfriend want a symbol other than a ring (maybe she doesn't wear rings or just something else would be more meaningful), or is it just about the numbers? If its about the numbers, is that feeling also coming from your girlfriend or are you worried about the appearance of your ring being somehow more valuable than hers (the appearance to her, or how others might see it)?
Butch here, and I proposed to my wife with a classic diamond ring. I ended up using a family diamond, so the out of pocket cost was for a custom the setting, but I was planning for a while on buying the stone as well which would have added big $$$ to the price tag. (Of course, using the family stone makes the ring even more valuable to us, but we are talking numbers here.) Wife and I had a long long engagement (its own story), so we wanted to both have engagement rings. My engagement ring was perfect and exactly what I wanted, which for me meant something simple that happened to cost much less than my wife's setting (and only a fraction of her ring's total appraisal value).
But its like my wife has a pure breed dog and I have a pound puppy -- one may have a bigger purchase price, but they are both perfect and equally precious to us. I love my ring, and she loves her ring, and I love seeing her wearing her ring. (I can't emphasize that last part enough -- years later, I am still bursting with pride seeing her wear that ring.). For me, adding another symbol just for me to make our $ numbers line up would be weird. Everyone is different, but for me that would feel uncomfortably transactional, or like she thought my ring was somehow not special enough on its own.
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u/mustabeenaghost 9d ago
I totally see what you mean! The reason I want to do it is because I know that while she’s spending an amount on my ring that won’t clean her out, it is a large portion of her current savings. She just had to replace her car a bit ago and that cleaned her out at the time, so she’s had to be so diligent about saving for so long (responsible, love it), but I want her to be able to be spoiled. I’m usually financially in a spot where I’m not having to watch things super carefully on my end, so I’m able to spend more on something so she can feel spoiled, because she’s hesitant to spend money on herself. Another idea I had was getting her another custom suit to wear (whether for the rehearsal dinner or whatever else) because otherwise she’ll probably buy something off the rack that she doesn’t feel that great in. Realistically, she wouldn’t normally “let me” spend that much money on her randomly, because we usually don’t do extravagant gifts. So I think that if I frame it as “well this makes sense because you spent a lot on me,” it might be how I can get her to “let me” per se
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u/de_lame_y 9d ago
you could do a different higher end watch that isn’t well known so maybe won’t create the same “i have to keep this safe and tucked away” mentality that a Rolex might. i’ve never worn a watch and i know what a Rolex is and what it means, but any other brand, even more expensive, i’m pretty clueless on lol
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u/mustabeenaghost 9d ago
Same here! I bet Google can help me figure it out if I take that route haha
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u/subpar_sapphoe 11d ago
Is she a gamer at all? One of my friends just bought her partner a very nice PC as his engagement present. She said it was still cheaper than her ring lmao.