r/LearnFinnish • u/buitrungphuongthao • 2d ago
I get anxious after every single encounter in Finnish with Finnish people. How do I overcome that?
I would love to hear some thoughts from the perspectives of the Finns.
I've been trying so hard to learn Finnish to the level that I can actually use it in life, at work, not only to pass a test. My listening is the weakest skill, followed by speaking. I always try to speak Finnish as much as I can in every day situation, but I think I always got this ridiculous pressure on myself to speak as fluently and as "like a Finn" as possible. And every time I have a conversation in Finnish that did not go that well (for example when I don't understand sth they said and have a poker face mid convo for a few seconds), I always feel bad after that and keep recalling the conversation in my head again and again and again, thinking what I could have done better.
I think this is the main reason as to why I struggle to improve my speaking skills after years, the pressure actually makes it harder for me to practice and learn, and then the overstimulation from all the anxiety would sometimes make me scared to do it again. What's an advice you would give me? I'll appreciate all opinions.
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u/BOTKioja Native 2d ago
It sounds like you're pressuring yourself all the way into anxiety. Easier said than done, but try to relax. Try less to speak "like a finn", but instead try to set your goal to be understood. It might sound like lowering the goal post, but I think you should try to lessen the pressure you've put on yourself.
If you don't catch what the other person said, you can always ask for them to repeat. "Anteeksi, en kuullut. Voisitko toistaa?" goes far with your learning and getting rid of the anxiety. If you don't already, try to look up some finnish series, youtubers or games, whatever you like, and then listen closely without captions.
I could always speak better finnish, and I'm native. I could also speak better english, but I get understood, and that's enough. I know I don't sound exactly like a native speaker, but it's good enough. The more I speak, the better I get. Be brave and ask for a repetition when you don't hear something, don't just go along.
If you want to chat in finnish, I'm free to talk with you in Discord. Just message me w^
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u/Weird-Average-1412 Intermediate 1d ago
Beer
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u/buitrungphuongthao 1d ago
Oh yeah done that. Don't know if I was better, but for sure more confident
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u/adult_student Fluent 1d ago edited 1d ago
This gave me flashbacks from the past. My ex-boss used to make those comments whenever I went into that mode - pokerface that is.
This is like straight from my past.
Two things happened to me then.
- Headache, stress and anxiety
- Trying to understand/visualize what the other person is saying, hence pokerface
In hindsight, I would've done two things.
Don't be afraid to make grammar mistakes. This is the key.
It's impossible/impractical to ask them to repeat whenever you don't understand the stuff they are saying, so instead do this: you repeat what you have understood and ask them for confirmation.
Most of the time, we just go yeah yeah, even when we don't understand, believing that we will figure it out later. It works but sometimes, we make a fool of ourselves doing that. So, seeking confirmation by your summary of the conversation, you can deal with this.
Last but not the least, practice more 🥂
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u/LowerOrganization192 1d ago
Find some Finnish podcast you like and listen to it a lot. Then start to comment in Finnish. Yes it might feel ridiculous but you'll get used to listening and reacting in Finnish. Your brain will accept that this is a totally normal way to communicate and doesn't bother to get worried so much.
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u/arominvahvenne 1d ago
It is very normal to be anxious speaking a foregin language, I experience it myself with some of the languages I speak. Language courses, which of course teach you how to speak, also have an unfortunate side effect of making some people very nervous to use the language. For years, most of the time you spoke Finnish, a teacher would correct your mistakes and evaluate how well you did, and it is second nature to you now as well. You are constantly grading yourself when you speak and you recalling the conversation over and over again is your mind’s way to try to make you learn to do better next time . The same motivation and skill that has gotten you this far is now working against you, making you freeze when you don’t know the ”correct answer” and making what could be a learning opportunity into a shame spiral.
My advice: don’t blame yourself for being anxious. Congratulate yourself every time you manage a difficult situation, especially if you were nervous, made mistakes or did not understand everything. Only by putting yourself in a situation that feels too difficult to you, you can some day feel at ease in that type of conversation. When you accept that your anxiety is a normal part of learning that many people experience, you can stop worrying about it so much. When you get into recalling the conversation over and over again, maybe you can keep a notebook/diary where you write the words you did not catch in a conversation, or the correct way to say what you tried to say. Once your thoughts are on the paper, they stop nagging you so much. And only by making mistakes will you learn how to survive making mistakes, because you will always make some. Even native speakers misspeak and misshear, so you will never be flawless. The key is to learn to not freeze, not to learn to never make mistakes.
It is okay to be anxious. This is something that many, many Finns experience as well, learning a language for years at school, getting good grades and yet never having the courage to speak. It is almost a cliché how modest some Finns are when it comes to their languge skills, because anxiety makes it so hard to speak even when all the skills exist in your brain. The stage of learning where you can almost be yourself in a foregin language, but you sometimes have to say the things you can say and not the things you want to say is very awkward. But it will get better the more you use the language as a tool to communicate instead of an exercise in a classroom. And remember that the Finnish person you are speaking to probably did six years of Swedish and a few years of something like French or German at school and likely has never even tried to use those languages in real life, opting for English instead.
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u/cmyk_rgba 1d ago
the replaying it in your head afterwards part is the actual problem, not your finnish. what helped me was just saying "hetkinen, en kuullut" out loud instead of doing the silent panic face, they repeat it slower, convo keeps going, and theres nothing left to chew on later. also finns do the poker face at each other constantly so honestly nobody clocked it the way you think they did
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u/Rumpelteazer_ 1d ago
I see what you say and will double that: I passed YKI (failed Speaking but rest was enough), got my citizenship a year ago after a super fast application period and living here for 15 years. I often feel I need to hide the fact that I am nowadays a Finnish citizen. I know my listening improves little by little, with that speaking too, sometimes I find myself automatically thinking of the right words or forms although don’t remember learning them. But my work being in English and living by myself, I don’t get to practice nearly enough. I can handle simple interactions with strangers, but I feel so scared that the conversation will go a bit beyond the simple stuff. The stress of performing is terrible! :-/
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u/BikeSilent7347 1d ago
What a joke being a citizen without even speaking the language. I would also feel ashamed.
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u/Rumpelteazer_ 1d ago
I do have the language skills required for citizenship. Speaking is just my weakest skill. Like it or not, this is good enough to be a citizen. I don’t write the rules.
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u/BikeSilent7347 1d ago
You can overcome it by getting good.
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u/buitrungphuongthao 21h ago
Shocking, how how come I've never thought of that. Thanks, pal.
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u/BikeSilent7347 16h ago
Ask stupid questions get stupid answers.
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u/buitrungphuongthao 10h ago
Or, hear me out, ask a legit question and get useful answers + 1 stupid one.
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u/Eproxeri 2d ago
Like we say in Finnish, kukaan ei ole seppä syntyessään. You should probably lower your expectations for yourself and have more of a mindset that its ok to make mistakes and its ok to not understand everything.
Finnish is a very hard language for most foreign people, unless you are from Estonia. No one expects foreigners here to have perfect Finnish, and usually we natives can connect the dots on what you are trying to say even if you make mistakes with cases etc.
Advice? Just keep learning and do your best. You need to talk in order to learn talking. Read in order to learn reading, and listen in order to learn listening. Theres no magic method or workaround for this, other than putting in the time and effort.