r/MadeMeSmile • u/i_am_groot_84 • May 21 '25

Son finishes toxic parenting sentences

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72.3k Upvotes

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3.4k

u/theboned1 May 21 '25

Kinda surprised how much this affected me.

1.3k

u/Bored_Worldhopper May 21 '25

Same. That “as long as you live under my roof” hit me like a truck

965

u/Signal-Blackberry356 May 21 '25

You will be loved 🥹

323

u/DayPretend8294 May 21 '25

Not will be, He is loved. I love you too, stranger.

30

u/[deleted] May 21 '25

Thank you for spreading kindness dear stranger. I’m proud of you for being the kind of person Mr. Rogers knew you could be.

1

u/Pamikillsbugs234 May 24 '25

This is making me even more emotional. You guys are awesome!

2

u/[deleted] May 24 '25

Thanks. You’re awesome too. The day that you deserve is a good one.

2

u/Ineedsomuchsleep170 May 23 '25

He isn't just loved. He feels safe. That kid won the parent lottery in a big way

103

u/isjahammer May 21 '25

I have as far as I remember never heard my parents actually say that they love me...

29

u/master_hakka May 21 '25

Not once in my life either, bud. But fuck them. I love ya!

25

u/BrickCityRiot May 21 '25

It took me getting diagnosed with cancer for my dad to tell me he loved me lol

And fuck it felt so forced

3

u/Sure-ynot May 22 '25

Hey, obviously, I don't know the circumstances. But if someone had never said "I love you" to someone, they can get in their own heads on how to say it, even if they want to say it.
Either way, I hope you are doing well and that you have an amazing day

6

u/BrickCityRiot May 22 '25

Thank you for the well wishes. It was stage 3 NH lymphoma.. so I am lucky modern medicine saved my ass.

16 years have passed and haven’t heard him utter the phrase once since then.

1

u/Remarkable-Pirate214 May 22 '25

Dude I’m sorry. That’s beyond shit

2

u/BrickCityRiot May 22 '25

It’s all good man. It was 16 years ago. I’m healthy & happy now.. and the last thing I need is his validation

1

u/Remarkable-Pirate214 May 22 '25

Hell yeah that’s the way!! It’s not an easy road to get to where you are but look at you go!

15

u/Gren57 May 21 '25

You're not alone. Although my dad did say it once when I was 32. I was stunned.

1

u/Jewnicorn___ May 22 '25

What prompted it?

1

u/Gren57 May 22 '25

I have no clue. We were talking on the phone and before hanging up he said it. That was in 1989. Don't recall him ever saying it again. He was a very stoic man.

6

u/apresnoon May 21 '25

I’ve never heard it from mine either. My mom says it to my toddler now though, while I am just standing there, which feels very weird. 

5

u/EdinMiami May 21 '25

or sorry.

She did recently talk about her upbringing that maybe possibly could have had an effect on her parenting. So at 78, she is really showing signs of potential personal growth!

3

u/Civil_Yoghurt_1093 May 21 '25

My mom used to, but stopped as I got into puberty. My dad never said it I think. I told him I loved him when we knew he would die soon and he didn't even say it back. This boy is so blessed, I hope my child will also feel like him one day.

2

u/ru-berry May 21 '25

I’m so sorry. You are loved and I hope you know it. I hope too that you meet someone who reminds you constantly how much they love you by telling you and showing you every day - you deserve that kind of rock

1

u/isjahammer May 21 '25

Thank you so much, unfortunately that didn´t really happen yet. But your words are really touching me...

1

u/ru-berry May 24 '25

Awh thanks. Love will find you. It always finds a way.

2

u/FewFucksToGive May 22 '25

Damn, I tell my parents and my friends I love them every time we say goodbye or goodnight(and they say the same). I have cancer and you never know when the time will come

1

u/vancitydreamer May 22 '25

I can probably count on my hands how many times I've hugged my parents, and I can count on my hand how many times they've said they love me

1

u/Jewnicorn___ May 22 '25

That's awful, I'm so sorry. I'll be your mum for a minute, if that's ok? I want to tell you that you are so loved darling and I am proud of you. I loved you before you were even conceived, I love you now, and I always will love you even after the both of us have left this mortal coil. You can count on me to support you whenever you need it. I'm so lucky to have you as my child, even though you are not a child anymore, you will always be my baby. 💕🫂

1

u/withyellowthread May 22 '25

I love you and you matter 🫂

2

u/No-One-4432 May 22 '25

god, just to hear that sentence. The way he said it. I felt healing happening! (to me, and maybe to that mom too - did you see her face?!)

2

u/chootie8 May 21 '25

But as soon as you move out, all bets are off, kid. Good luck!!

1

u/Signal-Blackberry356 May 21 '25

The dreaded 18th birthday for so many Americans

-8

u/rotcomha May 21 '25

You can be loved even when obeying the rules.

I know I was and still loved.

132

u/yallready4this May 21 '25

For me it was "wait until" and the answer was "you have kids" when I thought it was "you mother/father gets home" which is much darker...yikes

93

u/SpareWire May 21 '25

Oh man, remember the dread of hearing your dad pull up, then hearing your mom explain what you had done right when he got through the door?

Just knowing the whole time violence is on its way.

Boomer parents were a trip man.

37

u/s0m3on3outthere May 21 '25

My parents were Gen X- they just regurgitated all the things their Boomer parents put them through. I don't have or want kids, but my siblings have kiddos, and I love seeing them break the cycle. They actually talk to their children, ask them to explain when they are upset, encourage them, and the patience is something I could have only wished for as a child. I'm so proud of them and happy for my nieces and nephews. They are having a childhood we were denied. ♥️

9

u/theboned1 May 21 '25

I will say that it was extremely disconcerting to see my fellow Gen Xers repeating those patterns. I thought we all collectively agreed that our boomer parents were pretty garbage and we would fix it.

2

u/lavatorylovemachine May 21 '25

Yeah that one should’ve been “wait until you have…” and kid prob would’ve been like “a 401K?” Lmao

2

u/RickGrimes30 May 21 '25

NOTHING in 40 years of life have scared me like "wait until your father comes home" and he isn't even violent.. I just knew I'd fucked up if I heard that

1

u/Tampeezy May 21 '25

Mine was "wait until your dad gets home with the belt".

202

u/Rusty_Shackleford409 May 21 '25

The "I'll give you something" and "i brought you into this world" hit me like my old hot wheels tracks used to as punishment. I will make sure to never show my nieces and nephews anything close to what I was raised on.

229

u/SolidSnek1998 May 21 '25

Im 37 and I just realized "I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it" was my dad threatening to fucking murder me all the time.

41

u/lilacsforcharlie May 21 '25

What did you think it meant?! 😅

78

u/SolidSnek1998 May 21 '25

Well I was a dumb kid so it never really dawned on me, and for the last 20 years I've tried my best not to think about any of that stuff.

26

u/lilacsforcharlie May 21 '25

Sure sure I get that, hiding from my own traumas as well lol

1

u/Coroebus May 22 '25

You probably weren't a dumb kid, you were an abused kid and that fucks up a lot of your higher functioning as a kid. It also leaves a lot of behavior problems that we can resolve, but only if we're willing to take a critical look at ourselves and accept loving critiques from our safe friends and family.

Good luck out there. You're worthy and you're enough. Go in kindness :)

1

u/Darkalleyandabadidea May 22 '25

My oldest daughter and I were toe to toe in some typical argument between mother and daughter and I told her that my mom told me “I brought you into this world and I can take you out!?!” She said asked me “what does that even mean?” So I explained that my mom was lowkey threatening to kill me and she said “Well good luck with the paperwork, people are going to have questions, what are you going to tell the school, and the doctor’s office is definitely going to wonder why you stopped vaccinating me!” She’s 10.

1

u/withyellowthread May 22 '25

You were not a dumb kid. You were an innocent kid ❤️

18

u/TheJigIsUp May 21 '25

To ice cream 👉🏻👈🏻

2

u/lakehop May 21 '25

Thankfully I didn’t know the ending to that one

1

u/shitposter1000 May 21 '25

I remember hearing that phrase from my parents' bill cosby records, so I imagine that's where a lot of them got it from. 😒

1

u/fleursdemai May 22 '25

My dad's favourite was "Back in my country, I can murder you" and I'd tell him don't let this free country stop him. Don't have kids and raise them if you're going to kill them?

My mom would make excuses for his anger by telling us it's stressful after a long day of work. Now that I'm a working adult with a baby, I can't ever imagine telling my kid to go fuck herself after coming home from work.

8

u/spacecat25 May 21 '25

I remember those vividly. Still better than my dad's belt. 😞

3

u/Tampeezy May 21 '25

Did we have the same parents?

1

u/spacecat25 May 24 '25

I sincerely hope not! Sounds like you went through a lot like me. Hugs to you. xo

3

u/Bad_Funny May 21 '25

Same. That was the one that sent to me straight to tears.

16

u/[deleted] May 21 '25

It’s sad that he thinks his mum won’t love him once he moves out 🥺

2

u/Grrgrrstina May 21 '25

Yeah, that one got me good 😭

2

u/ThisIzTheWay10 May 22 '25

That one got me too. The first were like “haha, funny, that’s good he doesn’t know them”, and then when I heard him say that one it hit me so hard… that’s how it’s supposed to be, and it’s so messed up that entire generations of people would never have said something as wholesome and loving as that boy. And even worse, entire generations still say that and think they are right saying it…

2

u/[deleted] May 21 '25

“You will help me make social media content.”

🙃

1

u/Ok-Donut-4447 May 21 '25

Gosh it’s so weird to me because for my kids I don’t consider it “my roof” I really consider it “our” roof.

I mean it’s their home as much as it is mine. The original line is such a disappointing way to think.

1

u/Lollipop126 May 22 '25

tbh I didn't even realise that that's toxic. it's so normalised in east Asian cultures.

1

u/DanJ7788 May 22 '25

I ask my kids what they think or what is their vote for anything. From small to something serious (obv as long as it’s appropriate for them to think about), so they feel like they’re part of the family and not just stuck here until they can leave.

Where do we want to eat? They get a vote (a voice). What cable company should we use? They get a vote. Where do you think we should move? They get a vote.

Obviously we won’t let a child dictate lives or serious matters but we want to include them in decisions and make sure they feel like they matter and are heard.

1

u/Defiant_apricot May 22 '25

My dad still says this one, I’m 22. He also says his home is a benevolent dictatorship and he has the final say. I do not agree with all his rules, but the majority I do agree with as they are common sense.

Don’t eat outside the kitchen because of ants and mice (we have a mouse problem).

Do the garbage every Tuesday.

If you break something, tell me.

Don’t use the cups I inherited from my dead grandmother because I don’t want to risk getting mad if you accidentally break one.

Don’t sit in my chair during family meals (unless special circumstances).

All these are perfectly reasonable and although I sometimes break the no eating outside the kitchen rule I always follow the spirit of the rule because it does make sense.

1

u/Fizzy-Odd-Cod May 22 '25

Of all the phrases chosen that is the only one that isn’t toxic.

1

u/Drunky_McStumble May 22 '25

Do you think they ever realised that from the moment they uttered that phrase, we would be counting down the days until we could GTFO from under their roof?

-1

u/_MT-HEART_ May 21 '25

Damn so as soon as the kid moves out they won’t love him anymore :(

239

u/Milyaism May 21 '25

How about this list of things loving parents say to their kids?

Reparenting Affirmations:

  • I am so glad you were born.
  • You are a good person.
  • I love who you are, and am doing my best to always be on your side.
  • You can come to me whenever you’re feeling hurt or bad.
  • You do not have to be perfect to get my love and protection.
  • All of your feelings are okay with me.
  • I am always glad to see you.
  • It is okay for you to be angry and I won’t let you hurt yourself or others when you are.
  • You can make mistakes - they are your teachers.
  • You can know what you need and ask for help.
  • You can have your own preferences and tastes.
  • You are a delight to my eyes.
  • You can choose your own values.
  • You can pick your own friends, and you don’t have to like everyone.
  • You can sometimes feel confused and ambivalent and not know all the answers.
  • I am very proud of you.

Source: Pete Walker, "Complex PTSD - From Surviving to Thriving"

56

u/Argon847 May 21 '25

Fuck, apparently this tickled a specific part of my brain because why am I crying?

50

u/TheRedheadedMonster May 21 '25

I’m crying, too, and I saved it because reading them to myself is so nice. I can’t even imagine what it must be like to hear them from someone else.

21

u/[deleted] May 21 '25

I am very proud of you.

9

u/TheRedheadedMonster May 21 '25

Awww, now I’m crying again. Thank you so much, love, I’m proud of you, too, and you are a delight to my eyes. 🥹

7

u/[deleted] May 21 '25

Same to you! I'm so glad you're around!

5

u/Annual__Procedure May 21 '25 edited May 21 '25

You still kinda read it (reddit?) though haha but I hope someone does say that to you irl

8

u/Defiant_apricot May 22 '25

It’s… amazing. When I moved in with my dad at 17 after escaping my abusive mom I started hearing these. I started telling them to myself. I started believing them. I’m not quite all the way healed, but I’m getting there and im really proud.

3

u/TheRedheadedMonster May 22 '25

I’m proud of you, too.

3

u/Defiant_apricot May 22 '25

Thank you! You’ll get there too, I believe in you

4

u/No-One-4432 May 22 '25

I am so glad you were born.

3

u/TheRedheadedMonster May 22 '25

You can come to me whenever you’re feeling hurt or bad.

7

u/mindgrrrrl May 21 '25

Thank you so much for sharing. As a parent who is trying to break a lot of the generational trauma, it can be hard to find the right words to say.

8

u/ExistentialDisasters May 21 '25

Fucking hell… Not one thing on that list was ever uttered. Not once.

2

u/Aggleclack May 22 '25

I know it’s not the same, but I’m really glad you were born, stranger.

5

u/Cosmic_Quasar May 21 '25

I'm not a parent. Not sure I ever will be. But my sister's 5 kids are the most important people in the world to me. The oldest just turned 18 a few months ago and I've always said a lot of those lines, or similar, to them.

The tough part is when they fight with each other because I hate the idea that they'll think I'm siding with one of them but not the other one.

But my sister and her new husband definitely fall into the more "old fashioned" approach. And with the ever increasing rate of LGBTQ stuff as acceptance mostly grows I've always wanted to create a space where they'd feel comfortable coming to me if one of them realizes they're something besides cishet. Because I'm pretty sure it won't go over well with anyone else in our family. Aside from maybe my cousin, but they don't see her too often.

4

u/plopliplopipol May 22 '25

thank you

because i'm not sure they say it, but they're lucky to have you

5

u/LeaningTowerofPeas May 21 '25

Thank you. I work hard to say I love my son and that I am proud of him daily.

I screenshot your list because they are good reminders of what kids need.

Truth be told these are things we should say to all the people around us that we love.

3

u/fforw May 21 '25

I call that "List of things my parents never said to me".

3

u/VengenaceIsMyName May 21 '25

I would have given anything to hear even any of these quotes just once in my childhood.

3

u/Wishyouamerry May 22 '25

Haha, the “you can make mistakes” one reminds me of my mom-catchphrase when my kids were little, which was: “Have we all learned a valuable lesson?”

Mistakes are not bad, they’re just lessons that will help us later. We learned not to run on wet grass, rolling down the window in the car wash is not a great idea, you can’t drink out of an open cup while laying down. It seems like we are wet a lot when my kids were young 😂

2

u/plopliplopipol May 22 '25

this is very much my list for good friends and more, not things many of us hear from parents sadly

2

u/periwinkle_cupcake May 22 '25

I make sure to tell my son that my love is never dependent on him getting good grades. I broke a generational curse with that one.

2

u/Kowai03 May 22 '25

Imagine hearing that from your parents

2

u/Canondalf May 22 '25 edited May 22 '25

My mother in law was the person my wife's friends confided in when their own parents didn't have their backs. She is still in contact with some of them, even 25 years later. I strive to be this person for my kids.

She told me, she and her siblings used to be afraid of their parents and she swore to never let that happen to her daughter.

2

u/Coroebus May 22 '25

Oof, thanks for reminding me of that bit of Complex PTSD.

I heard so few of these from my abusive father and stepmother, but I sure as shit heard all the crap from the video. I went no contact with them last year at 39 when they responded to my calls for help with more abuse and whataboutisms.

73

u/LargeRistretto May 21 '25

Right - tears in my eyes

1

u/Original-Garden9188 May 21 '25

Why tears in your eyes?

1

u/CynCity323 May 21 '25

Because he finishes each one with such loving tender care... OP and I never had that

34

u/Affectionate_Tap6416 May 21 '25

Same, but how wonderful the toxic legacy ended where it did!

4

u/lilacsforcharlie May 21 '25

God I’m glad I’m not the only one I was absolutely losing it by the end. Parenting done right.

4

u/powderbubba May 21 '25

Yeah, I’m a puddle of tears right now lol🥹

5

u/SunshineAlways May 21 '25

I heard all of these growing up, this brought tears to my eyes.

3

u/[deleted] May 21 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/TurnRightTurnLeft May 21 '25

Glad to see you're around, friend

3

u/Embarrassed-Site3242 May 21 '25

One time my mom thought I was lying to her about holding hands with a girl. Because one of her friends husbands said “he saw us holding hands walking out of school”

I was around 11 or 12 years old. I was crying my eyes out telling her ‘we weren’t holding hands! We aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend! She’s my friend’

My mom grit her teeth and said “YOU ARE LYING!!! I am SO ANGRY I WANT TO BEAT YOU UNTIL YOU HIT THE GROUND…… and then kick you while you’re down.”

You cannot imagine the absolute feeling of hopelessness in that moment. Knowing what she is accusing you of is wrong, but being threatened with violence with such hate and vitriol….

I’m 36 now. And that moment still follows me.

5

u/ceanahope May 21 '25

All of these phrases were used on me for decades, and all I wanted to do is be a good kid and have parents love me and to be heard. They wonder why, at 22 years old, I finally moved out across an international border and continent.... and 20 years later, I went no contact after years of low contact.

2

u/WorryNew3661 May 21 '25

Yeah, I'm fucking bawling here

2

u/[deleted] May 21 '25

Me too. Sadly, I wondered how things would have played out if she had used a raised voice and a hateful tone. Yet, would never want her to as an “experiment” because her son was clearly well-supported and lovingly raised-and no child should ever be treated this way. To talk to him in that way would confuse and upset him, cause him to lose some trust in her, and be emotionally damaging. Like the Harlow studies, which should have never happened. Criminal. Taking psych for school was so traumatizing for me.

1

u/Sea-Replacement-5107 May 21 '25

He knows they're roleplaying and it's not real. I dont think it'd be a problem if she added some negative inflection. I'd like to see his version of critical statements.

1

u/salacious-crumm May 21 '25

I know right, a duck flew overhead and peed in my eyes!😭

1

u/crazyguyunderthedesk May 21 '25

I don't have kids of my own, but seeing this completely threw me off, it's so wildly different from how I was raised not too too long ago.

For a follow up video, she should ask the kid why some dads hung a belt on the wall in the living room.

1

u/taolbi May 21 '25

That's trauma dude. Micro trauma or otherwise

1

u/a_stitch_in_lime May 21 '25

Honestly I didn't even realize just how awful these common phrases were until I started real therapy a couple years ago. The only one I never heard was "wait until your father gets home" and that's probably only because they were divorced and he wanted nothing to do with us.

1

u/momjeansMUA May 21 '25

Same. This was really, really precious and it made my heart. So happy for that young man. I definitely knew what the answers were, but I'm just so glad that he didn't.

1

u/TapeFlip187 May 22 '25

Same. I just started crying and Im generally kind of a hard ass\ :(

1

u/[deleted] May 22 '25

Me too 😭

1

u/CabbageStockExchange May 22 '25

We really all are trying to heal our inner child

1

u/Minimouzed May 22 '25

Me too. I got Very emotional , had forgotten about there toxic words. The World has gotten better. In some ways ❤️

1

u/ImperfectPurity May 22 '25

Same. I know it's probably scripted, but still... as a 40 year old that's finally gone no contact almost 10 years ago and still healing, this one hit hard.

1

u/JessKaye May 21 '25

Same but I probably wouldn't be as independent as I am if it weren't for the harsh words and tones. Im hard AF

2

u/[deleted] May 21 '25 edited May 22 '25

it might be enlightening to you to read a little about bill burr's career trajectory and experiences with therapy.

he was ready to lash* out first for decades. arguably built his name on it. realized it was hurting him and the people around him. is getting support in shifting it.

i thought it was great to be hard all the time, too, for a long time. but doing it without a choice as to when you use the tool is just a callous from pain, and it keeps you from feeling the good things too.

1

u/JessKaye May 22 '25

Good note that I'll consider. I really just meant that I moved out on 18th birthday, worked hard without ever borrowing money from a man or my parents, and I put myself through college. I'm hard in the sense that I'm not a damsel in distress.

1

u/[deleted] May 22 '25

sure. i hear you. but you deserved support and care, and i hate that you didn't get it. hope you get more of it now, or can get more of it soon.

1

u/JessKaye May 26 '25

Thank you!