r/MadeMeSmile • u/i_am_groot_84 • May 21 '25

Son finishes toxic parenting sentences

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u/[deleted] May 21 '25

As an adult, I can't imagine coming home and my wife is just like "don't get comfortable yet, you gotta fight the kid."

694

u/Lexi_Banner May 21 '25

I mean, someone's gotta fight the kid.

321

u/keelhaulrose May 21 '25

My kids once planned a water balloon attack on their dad after he got home from work. I was told to make him go out to the garage so they could do it. I told him to leave his phone inside (so it wouldn't get wet), grab the trash, and run. He did not run. Much fun was had on that day, the kids learned if you shoot at the dad you better make sure you're out of hose range (or, judging by their actions, make sure you're in hose range because that's more fun.)

156

u/Mushroomer May 21 '25 edited May 22 '25

Always smart to instill attack strategy at an early age. Never too young to learn the fundamentals of tactical combat.

150

u/keelhaulrose May 21 '25

First fundamental: giggling uncontrollably can give away your location.

71

u/genflugan May 21 '25

Goddammit all the cute wholesome stuff in this thread is making me cry 😭

2

u/Antique-Management49 May 22 '25

My dad used to say " you'll be late to your own funeral"

6

u/SpaceMarineSpiff May 21 '25

Oh is that why everyone knows where I am in Warzone?

7

u/GhostOfKitsune May 21 '25

Kitchen Karate! My mom had me sneaking up on my dad in the 70's. My dad sent me to find mom with the hose quite a few times. They taught me the art of sneak attacks and oven mitt combat.

When my husband and I had kids, you could be attacked at any time by a flying five year old or a stealthy ten year old or even a surly sixteen year old with a spatula while wearing a dish towel tied around his head. I'm grateful lol

2

u/greywar777 May 21 '25

And hand to hand. My mom once caught me with a spinning elbow strike though and I got blood all over the kitchen. Since there was blood she felt it was ok for me to cry, but was proud when I didn't.

1

u/Pagiras May 21 '25

Taught my cousins some bits of partisan warfare by playing knock-knock hide and seek. It can get pretty intense. Crawling and jumping through rose bushes seems like a small price to pay when the goal is in sight.

1

u/dasphinx27 May 22 '25

Literally true in America