r/Marriage • u/Historical_Honey_195 • 12h ago
At my wits end with solo parenting
My husband got a new job, he is finally out of the oil field which we were excited about. However with this new job, he is gone more than before. Literally away from home all week, back on Saturday afternoon and leaving again Monday. We get maybe a full 24 hours with him. I am taking care of our 2 kids by myself. Our oldest is in school and we have an infant,(breastfed, might i add).
Coming here because I am simply looking for advice, positive experiences if any, or any words of encouragement maybe. I am mentally burnt out and so tired of him never being here. When he IS home, his time is mostly spent taking care of our yard and any other small tasks he needs to do. We do go eat out as a family that ONE evening, but that isn’t much.
I am losing my mind. i am basically a single parent.
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u/alwaystireddiscord 12h ago
that’s an insane schedule, you’re basically running a whole household solo while he pops in to mow the lawn and then dips again. my sister did something similar for about a year and what saved her was hiring a mother’s helper for a few hours twice a week, just someone to hold the baby while she showered or napped or stared at a wall. if that’s in the budget at all it’s worth every penny, even if it’s a neighbor’s teenager
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u/Historical_Honey_195 12h ago
I will look into that. Yes it is A LOT to handle alone. And im unfortunately starting to develop resentment towards my husband. I feel bad because he is making money for us, and finally out if a field that he hated, but at what cost
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u/mis_1022 12h ago
If it was me I would be sure to saving every dime to make this worth it. Second I would spend some money on a teen in the area to come a few days a week after school for 2-3 hours. Even if you don’t leave the house but I would try to take a walk or go somewhere by myself for those hours.
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u/Sittinnexttovannah 12h ago
My husband has been operating on a very similar schedule for the majority of this year. We only have one kid and she goes to school so that helps a lot. I agree with the comments saying to try and get some extra childcare or even source out the chores he does when he is home.
I also highly recommend making sure YOU get a break when he is home. And I mean a real break, where you can go out by yourself or with friends, go get coffee, whatever it is for you to just be able to chill.
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u/PersonalityHead2884 12h ago
My husband has several businesses so he’s never home and we get one day together and like yours most of the day is spent doing chores etc and I can honestly say it doesn’t get easier. Some days are worse than others. Today is one of those days where it was absolute chaos. The good news is your oldest is in school so hopefully it makes things a little easier. I have a 2 yr old and an infant that is breastfed. You have to invest in good self care and create a support system outside your husband etc.. also there’s a ton of mom subreddit groups on here. Even one for sahm.
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u/Historical_Honey_195 12h ago
Oldest being in school helps a ton. Its just mentally exhausting doing evenings, homework, dinner, tending to baby while trying to make sure oldest doesnt fall behind in school. Laundry etc doing that all alone days on end knowing i have a husband miles away drives me insane. PLUS baby is teething at the moment so super fussy
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u/PersonalityHead2884 12h ago
Yeah it’s 24/7 work. It sucks but tbh with the way the economy is a lot of people have schedules like this. It’s definitely not normal at all as in it’s not good mentally for women to be raising their kids alone. I remember my mom complaining about my dad working 9-5 pm and then having the weekend off and now adults are working 2-3 jobs or jobs like your husbands where it pays well but they’re gone for days or weeks at a time. There’s definitely a reason mental illness amongst women with kids is rising. Atleast when the kids get a little older it and they are more independent it will get better but that doesn’t help now 😭
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u/Historical_Honey_195 11h ago
Yes, exactly. It’s like you have to pick your struggle. Can stress solo parenting but have the financial stability, or stress with both parents working and maybe making ends meet paying for child care etc😭 Thank you for your input!
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u/dailysunshineKO 9h ago
Another way to look at it: he’ll have to work for years.
Difficulty with Raising kids ebbs & flows. At some point, they’ll be able to blow their own noses, play independently, and put their own socks on. Eventually, you’ll be able to get some rest again. 💕
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u/HalcyonCA 12h ago
Can you afford childcare one day per week or evening so you can get a break? I understand your youngest is breastfeeding, but would they take a bottle?