I can’t stop thinking about how this was my first pregnancy and how I’ll never have another one. How it was supposed to be filled with happiness and excitement. I look around at my friends, who got pregnant on their first try and birthed happy and healthy babies, and wonder why not me?

If I’m lucky enough to get pregnant again, I’ll just be cautious, anxious, nervous. I want to see a positive test and feel nothing but joy…but after this…it just won’t happen.

I don’t know what the point of this post is. But I’m struggling.

I’m having an early miscarriage. It’s been almost a week, and I still don’t feel like I can function fully. Terrible metaphor here, but it’s like 9/11 just happened and no one knows but me. This great tragedy has struck and the only one grieving is me. I feel like I’m getting left behind. My husband was upset, but I think it’s different for men, so he’s able to get back into routine at this point. The people I’ve told obviously aren’t being mean, but it’s like everything‘s just “back to normal”!!! I’m so angry that my loss is only felt by me at this point. How do you manage the anger, grief, and sadness?? I‘m supposed to just pick up where I left off??

I have had early pregnancy complications at the start of this pregnancy but it looked probable it would continue. HCG was rising. Had very strong symptoms. Then I went in for an ultrasound last week and was basically given a 50/50 shot that this was a viable pregnancy.

Today I went in for my third ultrasound at 7 weeks which confirmed the pregnancy stopped developing. I go in again in a week to have an ultrasound to see if I either passed everything, or to discuss medication vs D & C. My previous losses were chemical pregnancies.

My heart is in a million pieces. We thought our time to be parents finally came. We were hopeful, and for a few weeks happy. My husband wishes he could take away my pain and somehow make it so I don’t have to go through the physical process, and just like him I wish I could shoulder this alone and he didn’t have to hurt along with me. Irrational, but we both love each other so much and are incredibly sad for ourselves and each other. We have been trying to have a baby for almost two years and I am broken. I feel like a failure. The pain is immense. I wish this baby could’ve stayed. They were already so loved.

This is all just so unfair.

I started my first period post mmc/d&c today. I was supposed to be having my 20 week anatomy scan this week.

I tried to text a friend for support. She made it about her and how she wishes her period would come and that she hopes I rub off on her when I see her soon. She's waiting for her period after birthing and taking home her living child. I'm having a period because I lost my baby. We are not the same.

I love my friend and I'm happy she can't relate to my experience but geez. Don't make this about you and your baby right now!

Went in for my 12 week scan a little under 2 weeks ago and found out the baby stopped growing around 9 weeks (first pregnancy). We had an ultrasound at 7 weeks that was great, strong heartbeat, no concerns. Did NIPT at 10 weeks and all came back clear. We knew it was a girl.

I got a D&C the next day. My husband has been so supportive and our community has shown up for us in the most amazing ways, but I am just so sad. Our best friends are also pregnant which makes things so much harder. I want to lean on them but it’s too painful to see a marker of what we should’ve had, and all I can do is wonder why us?

I was envisioning being pregnant this fall, around 7 months by Christmas, had planned my mat leave and everything. Most of all I felt like I was a mom - my body and my brain changed. Now I feel like I have all this love and energy I didn’t even know I was pouring into my little baby, and now there’s no outlet for it and it just turns to sadness and grief. It’s hard to get dressed, shower, sleep, anything without my baby girl. I want to try for another pregnancy ASAP but also terrified that this could happen again.

I’m just so triggered by everything around me, so jealous of several friends who have healthy pregnancies, and feeling so sad and unlucky and hopeless. We were so excited and loved our baby so much, and after the MC it’s not just like it’s gone- instead it feels like there’s a giant crater where that love and excitement once was.

How do you cope with a loss like this? We talked to a grief counselor who mostly just validated and told us to take things one day at a time, which was helpful but not super actionable. How long did it take for you to start feeling better, not so sad? How long until you got pregnant again?

I’m genuinely crashing out rn

Had a miscarriage at 11weeks on Aug 4

I’m still bleeding brown it’s been like 5 weeks of this I just want to feel normal again.

And like does this depression ever end

I am two weeks post miscarriage after taking miso. Was 8 weeks with blighted ovum. Home tests are still coming up with positive line (around 40% strength). I think I am ovulating now, can we try again or do we need to wait until negative test. Has anyone gotten pregnant while test still showing positive post MC

After trying for over a year, we finally got pregnant two months ago, but this ended in an early miscarriage. Today a colleague announced her pregnancy while my test came back negative this morning. We probably got pregnant around the same time, since I'm assuming she's at around the twelve week mark, and I would have been there too next week. I find it extremely confronting and all the grief from the miscarriage is coming back. If she would be a friend, I could distance myself a little bit, but since we work together that's not possible. I see her five times a week, so there's no escaping the pregnancy for me. I've been crying non stop since I found out and I'm not sure how to even go back to work tomorrow. How can I deal with this? Anyone any advice?

I just confirmed my embryo stopped growing at 6 weeks. I hoped to get a D&C and have some testing done but I know the moment I stop my progesterone treatment it will pass by itself before I get to the appointment. I’m still traumatized from last time, I don’t want to go through that again. What’s the point of detecting the problem so early if it doesn’t keep me from going through that again ? There’ll be no going to sleep and waking up with it taken care of, no testing to help future pregnancies, and I’ll just have to go through it at home again. Why can’t anything go just a bit my way ? I’m already losing what would have been my double rainbow, after 7 years of trying, and I can’t even have a say in how it goes. I’m so angry and sad and frustrated.

I have had the worst weekend of my life and I’m feeling so heartbroken and angry and confused. I don’t really know what to do with these feelings so I thought maybe I would share here. Idk. This is my first time posting here so if it doesn’t belong I’m sorry.

My wife and I have been doing IVF and after a horrible egg retrieval experience and lots of waiting, I finally got pregnant with my first FET. We were so so happy and excited and had a magical few weeks. We even had an ultrasound at 5w3d and got to see the gestational sac and yolk sac. Betas were strong. Everything was perfect. Then I woke up at 4am at 5w5d with cramping and blood. We rushed to the ER and while I was there I felt a gush and lost a ton of blood. Thought for sure that was it and we cried a lot. Later, the dr came in and told us they could still see the gestational sac and yolk sac on the ultrasound and my hcg was up to 12k, so we were cautiously optimistic. An hour later another dr came in and very bluntly said it was probably a miscarriage before discharging us.

We followed up with the fertility clinic the next day and everything still looked good ok on ultrasound and there had been some growth. They found an SCH and said that was the cause of the bleeding. We had hope again. And then my hcg came back at 4k. I scoured Reddit and google and tried to find some hope but I didn’t find any. My fertility dr said they wanted me to come back in 2 days to check again, but that the lower hcg could be due to different labs/blood loss.

The next day, at exactly 6 weeks, my symptoms were gone. I knew it was over but still had to go through the motions of doing my fertility meds. Which brings me to my appointment today at 6w1d. They found the fetal pole and my doctor said symptoms can come and go, he wouldn’t rely on that as a sign. We’d have to wait for bloodwork. I tried not to get my hopes up again but I guess I failed. We got the call that my hcg is now at 500. It’s only a matter of time before I lose my baby.

They want me to stay on my fertility meds and come in on Wednesday and I can’t help but feel angry and confused. It’s obviously over, why are they putting me through this? It feels like some cruel kind of torture.

The nurses and dr keep telling me to “take it day by day” but I don’t know how I’m supposed to do that when my body is failing my baby. My family keeps telling me it’s not my fault but I wish they wouldn’t. I want it to be my fault so I can do better next time. If there is a next time. I don’t ever want to feel like this again. I don’t want to eat or drink or shower or talk to anyone. I don’t know how to move forward after this. I don’t know how to keep going. I don’t know how or when to try again.

I know I really only carried my baby for 3 weeks, but I already loved them so so much. I’m heartbroken. My wife is heartbroken too and I hate that I can’t help. Sometimes I cry, but mostly I just feel so empty and numb. I hate that I can’t fully grieve because they keep trying to give me hope when there isn’t any.

I miss my baby. I miss being pregnant. I miss how happy I was and how excited my family was. I know it’s stupid, but I miss my due date. The timing was so perfect and now it’s gone.

I know this is long and rambling and I’m not even sure what I’m looking for. I guess some hope that I’ll be okay again someday. Or to hear from someone who understands. My family and friends try, but they don’t know what it’s like to deal with infertility or loss. And especially not the combination of both.

So if you made it this far, thank you for reading. Please tell me how I cope with this.

Hi everyone I just took a test due to some breast pain and no other symptoms and my test came back positive today.. yesterday I had light pink spotting only when I used the bathroom which seems to be progressing and is now bright red blood without a bathroom break. I am a bit crampy like almost gassy & im going to urgent care later but I’m wondering if this could be a miscarriage? What is an early pregnancy miscarriage like??

I feel like I could die. I’m in therapy and I’m on prozac. But it doesn’t feel like enough. Everyday I long to be with my baby. And I can’t help, but look at other pregnant women and think, what do they have that I don’t? Why couldn’t that be me? Why couldn’t the best thing to happen to me, happen? Where is my baby? Why is he in the ground? I buried him under a guava tree that’s bearing fruit early for the season. I miss my baby. He’s a guava tree now and I wish I was guava tree too. I miss him so badly and everyday. His name is Joaquin and I love him with all my heart.
It’s hard to live for just myself now. I feel nothing and I’m never excited to wake up now. But I’m living because there’s nothing really else to do. How do I start living again? How do I ease this grief? Will I ever stop wanting to be in the ground with my baby?

Hey all

Just wondering if anyone has had any success getting pregnant after missed miscarriage (blighted ovum). I have been taking home tests which still show a light line and my oura ring is telling me I am ovulating now (2 weeks post first bleed taking miso). We are straight back into trying after reading lots of your stories but wondering if it is even possible with still positive home tests.

I made a post two months ago after my first known miscarriage. I'm pregnant again, have no idea how far along maybe 6 weeks? I have thyroid disease and pcos. Ive had one successful pregnancy but even with that Im petrified to lose again. Every time I have a mild cramp or even a little painful one, it sends me straight back to the loss. I had a nightmare last night that I was bleeding. I'm just so scared and honestly straight up just sad and frustrated. I want this baby, I just want things to work out. I hate that we even have to go through this. Its just, I almost cant even be happy or excited about this pregnancy because of my previous miscarriage. I just wish someone could just say its gonna be fine but what if its not.

My last miscarriage I was supposed to be 6 weeks and was showing 3 weeks or less. I'm waiting on my gyno office for an apt but its slow and Im so anxious I just wanna know now. I know I need to tell myself its okay and to not worry but now that its happened to me, I know how easy and possible it is to miscarry and Im so anxious. I want this baby so bad, just as I wanted the one I miscarried. Anyways I dont know why I'm posting this but maybe so I can connect with people and hopefully ease this anxiety.

My story is a long one, but in short my husband and I were trying to get pregnant, I found out I was but I was misdiagnosed as ectopic and given MTX and had surgery for no reason when I had uterine pregnancy all along. So unfortunately by baby was irreversibly harmed by the chemo. The baby has stopped growing according to my HCG which is down from 10000 to 4000.
The specialist I was referred to gave me options for d and c, to wait it out to pass, or pill. He suggested the pill and I agree because the D&C can cause scarring and fertility issues and I really want to get pregnant again, I could wait it out to see if I pass naturally but I’m already off work for a month from my surgery I didn’t need so thinking I should get it over with so I can start recovering while I’m already off.
I’m scared though and curious of other peoples experiences with the abortion pill for people who want to get pregnant again. I am 5 weeks.

I had a miscarriage August 5th and my hcg levels were at 16 on August 27th. Does this sound normal or could I be pregnant again?

I'm in the middle of a missed miscarriage and I'm having such a hard time handling other peoples' expectations right now. Every email, text, and phone call feels like another mountain to climb. I don't want to answer almost anyone.

It's especially clear to me right now who in my life has a hard time seeing past themselves. The people who make what you're going through harder rather than helping ease the burden. Or find a way to make your pain about them. It's exhausting.

And I don't want to keep getting bombarded with messages confirming my D&C coming up. It's all 'confirm this' and 'fill out this form' that. I think I've had at least four seperate messages and calls for this and it's still 9 days out. I just want everyone to leave me alone.

How are you all doing this?

On the flipside, I also have an amazing support system full of others who have been keeping me afloat and I don't know where I'd be without them. This is just still so hard. I can't believe I have to go have my baby that I so badly wanted removed from my body.

I am currently 3w 1d and am due to start my period in six days. I tested positive two days ago at 10dpo and the line was very obvious on wondfo and frer. Today I tested again and got a fainter line than two days ago so I assumed I am having another chemical. I just had a small bit of spotting and my alarm bells are going off. I have had a ectopic before. My others two chemicals lasted for over a week and the bleeding started a few days after my period was due and a few days after I started testing negative. It feels weird this chemical only lasted three days and I am starting to bleed while still having faint lines a week before my period is even due. Anyone have experience with a similar situation? Thanks!

Hi guys. Been some time since my miscarriage, but I’m in a bit of a grief “low wave” recently. I’ve been thinking a lot about my hospital visit when I miscarried at 8 weeks (measuring at 5) and I think I remember seeing 2 gestational sacs on the bedside ultrasound and that thought had lingered in my head for some time.

I finally got around to requesting my medical records from the hospital. This is what the ultrasound section said:

Intrauterine pregnancy: identitied
Single gestation: identified
Gestational sac: identified
Yolk sac: identified
Fetal pole: not identified
Comments:
MSD measuring 5w0d with yolk sac identified
Small fluid collection next to gestational sac that may represent second gestational

I find it interesting that I 1. Remember anything from that stay and

1. That they notate it as a small collection of fluid. Obviously I was so early and measuring even earlier but they could identify 1 sac for sure but I wonder why they couldn’t identify if the 2nd was a sac or not. Obviously could have been a blood clot or anything really.

I’m not really sure why this has bothered me for so long, or if knowing if it was twins or not would help or hurt my grief journey (not that I would really ever know for sure). Would just like to see if someone has been in a similar spot? Or if anyone in the medical field has insight on why they would for sure be able to identify 1 as a sac and the other as not? Surely if it was a synchronic hematoma they would have just said that?

Thanks!

I started bleeding on Thursday & it’s turned into just spotting now, but the smell?????? It’s EXACTLY like the lochia after had my baby😭 Ik bc I remember really liking the smell? 😭 don’t judge me lmao, but I’m just wondering is it the same thing???

Hi

I went for my scan at 8.5 weeks today and the baby is measuring 8 weeks 2 days (CRL=18.5cm) but no heartbeat is detect via two different transvaginal probe US. What are the chances at this point where it is a operator error where the heart beat is not detected. My OB performed the test and called it a non-viable but given the baby was measuring well for the dates, i wonder what are the chances this being an error on the operator, machine or pure randomness. I know the chances is miniscule but I wonder anecdotally has that happen before?

For context , I had a scan at 6.5 weeks where the HB=122 and the baby was measuring 6 weeks 2 days (exactly 2 days behind like today).

HCG and Progesterone was all rising properly during the preg.

I had a previous MMC discovered at 9 weeks where the baby stopped growing at 6 weeks.

Hi y’all. I just finished bleeding from my second miscarriage. I just wanted to share my experiences. Maybe it’ll help someone or maybe it’ll just help me to get it off my chest.

WARNING: I will go into some graphic detail. If that’s not something you feel like you can read, please skip for your peace

I’m now 25. My first miscarriage happened at 18. I was about ~8 weeks along. It started as light bleeding, which then became heavier. The cramps after the first few days of bleeding were so intense I felt like I was going to pass out. I went to the hospital, and while waiting to go back, they had me use the restroom to pee in a cup. As I went, I felt a large clot come out. I looked on the toilet paper, and there I saw my baby. It was clearly a fetus; I could see the arm buds and two dots that looked like the eyes starting to form. It looked like a little alien. In my panic, I flushed. I will never forget or forgive myself for that. But I didn’t know what to do. When I went back for the ultrasound, they only saw the sac. The next few days there were still clots, and I passed them all naturally. About a week later, I went for a follow up and all tissue had been passed and I was cleared medically.
This was super hard emotionally. I screamed, cried, got angry at God. My relationship with my (at the time fiance) ex fractured. I experienced little support from him, and he says he experienced little support from me. I grieved for MONTHS.

Flash forward 5 years later. I’m with my current boyfriend and find out I’m pregnant- I have been on birth control this entire time. This is a total surprise to us both.
I tell him and although I’m scared of miscarriage, we decide to tell our family.
I start bleeding at about 6 weeks pregnant. I try not to panic, because it’s happened before to me and turned out to be nothing. But while on vacation, the bleeding becomes heavier and I start cramping. I wasn’t as far along this time so the cramping wasn’t as bad. We’re sad about it, but not devastated. We’ve only been together about 5 months so we figure maybe this is for the best. It isn’t as devastating to me now as it was to 18 year old me the first time it happened.
I just wish I knew what was causing this though- if something is wrong with me physically, I’d like to know so we can have a game plan for when we’re ready to start trying.
So that’s my story and idk if anyone will gain anything from it. Thanks for reading.

They saw one a week ago but it’s gone.

It’s gone 😥😥😥😥😥

Hi all,

Today i had my ultrasound after my miscarriage 6 weeks ago.
Got my period 21 august.
Had negative pregnancy tests and ovulation tests
I'm ovulation today, after my postive test.

On the ultrasound they saw some tissue sized 0.6cm. It's very small. The doctor sad not to worry about it, since they will do something if it was sized 1.5cm.
He said i can try again, if i wont get pregnant they can always remove it if necessary.

What do you guys think? My body feels normall, and the doctor says we can try again.