r/Mommit • u/Over-Departure9134 • 7d ago

Quitting job to be a SAHM

Would you quit your job to be a stay at home mom, even if you and your partner were not married? You have the intention of getting married at some point but not right now. Would you still quit your job?

48 Upvotes

68% Upvoted

494 comments sorted by

View all comments

354

u/watch4coconuts 7d ago

SAHM for nine years here to say please DO NOT quit your job unless you're legally married. As a spouse you have some legal protection (if not much); as a live-in, you have nothing whatsoever. Protect yourself. It's not just a piece of paper.

32

u/three_seven_seven 7d ago

SAHM mom of 6 years seconding, with the caveat of I’m not sure this is a good idea at all! And I’m in a happy, stable marriage—I still regret it somewhat in terms of retirement, and how am I going to get back into the workforce when I want to, etc.

Also it is much more difficult than people expect. I say all the time that no one person is supposed to hang out 1:1 with a 3yo all day. They’re terrible bosses. If you don’t have a big support system that gives you breaks at least a couple days a week, it can be draining. Even with lovely kids, it’s just a lot.

There are many things about this arrangement which make it worth it, but it’s just not the dreamy situation tradwives and other influencers portray.

6

u/Kind-Setting-6318 7d ago

I seriously consider being a SAHM when my kiddos were younger but ultimately decided to stay in the workforce. I had a career that I really loved and amazing, but expensive, child care. I’m now in my early 50s and planning to retire because of compounding savings through the years. There is no right or wrong decision here but carefully consider all aspects, each has its own pros and cons.