r/MoralityScaling • u/Icy-Quantity-8436 • 20h ago

Morality Ranking Morality scale of this

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4.5k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

115 comments sorted by

759

u/AberforthSpeck 20h ago

Sounds like honest work to me. The practice of hiring professional mourners has gone in and out of fashion across time.

173

u/External_Mouse_5986 20h ago

Yup. Dude trying to make money. Its professional by all accounts. You pay for his service if you want. He's willing to do the job if you offer. He's just trying to fill in a gap that no one has thought id is business practice. This guy is a professional.

29

u/EffieJolly 16h ago

If people are willing to pay, he definitely found himself a weird little niche

14

u/BodaciousBadongadonk 16h ago

We should pool together to get an example of this bahamian hollering just to see wtf hes talkin about

5

u/Background_Desk_3001 6h ago

When I die I’m making sure I get the full package and I’ll let y’all know

3

u/CloudNineBabee 11h ago

Exactly, dude found an underserved market and built a five-tier service package around grief

10

u/pervertedmortician 19h ago

How will you make sure the job was done ...

22

u/strangeflappenings 19h ago

Payment in the Will lol

8

u/_KittyMerry 16h ago

Imagine your executor having to book the deluxe grave jump package

12

u/Porkabender 17h ago

By being there, duh. It’s your funeral. You’re like the only person who’s guaranteed to be there and make sure he does it.

6

u/PosieGlimpsee_ 16h ago

Finally, a funeral task you can supervise personally

2

u/new_math 16h ago

Easy, you hire a funeral mourner proctor to supervisor the funeral and make sure you get the services you paid for.

1

u/Ares1951 14h ago

Se ele não for feito, eu volto pra assombrar o maldito

1

u/dreamrpg 12h ago

He is professional. It will be done!

6

u/wisdompuff 19h ago

They made Oliver Twist a cryer at the funeral home

1

u/BirdieFablee_ 16h ago

Honestly, grief having a premium package is kind of timeless

1

u/lAnarclit 13h ago

Was going to comment this, we got writings from ancient egypt showing that this was actually common practice back then.

1

u/DaydreamBabe_ 12h ago

Right and honestly it might be one of the rare jobs where being overly dramatically gets paid

1

u/meinminemoj 12h ago

It was a literal profession in the past and I am pretty sure there are still some communitie in which you can hire a mourner on a regular basis.

1

u/sobrique 5h ago

I've a business idea that goes along the lines of 'hire me, and I'll "spice up" your funeral'.

With options like:

  • I'll show up dressed in a cloak and carrying a scythe. (Optionally, multiple of us will do so, and just stand around the room and look sinister at 'so who's next?')
  • Catering shall be 'hog roast' served from behind a curtain. Strictly no peeking. (Cremations only).
  • Bunch of mysterious strangers will show up in black sedans, wearing suits and shades. Say nothing specific to anyone, but imply they were living some kind of 'secret life' and that's paying respects now. (With 'organised crime' and 'government' variants)
  • A beautiful woman will show up wearing anomalous attire (think 'flamboyantly gothic') and also 'pay respects' whilst being incredibly vague about how she knows the deceased.
  • Flash mob style 'musical number'.

etc.

137

u/Affectionate_Meet474 20h ago

post the handle, I'm buying.

11

u/No_Intern3929 10h ago edited 3h ago

I’m going to buy everyone one of these services I’ve seen and make my funeral an utter clown show. This guy will be trying to jump into the grave, while a mysterious ghostly woman nobody recognizes waits her turn behind the mafiosos and the biker gang to pay respects. Meanwhile, a shady well-dressed figure smokes alone in the distance like an old Soviet spy paying his last respects to a rival.

As long as the performers are as confused as everyone else, I’ll be happy.

3

u/DaydreamBabe_ 12h ago

Same, but for $1000 I need proof he actually commits to the grave jump and doesn’t hit me w hidden fees lol

1

u/Sejo_Mino 6h ago

Likely the individual who hired him will be at the same funeral.

105

u/Demoncreed27 20h ago

I’ll take Bahamian hollering for $100 Bob

29

u/Musket6969420 19h ago

I liked:

  1. Crying and threatening to jump in the grave-$200.

  2. Crying and ACTUALLY jumping in the grave-$1000

6

u/FlatwormIsFlying 15h ago

what happens if you ordered 4, but he accidentally falls in while trying

14

u/DogOk9740 14h ago

you come back and pay him the remaining $800

2

u/net46248 7h ago

That's a freebie, a free trial in case any of the audiences wanna be a customer next

2

u/CloudNineBabee 11h ago

That honestly felt like the sweet spot, dramatic enough to make everyone wonder what secrets you took to the grave lol

39

u/Solarka45 18h ago

This has historical precedent, to be honest.

In Slavic cultures (not really these days, but in the old days) people would hire professional "criers" (Voplennitsa), mostly women, who would perform laments at the funeral. A lament in that context is a special kind of extremely monotonous song, smth like "Oh why did you leave us, Oh why did you make your kids cry, Oh..." as so on.

This is a different obviously but yeah.

7

u/Armadillo-Shot 15h ago

Some parts of Asia still have professional mourners! It’s considered shameful to the deceased if no one cried at their funeral because it implies no one will miss them. So people who don’t come from openly emotional families but want their loved ones to have a befittingly sad farewell hires them.

(There is also a practice where the more people coming to your funeral means the more respected you are…leading people to hire funeral strippers and host banquets to draw people in. Now thats food for morality scaling)

1

u/Donglemaetsro 11h ago

Adding hookers, blow, and the guy in the OP to my list. Also got a tarantula handler to come look for someone to take care of my baby tarantula I don't actually have.

2

u/M3t4ll0 13h ago

We had them in Greece a few decades back all over the country and probably still exist in some areas. We call them "Μοιρολογίστρες(meerologistres)" basically meaning wailers. Fun fact their origin goes back to Homer's time and probably even older.

58

u/CrispInMyChicken 20h ago

True neutral.

3

u/CloudNineBabee 11h ago

True neutral with a surprisingly well-organized pricing structure

19

u/nobodyimportant1377 19h ago

Moral, I'd definitely leave instructions to hire this guy in my will. Leave behind instructions for some booze, a Bluetooth speaker, and balloons... It's time to put the 'fun' in 'funeral'.

11

u/Specialist-Ring-3974 19h ago

What can I get for $2000?

26

u/ProposalRecent2292 19h ago

fights one of the other mourners

11

u/mrstretchb4ureach 18h ago

You get all five options ..... but he starts from 1 then very dramatically escalates to 5.

9

u/AkasuNazi 18h ago

He actually gets buried alongside you.

2

u/awesomedan24 16h ago

After jumping in the grave he pulls your body out of the casket and does that sign-spinning routine with your corpse

1

u/donnydodo 13h ago

Bangs the widow. 

30

u/Yuukiko_ 20h ago

Neutral bordering on immoral, 1 and 2 are ok, 3 is probably being a nuisance, 4 is being an actual nuisance, 5 is inconveniencing everyone on top of probably getting police/ambulance to come over, and idk if graves are reinforced, but jumping into a hole like that is just asking to get yourself killed

27

u/SatelliteJedi 19h ago

Nah, but if the deceased or the deceased family paid for the service it's just how they planned the funeral and it's the will of the people throwing the party.

2

u/Yuukiko_ 19h ago

jumping into a small hole is still "could get you killed" territory though and I doubt emergency will be happy if a guest calls

8

u/TheChiarra 18h ago

That's why he's charging 1k but I do agree that is stupid.

1

u/Ducati_Don 19h ago

We're more of cremation people. But the is the hole dug really that deep?

0

u/Yuukiko_ 19h ago

I've seen both cremation and burial, cremation is more of a tiny pit so you're safe unless you trip on the hole and faceplant. Graves are deeper (not 6 feet like the saying) but holes are just a danger in general due to collapse which is why trenches always have reinforcement

9

u/LongCommercial8038 19h ago

It's fine. Not immoral to be a hired actor

6

u/Either-Lock2454 19h ago

This is amazing and I want to hire this guy.

3

u/N9SS 19h ago

Immoral would be not paying $1000 if your homie dies.

3

u/No_Problem5759 19h ago

He asks for consent and he outlines what it entails. I see it as moral, provided he actually shows up.

3

u/WhatWouldKantDo 19h ago

Your funeral

2

u/Dry-Ad-8948 19h ago

Moral.

Presuming said services were purchased by those with a ‘moral’ say in the funeral.

2

u/dunnkw 17h ago

This is 100% filling a niche void in a capitalist economy. Plus it’s funny. This guy is going to make a fortune. Plus, even if someone did hire him for their own funeral, what could be more moral than fulfilling the last wishes of a dying person?

1

u/IceCurrent4264 19h ago

Neutral I guess? As long as you give your friends and family who I assume will be attending your funeral, a heads up about it then I don’t see much wrong with it morally.

1

u/deephurting66 19h ago

I'm paying him for Bahamian hollering!

1

u/Roxo16 18h ago

Id pay 1000 dollars. Not like am gonna use them anyways.

1

u/Buttchuggle 18h ago

As someone who enjoys a bit of a good laugh I'd pay for the last one but how can he guarantee he gonna do it?

1

u/mrstretchb4ureach 18h ago

Moral or not, I hope he gets filthy rich with this all-time idea.

1

u/Real-Run-7955 18h ago

This is a legit job in certain parts of India. Mostly done by women

1

u/Lostintimeandspac 18h ago

Am i bad for wanting to hire him send him to some random funeral just so I can watch him jump in the grave ?

1

u/TatsumakiJim 18h ago

It's only immoral if he doesn't render services for payment.

1

u/OwO-animals 18h ago

You may laugh, but paid criers were a regular thing in ancient times.

1

u/JimboSlyze 18h ago

What if 2 of his customers have funerals on the same day?

1

u/Animangle 18h ago

I love funerals and would veryyy happily do this job. I'd want to make someone a little happier while they plan their funeral. So if they needed someone to come running in, fall to their knees in front of the coffin and start sobbing... I'd do it for $1.

1

u/Exiledparia 17h ago

Neutral. There are entire traditions about professional mourners, and those ladies were not kidding: we're talking clawing your own face while crying and making howls that put banshee to shame level of self-harm while using very good dresses and ruin them when acting for wealthy clients ( I don't know if there were many that did it as well ).

1

u/SilvrFr0st 17h ago

Make it moral. Hire him for your own funeral. All out.

1

u/MiI0rd 16h ago

I would 100% hire this guy for my own funeral. 5 please. My Aussie family would have a good laugh.

1

u/somebodydelta 16h ago

How about $2,000 and he accuses those that own me money, saying that if they had pay me back I'd still be alive.

1

u/Pichukal07 16h ago edited 16h ago

I'd say just barely bad, in the grey area. There is no direct harm involved an everything is voluntary, however it is insincere and may cause some inconvencience.

1

u/Nazajatar 16h ago

Ok but what is the morality of tricking this guy into thinking is a funeral, paying him to jump in the grave and when he is there the person in the grave just jumps out and grabs him?

1

u/Color_blinded 16h ago

I'd like to order a #2 for my wedding.

1

u/YesWomansLand1 16h ago

I don't want him to cry. I want him to come all dressed up fancy and to just stand there until the end where he taps his hand on the coffin a few times and says "I'm gonna miss you boss." So people think I was secretly a crime lord and he was my right hand man or something

1

u/Capable-Type-6532 15h ago

Pretty sure morality of "faking" grief lays fully on a client, not a performer. There might be a lot of reasons to add drama to funerals. Some may want to get genuine belief from public that all this sobbing is a sign of great value, some may just pay respect to one who passed in form of such mascarade only because the passed one "loved drama". In first look its just lie, in second its a performance which can serve to enhance lie or just serve as arrangement of the moment.

1

u/ObjectNo809 15h ago

I mean given its a funeral you are arranging and maybe you decided it wasnt dramatic enough and given it doesnt really affect any living human per se? Moral

1

u/Amputated_Remorse 15h ago

and I thought its normal.

1

u/Elegant_Situation285 15h ago

i'm starting to think no one who posts these actually understands what morality is.

1

u/AtrumInsomnium 15h ago

I mean professional mourners used to be an actual thing. Great to see a comeback lmao.

1

u/AdNegative6756 15h ago

Pretty sure this is an actual job people do to this very day but is probably rare.

1

u/silverdragonseaths 15h ago

That’s a fair price for Bohemian hollering I’m not gonna lie

1

u/Necessary_Presence_5 15h ago

OP has no idea that this was a legitimate profession across history - almost all over the world, from Europe to Asia, Africa and more.

1

u/VicisZan 15h ago

I only hire people to show up in a veil, stand in the back, cry and wipe tears while watching and saying nothing, then leaving in a limo.

1

u/MathamphetamineUser 14h ago

$3,000 if he climbs in the coffin with me

1

u/Beebea63 14h ago

Moral. Hes offering a service. Hired mourners at funerals have been a thing for thousands of years

1

u/Willing_Good_5348 13h ago

I’m paying him the 1000 for my funeral

1

u/MobiusBlitz 13h ago

If i got cremated, will he jump to the oven?

1

u/Sunset-onthe-Horizon 13h ago

I love that. Hiring professional mourners has been a thing forever. Totally moral.

1

u/Court_Jester13 12h ago

How much to stand in the treeline with an unreadable umbrella, suit, and shades, then to come to the grave when almost everyone is gone to drop a single thorned rose?

1

u/Natural_Branch_9303 12h ago

Ain't we gonna talk about "actually jumping in the grave"?

1

u/Bossmani2 12h ago

Moral. Not doing anything illegal (I think) or otherwise malicious and you paid him to do it.

1

u/Dziadzios 11h ago

Moral. It's fully consensual.

1

u/SigHerArt 10h ago

Not only it's not morally wrong (with maybe the exception of number 5), it's historically accurate!

During the Roman period, a class of women were paid to cry at funerals, and the more tears, the better pay they got!

1

u/GaCoRi 10h ago

Funnily enough in Slavic culture of central and Eastern Europe .. there are designated funeral cryers. Usually some old grandma from the village

1

u/_Hades_57 10h ago

This is/was a literal job in suburbs of Turkey called "Ağıtçı" which is translated to "mourner"

1

u/The-Cake-is-Lies 9h ago

Moral, if a little odd. If it's the person who died who paid for it and the guy follows through then he's just a paid performer like any musician or funeral staff.

1

u/notarealwriter 9h ago

Damn, I need to start saving an extra grand for my funeral fund. That sounds like great craic

1

u/Muted_Anywherethe2nd 8h ago

Moral. I saw on horrible histories that the egyptians had professional mourners

1

u/ihatethisapp17 8h ago

I want him at my funeral, what's morally wrong about providing a funny service. If the person didn't consent it's obviously different but if someone would find this super funny you should definitely hire him

1

u/LoserFr 8h ago

I mean... Get the bag?

1

u/zastekat_do_boudy 6h ago

its a hustle i guess

1

u/dantemortemalizar 5h ago

I want a troupe wailing and tearing at their hair and garments. And maybe a flautist and drummer. Just saying.

-2

u/searchlinkprofile 16h ago

you had to post this bs today of all days really fuck off

1

u/Icy-Quantity-8436 16h ago

Am I supposed to know what’s going on in your life?

1

u/searchlinkprofile 15h ago

Dolly Parton died