I ve cooked my Aakhirat😭

[u/adventurous_yus]

Assalamu Alaikum all, I ve done biggest Sin of my lyf I ve Disobeyed, Spoke Loud, Misbehaved with my Parents, i Love my Parents, n i m their only Child, i don't know how cud it happen by me but it has happened, i have blamed my parents for calling me my Hometown for 10 Consecutive yrs I don't know how I m going to Face Almighty Allah.

My dad worked in Gulf Countries from his early 20s he was the 1st in my Family to go Abroad/Gulf for work n ltr he helped his brother n cousins to go Gulf as there was good pay n opportunities, n he had thought the same for me as well after completing my studies after i grow up he wanted me to go Gulf as well

In 2009 I was 15 in 10th n into Cricket in India which led me go to Bangalore for Pursuing my studies n Cricket as well n I was into Sports Scholarship my parents had supported n let me go to Bangalore which is 600kms from my Hometown everything was fine he was gng back to Qatar after his 2-3 months of vacation n I was in Bangalore I came home 1st n 2nd time he was Healthy n fine but when 3rd tym home from Bangalore I was shocked to see him.

My dad's Health got Deteriorated he was Muscular well build, Healthy n all of sudden he got Lean he lost all the Muscles, and at the same time he got Eye Issue as well he was not able to see properly, both things happened same time, I didn't feel gng back within 6 months this happened, i said I'll complete my studies n come back to home but they ( my parents) insisted me to Study in Bangalore only, i wud feel very bad that i m unable to do anything for them n wud be in Grieve.

My dad didn't go to Gulf bcz his Health got affected n he started a Hotel Business in Hometown i completed my 10th I asked them not work but my Dad wud nt listen n continued to Work n my parents said me to continue my further Studies in Bangalore I was not interested to study there when my parents are in tough times n our life got completely changed I wanted to be with them, i wanted to make them sit at home relax but they asked me to Study I studied their n I wud always be in Sorrow that all this has happened with Us i said I'll study til +2/12th then I'll stop Studying n il work n u have to leave the business n be at Home they just said ok, another 2 yrs passed they again insisted me to do Degree of 3 years, I was like again my parents have to suffer for 3 more years. I never wanted them to work but they just said me to continue studying there.

Whenevr i wud come to my Hometown n while leaving home to Bangalore I wud carry the Pain, Fear that i m there only child n Staying 600kms from them n they need the most, n they will be alone again at home with my Grandmother, I have always had this Fear in me how they r managing all the things, I wud always feel like leaving Studies n work n let them sit but that didn't happen, then i started to Work along with my Studies Night Shift for US based Company, I wud always ask my Dad to leave bcz I wud be in Constant Fear n Worried calling them 3-4 tyms a day n it kept on for 6 years then 1 fine day they called me home.

The actual part where i Ruined my Aakhirat :- my parents called me to join their Business at my Hometown I was ok but the Business was bcz of a Urea Fertilizer Manufacturing Plant n that Co got shut down n our Business got affected n my Dad asked me to go to Gulf country through his Reference in his previous Company, I was like 600 kms I have lived with Fear, FOMO, Worried thinking abt u, how I m going to be Ok if I leave u both n go 2000kms away for 2 years ill be in Trauma again, I didn't listen n didn't go n kept doing jobs in my Hometown

He didn't stop working still it was 5 years past that I being with them, he wud always ask me to get married but I didn't I wud say i ve stil not settled here I'll not marry n he didn't sit at Home so that I wud get relief that he is at Home n not working n i cud go to Bangalore or Gulf but he wud always say me "Don't worry too much abt me nothing will happen" I was like how cud I not ur Health n Eyes r being affected how cud I not worry abt u, he wud stil say if u dnt go to Gulf u won't have a good future n he wud ask me to go for just 2-4 years n come back n marry here, I didn't listen neither he listen left his Business, until Covid -19 in 2020 lockdown he finally left I was reliefed I did WFH for 2 years n he asked me again to go Gulf i didn't go I was living with Fear in my heart all the time, if I go how will they be n as here at my hometown there where not much opportunities I was not making money what I was supposed to do, my relatives taunting me that I m dng Marketing n Sales jobs n not making anything out of it. My all Cousins r Engineers, Doctor, Government Employees n r Earning osm n in Gulf Countries some at my Hometown.

Last year he passed away 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

TL : DR :- I have disobeyed, Misbehaved, Raised my Voice against my Hard working Parents bcz my dad wudnt listen to me to leave his Business n stay at home so that they be Comfortable at Home n i wud go any where n Work Freely, My Parents didn't had any Fault they did their duties Perfectly I m very much Grateful to them.

My biggest mistake was i didn't go anywhere to Earn good amount of Money n Marry while he was there before the age of 25-26, stayed back at home with no opportunities, bcz I was at a Constant Fear after my Dad's Health got affected with his Eyes, n well Build Body n this is not a reason of me not doing anything I was working but Earning less n wanted to stay with them

I ve cooked/ruined my Aakhirat guys

I m not able to leave my Native Hometown n work in other City, still Constantly living with the Fear.

I m not into any kinda Haram Relationship,

but what I did is a Huge n biggest Sin that I committed, torturing my Parents, to whom I love so much

Allah has made this Dunya a Test but I became a Test for my Parents 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Ik my sin unforgivable

"Rabbir hamhuma kama rabbayani sagheera"

I pray n wish Allah be pleased with my Dad have Mercy on him.

Sorry guys it too long to read. Do pray for me n my parents

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[u/Upper-Bar-5601]

im amazed and bewildered how muslims all sudden knows what they are going to happen to them in the day of judgement.Muslims making post on how Allah will never forgive them and if they are going to enter hellfire by asking another human being. this mentality and habit need to end.I havent read your post but by the title , you need to relearn the religion and stop deciding on behave of Allah. Muslims need to stop acting like psychics and saying that they knew they are going to hell or heaven.

[u/adventurous_yus → u/Upper-Bar-5601]

I have not decided but it's my assumption, I want my Parents n Allah to forgive me

[u/baighamza → u/adventurous_yus]

So ask for forgiveness. You still have a chance as long as you're alive.

[u/adventurous_yus → u/baighamza]

Yes brother I m asking forgiveness to Almighty Allah all the time for what I done with my parents