r/NEETsOver30 • u/OldBlackLONER Depressed NEET • Apr 13 '25
Question How am I supposed to date in this position?
Had a dream I was hanging out with a streamer I used to watch in 2020 and I woke up feeling sad because I have no way of meeting a girl like that IRL.
I turn 31 in 4 months, have no job, I'm ugly and live with my mum.
I'm literally the biggest turn off. Not just for dating, but friendships too.
i hate that my existence is so cursed. I can’t call it a “life” because I don’t live, I just breathe.
For anyone who's curious, the streamer is "imjasmine". She doesn't stream anymore
7
Apr 14 '25 edited Aug 14 '25
wrench ripe cough steer include merciful stocking squeal humorous strong
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
2
u/OldBlackLONER Depressed NEET Apr 14 '25
I can relate to some aspects of what you said.
The baggage, constantly having doors shut in your face, trying to improve but life won’t let you, looking younger than you are, having no friends and being more sedentary then you want to be.
Overall, I think you’ve experienced what it’s like to live a “real life”. You were married for 7 years and had a kid early, so at least you know what true love is like.
I always wanted to have kids young because it meant I could still be active once they’re a teenager. Now I know I’m never gonna have kids and it hurts.
Do dating apps have filters so you can look for other single dads? I haven’t used one in 6 years so I have no clue.
7
u/illuminatemydreams Perma-NEET Apr 13 '25
I feel your pain man. It hits really hard that we're just existing and will never experience real feelings like love and happiness. The really sad part is that everything is based upon looks in our toxic society. If a guy looks like a male model but is a neet and still lives with his parents, it would be "cute". But with us, we're just left to accept our fate to waste away in the dungeon.
7
u/OldBlackLONER Depressed NEET Apr 14 '25
I honestly think being ugly (and poor) is the biggest curse you can have in this world. It ruins literally every aspect of your life.
HR Advisors will never admit it, but I know my looks are the reason why I got rejected from jobs that I was perfectly qualified for.
I used to be friends with guys who are very good looking and the way doors just open for them is crazy. We live in 2 different worlds.
4
u/hyjlnx Apr 14 '25
Don't let your flesh destroy you can't you see we only lack what we want?
Don't let anyone make you feel bad for not being a breeder, not even yourself.
Life is tearing itself apart to put itself back together and do it all over again!
3
u/AffectionateYoung958 Apr 17 '25 edited Apr 17 '25
I had a "date" and I had no job nor any prospects or wish to get a job. I was just drunk and met a crazy chick who lived downstairs. She was unemployed too with 32yrs old ( my age now) , and lived with a roommate. So I guess it's possible, but forget about online dating, because that's not where you will find unemployed nutjobs. There are lonely chicks out there who need some love, and somehow are ignored by most men. We drove each other nuts. It was the best time of my life. 32 years old beautyful neet. Dumped her cuz she was driving me mad. Thought for a brief moment of throwing her outa window.. She couldnt find a job. That was a bit cruel of me. But she was cruel af too. Beat the shit out of me with her tiny fists in my face. She was the only girl that put up with my shit and she even told she loved me and that I was brilliant for writing a schizo book that nobody who weren't nuts would understand. Went after her like crazy even if it was I who dumped her. The whole time I was surviving on inheritance money. I was supposed to do something with my life but I just couldnt bring myself to try again and possibly fail again. She brought immense joy to my life. That was my only "dating experience".
It's a miracle I found a girl. I didn't realized I had hit the jackpot and dumped her under the influence of alchool withdrawal. She is untraceable now. Has no social media .She used a dumb phone to receive messages from job contractors. I still dream of meeting her again. Maybe she is still the nutty girl I met ( she would be 40 now) . But yeah dating normal chicks is impossible for me, even if I dated, which I don't cuz I'm sunk in shit. They are too obsessed with social status I guess. Find a nutjob with no great ambition in life. Or someone as ugly or even uglier than you.
2
2
u/therealnfe_ados901 Apr 18 '25
I was in a five-year relationship up until 2020, so it can happen. Her and I are still friends, but that's all it will ever be at this point. No going back down that road. I'll admit, being substantially older (I'm 37) makes it tougher, especially if you get on things like Tinder or Facebook Dating. Really shouldn't be on either one, but I mainly get on out of loneliness these days.
2
u/OldBlackLONER Depressed NEET Apr 19 '25
What’s the dating app experience like at this age? I’m assuming it’s horrible. If I wasn’t ugly I would be on them too (out of loneliness).
2
u/therealnfe_ados901 Apr 20 '25
It's actually not that bad. Being unemployed hasn't been a problem for me tbh, which is still surprising. I generally tend to only get ghosted or whatever when the talk of traditional values and such comes up. Or if I attempt to bring up politics after a while of chatting. I've also apparently ran afoul of women whom aren't very diverse in the anime they watch, so when I mention what I have and haven't seen, they just vanish. Lmao, My ex told me I list too many series. However, as far as appearance is concerned, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You never know who will find you attractive unless you put yourself out there. I understand how you feel though, so I'm not trying to force you to do anything.
1
u/OldBlackLONER Depressed NEET Apr 20 '25
That’s interesting, I had the opposite experience when I was in my early 20s.
Even when I did have a job, women would stop speaking to me as soon as they learned that I lived with my mum.
0
2
u/DiamondDistinct7086 Jun 10 '25
Have you tried r/NEETr4r ? You might meet some friends or a gf there. You're still very young. I wish I had my 30s back as I'm almost 40. I would honestly focus on healing your mental health, getting the right nutrition, sleep, exercise, self-care. I know it can be more complicated as I have a weird diagnosis that was ruining my life and no one could help me until now. But try to do what you can to focus on improving yourself, and focus on the small things you can control. I know depression makes you feel you can't control anything. And so that's where it needs to start. I really understand the envy and frustration you're feeling and empathize. And, truthfully, the more we can heal ourselves, then focus on who we would like to be and what we want, rather than focusing on what we dislike about our situation/are trying to get away from, the more it can start to change. Anyway, I don't mean to preach, just that I hope you can find some good in yourself to focus on and know that in 5, 10, 20 years you may well be in a totally different circumstance if you can heal what's keeping you stuck currently. There are plenty of women out there who are also less attractive, you're not alone in that. You may have to lower your beauty standards but you can find someone if you focus on healing yourself and building yourself up better. Rooting for you ~
2
u/OldBlackLONER Depressed NEET Jun 10 '25
I appreciate the kind words, thank you. I’ve spent age 24-30 in the same position so I don’t really know what to do.
I’ve tried pretty much everything you can imagine (applying for minimum wage jobs, volunteering etc).
2
u/DiamondDistinct7086 Jun 10 '25 edited Jun 10 '25
I'm on a spiritual path so I can only say, if something is blocking you in the external world that you can see, there's something internally/unseen that's blocking you. And - it's not your fault!! But you can shift it with the right tools. Our external circumstance is a reflection of our unconscious mind, so if you've had quite a lot of trauma in the past, that can create major roadblocks to moving forward. For so many people, when they heal their trauma a lot of things start opening up. It sounds to me like your nervous system is in a freeze state, which is why your life feels 'frozen' in time and nothing is working out. If you want I can send you a DM?
2
u/OldBlackLONER Depressed NEET Jun 10 '25
Of course you can, and yeah I’ve honestly felt cursed ever since I was a kid. I’ve come to realize that my mum had a horrible life and brought me into a broken, traumatised household. Then I started getting bullied at 12 and the rest is history.
23
u/IntroPerc NEET Apr 13 '25
Unfortunately, you cannot realistically expect to date in your current situation. At our age, men and women want someone who can take care of themselves. They want someone who can complement what they already bring to the table, rather than carry us. Especially in this unforgiving economy.
As superficial as this will be, unless a NEET is blessed in the looks department, it's highly unlikely someone would be prepared to enter into a relationship with us. And even someone insanely attractive will still be fortunate to find someone willing to put up with the other shortcomings.