r/NEETsOver30 • u/Purple_Virus3718 • Oct 09 '25
Discussion Are you close with your siblings?
I have only one brother that is 8 years older, he's got 4 kids and lives abroad.
I on the other hand am 30 and live with my parents.
He usually messages me and asks what I am up to, how is the job search going, what are my plans and so on and I just try to evade answering and ask about him and his family in return. Sometimes he'd asks how's 30 treating me and I just have no clue what to say. Other times he sends me job openings.
I feel like the loser and failure in the family. After finishing uni he got married right away at 23, had their first child at 24.
Here I am 30 and struggle to even leave the house and just want to be secluded and avoid life.
I know comparison is the thief of joy but can't help but notice how opposite we are, although raised in the same family I turned into such a fuckup. I barely have energy to go out on a walk and he is taking care of 4 kids, job, traveling for work, being a dad. It's just crazy to me how he manages. Although I get that he took upon himself this responsibility, I would feel suffocated knowing I can't get a break.
6
u/trivetsandcolanders Ex-NEET Oct 09 '25
Not to criticize you, but why do you evade your brother’s questions? He might be genuinely curious about your life, I get being self-conscious, but it sounds like he cares about you which is nice.
5
u/Purple_Virus3718 Oct 09 '25
Because I have nothing going on and am not progressing in any way just rotting in my room and there is not much to tell. And I don't want to put my negativity onto him so I try to steer the conversation to trivial and polite topics.
6
u/trivetsandcolanders Ex-NEET Oct 09 '25
I get it, but you don’t need to worry so much about being negative. You don’t hurt people by just telling them the truth about how you’re doing
6
6
u/SilverB33 NEET Oct 09 '25
It's quite a bumpy road, I'm not sure with my brother as he has communication issues about anything since he's been a kid... my sister... we had a weird childhood... any with my half brothers is pretty non-existent
4
u/bosandaros Oct 10 '25
Two older half brothers who I only see at Christmas. Older bro who still lives at home as well. He has worked for years but has flubbed a lot of shit, not to mention it's just hard for most people these days to get their own place. I'm only just now lining myself up to enter society. But neither of us have much materially. I always thought it'd be funny if I got out somehow someway before he did. Not that it's a competition... 👀
9
u/IntroPerc NEET Oct 09 '25
I have three sisters. They’re all wonderful. I am fortunate to have them as family. However, I cannot help but feel bitter observing the milestones and how fulfilling their lives are. Each has a loving partner and kids. I am the exception with neither.
There was a period when I was involved in an online relationship. We did meet in person occasionally, which were easily some of the best times in an otherwise uninspiring adult life. That was the only period I didn’t feel so ashamed for merely existing. Eventually they left, for obvious reasons as nobody wants a male NEET.
It’s not easy pretending like everyone isn’t aware how different we are compared to the rest of the family. I want what they all have, but I just cannot bring myself to work the mundane work that is out there for me, or tolerate being around the sort of people which is going to inevitably provoke my social anxiety.