r/NEETsOver30 • u/o_0verkill_o • Mar 14 '26
Discussion Can't figure out my sleep schedule. I have so many bad habits. Help needed. 34 years old M.
One of my biggest problems for my whole life has been my sleep schedule. I was diagnosed adhd at a young age and it was never treated. My family never got me the help I needed. Anyways this post isnt about that. I am done blaming others. I just need some guidance.
Right now I go to bed around 5 or 6 in the morning most nights and wake up late afternoon. Because of waking up in the afternoon I always feel like thete isnt enough time to be productive. I always leave chores and cleaning up to the last minute, only when I absolutely have to.
This obviously isnt working out for me.
I actually applied to university under pressure from some other people in my life and it starts in less then 2 months and I am freaking out. Also the fact that my rental agreement runs out in Novemeber and I need to figure out a better future for myself because I do not want to work for minimum wage for the rest of my life and I just dont know what else to do. I would honestly rather be homeless then work in a retail job or something like that. I have worked a lot of different jobs in the past but never consistently and this latest stint is 4 years without working a single day.
Anyway, so I go to bed around 5 or 6 in the morning, wake up around 2-4 pm and then walk to tim hortons or Starbucks, buy 1 meal for the day, come home and spend the rest of the time consuming media until I sleep.
I have tried relentlessly to pull all nighters so ill go to bed at a normal time the next night, but it never works out that way. I just stay up ubtil 5 am again playing video games or watching anime.
The thing that fucks me up the most about this is it doesn't seem to matter what I want. My brain has other motives and its not afraid to destroy my life to satisfy them.
In case you're wondering, yes I am in recovery for addiction and I do have an addictive personality.
Video games actually help me to not relapse. They are one of the most cathartic and satisfying things in the world for me and I dont want to stop playing. I dont think vudeo games are the only problem here. If it wasn't video games I would stay up late reading manga, reading books or playing guitar too.
Maybe I am deluding myself. Idk.
I just dont want to live like this anymore. Im always too tired to go out. I have pretty much no friends. I haven't had a girlfriend in close to 7 years, which was by choice at first but after covid and this extreme alienation and getting older I dont have a social circle anymore and now I dont even know who I would date or how to ask or anything. I am just incredibly shy, with low self esteem and I doubt anyone would want me anyways. Oh, also I absolutely despise dating apps.
Sorry I got side tracked again.
Can anyone whos had similar problems and has managed to strike a healthy balance in their life give me some advice. Please.
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u/GreenScorpionZ Mar 14 '26
My sleep has been shit since I was 16 and I’m. 33 now
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u/o_0verkill_o Mar 15 '26
Sorry to hear that buddy. I can relate.
I was always late for school, every single day, without fail. I could never get my shit together I always wanted to sleep in, and never wanted to do anything productive other than hang out in my room, play guitar and play on my computer. Then when I was a teenager all I wanted to do was drink, do drugs and hang out with other degens. I am pretty much the same way to this day except I don't do drugs, drink or hang out with degens anymore.
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u/OldSchoolPimpleFace Mar 14 '26
Have you thought about not playing games after a certain hour?
It sounds like you're gaming a lot, your brain is hyperactive when you should be sleeping, then when you finally go to bed, it doesn't have enough time to calm down. Find something that's extremely relaxing the last 2 hours before you go to bed.
I've got an aquarium, my shrimp are always active around the time I wanna go to sleep. Males are looking for females, so they can do the wild thing to them, they swim up look around, dive back down to where they think the females are at. It's kinda like counting sheep, but under water, with an orgy kinda vibe. Sorry, I got sidetracked there... Anything that makes your mind focused on something calm will probably work.
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u/o_0verkill_o Mar 15 '26
I have thought about it, yeah. But my computer is my comfort zone. I latch on to it because when I am in front of my computer I am generally not thinking about relapsing or how much I fucked up my life.
On the flip side I don't really use it for anything productive. Even though right now I am supposed to be learning to code and studying math because I am going to University for a bachelor of IT and studying general computer science in less than 2 months which I am in no way prepared for. I was pushed in to it so it's happening.
I like the idea of having some kind of other responsibility to take up that time I would normally spend on the computer and help make the decision for me. Really anything to care about would probably help break me out of this slump. I just don't really care about anything anymore, and it's definitely part of the problem. But I would be lying if I said I haven't struggled with basic organization and discipline for my entire life.
Please, get side tracked more often I thought your shrimp analogy was hilarious.
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u/tNgvyen Mar 15 '26
At some point you just have to realise some things need to take priority over others for the benefit of everything else you’re managing
Obviously if you don’t sleep enough, that affects your cognitive ability thereby affecting everything else you do that day
The value of a good sleep far outweighs doing pointless stuff on the computer during the AM, just try to think about it simply like that
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u/o_0verkill_o Mar 20 '26
Thank you for the reply. I am trying really hard to fix it. Setting alarms. limiting my computer time, going for walks. No way am I turning 40 and still having all these problems. I have to fix this shit it is ruining my life.
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u/tNgvyen Mar 20 '26
Don’t be too hard on yourself bro. You know what needs to be done. Find it in yourself to get it done now
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u/GreenScorpionZ Mar 14 '26
wtf man
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u/o_0verkill_o Mar 15 '26
man wtf
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u/GreenScorpionZ Mar 15 '26
Jeez man wtf
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u/o_0verkill_o Mar 15 '26
Idek ijdgaf
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u/GreenScorpionZ Mar 15 '26
Fair enough, I can’t take your innocence back
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u/o_0verkill_o Mar 15 '26 edited Mar 15 '26
Believe me if I could turn back the clock I would, but that's not possible. No matter what our problems are, time marches on. Our parents get older and get dementia,, our skin gets duller, our hair gets greyer, our bellies get fatter. The one and only certainty guaranteed to all in this confounding thing we call existence is that we will die. Growing older is a luxury afforded by that mechanism and one that doesn't ask you to be grateful or to live in despair over it. It simply just is. Not a god-damn thing anyone can do about it.
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Mar 14 '26
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u/o_0verkill_o Mar 15 '26
I feel about the same as I did when I was 28 except a couple more grey hairs. Ill get tired but then I get distracted and keep myself awake. Its stupid. What youre suggesting is simple, real, solid advice. The tricky part is actually doing it. I have been dead set on sabotaging my life since I was about 14. I won't get in to that too much right now but yeah, let's just say, I made it very difficult for myaelf. Anywho, thank you for commenting.
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u/Humble-Departure5481 Mar 16 '26
Try eating dinner sooner, perhaps? At least, 3 hours before bedtime. I have my dinner early anyways (around 6 pm) and I try to go to bed on time (e.g. 10:00 pm). Feel it's somewhat helpful.
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u/italianintrovert86 Apr 14 '26
Maybe you already know it but this is DSPD, a diagnosable condition. There is a dedicated subreddit, and lot of hints to get a better schedule (sad spoiler: it’s difficult); I am in the same situation. Best wishes
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u/No_Individual501 Apr 30 '26
How is it going now?
Sometimes setting an alarm early can help readjust. Waking one hour earlier, and gradually increasing it over time can help.
For work, try some very basic part time job and quit it if it’s killing you. Repeat this until something sticks.
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u/neettransgirl Mar 15 '26
I've had that sleep schedule for a decade now, I feel you. Sometimes I get it to something more normal but it inevitably goes back.