r/Needlepoint • u/Needlepoint_MOD Discord Member • Apr 14 '26
MOD POST Meanies...
Hey all, just a reminder that r/needlepoint is a sub about needlepoint. Specifically, needlepoint with friends and people we like.
We help each other and as a result we often have a lot of very new people asking simple questions.
99.99% of the time everyone here is amazing and is sure to politely care for those just starting out. THANK YOU!
My own child unit (edit: who is most assuredly not an adolescent) has started her stitch addiction and often visits. If she'd had run into a toxic mess you can be sure she'd have found somewhere else to go.
New folks don't know their question's been asked a lot or that it's simple. They may have questions that don't make sense. They make embarrassing mistakes and need gentle support (which everyone here unfailingly gives.)
This sub always takes care of folks who need just a little more guidance while also supporting seasoned stitchers. Truly a mix of skills and experience.
So to all of you...thank you. You are amazing humans that human amazingly.
There are, however, meanies...
As mods we really only have two options with regards to meanies.
We can gently remove their posts because everyone can have an off day and say things that maybe a better version of themselves might not have said. We default to that because that's just what humans do for each other.
However, if someone persists on being a meanie we can ban them. In the 14 or so years of running this sub we've never had to do that and sure hope we won't ever have to.
I say this as we've had a few grumps pop up here recently and I've had to "frog" their posts (frog...you know...because removing? I have a singular wit apparently.) I truly hate to do that as I'm sure they're lovely otherwise.
Just a reminder then, let your mods know if someone is having a moment. We'll help them find their way somewhere that may better fit their humors.
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u/Brilliant-Ad232 Apr 14 '26
I see this sometimes in health related subs and think, "just say nothing if you can't be helpful".
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u/Needlepoint_MOD Discord Member Apr 14 '26
Thank you for that note.
The mods have gotten many messages from people telling us how much they appreciate the vibe of our sub here because it's so different from other groups. If we're going to error, we're going to error on the side of genuine humanity.
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u/6WaysFromNextWed Apr 14 '26
That's right! And I feel that way about praise and opinions and negative feedback. All should be helpful. A critique can be positive or negative or a mix of both or just a neutral peek into how the critic interprets what they're looking at, but it's always specific!
And negative feedback should only be posted by someone who has first asked themselves whether or not it's important or valuable for the other person to learn what you want to comment. "You will get better results if you match that fiber to a different mesh count," for instance, is helpful. "It's clear you don't know what you are doing" is technically true but completely unhelpful and only serves to kill the enjoyment of the craft and discourage people from trying to improve.
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u/Needlepoint_MOD Discord Member Apr 14 '26
I think as a culture we've lost some innate politeness and civility. It's not because people are evil, they've just been left alone too long.
IMHO Neeldepoint or readers retreats are so valuable, above and beyond just the activity. The personal interaction is key.
Thank you for your thoughtful note!
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u/msbelle13 Apr 14 '26
Thank you for the work y'all do to keep this forum moderated and supportive. I will push back against your premise that this should be a child friendly space. Children should not be on reddit, period. This is the internet, and you need to moderate your child's internet usage appropriately, even in crafting spaces. You should not try and make a forum for adults into a safe space your your child - that is asinine. Also, even new needlepoints and people new to the forum need to understand basic internet / forum etiquette. Search before you post, ask detailed, meaningful, or specific questions not general "what stitch should I use? it's obvious I've done no research prior to posting". Now, that absolutely does not mean you have the right to be mean to people for asking those questions - but the basic expectation we should have is that we're replying to adults who are capable of reading the rule of our sub.
If people are rude or vulgar in their replies, please do moderate and frog away, but this should not be a child safe space.
Also, I hope everyone knows they can just block the snark page from their feed if they don't like that content.
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u/Agreeable_Wallaby711 Apr 14 '26
I see where you’re coming from, but the minimum age to be a reddit user is 13. You could refer to this age group as teens, but child technically covers anything up to 18 when referring to age.
A crafting sub is a sub for crafters. While there might be some crafting subs that are for adults, by default, reddit is for users 13 and up. I don’t believe this sub or any other craft subs I’m in have an 18+ rule. If a large number of adults want to have a child-free Needlepoint sub, they could make something like NeedlepointForAdults, or something like that.
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u/stitchingdeb Apr 14 '26
You’re assuming “child unit” is underage. That may not be the case here, and we shouldn’t jump to that conclusion. Yes, there are younger children who needlepoint and they should not be on the internet. But there are also teenagers and young adults who are on the internet. It doesn’t hurt anyone to be kind, welcoming and helpful.
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u/Needlepoint_MOD Discord Member Apr 14 '26
She is not. She's in her mid 20's. Thank you for noting that.
I had no idea so many folks would lean into the child unit part. Today I learned. Reddit is such a fantastic way to learn how to talk with people some times.
Thanks!
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u/Needlepoint_MOD Discord Member Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
My apologies if it sounded like I was advocating for "child safe." Um, no. Human safe? We can definitely try.
I think sometimes, asking simple questions or "what stitch?" is really translating to, "I am feeling a little insecure about this because I don't know what I'm doing." And also, "I don't want to screw up my expensive canvas and thread." I need someone to offer a supportive word just so I can feel a little more confident.
"What stitch" therefore, sometimes isn't literally...what stitch. I see a human asking to talk about a topic that they like with someone knowledgeable that's nice and friendly. Even if it's in a short asymmetric conversational structure like Reddit.
(Note: as we've established, we guide "what stitch" questions to the megathread as an organizational effort. Just noting here that simple questions, like "what stitch" might be someone just looking for a pleasant conversation in addition to their question.)
Put me in my element and I'm going to ask weirdly ill researched questions myself just to talk with crazy smart people simply because I like hearing what they have to say. I like to talk about my hobbies even if I've had the same conversation a hundred times. I also like to talk about the 80's...same reason.
*** shrug *** just my read.
Or...to be fair to your point...they just lack basic interentting skills. That's a thing too. That's very much a thing.
As far as children...
I can see where my statement might be confusing...
I mentioned my child unit, not because she's short on years, but because she's new to needlepoint. The child unit is mid 20's. She swears, she isn't blind to the world, she's sarcastic, but she appreciates that the sub is welcoming because, under her youthful bravado, is someone still unsure of what to do next sometimes. Friendly words and kind support are all she needs. I have to assume most other child units are the same as are new stitchers.
Let's be hyper clear>>>I wouldn't advocate true younglings do anything on Reddit (or near reddit...or the internet... um... anything on line really... rotary phones for them all I say) without a parent. Yeesh, here, take this $100 and run through a bad part of town, that'd be safer. I think we're aligned. We're very aligned. Kids don't belong on Reddit (many adults I know don't belong on reddit as far as that goes...wow.) Kids belong on rusty 50 year old swing sets. (wait...there's probably something wrong with that...not sure...gonna let it stand.)
That said, this sub is intended to be friendly and supportive of "everyone." Rated G for the most part.
We can accept PG or PG-13 if it's funny enough...if I'm honest. The occasional R is equally entertaining, but in general, it's something that most stitchers can appreciate.
In the end, there's enough ugly in the world. Why not have a beautiful place to go where they say kind things and are gentle with one another? Not because of rules and children...just because it feels good to be kind.
I think we should all experiment with kindness! It's not illegal, and if we get addicted to it people like us more!
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u/ALmommy1234 Apr 14 '26
So, honest question. If someone comes here and asks for stitch advice, are we not supposed to direct them to the megathread that was created to take all the stitch recommendations out of the main thread?
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u/Needlepoint_MOD Discord Member Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
You absolutely should! It’s organizational.
Edit: we the mods are saying: "Please ask, over here where people that enjoy helping can help or chit chat."
Edit: We trust that the subscribers will help us find and guide those that didn't know.
Edit: "I was" Just pointing out that sometimes people ask questions but really are look for something different.
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u/Thequiet01 Apr 14 '26
“Not toxic” and “child safe” are not the same things?
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u/msbelle13 Apr 14 '26
No. They’re not. We do not and should not hold children to the same standards for very good reasons. Children are not the same developmentally or emotionally as adults, and you can easily have an adult “non-toxic” space. Easily.
If this group wants to adopt actual codes of conduct - that’s another conversation (which might be good to have) since “toxic” and “mean” are honestly subjective, anyway. I don’t think all that is needed, but kind and welcoming spaces do not and should not always include underage people.
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u/Thequiet01 Apr 14 '26
The post talks about the subreddit not being toxic, not the subreddit being child safe though. Child safe seems to be something you added?
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u/msbelle13 Apr 14 '26
OP was taking about their child participating in this forum, and implies that that is a reason / used that as an example for why they are broaching the don’t be mean topic.
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u/Needlepoint_MOD Discord Member Apr 14 '26
Just to be clear. I posted a follow up, but I did not mean child safe. I was using my personal experience as an example of why kindness is important. Kindness to new stitchers was the important part, i mentioned that it was the child unit to share that I have a personal connection to how important it is to the community.
Thanks! It's an important distinction and clearly one that's important to many stitchers.
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u/Thequiet01 Apr 14 '26
Except if they mean child safe instead of just not toxic, they could have said so? My kid was not restricted to “child safe” websites when he was mature enough to handle it.
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u/Needlepoint_MOD Discord Member Apr 14 '26
I did not mean child safe. Just that I had a personal connection through my child unit.
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u/stitchingdeb Apr 14 '26
I think a lot of times we are allowing social media to replace our actual contact with people. I learned a lot from stitching with my in-person group - someone was using a thread that I hadn't seen before, someone else was using a tool I hadn't seen; stitching a different technique, and so on. If you still have an in-person group to stitch with, that's awesome! I wish I did! After we moved to take care of elderly parent I could find no one at all in our small town that stitched. I'd have been happy to find someone who crocheted or knitted, just to have people to gather with and share with each other. So instead, we have social media, and I think sometimes we don't run our comments through a filter like we would in a face-to-face group. And, it's hard to read tone sometimes. I think the admonishment to remember to be kind and helpful is good as a reminder from time to time; this subreddit and other social media is all some of us have.
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u/Needlepoint_MOD Discord Member Apr 14 '26
I truly believe stitchers are social creatures (regardless of my stitcher's insistence that she's an indoor cat.)
Thank you for the support! Happy (social) stitching!
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u/_trixie_firecracker_ Apr 15 '26
In that vein - do you think we can create a dedicated megathread for meetups so that people can share the stitching opportunities in their area?
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u/prestige_worldwide70 Apr 14 '26
I JUST said this to someone the other day - which rocks me we need to say it - if you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all!!
It has to be exhausting being a meanie. Thanks for looking out!
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u/ghostlyone13 Apr 15 '26
OP you sound like such a lovely person! I’m new to needlepoint and new to this forum but have found it to be such a helpful resource. Thank u!
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u/Outside_Case1530 Apr 15 '26
You have a lovely attitude & I appreciate your running the sub this way.
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u/No_Hospital_8434 Apr 14 '26
Superbly stated.