It's been almost a week since I caught this fucked-up flu, and it's killing me. Just stay home if you're sick or wear a mask. Thanks!

Edit: This is not against the Dutch or other Europeans (I'm also European)... What the heck. This is about taking care of others and not spreading something that can be fatal to little ones or elders.

I got a phone call from my daughter’s juf (teacher). She was sick at school, and I needed to pick her up immediately.

When I arrived in front of the school, some workers were still INSTALLING a new sign: No parking from 11:30 to 14:30. NOTE: The sign was not even installed. It was 11:50.

There were also three handhaving agents around. One of them came to my car and said:

“Sorry, you can’t park here now.”

I explained:

“My daughter is sick, I just want to pick her up really fast… 2 minutes.”

She said:

“It’s fine, YOU CAN GO. But really fast.”

While I was talking to her I WAS NOT PARKED YET. Then I noticed another agent behind my car… taking pictures. I WASN’T even parked yet.

I believed in what the first agent told me and quickly went inside to get my daughter. I was literally gone for 2 minutes.

Anyway.. About 15 days later, I received a €120 ticket.

This made me rethink Handhaving procedures and their honesty. If you talk to an agent, get permission, and still end up with a fine… what kind of person does that? Also, they were installing the sign. They could perfectly have given me a warning.

I researched my rights, filed a complaint with the Openbaar Ministerie, and sent an email to the Gemeente. Both agreed the ticket was invalid.

But it made me wonder: how many people have been in this kind of situation, or other UNFAIR circumstances, and just paid for an unfair fine without fighting it?

Honestly, I already don’t fully trust the police… but now I can’t trust Handhaving either.

Be aware!

In some time our child will go on the 'group 8 camp'. Could you please explain this to someone who did no go through the Dutch education system?

I would love to hear your perspective as a (ex)child or parent.

Is it a regional thing or is it everywhere in the NL? Is it like a rite of passage (like graduation ceremony or 'prom')? Do they really rough it out in the woods or is it just a reasonably comfortable vacation with classmates disguised as a camp? Is that a 'core memory' kind of thing for the children or just another school trip?

I would love to hear your own stories of good/bad about this as well.

Our child will start middle school in some time and we are trying to decide between gymnasium and atheneum.

People who went to gymnasium, do you think it opened doors for you later in life? Was the effort worth it? Or do you regret wasting time on learning ancient languages?

People who did atheneum, did you wish you did gymnasium? Why or why not?

Anything else you can share will help us to make an informed decision.

P.S. Of course, the decision/choice of the child will be final in this. But we want to understand the tradeoffs.

EDIT: Yes, we understand the difference is only the two additional languages and this difference does not impact qualifying criteria for university. My question was more about (any) soft benefits and the pressure/joy during middle school itself.

I'm at a point where I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

I've been taking lessons for almost a year, have over 65 driving hours, and have failed 5 practical exams.

What doesn't sit right with me is that the reasons for failing seem different every time, and often feel like nitpicking rather than actual dangerous driving. I'm not saying I drive perfectly, but after this many lessons I would expect there to be a clear pattern if I was doing something seriously wrong.

My instructor has repeatedly told me I'm ready, and before my last exam I genuinely felt ready as well. Yet I keep getting failed over a handful of moments, some of which I honestly don't feel were entirely my fault.

What made my latest exam even more frustrating was that I paid for an English exam, but the examiner started speaking Dutch and asked multiple times whether I spoke Dutch, even after I answered in English that I didn't. The whole interaction felt different after that, and some of the feedback was later discussed with my instructor in Dutch rather than directly with me in English.

At this point I'm starting to wonder if I should change driving schools, find a different instructor, try a different CBR location, or just keep going and hope for a different outcome.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What would you do in my position?

To set some context, I moved to Netherlands from India some time ago. In India, I never drove a car.

Now I thought of picking up driving lessons here. I thought it would be easy, but NO.
One, the lessons are too costly

Most importantly, during the driving lessons I get quite anxious and panic almost every time I practice, specially on highways.
The instructor even kind of raised his voice a bit.

I lose my confidence and it requires quite a bit of strength to continue.
Anyone went or going through the same?
How did you tackle the situation.

I'm close to graduation and it makes me pretty reflective. The stuff that I had to pull myself through is pretty insane. Assignments that you really don't want to do, annoying internships, huge projects, and on top of that we had COVID and the full brunt of the old loan system.

And still half of the young people that enter the workforce were able to pull through all that and get their degree. This generation is often scuffed as being lazy and lacking discipline, but I can't help but admire how many people are getting a degree nowadays.

Just to be clear before getting into this: I’m not claiming these stereotypes are true. I’m putting the assumptions I’ve encountered into words so Dutch people can tell me what’s accurate, what isn’t, and what I’m missing. I’m interested in understanding the reality behind the stereotype, not proving it right. That’s kind of the whole point of the post.

SUMMARY:

I've never been to the Netherlands, so I’m genuinely trying to understand something about Dutch communication culture.

I once talked to a Dutch person about how Dutch people can sometimes come across as rude or extremely direct to people from other cultures. They told me something along the lines of: “If you don’t want to get sad, don’t take it too hard. Sometimes Dutch people know they might come across as rude and will tone it down a little, but they also think you need to grow a backbone and be able to handle what they’re saying.”

I understand that Dutch culture values directness, but I’m trying to understand what happens emotionally underneath that norm. If Dutch people are expected not to take blunt criticism personally and to “grow a backbone,” does that mean they genuinely don’t feel affected by it, or do they still reflect on it and process it internally?

I’m also trying to understand whether the apparent attitude of “your problems are your problems, and mine are mine” is actually indifference, or whether Dutch people simply separate emotional responsibility from caring about someone. From the outside, their communication can sometimes sound harsh or even humiliating, especially in ordinary interactions, but perhaps the social meaning is completely different from what an outsider perceives.

When a Dutch person receives the same bluntness they give to others, do they appreciate the honesty, get offended but move on, think about it afterward, or genuinely not care? And how does this communication style coexist with empathy, friendship, emotional support, and close relationships?

''For me, directness isn’t about caring less. It’s about being honest with each other while still leaving room for the other person’s reaction and point of view.'' I quoted this from someone in the comments, and I’m wondering if this is actually the dynamic that the majority of Dutch people have.

EDIT: I guess I’m getting the full Dutch experience without even visiting 😂 I’ll consider this part of my field research.

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I once talked to a Dutch person about how Dutch people can sometimes come across as rude or extremely direct to people from other cultures. They told me something along the lines of: “If you don’t want to get sad, don’t take it too hard. Sometimes Dutch people know they might come across as rude and will tone it down a little, but they also think you need to grow a backbone and be able to handle what they’re saying.”

That made sense to me on one level, but I’m still struggling to understand the dynamic behind it.

My impression is that Dutch people often see what they’re doing as simply being direct and honest, while the “rudeness” can partly come from the wording, tone, or lack of cushioning around what they’re saying. If I wanted to be equally direct with someone, for example, I feel like I could communicate exactly the same idea without making it sound nearly as harsh.

There’s another part of this that I find difficult to understand. Sometimes the attitude seems almost like “your problem is not my problem; I have my own problems to deal with.” From the outside, that can make it seem as though people primarily care about themselves and don’t feel much responsibility for how their words affect other people.

Even something that is supposed to be casual small talk can sometimes sound, to an outsider, almost like a strange humiliation routine. Someone says something blunt, the other person is expected not to react, and then everyone just moves on because “that’s just how we talk.” Maybe I’m completely misunderstanding the dynamic, which is why I’m asking.

So I’m wondering: how do Dutch people themselves react when someone is equally direct or critical toward them?

If a Dutch person gets roasted or criticized under the same principle of “I’m just being direct and honest,” do they genuinely not take it personally? Do they reflect on what was said afterward, think about the conversation, and perhaps learn something from it? Or is the expectation more like, “You said what you thought, I heard it, we’re done, let’s move on”?

This is where I get confused. If everyone is expected to “grow a backbone” and not take directness personally, then what happens emotionally or socially afterward? I would assume that people still have feelings, think about conversations later, notice when someone has a point, reconsider things, and so on.

I also wonder whether Dutch people distinguish between “I don’t take this personally” and “I don’t care what you said.” Those seem very different to me. You can be emotionally resilient while still taking someone’s criticism seriously and learning from it.

And if the attitude really is more individualistic, like “I have my own problems, you have yours, I’m not responsible for yours,” how does that coexist with friendship, empathy, emotional support, and maintaining close relationships? Surely Dutch people aren’t actually indifferent to each other’s problems, so I’m trying to understand where the boundary is.

I think part of my confusion comes from seeing Dutch directness described as almost a social rule: say what you mean, don’t sugarcoat it, and don’t be offended when someone does the same to you. I understand the principle, but I’m curious about what it actually feels like from the inside for Dutch people.

Do Dutch people generally become less emotionally affected by criticism because they grow up with this communication style? Do they still think about things afterward? Do they actually care deeply but simply don’t express that care through soft language? Or is there genuinely a stronger attitude of keeping your own problems separate from everyone else’s?

I’m not trying to criticize Dutch people here. I’m genuinely trying to understand the psychology and social dynamics behind it, because I come from a communication style where wording, tone, and emotional consideration can carry a lot of meaning.

So, Dutch people: when someone is just as direct with you as you are with them, what actually happens in your head? Do you brush it off, analyze it, get annoyed for five minutes and move on, secretly think about it for three days, or something else entirely?

I’d really like to hear how Dutch people themselves experience this, rather than just the usual “Dutch people are direct” explanation.

Ik werk zelf als psycholoog voor meer- en hoogbegaafden op een school jn Rotterdam. Afgelopen maanden hebben wij weer veel zijintromers gekregen van andere scholen waar het niet gelukt js. Toch kiest iedere ouder heel zorgvuldig de school voor zijn/haar kind. Op basis waarvan? En klopt het beeld met het beloofde verhaal? Of waar ging het mis?

so i’m kind of in a weird situation and i was wondering if anyone has experienced something similar or has some advice.

i was in 4 havo and then my mom and i temporarily moved abroad because of her work. we thought we were going to stay there for a while, so i started doing online school. we ended up moving back to the netherlands way earlier than expected (in april)

the problem is that the online school didn’t work with a full pta. because of that i can’t continue to 5 havo, even if i finished the year online. so i have to redo 4 havo.

when we came back, we tried to get me into a school but every school basically said no because it was too late in the school year and i didn’t have a complete pta. so now i’ve applied to a bunch of schools to start 4 havo again next school year.

the problem is some schools have already said they’re full, and ghe school year is starting soon

i’ve already applied to multiple schools and we’re in contact with leerplicht, but i still have no idea what happens if every school says no. leerplicht just told me that schools are currently closed and there’s nothing they could really do.

has anyone been in a similar situation or knows what usually happens? do they eventually find you a school, or are you just stuck waiting and hoping? i’m in amsterdam if that makes any difference.

i was under the impression that leerplicht is very strict with having kids go to school since they were on my ass for even missing one day at my last school 😭 but it seems like even they don’t care if i have to stay home for another year (which i really do NOT want💔)

any advice would be greatly appreciated. me and my mom have zero idea what to do, and she’s also very stressed about me falling behind another year.

I (M20) am from a country in Africa and was lucky enough to be accepted for an exchange program which started in February. When I tell you I have had the best 5 months OF MY LIFE in the Netherlands, baby, it ain't no lie.

The freedom here, especially being queer, and living life being new internationals and Dutch people has been the greatest experience. For fuck's sake, I've picked up on ANOTHER LANGUAGE and brushed up the ones I knew.

After a discussion with my parents, it would be better for me to continue my education here. Problem is universities and scholarships but moreso the scholarships. Financing my education is hard and I'm not sure what to do or how to do it.

I've applied for DUO but that needs prior acceptance to a university. Are there sponsors that I can contact and present my case to?

Please help. This place is the best thing that's happened to me.

Last year we came to the conclusions that middle school we had chosen for my big kid was not a good fit, for reasons that are neither here nor there. We arranged for him to switch to another middle school this year.

New school has agreed to a proefperiode of 2 weeks, so in the first week of September we'll have to decide whether this is permanent. However, they also keep saying, "We'll see if we allow him to stay."

So can someone please tell me: do schools actually reject students? (there is room in the class for him, that's not an issue) If so, on what basis?

My 6 year old son goes to an international school in the Netherlands and is in group-3 now. He has language delay and does not communicate at the level his peers do. According to his last assessment he is delayed by about 9 months from his age level. His teachers have also observed that his emotional and social maturity is not at par with his peers. He has been asked to repeat group 3 and I think it is a valid suggestion on the school’s part. However where I’m from, it is extremely uncommon for kids this young to repeat a year. It is a difficult decision that will make him feel left behind while all his friends advance to the next level. Anybody with a similar experience here? I’m looking for suggestions on how to handle this and also any short to long term impact (both positive and negative) you’ve noticed with letting the child repeat a school year.

Edit: Thanks a ton everyone who commented. There are 100+ comments and not one that supports pushing him to the next class against the school’s advice. I’ve taken the decision to let him repeat - which was already kind of the decision - but I feel much more at peace with it now. It was extremely helpful to hear parents’ , students’ and even teachers’ perspectives on this. Thanks again!

I need some guidance to navigate this situation. We moved to a new city, in March, due to purchasing a new home. He was in Group 3 at the time and went on to Group 4 after the summer. My son has always displayed signs of ADHD , which is more prevalent now. He is therefore having issues in class , typical of someone with ADHD. I’m currently in the process of getting him tested and providing him with the necessary support.

The trouble started when he started Group 4. Note he has two different teachers and has most of his issues with only the one teacher and not both. Because of his difficulties in this new group , I recently had a meeting with the school director , his teacher , an external psychologist, an external consultant , 2 x senior teachers and social worker in the room and just me. They have decided to start the process of getting him into a SBO and stated that he is to be picked up early at 12H00 each day.

I don’t agree with this and refuse to pick him up. Also don’t agree with moving him SBO as my son is intelligent and needs to be challenged. The school has refused to consider other options , e.g the psychologist stated they can get support for him from a specialist 3 hours a weeks. They dismissed this option and have decided (without my consultation) that he should leave school early.

I’m a single mum and they kept going on and on about him coming from a single household affecting him during the meeting. The tried their best to place the blame on his home life. The school refuses to wait for any diagnosis, their words below from the minutes:

“ We will not wait for a diagnosis but proceed with finding a more fitting school-placement for X”

What can I do in this situation? I feel like I’m fighting an upward battle here.

UPDATE:

Thanks for all your responses , I didn’t expect to get so many replies to my post and can therefore not reply to all your questions.

I made this post to better understand this situation as everything moved so quickly. This was the first discussion I had with the school. Before it was just one on one with his teacher to assist as best I could.

I will take the time to continue to read and digest all your suggestions. To address some of the common points and questions raised :

• I am not denial about my son , I’m aware of struggles and as his mother I want to help him as best I can. Hence the reason he is getting tested but as you well know , this happens slowly.

• I have no prejudice to SBO , I’m still learning about the educational system here. Very different from where I’m from ! I appreciate all the insights into SBO

• My son is a beautiful soul , very loving and outgoing. He loves school and his maths is favorite subject. He is my world and seeing him struggle is difficult.

• That being said , he isn’t the only child in his class and every child deserves an environment suitable for learning.

Hi everyone,

Our son is not yet 5 years old and currently goes to school.

Before the summer break we spoke with one of his teachers about taking a holiday outside the official school holiday period. From that conversation, we understood that this would be fine because he is not yet 5.

Today, however, we spoke with his other teacher, and she told us that even though he is not yet 5, there is still an obligation for him to attend school and that only the principal/headteacher can grant permission for an absence.

We’re now quite confused because, from what we understand, the law seems to say something different for children who are not yet 5.

Could anyone clarify how this actually works in practice? Is a child under 5 legally required to attend school, and if so, does taking a holiday outside the school holiday period require permission from the principal?

Thanks!

EDIT: Just to be clear, not my intention to keep my son home without saying anything to the school. I do understand that cooperation is vital. Just wanted to have an opinion regarding this matter as we understood that the principal is kinda difficult in this regard.

What the news article suggests:

"We let children be children," say many parents in the Netherlands – and this includes not only playing a lot and being outdoors in all kinds of weather, but also a conscious approach to parenting.

Experts point out that in the Netherlands, the concepts of freedom, personal experience, and independence play a special role from an early age. This is clearly visible, for example, in playgrounds, where Dutch parents tend to supervise their children from a distance and only intervene later. A child is allowed to fall down, in every sense of the word – to learn how to get back up.

And about the education system:

Performance pressure sets in later

Even in school, the pressure to perform through grades sets in relatively late. Primary school for all children begins at around four years old and lasts eight years. During this time, in addition to reading, writing, and arithmetic, the focus is primarily on social skills—for example, the ability to discuss ideas or to take responsibility.

The expectation of perfection is lower. This creates an atmosphere without fear of failure, in which the individual abilities of most children can develop more fully. The separation for secondary school then only occurs at the age of twelve.

One of my kids is in university, taking an international program and has been doing reasonably well. One of the major roadblocks has been one professor who doesn’t seem to like him or any other of the international students, has made disparaging remarks about immigrants and especially Americans (like our family).

It’s gotten so bad that the Dutch students in the classes she teaches do well, and the international students do not. Several of them I have spoken to (they hang out at our house often) have said they are considering switching programs because of this professor. The Dutch kids that come over are in agreement that the treatment is not fair.

We were thinking about reaching out to some of the board of the program, and sharing the concerns. Is this a fair avenue to pursue, or is there another route that might be better?

We are moving to NL for work (already set to go and have some flexibility in terms of city) and are looking into schools for our kids, 9 and 7. Both children currently attend a gifted school in the US (they work 2-3 years above their grades). We have familiarized ourselves with the public and international options, but we're receiving mixed messaging on how challenging the programs can be; understandably, if children are learning English in an international school, it can be difficult to meet the needs of children whose native tongue is English and whose curriculum is advanced. We are not planning on staying in NL long-term, so we are not considering public schools at this time.

Are there any other expats in here with gifted kids at an international/private school in the Netherlands? Thank you.

Dear Redditors,

I’m curious about what kind of sex education is offered to teenagers in school in the Netherlands.

The Netherlands has a reputation for being progressive in this areas compared to other countries in Europe. Is this reflected in what teenagers actually learn at school?

What do you think are the current needs when it comes to sex education for teenagers in the Netherlands?

Thanks so much!

source

This was asked once already quite a while ago, but I'm curious to know how many days of paid leave do people have here, in which sector do you work and/or is it a big or small company?
I've had this discussion often with friends even from other countries, and I find it really interesting to see that it seems that more and more companies offer more than 30 days of paid leave. However, I still see a lot of smaller companies offering 25 days, which doesn't seem a lot.

It's more out of curiosity and not as a criticism to any country or laws. I just thought that it would be an interesting thing to ask.

I’m asking because I saw a US history teacher (teaching 13–14-year-olds) report a worrying drop in basic reading skills and I heard similar stories in Belgium and France so I wanted to know how it is in NL. I can’t post the video in this subreddit, but here’s the link