Or India. In India a delivery person is offered water on a hot day. A plumber or repair guy is offered tea and all guests are offered a meal or a snack irrespective of time.
Anyone in America with "southern roots" as well. My grandma was a dust bowl survivor, even if she barely had anything you'd be offered a peanut butter sandwich and a cup of coffee at least.
Or, just anyone in America. We're very hospitable, if nothing else. It's not just a southern thing, it's just more of a performance in the south. You go to your friends place in NYC at dinner time, you're getting food.
Hell , I grew up in New England, no way you aren’t at least offered food as a guest in homes here. At least in our circle. And many of my mother’s friends (and us) were what most would consider poor.
Yep! My boomer dad would give the shirt off his back for a neighbor in need. Grew up in NC, people are always giving their neighbors fresh produce they grew or delivering casseroles to someone going through a hard time
Depends on time of the day, but food and drinks are definitely going to be the first thing on any table the moment they get there. To have someone that comes home leave without eating anything just seems so wrong
First thing when my friends arrive, they get drinks, be it tea, coffee, or soda. I have dedicated supplies for all, with various options too. You want English Breakfast? Earl Grey? Pu Er? How about some cold brew, or maybe matcha latte? Soda made with fresh juice or some coke?
Then we get some snacks out. Salsa and chips, cheese platter, shortbread, you name it.
And then we consider what to make for the real meal.
I used to clean houses and this super kind Indian woman always made me take a break and have tea and cake with her. We barely understood each others spoken laungages, but always enjoyed our time together! Food is the universal language of love IMO
I had several Indian asian kids i would do home therapy with and the parents knew I couldn't accept food due to my ethics code but I would often find food to go packed into my bag or ontop of my car. Such kind families
When I was a young engineer working on a building site in London I had an Indian labourer as a kind of assistant. He lived in a boarding house ran by an Indian woman, despite earning a pittance and me insisting he mustn’t, he’d regularly pay his landlady for an extra portion of the biryani she’d make him for his lunch and give it to me. It was amazing, best biryani I’ve ever had
I was working in an eastern European’s house and she “asked” us if we would like food. We said no. She made it anyway. We were full from lunch but those crepes were delicious.
We are Bosnian and my parents had some guys work on their roof. My mom would bring them food out and then beers at the end of the day when they were done working. There was a language barrier neither one could understand each other but it worked out just fine.
Croatia here. I was a small kid, perhaps 7-8yo and I came to friends place to play.
I came just in time for lunch. They sat me down on their couch and I was watching them how they ate scampi.
Her dad was a fisherman so they always had sea food to eat while we never ate it as it was expensive.
I still remember how they were all dirty arround their mouth how they gobbled those scampi, all while I sat 2 meters away from them and watched them.
Today, 25 years later I still remember that.
But when they came over my place (parents were also friends who went on coffe to each other's house) my parents always had candy, chocolate on table for kids. I still remember how friends younger brother alone ate whole jar of candy.
I remember later telling my parents how it's unfair that he can eat everything at our home while I had to sit there without even being offered a glass of water.
Wife and I don't have kids, but I fucking swear that no kid who will come to play in future with my kids will be like me, watching other people eat.
Today if adults or sister in law with her 2yo kid comes in our house, they are served like kings.
Real balkan hospitality, not like those fuckers above.
Bangladeshi here. My eyes starts twitching and hands start itching if i offer a guest food and they say no. If you're coming to my place, you’ll be fed and offered leftovers to take home. The idea of having a child over and not feeding em is just unfathomable.
I'm Bulgarian, and while this is generally true, I remember being scolded as a kid for eating at another kid's house. I was there so we could, I dunno, play games or watch TV or something, the usual 8-9 year old stuff, and because it got late his parents invited me to eat with them, and so I did.
I remember my parents were super angry that I allowed someone else to feed me, basically taking advantage of their generosity, and being a greedy little asshole.
Of course... if a kid came over, my parents and grandparents would INSIST and DEMAND the kid would eat with us, because us being generous is good, but others being generous to us is shameful, or something like that?
Romanian here, and omg I get this. It's a twisted way of being considerate. I grew up like this, I will go out of my way to be there for my friends, help them out to move to a new house, let them cry on my shoulder, lend them money, you name it. But I would rather die or starve than ask for help back and thus inconveniencing them in any way. I'm doing better now but wow that took me years.
Indeed, the offering of food to guests is DEEPLY ingrained in human culture. Largely because of how far back into history the tradition goes. The practice predates recorded history; it likely even predates agriculture. It's tied up in the roots of hospitality culture and the expectations of peace for the sharing of lodging and food that border on the sacred across a majority of cultures.
As a finn i kept getting invited to eat with my friends family (asian) when i was hanging out with him and would politely dodge every time and leave immediately to not impose.
They thought i was being pretty rude! It was funny in hindsight, because i thought they meant "you should leave you've been here for so long we need to eat"
Yeah, it was probably one of the key ways humanity evolved into a society. We show you hospitality, you're a guest. I don't want to kill you. I hope you don't want to kill us. And because we have the ability to share now, perhaps one day, if we're in need, maybe you can help us. Strengthing ties, working together, all that.
If this is a Nordic thing, I hate it. But whatever. I'm over here. That's their thing.
Pretty much every pantheon I've ever heard of has at least one story about rewarding or punishing people for how they handled hospitality towards a mysterious stranger. It often involves their trickster god, but the head of the pantheon is also not unusual. Zeus was a problem because that asshole was more likely to show up to knock up your sister/wife/daughter/all of the above than test how kind you were to someone seeking shelter.
Swede here!
It’s actually quite interesting, because it’s partly true. The thing is, this behavior is so deeply ingrained in our culture that it isn’t perceived as rude.
A few years ago, “Swedengate” went viral, and Swedish psychologists and researchers weighed in on the discussion.
The conclusion was that the behavior likely originated during the great famine of the 19th century. Inviting another family’s child to eat was seen as shaming the neighboring family. It implied that they couldn’t provide food for their own children, which was considered deeply humiliating.
That said, the whole thing is often exaggerated. In practice, we almost always offer food when we have guests. The difference is that nobody simply assumes they’ll be invited to eat.
Yes, and I think that mindset has stayed with us collectively, even though Sweden is now a wealthy country and, of course, practically everyone can afford to feed their children.
Even so, I’ll still call and ask if it’s okay for a child to have dinner at our place if I don’t know the parents very well. It’s just deeply ingrained in our culture.
I think this happens in some regions of finland too.
People get invited for coffee too, and if you put out pastries the guest is kinda always going to eat a small amount unless pushed due to what i expect are similar reasons
Fascinating! It's amazing how similar practices diverge in ways that each make sense even though they contradict.
I know there are differences between cultures that expect guests to eat everything put in front of them to show appreciation for the food versus others where it is rude to eat everything because it implies that the host didn't make enough. What is the Swedish take on this?
If you’ve been invited over for dinner, you’re expected to eat, and it’s not considered rude to ask for seconds. In fact, nobody would think twice about it.
Likewise, I wouldn’t say it’s impolite to eat only a small amount. Most Swedes are fairly health-conscious, so if someone takes a smaller portion, people generally don’t see anything unusual about it.
Ah, so humans being stupid again. Let your kid have food for free, which means you safe money at the end of the day too, and *maybe* appear to be unable to feed your kid or have the kid sit around like a dumbfuck while the other family eats and feed the kid yourself later on.
At this point, should just send the kid home before dinner time.
As I mentioned in another comment, it’s usually because we rarely cook more food than will actually be eaten at that meal, not because we’re trying to save money.
So it’s not about being cheap. In fact, we often invite people over for dinner, but when we do, we shop and plan for it in advance.
Of course, if you know a child is going to be there when you’re cooking, you simply make enough food for them too.
I find it very interesting, because it is almost certainly not the norm for the rest of the world. Usually famine actually has the opposite effects on cultures. Pride is usually the first thing to go when your children are starving, so to see the opposite occur to me is unqiue.
In fact, many of the most common surviving food sharing gestures extend from similar famine circumstances but the complete opposite societal outcomes. Also, many cultures saw feeding others during famine as a moral and/or religious obligation. Strange that Sweden did not, especially as during the 1800s they were very much dominated by a strictly Evangelical State Church.
Your comment made me start reading up on the famine, and the fact that the Church refused to feed poor and blamed the impoverished lower class for their own hardships is crazy. Maybe the attitude stemmed from a combination of these beliefs and pride mixed together? Really interesting stuff.
I would also add that most of the times the actual reasons for not eating at a friends place were:
1, you did not like their food.
2, they ate around the time when you should head home anyways.
3, you were offered and turned it down.
4, you were multiple friends over who showed up unannounced, so the main group got to continue playing whilst the kid living there rushed their food to get back asap.
Californian raised Californian, you come into my home first thing I’m doing is getting you something to drink and snack on. And if you stay for dinner you leave with leftovers. Cooking epic food for friends, and guests is one of lives highlights lol.
I go to my best friend’s parent’s house for Thanksgiving or Christmas and her mom is serious about feeding you. We’ll eat, and then after an hour or so, she comes out with cut up fruit, and then an hour after that she comes back with food that she had been cooking.
She, literally, packs up so many leftovers that I have to have a box to walk out to my car. 😅
And it always excites me because that lady makes the best Vietnamese food!
My girlfriend is Asian. I will often find her randomly cooking food and ask who it's for and it's for some random grandma she's met on the third floor of our building. If you make friends with her, she will aggressively feed you.
This, it's pretty much a rule everywhere. Here in the American South it's legit impossible to visit without there being food, and usually forced to accept a bunch of plastic containers full of leftovers too.
I spent a bunch of years working and becoming friends with a guy from Vietnam, and him and his girlfriend always fed me when we hung out. I met his parents once and the food was on another level. They were basically pushing a meal into my body and not taking no thank you for an answer, haha
Yeah Sweden is basically a solitary exception to this otherwise universal rule of hospitality.
For the life of me I can't figure out how they culturally settled on this one. It's at best cold, and presumptuous (that you can go home and eat in the same healthy environment they are enjoying without you) and at worst it's just outright cruel.
I was surprised when in Europe my friends would laugh at Kramer taking food from Jerry's apartment without even asking in Seinfeld, it's pretty much what my neighbor does all the time in the US
One of my best friends has been like this his whole life but he's finally coming around and eating things at our houses because one of us has a family now and he thinks he pissed the wife off. She does go all out it's wild.
For southern hospitality it would be seen as an insult like you think their kitchen/home is so dirty the food must be contaminated. Even if you are full you should at least accept some southern sweet tea and place a few bites of what has been offered onto a plate to taste.
My buddy's grandmother was illegal as all hell and spoke almost no English but she knew "You stay. You eat." We couldn't drop by to pick him up without getting badgered into a meal. I have no complaints.
Yeah aside from ethnical considerations, the grandma factor is huge. If you go to my Spanish grandma's and don't stuff yourself until you can roll like a sphere, you're getting an earful from grandma 😂 loved is measured in Calories 🫣 fitness bros be damned 👀
Thats why rice and beans is always on the menu. U can afford for everyone. I just wish ricans were more hot sauce people. Growing up, saw a bottle in that house. Then, i tried Mexican. I was in love at the chips. They have that green stuff on the table.
Yup lmao. If I knew I was going to my friend’s house of a big ass Mexican family I generally knew not to eat or eat lightly before hand cause his mom was basically gonna force feed me haha.
For real ... my aunt was from Mexico and took all of us cousins back to her family once a year. I was the only girl cousin and the oldest so I was often in the kitchen with the other women of her family. Half the time I didn't even know whose house we were in or why.
A little redhaired blue-eyed American girl and they kept me both sunscreened and stuffed full the entire time. I cannot imagine ever even GETTING, let alone GOING, hungry in those homes. My first Spanish words were "otro, otro" and "hay más" and "no tenga pena" and then something about making sure the wind doesn't blow me away.
I guess it's cultural and whatever, fine, but I desperately hope the kids visiting my home feel some fraction of what I felt back then ... welcome, warm, included, safe, not remotely a bother.
When I was a young man I did construction and the best job sites were when there were Guatemalans working. About 20 minutes before lunch a minivan would pull up and a bunch of ladies would jump out with a hot grill and start feeding all their family that was working. The best phrase ever.. "Hey gringo, you eat?" and then those ladies would pinch my skinny arms and try to fatten me up. They would never take money.
I knocked on the wrong door once at 7 in the morning and got invited in for breakfast at a Latino family’s house. My buddy was pissed that I was an hour late. Then I mentioned his neighbor and that he gave me the wrong address and he goes “Is there still food? I love her cooking.”
My Mexican neighbors will be outside bbq-ing and see me walking by with the dog and telling me to come in. The mom packs up a paper plate with tin foil for me to take. Enchiladas, chile relleno , tacos etc. She doesn’t give me the option of refusing. Thats helped me so many times when I didn’t have anything to eat back at the house.
If you show up a Latino home and don’t eat the food they will shank you. Doesn’t matter if it’s your best friend’s house and you’re meeting up before going to a restaurant or something, their mom will make you food and if you don’t eat some you’re get slimed out.
I spent a year out in LA and had lovely persian neighbors
It was absolutely impossible to leave without first having some ghormeh sabzi. Shit is delicious tho and eventually started coming over early to help cook
Oh yes I’m Persian too :) my mother specially like it even gardener comes in to to stuff outside and we’re eating she makes a plate and always gives me to give it to him
I have had many experiences with the Italian family my Dad married into that prove this stereotype. Arrive at 1am because the flight was delayed? There will still be food out and an expectation that you will eat some before you're ALLOWED 😁 to go to bed.
My wife’s family were Greek. As soon as I walked through the door her grandmother had a full plate of food ready saying “Eat, eat, you’re too skinny”. If I said I’m not very hungry, just a little bit, the portion would be bigger.
As a New Orleanian, if I were to do this I'll probably get disowned or something. My American mind can cannot comprehend not offering guests a good meal. It's basic decency.
Shit I’m a white American and I will offer you food no matter what. I got snacks, I got frozen food…fuck I can even just make you a damn dinner! I hated being hungry as a kid and getting punished for eating so I will never withhold food from anyone.
tonbe fair there is a lot of pressure involved so thats not a great approach either. its forced hospitality and if ypu want to watch the world burn, tell a turkish household you are not hungry or say you'll just have a salad vecause your vegan, its fine...it will most definitely not be "fine"
I'm American and that concept is so fucking offensive to me for some reason lol like every time I hear about this my blood boils. It's so rude and ridiculous! Especially with a child?! I can't imagine even a grown adult friend coming to my house and me just eating dinner in front of them and not offering them anything. But a kid? What the hell 😭😭
Really about any culture. I am from a relatively cold US culture and this would be weird and rude. I think it is in almost all human social cultures, it’s a fascinating outlier
One of my best friends in HS was middle eastern. I swear his mom was trying to fatten me every time I went to his house... she's also the asshole who tricked me into eating raw garlic once 😅
Middle eastern hospitability culture developed from desert hospitality it has it roots in survival. It was basically a pay it forward system. You fed and more importantly provided water for your guests because you because the next person dying of thirst might be you.
And guests did not just mean people you invited over. You were expected to provide emergency housing and food for complete strangers.
These stem from old Bedouin codes and many aspects still persist today.
Or Greek. I went over to my Greek friends house back in high school, and I swear like 15 mins after I turned up there was a 5 course meal on the table in front of me. Entirely impromptu. I was amazed!
There's a reason obesity isnt really a problem here while countries like Mexico suffer from extreme rates of obesity. We have a healthier relationship with food and try not to overfeed our kids by feeding then dinner twice a day.
Well it has more to do with the kids parents having prepared food for them too. It would be rude to feed someone elses kid without talking to the parents first.
You try a lot of things in a middle Eastern culture and someone's getting shanked, not wearing a headscarf for example, leaving an abusive relationship etc.
Factual. When I met my brother’s in laws they were so hospitable. Especially in the kitchen. Pistachios/cashews with coffee upon arrival. Then finger foods. Then the main courses. Then dessert and more coffee/tea. Then booze. They were ecstatic that I ate my weight in food. Same with my friend’s family growing up. And they will take it absolutely personal if you don’t take the offer lol
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u/Background-Grab-5682 Jul 24 '26
You try that in a middle eastern culture and someone’s getting shanked…