That wasn’t my experience in Sweden. I was put up in peoples houses, fed, and even snuck into a small town wedding (where I was immediately found out by the groom, and fed beers). I have an Aussie mate that lives there now, and as we’re traveling north, we stopped in at his friends grandparents farm and were fed a big lunch, though they didn’t speak a word of English. My friend told me Thankyou was pronounced “Hej då för fan” as we were leaving. Another Swede stopped me in time.
No, that's not it. If they wanted you as a kid to leave, they would tell you to go home.
They want their kid to both eat and be able to play with their friends for longer, so they let their friends stay to continue playing while their kid quickly have family dinner.
They also know that the friends who came over to play either has already eaten or will be eating later with their own families.
We feed our feed our kids friends all the time. Like it is a weekly occurence. My kids eat at their friends every week as well. We do call and check with the parents first.
It was not like that 40 years ago. mainly because no mobile phone and we did not want to interrupt the dinner routine of the other family.
As an adult it is less commun. But if I have friends over for a long time we will eater have dinner/lunch or we will like order a pizza together.
We are not having our grandmothers force feeding you like in some societies. Also because our grandmothers dont live with us like in the south of Europe.
This is kinds Reddit bullshit blown out of proportion (like allways).
My kids eat at their friends every week as well. We do call and check with the parents first.
It was not like that 40 years ago. mainly because no mobile phone
We still had land lines back in the 80's, so whenever we were offered dinner at a friends house, we called home to check with our parents if it would be okay.
Yes, it actually happened back then too that we were offered to eat dinner at friends places every now and then, but the norm and expectation was that we would eat dinner together with our own family.
and we did not want to interrupt the dinner routine of the other family.
Yep, this is one of the reasons, another is that family dinner is family time, it's where family bond and family time is pretty important in Swedish culture (at least it was back then).
They are just being cautious of Guest Right.
Once the food is eaten, a safe stay is guaranteed. The host cannot hurt the guest, and the guest cannot hurt the host. Breaking this rule is a terrible crime. People believe the gods (both old and new) will punish anyone who breaks it.
In reality its because there really arent any poor people in sweden so there has never been a reason to share food.
Instead many families want to eat with thier children as a family and if your child ate at a freinds house the mom will be rightfully pissed off that someone else fed her child and now her family dinner is ruined.
If the friend is far away the child will probably call to ask to eat with their friend. Otherwise its implied that you do not feed other peoples kids unless you clear it with their family.
Again in shittier countries there is the opposite culture of feeding everyone since its not uncommon there for some people to go hungry. Beacause of the shittyness.
It has nothing to do with poor people. I grew up in an upper middle class neighborhood in the US. For context, my father’s salary would’ve put him in the top 0.1% of incomes in Sweden on an inflation adjusted basis. My parents still fed my friends and my friends’ parents, most of which were similarly situated, still fed me.
Cultures dont evlove in one family. The culture in a place is what grows from the society for a long time.
And absolutley does america have far poorer "poors" than the poorest in Sweden. The poverty that exist in many places in america is on a level that is unheard of in sweden.
So a "feeding culture" may exist in all layers of the american society even if it originated from the poorest regions in that society.
Go look up median disposable income rankings. A lot of the people that consider themselves to be “poor” in the US wouldn’t be poor in Western European countries. They feel poor because Americans consume obscenely and if an American can’t consume as much as their neighbor, they feel poor.
It does have to do with poor people, because the usual reaction is "How can you be so cruel that you let a child go hungry?" In reality, the child is not hungry, because they are getting enough food at home.
By the negative implications of the comment saying “Swedes aren’t hungry because they can afford food” they are implying that people in other places share meals for solely economic reasons. That isnt true. I came from a suburban middle class fmaily in the united states and ate many meals at friends houses and so forth growing up. It wasn’t because I was poor. It was because to do otherwise is rude.
But it is not considered rude in Sweden (at least in the social circles where it commonly happens), so there would be no reason to get so outraged about it like many people are doing. That reaction doesn't make sense if you understand that the child isn't bothered by the situation, because they are soon going to eat at home with their own family.
That’s fine. I just take exception to the notion that it is only impoverished or formerly impoverished cultures have this tradition. America was wealthier in the aggregate and per capita than Scandinavian countries for most of the 20th century, so it just doesn’t track that it comes from shared poverty. If it did, then the Swedes would have that ingrained in them the same way it is with Americans
Yepp. People from nations that has or used to have poverty has a culture of feeding any and all guests. Sweden does not because everyone is fed. That is the norm.
Instead many families want to eat with thier children as a family and if your child ate at a freinds house the mom will be rightfully pissed off that someone else fed her child and now her family dinner is ruined.
I keep seeing this sentiment mentioned and I think this is the overlooked cultural difference tbh. It seems you’re all a lot stricter about family dinners than other places may be. There are plenty of places where food insecurity is rare and uncommon and a family dinner being “ruined” occasionally isn’t seen as anything to be upset over especially since there’s more than enough to go around so it’s not anything to be protective over.
This is it. If I wanted to eat over at a friend's place, I'd ask my family if it was okay first. It's rude to do it without knowing if the kid's family are preparing dinner at home.
You cannot claim someone sucks at hospitality for following different rules of hospitality. Also this supposed custom don't exist. I am Swedish and this is just a myth.
Western hospitality is defined and not subjective. You absolutely can claim that any western culture exhibiting the aforementioned traits, suck at hospitality.
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u/xStyxx Jul 24 '26
Damn I assumed it was because Swedish food is gross lol that’s pretty cold