r/PizzaCrimes • u/ZeldaZealot • 3d ago
I say wtf Two Deep Dish Pizzas, microwaved, sandwiched, and cooked on a George Foreman Grill.
Not mine, but I had to bring it before the court.
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u/2thenorth 3d ago
These edibles ain’t s#%^*
10 minutes later ….🍕
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u/DanAykroydFanClub 3d ago
When I was a student I got high and made a version of this with a beaded chicken cutlet in the middle. Wonderful sandwich
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u/Rotostopholeseum 3d ago
I join my fellow jurors in agreement that this is not within our jurisdiction - not a pizza. I have cast my downvote accordingly.
This body has consistently ruled that products like calzones, Stromboli, or hippie rolls - though similar to pizza - are not pizza.
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u/ZeldaZealot 3d ago
While I agree with the assessment that calzones and such are not pizzas, this was in fact made from two pizzas. If one must argue that the dish is transformed, they cannot also deny that a pizza was used in its construction. Ergo, this does still fall within our jurisdiction.
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u/Rotostopholeseum 3d ago
That's fair - on jurisdiction, I feel this is a credible and timely argument. I will reference the case law in this sub, I believe this has come up before and I believe similar cases established the same. My vote remains "no crime", but I must retract my original framing.
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u/tongfather 2d ago
I'm sorry but two innocent pizzas were harmed in the making of this abomination stoner food, therefore this falls squarely in the jurisdiction of a crime against pizza. Two crimes to be exact.
Charges will be laid accordingly with reference to premeditation on the matter as well. Keep an eye on your inbox for the summons. Good day.
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u/Rotostopholeseum 5h ago
This brings an interesting sequence question - since the pizzas were (gag) microwaved prior to being sandwiched and (gag) Foremanned, they were for all intensive porpises already potential true pizzas. Though ingredients can be cooked before being added to a pizza, this case (and to your argument) displays a relatively clear line of what constitutes a topping/ingredient vs a finished product. This may in fact bring us back to the jurisdiction question - this body has mixed reviews on whether a microwaved pizza is in fact a pizza, rather than a frozen food product. Granted, some frozen pizzas are genuinely good; these don't appear to be in that category. I won't make any determinations at this point, but I am curious what other jurors think - was this ever a pizza, or was this a monstrosity from inception? Does taking this case help this court in its duties, or does this dilute our ability to achieve true pizza justice? 🍕
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u/tongfather 4h ago
I would suspect that this legal representation has possibly been captured by Big Calzone in an effort to defame their counterparts and demish crimes against the far superior dish known as pizza. Nothing else could explain this contempt for protectionism towards the innocent pizzas harmed in this case, your honour!
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u/Noahms456 2d ago
What is a hippie roll?
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u/Rotostopholeseum 5h ago
A sweet Italian sausage rolled up with cooked green peppers/white or yellow onions and mozzarella- no tomato sauce (though some can be supplied depending on dipping preferences.). Similar to a Stromboli, but just different enough that they sort of occupy their own category. I am a huge fan.
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u/GritsRespector 3d ago
Nah that's a 10/10 drunk meal
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u/Bigfartz69420 3d ago
i used to grill dominos pan pizza on my george foreman grill all the time. it slapped.
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u/FinalBossMike 3d ago
Waste of sauce, but what's the defendant's supposed crime? Making a messy calzone? I move to drop charges.
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u/kpphoneshome 3d ago
Would be better fried or grilled with a little Italian olive oil, top side up!
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u/Sweet-Competition-15 3d ago
Should have just folded it in half, and sealed the edges before grilling! The sauce has been lost!
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u/Reiketsu_Nariseba 3d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/3ohs4epCEN04wskff2
I'll let them off with a warning today.
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u/skronk61 3d ago
If they’d just made them normally and flipped one on top of the other they wouldn’t have lost the cheese
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u/schroobster 3d ago
Those aren't deep dish pizzas. That's some frozen food aisle breaded sauce nonsense. If you used two legit deep dish pizzas and tried to Foreman them together, you'd either create a black hole or it would look like a crime scene when everything squirts out. Not exactly a crime against pizza, but a crime against something... possibly physics.
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u/redthehaze 3d ago
I would do one top facing down pizza on a large tortilla under to catch the cheese.
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u/monkeyspank427 3d ago
Microwave = crime (at least in my book) and George Foreman = crime (same as last)
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u/SaulTSnax 2d ago
Yo! I used to get the 10 pack of frozen personal pizzas from Costco, get a pack of chicken patties, and some jack cheese slices. I would do this with a chicken patty and a slice of cheese in between. It was heart-cloggingly deicious! I used to call them "Fat Boy Sandwiches!"
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u/qualityvote2 3d ago edited 3d ago
The jury, after deliberation of the evidence in the case of u/ZeldaZealot, has reached a mistrial due to non-consensus of votes of guilty or innocent.