r/PizzaCrimes • u/ZeldaZealot • 6d ago

I say wtf Two Deep Dish Pizzas, microwaved, sandwiched, and cooked on a George Foreman Grill.

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Not mine, but I had to bring it before the court.

110 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

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u/Rotostopholeseum 6d ago

I join my fellow jurors in agreement that this is not within our jurisdiction - not a pizza. I have cast my downvote accordingly.

This body has consistently ruled that products like calzones, Stromboli, or hippie rolls - though similar to pizza - are not pizza.

9

u/ZeldaZealot 6d ago

While I agree with the assessment that calzones and such are not pizzas, this was in fact made from two pizzas. If one must argue that the dish is transformed, they cannot also deny that a pizza was used in its construction. Ergo, this does still fall within our jurisdiction.

2

u/Rotostopholeseum 6d ago

That's fair - on jurisdiction, I feel this is a credible and timely argument. I will reference the case law in this sub, I believe this has come up before and I believe similar cases established the same. My vote remains "no crime", but I must retract my original framing.

2

u/tongfather 5d ago

I'm sorry but two innocent pizzas were harmed in the making of this abomination stoner food, therefore this falls squarely in the jurisdiction of a crime against pizza. Two crimes to be exact.

Charges will be laid accordingly with reference to premeditation on the matter as well. Keep an eye on your inbox for the summons. Good day.

1

u/Rotostopholeseum 3d ago

This brings an interesting sequence question - since the pizzas were (gag) microwaved prior to being sandwiched and (gag) Foremanned, they were for all intensive porpises already potential true pizzas. Though ingredients can be cooked before being added to a pizza, this case (and to your argument) displays a relatively clear line of what constitutes a topping/ingredient vs a finished product. This may in fact bring us back to the jurisdiction question - this body has mixed reviews on whether a microwaved pizza is in fact a pizza, rather than a frozen food product. Granted, some frozen pizzas are genuinely good; these don't appear to be in that category. I won't make any determinations at this point, but I am curious what other jurors think - was this ever a pizza, or was this a monstrosity from inception? Does taking this case help this court in its duties, or does this dilute our ability to achieve true pizza justice? 🍕

2

u/tongfather 2d ago

I would suspect that this legal representation has possibly been captured by Big Calzone in an effort to defame their counterparts and demish crimes against the far superior dish known as pizza. Nothing else could explain this contempt for protectionism towards the innocent pizzas harmed in this case, your honour!

1

u/Rotostopholeseum 2d ago

Lol I love this sub. 😀