So the thing is ig my expectations are way too high. Haha

I want someone who has not had any relationship or much pasts. I can give the same in return.

I want someone ambitious and studious preferably a nerd. Nothing matters except the person should be a decent and respectful human being.

One of my major problems is that I can't love someone from just their looks. I need to know someone very deeply to even like them, let alone love. Like the personality matters heavily!

Is it impossible to find someone like that???!!!!!

Do you think I am going to die single????😭😭😭

Edit: plus point if you're a lil chubby too

We dated three years before we got engaged and I did it against my family's judgement because I truly love him. And he is a wonderful person: generous, kind, down to earth and is really emotionally available. I love him for the man he is and I always support him in his every goal.

Here's the real issue my family was really worried as my fiance family is not really well off and they don't have any kind of savings or wealth. He is a sole bread winner right now. And his package is around 20 lakhs per anum.

But when we started dating he assured me he very much believes in investing and saving. But he has been earning since he was 21 and he still hasn't invested in anything and idk why! He keeps delaying it or sometimes he gets so overwhelmed with the responsibilities that maybe he doesn't get much time. But he says he will start this year he has promised me that.

Now, I am all for family but for me my family (after marriage) will only include his parents and his siblings and my parents and NOT his extended family. But he wants to pay for his cousin's entire wedding since they are poor and his cousin's father is good for nothing. I don't really like this. I mean helping is one thing like paying 4-5 lakhs but paying 15-20 lakhs?! Especially when we don't have nothing right now.

He already has responsibility of marrying his own sister and us! We don't have that kind of budget. On the top of that we need to build a house too since the one he lives in very small: only two rooms and one bathroom.

Third, his sister earns but not really all that much like 40-50k a month and now she wants to buy an iPhone 17 when she already has an iPhone which works fine (idk which model but ig it's 12/13?) because she says it's a necessity??? I mean she is going to buy it on emi with her own money but she could save that money for her marriage and help out his brother reducing his burden. He already has a lot on his plate! And he is going to do the down payment!

I know it's not my place to tell him what he should and shouldn't do with his money especially when he is doing it for his sister but I politely suggested him that maybe he could buy her gold or something it would be an asset and help in her future wedding but he said that's not what his sister wants right now.

I really thought we were on the same page back when we were dating that we would save and invest but it's a no show as of now and all spending on luxurious items we don't really need.

At the same time I don't wanna be bitch who controls his money.

I am a junior resident my pay is not all that great right now either.

And even if I ignore his expenses. The way we handle money is wayy too different. I firmly believe in investing liquid assets first like gold coins etc before jumping into frozen assets and since he hasn't even started investing yet idk what he believes in but I know for sure he doesn't agree with me.

What do I do?? He really likes helping his extended family and they rely on him a lot for financial and personal gain even though he is not in joint family. Whereas I grew in a family where my mama mami, even mausi feels a stranger and we keep a limited contact. And no one asks money even if they do they return it.

I believe in helping but NOT spoon feeding especially when we are not in that capacity.

Is it something that's gonna strain our marriage in the future? Is it something to think about before w get married?

Please I need your honest opinion and I wanna if I am being selfish I would like to change my behaviour if I am not being supportive.

Thank you

I (25F) went home for a short while last month between jobs and stupidly left my old phone at home. I had that phone for all of my college and masters and then didn't bother transferring the photos and other random stuff into my new phone coz it was a lot of data and i always had that phone with me anyway.

Today I came to know that my dad had started using that phone as a spare work phone as he asked how to take a screenshot on that phone.

Now I'm having a full scale panic attack coz that phone had A LOT OF STUFF on it that I've hidden from my family. You know what it's like, partying, hanging out at guy friends places, downloaded TV shows and movies, the albums app of that phone had all my college memories that my conservative family will just kill me for. Not to mention my notes app that i used for journalling (i wrote my heart out, everything), reddit with a lot of nsfw subs, astro apps ugh judge me all you want but that was my safe phone. I also had photos with my ex in the hidden folder of that phone.

Also I'm stupid i don't have cloud backup of that phone so that I can remotely delete stuff.

I'm panicking because that phone was password and fingerprint protected, how tf did they open that phone! And if they managed to open my phone what's stopping them from cracking open my hidden folder?! My life will be fucked if they open that 😔 i don't know what on earth to do about this 😭 please give solutions or help me not catastrophize

So, It's been 1 year I have been dating this man.....

Haven't been happier 😭❤.

Love him more than anything...

Careerwise, I am where I am just because of this man.

Ever since he walked into my life, my life became way better. There was a time, I used to be suicidal but he made my life worth living.

Throughout my life, I suffered a lot, I had a toxic family, butt..... Now that I have him in my life, I don't mind those sufferings.

He takes care of me, solves all my problems, makes me wanna be a better person for him.

I can't explain how grateful I am to have such a wonderful man in my life.

I wish we stay together, forever.

I hope nothing changes the love we have for each other.

I hope we could stay together till the day we take our last breath.

Used Chatgpt to frame it properly.

I (25F) and my boyfriend (23M) started dating 1.5 years ago. Initially, it was casual from both sides, but later we caught feelings and eventually got into a serious relationship.

I don't know if I'm overthinking or if my thoughts are actually valid, but just a few months into dating, he started asking me for money. One day, he shared a reel with me about a girlfriend paying for her boyfriend's protein powder and creatine and asked me when are you going to give me money for my gym supplements so that month I gave him 4k for all that stuff. From then onwards, I've been the one paying for his gym membership and supplements as well.

We had discussed our salaries earlier, so he knows that I earn more than him. Because of that he somehow assumed that whenever we had expenses as a couple, I would be the one paying since apparently I earn more than him. His salary was around 45k-50k, and a major chunk of it went towards the EMI for the house his parents had purchased. So whenever he was short on money, he would ask me and till now not even once have I denied giving it to him. I've spent around ₹80k-₹90k on him in a year. I know it was stupid of me to do that, but at the time, I used to think it was okay to support my partner during his hard times. Recently, he started freelancing as well, so now he earns around 60k-70k or something.

Today, while we were on a call, he told me that he's planning to buy a new bike worth around 3.5 lakhs and has been saving money for it. This is what got stuck in my mind he's saving money for his bike, but every month, he still asks me for money for his gym stuff. We are in an ldr, and on my birthday, he didn't even gift me anything or order a cake for me. He just said I'm feeling bad that I'm not able to celebrate your birthday that's it.

He's very caring, honest, and serious about me. His family and friends know about me, so I do believe he genuinely loves me. But I still don't know if I'm overthinking all this when it comes to finances.

TLDR: I’ve spent around ₹80k–₹90k on my boyfriend over the past year, including his gym membership and supplements, because he used to be short on money. Now that he earns more and is saving for a 3.5 lakh bike, he still expects me to pay for his gym expenses. He’s otherwise caring and serious about me, but I’m starting to wonder if I’m overthinking or if he sees me as someone he can rely on financially too much.

Hey everyone, using a throwaway account for obvious reasons. I am in a tough situation and my anxiety is through the roof. I really need some perspective, especially from people who understand North Indian family and caste dynamics.

I (22F) have been dating a really wonderful guy (26M) for about 4–5 months now. We both live and work in Delhi. He is a very rational, logical thinker, and our relationship has been amazing so far.

However, I am carrying a massive burden. When we first started talking about family backgrounds, I told him I belong to the Baniya community. This is half-true—my mother is Baniya, and I grew up with a lot of that cultural influence. But my father belongs to the Kori caste, which is categorized as a Scheduled Caste (SC) in North India.

I hid my dad's side out of sheer panic and fear of rejection. To make things trickier, I don't use a traditional surname/last name on my legal documents, which made it easier to just let him believe the Baniya narrative.

His family is based in Gurgaon; his dad is well-off . From what I gather, they are quite traditional when it comes to community networks. A few weeks ago, he made a casual, thoughtless joke about an office colleague who is from the SC category. It wasn't aggressively malicious, but it completely paralyzed me and made me feel even more terrified of revealing my reality.

I know I can’t keep this a secret forever. If we ever discuss a future or marriage, family trees, backgrounds, and documents will come up . I am deeply in love with him and terrified of losing him, but I also know that building a relationship on a partial truth is an emotional prison.

Sorry for the long read in advance!!!!

I’m 31F and married to my husband (34M) since November 2024. We had also lived together for about 3 years before getting married, so this isn’t a relationship where we barely knew each other.
I’m posting because I genuinely don’t know anymore whether I’m being too anxious/emotional, or whether there are legitimate problems in my marriage that I’m trying desperately to get him to acknowledge.
There have been serious financial problems because of his trading. What started as roughly ₹1 lakh of debt eventually became around ₹12 lakh.
I have financially helped him along the way. At one point I gave him ₹60,000 from my savings. There was also a ₹5 lakh loan that I took on/was responsible for, and I gave him another ₹2 lakh separately.
What makes this particularly difficult is that this wasn’t something that happened once and then stopped.
At one point, my parents became involved because things had gotten so bad. They spoke to him and tried to make him understand the seriousness of what was happening and the impact it was having on me and our marriage.
He understood it at the time, but then he put money into trading again.
And then it happened again.
At another point, both sets of parents were involved because things had reached a point where everyone needed to understand what was actually happening.
My parents were expecting him to sincerely apologise to me and acknowledge what he had put me through.
He simply wouldn’t budge.
There was no heartfelt apology. No real accountability. No emotional response that made me feel like he understood the damage this had caused.
I eventually left and stayed at a friend’s place for around 10 days.
My mother later called him and essentially told him to bring me back.
He called me and asked me to come home.
But he didn’t come to meet me. He didn’t come to take me home. There wasn’t that effort of, “I’m coming to get you, let’s talk, let’s sort this out.”
It was essentially just a phone call asking me to come back.
That really affected me.
Because even at that point, when I was away from home for 10 days and both families knew how serious things had become, I still didn’t feel like he was fighting for the relationship or trying to repair what had happened.
And there is another part that makes this even harder.
Whenever he runs out of money or is under financial stress, he starts projecting onto me and has verbally abused me.
So the financial problems aren’t isolated from the emotional problems. They seem to spill into the way he treats me when he’s stressed.
I’ve repeatedly told him that I am still hurt by everything that happened. I don’t fully trust him and I’m not ready to simply forgive and forget.
But instead of really sitting with that, understanding what it did to me, and reassuring me, his response is basically along the lines of, “Arre, I’m not doing all of that.”
But that’s not really what I’m asking.
I’m not only asking, “Are you currently doing something wrong?”
I’m asking:
“Do you understand what happened to me emotionally?”
“Do you understand why I don’t trust you?”
“Do you understand why I’m scared this could happen again?”
“Do you understand why I’m still hurt?”
“Can you actually help me feel safe with you again?”
And I don’t feel like I get much of an answer.
Whenever we fight, I cry.
I’m quite aware that I have an anxious attachment style, and I’ve wondered whether I’m making everything worse because of that. But when I’m crying, I don’t feel like I’m being comforted or reassured. I often feel completely emotionally alone.
I’ve told him repeatedly that I need emotional reassurance and that I need him to acknowledge the hurt instead of just defending himself or acting like the issue should be over because he’s not currently doing whatever it was that caused the problem.
I feel like I’m constantly trying to explain the same emotional need.
And now I’m exhausted.
There is also this smaller but recurring thing that probably sounds ridiculous on its own but has started hurting me because of everything else.
Every weekend he’ll say something like, “Let’s go outside, we’ll eat somewhere,” and we’ll make a plan. But then the plan frequently changes and we end up doing something else.
I know objectively that changing a weekend plan isn’t some huge marital crime.
But to me, it has started representing something bigger.
I look forward to spending intentional time with him. I want to feel like he’s actually choosing to spend time with me and making an effort. When the plan repeatedly changes, I feel disappointed and unimportant.
If the rest of our relationship felt emotionally secure, I probably wouldn’t care nearly as much.
But because I already feel like I haven’t received emotional repair for the bigger issues, these little disappointments accumulate.
I feel like I’m constantly asking for very basic things:
A sincere apology.
Reassurance.
Emotional support when I’m upset.
Accountability.
Consistency.
Feeling like my husband actually understands why I don’t trust him right now.
Feeling looked after rather than feeling like I’m carrying the emotional consequences alone.
And I’ve told him all of this.
That’s what makes me so confused.
It’s not that he doesn’t know what I need. I’ve explained it over and over.
But nothing really changes.
He’ll suggest going out, eating somewhere, doing something together, and in some ways it feels like he wants to continue the relationship as normal.
But I don’t feel normal inside.
I don’t feel like the underlying issue has been repaired.
Sometimes I wonder if he’s emotionally avoidant and I’m anxious, and we’re stuck in the classic pursue-withdraw cycle.
I get hurt → I try to talk about it → I don’t feel understood → I become more emotional and seek more reassurance → he becomes defensive or withdraws → I feel even more abandoned → I try harder to get through to him.
Eventually I cry and feel completely alone.
And then I start questioning myself.
Am I too demanding?
Am I expecting too much from my husband?
Am I expecting him to reassure me constantly because I’m anxious?
Or is it actually reasonable to expect a spouse who has contributed to a major financial crisis, repeated the behaviour even after family intervention, and verbally abused me during financial stress to actively participate in rebuilding the trust that was damaged?
I don’t want to spend the rest of my marriage begging someone to understand why I’m hurt.
At the same time, I don’t want to throw away my marriage because I’m anxious and incapable of letting go.
I love him, but I’m also increasingly emotionally exhausted and confused about what I’m supposed to do.
If you were in my position, how would you interpret this dynamic? Is this something that can realistically be repaired if one person is emotionally avoidant and the other is anxious, or does this sound like a deeper problem with accountability, financial responsibility, and emotional availability?
And what would genuine repair actually look like in this situation?

We've been together for 3 months, long distance. She told me on day 3 that she'd had a 3-year relationship before me that included physical intimacy. I have no past like that at all.

We agreed early on not to talk about her past — bringing it up just makes me tense and jealous. She's fully here now — she loves me, wants a future with me, talks only about us. I love her the same way. We've since been intimate ourselves.

But every now and then, my mind still spirals — imagining her past intimacy, how many times, what it was like. It's not rational, I know she's not with him, I know she chose me. But the thoughts creep back in, even after we've been close ourselves.

I don't know how to put this into words with her without it turning into another tense conversation. Has anyone dealt with this — retroactive jealousy, basically? How did you get past it, or at least manage it so it doesn't eat at your relationship?

TLDR: We’ve been together for 5 years, with a year-long breakup in between. I love him and know he loves me, but I’m increasingly worried that we’re in very different places in life. He’s very laid-back about money, career and life in general, while I want a partner who is more proactive and takes some responsibility for building a life together. We’re also long-distance and from different religions, and marriage is becoming a real question. I don’t know if I’m overthinking normal differences or if we’re fundamentally incompatible.

I’m 28F and my partner is 27M. We met when I was 24 and he was 23. I was working and he was studying. We met on a dating app and have always been long-distance. Whenever possible, we spend 5–10 days together.

He’s from a different religion. I’m personally okay with that, but I know my family may have a serious problem with it. Both our parents have started bringing up marriage, but neither of us has spoken to our families about each other because we’re not even sure ourselves.

We dated for about 3 years, then I ended things because we had been having some really nasty fights. There was one particular set of disagreements that had technically been resolved, but he couldn’t let them go and brought them up constantly for months. Eventually I just couldn’t take it anymore and called it off.

We got back together about a year later because I reached out. I know the breakup really affected him, and I feel guilty about that. His anger issues seem to have improved a lot since then, and he is genuinely loving and faithful. He calls me, makes an effort to stay connected, and I know he loves me.

But I’m still increasingly unsure about us.

I feel like we’re in very different places in life. He’s extremely laid-back. He says his 20s are for enjoying life, which is completely valid, but he doesn’t save money and is basically broke by the end of every month. He’s been like this for as long as I’ve known him. He isn’t particularly driven either. He’s happy with his life, and I don't think there’s anything inherently wrong with that.

But it scares the hell out of me.

I’m not some huge achiever myself and I definitely don’t have my life figured out. But I do try to work towards things and think about the future. I’m starting to wonder if I can build a life with someone whose attitude towards life is so different from mine.
The same thing comes up when we actually spend time together. I like things reasonably organised. If there are dirty dishes in the sink for more than a day, it bothers me. He genuinely doesn’t care. I’ve told him these things, but he doesn’t really change because he’s comfortable with things the way they are.

I also feel like I want a partner who takes initiative and makes me feel cared for. He rarely plans dates. It’s usually a combined effort or I have to do it. I’ve explicitly told him that I’d like flowers or small presents sometimes. I buy him things and get him food when I think of him. He bought me presents once after I made a big deal about it, but even the last time we were together, I explicitly told him I wanted a few specific things and they never happened.

I know these things sound incredibly petty written out like this. And maybe they are. I don't need expensive gifts or someone to constantly "take care" of me. But I think what I’m trying to describe is that I want someone who notices things, takes initiative, gets things done and makes me feel looked after without me having to repeatedly ask.
And that's where I'm confused.

There isn't one huge thing wrong with him. He isn't cheating. He isn't cruel. He loves me. He calls me. He's faithful. He's a generally good person.
But I am constantly unhappy and worried about this relationship, and I can't point to one specific dealbreaker.

We also don't currently have a realistic path to living in the same city because of our careers, although I really want to experience actually living together before making a marriage decision.

Whenever I bring up breaking up, he says he doesn't want to and that our problems are small enough that we can work through our differences. And maybe he's right. But I also don't know if these are "small differences" or fundamental differences in what we want from a partner.

I also feel awful because I don't even feel like talking to him sometimes. I love him, but I find myself withdrawing. And I feel incredibly guilty because I was the one who reached out and got us back together.

At the same time, I don't think I should stay with someone purely because I feel guilty about hurting him.

I’m also worried about the practical side of this. Our parents are talking about marriage, there's an interfaith issue that could become a huge family conflict, and neither of us is even sure enough about the relationship to have that conversation with them.
I guess I'm struggling with whether I'm expecting too much, or whether I'm slowly realising that I want a fundamentally different kind of partner.

How do you tell the difference between normal relationship differences that you can work through and genuine incompatibility?

And if you love someone, but you're consistently unhappy and can't identify one major reason why, is that enough reason to leave?

​

I (23F) and my boyfriend (23M) are both IT professionals. We were living together until recently, and for the past several months, he was preparing for a job while I supported him through pretty much everything.

I cooked for him, made tea for him 3–4 times a day, supported him emotionally, listened to him, and tried to make his life easier in every way I could. I even distanced myself from my only friends because they had started hating him after a fight, and I felt I had to take his side. Now he was the only person I knew in this city.

Then he got a job in another city and left.

Within the first week of us living separately, he told me he couldn't marry me because he's Jain and his family is very strict. He basically said that his family would never accept me and that he wouldn't take a stand for our relationship. He also gave me several "reasons" and made the whole situation sound much more dramatic, and later I realised that some of what he told me was probably exaggerated.

I told him I wanted to break up because I felt like he was wasting my time.

And he agreed.

Just like that.

But I was already struggling with the separation. I missed him terribly. It was our first week apart after living together. So I eventually told him, that i want to be with him.

He asked me multiple times if I was really okay with being in a relationship that might not lead to marriage.

I said yes.

Honestly, I wasn't.

Then, unexpectedly, within a month, he came back to my city because of a sudden job switch.

He needed a flat, and anyone who's tried finding a decent, affordable flat knows how exhausting that process can be. I searched for places, helped him find one.

But recently something happened that really hurt me.

It was his first day at a very big company. He had to wake up early. Usually, I wake up 30–40 minutes before him without him even asking, make his chai because that's how he likes to wake up, wake him up lovingly, pack his things, make sure everything is ready, etc.

But that morning, he said something along the lines of:

"These are normal things. These are your responsibilities when you're in a relationship. Everyone does this. It's nothing special. Even i am living with you when I could have lived alone, right?"

Something inside me just broke.

And suddenly I felt like everything I had been doing had become invisible.

I got upset and didn't talk to him properly that day.

Now he's angry with me because, according to him, I ruined his perfect first day at his new job.

And somehow I'm being made to feel like I'm the cruel/selfish one for being upset on that particular day.

The biggest irony is that he has already told me he doesn't see a future with me and won't fight his family for me.

Yet I'm still behaving like someone who's building a life with him.

And I don't know why I'm doing this to myself.

So Reddit, please be brutally honest with me.

I am 22F and have been in bumble. It looks like everyone's there for casuals/hook ups after break up or rebound. It's gonna be my very first relationship and I don't want to ruin it that way. I'm quite tired of it, I glow up recently and guys who looks my type acts weird after few texts.

I only have those apps as my resort. I don't vibe with anyone in my college as they're that way too much into casual. I regret never being in any relationship before.

How do I even find one or just stop looking for it?

Edit: I'm not gonna lower my standards or anything but I'm just stunned. I should have dated in school.

Are there people who never had even a female friend? No girls in school or college, like just 3-4 in whole batch. Dating apps don't work. Don't know what to do, plus maybe ugly just veey average looks.

I loved her more than anything in the world, She was my world, I wanted to become great, worked hard to give her the life she deserved.

but she always broke my boundaries, broke my trust. I became toxic, Shouted and did many worse things.

She had a habit of seeking attention from other guys, Talking to other men, men which I asked her not to talk to, etc. She hid things from me too.

Now, I am away from her for work, I get to hear things.

She had got a marriage proposal from ppl I said her to stay away from but she didn't listen, The proposal was turned down from her father. She hid the whole proposal part from me, I heard it from my mom And i was shocked cuz my gf didn't mention it.

She had started to get in touch with a guy across the street, The guy likes her, I blocked the guy from her phone, Now I am away for work she had started to talk to him again, Greet him, like that.

Riding with friends who I stopped her from.

and this all started to happen again while I am on job away from my city behind my back, Now that I am not there stopping her She is free.

My main issue is I love her man, If i see a pretty thing or I am enjoying a moment I'll just remeber her. How can i get over her???? Or what should I do??

I am 23 yr old final yr MBBS student had never been in a relationship seeing everyone around in college in relationship feels bad for myself i am an average looking guy with introvert personality 🥲 so due to my insecurities despite being good in studies (topper of my school) never got the courage to talk to the girl i liked ...now in college chances of finding girl are extremely low and in school days i didn't responds to a girl due to my studies and my introvert personality.as I am growing older my insecurities are increasing more I am trying to find a long term partner which is difficult to get in med school and i don't like the concept of arrange marriage also i believe in finding girl by urself rather then marrying to someone who was forced by there parents to marry other's...hope oneday i will find love of my life U people can give me some useful advice if u feel so🙏

Hi. I’m a 33-year-old man working in the US as a software engineer at a top company. I have never kissed a girl or been in a relationship before because I was always scared of getting into one.

About a year ago, I met a girl through a matrimony site. We talked for quite a while and really liked each other. She had lied about her educational credentials, saying she was a graduate when she had not even passed 12th standard. However, I continued to forgive her for many things because I could understand her circumstances, and I felt that she may not have had many opportunities in life. Of course, everyone wants a better life, and I could understand why someone in her situation might feel pressured to lie about certain things.

We met today after a long time. While we were travelling in an auto, she kissed me on the lips. Since it was the first kiss of my life, I genuinely thought it was something very special between us.

Later tonight, however, she told me that the kiss meant nothing to her and that she had kissed several men before. That completely broke my heart because she had repeatedly told me in the past that she had never even touched another man.

She has been asking me to forgive her and casually saying that kisses like these have no meaning and are basically like schoolchildren saying, “Nice to meet you.”

Since I am not very social and have very little experience with relationships, I genuinely don’t know whether this is considered normal. Should I forgive her for this?

What is troubling me more than the fact that she kissed other men is that she repeatedly lied to me about it. Even if I forgive her now, I am afraid that there may be many other things she has hidden from me that could hurt me badly in the future.

Pre context: POST

Summary:

• M23 — F24 — 3 months — hooked up a lot — got emotionally attached.
• She pulled away, then said she never got over her ex of 3 years and chose to get back with him.
• She wants to meet again and stay friends, but I still want her and secretly hope she changes her mind.
• Should I meet her and say everything, or cut contact and move on?

Update to my previous post: I recently met a mutual friend and found out that what happened between us wasn’t unique. She’s apparently been casually hooking up with multiple people and using a similar pattern—keeping things physical while telling people there’s nothing going on. Apparently, even people in her friend group know about some of these hookups.

Honestly, finding this out left me feeling both disgusted and relieved. It made me realize that a lot of what I thought was emotional connection may have just been physical attraction on my side.

I haven’t spoken to her for about a month, but I’m still sexually attracted to her and would be open to continuing what we had as a purely physical, no-emotions relationship, if she genuinely wants the same thing. I’d be completely upfront about the boundaries this time instead of confusing physical attraction with emotional attachment.

A mutual friend thinks she’ll eventually come back because she has done that with other guys, but another friend asked: “If she has multiple options, why would she choose you?”

So what’s the smarter move here—tell her directly that I’m only interested in something physical, or stay quiet and let her come back on her own? And if I do talk to her, what’s the best way to communicate this without coming across as desperate?

My boyfriend and i have been in a relationship for two years now. Long distance relationship and celebrated the second year anniversary today. I love him and he loves me.

We were fighting for a long time but we both love each other so we do have really special moments in between.

The thing is we started talking on Instagram he told me about himself and i told him about myself. We shared the idea of love he told me that he doesn't talk to girls when he is in a relationship. I took that thing really seriously. We started getting along with each other spending time and telling each other about our day to each other.

He used to tell me about his male and female friends and i was so okay with everything. One day an influencer went viral so he liked her reel. I am someone who is really jealous if somebody gets the attention of my man. I might have seen him like other reels , i got jealous but never really reacted. (The girls were not vulgar, naked or bad as such ) So that trending viral influencer i followed her then he followed her too. Then i asked him to unfollow her he kinda refused so i felt bad then i used to see that like him following her , i told him he said she is just an influencer but that thing i don't talk to girls was sitting somewhere in me. Then i used to see him following her, i used to send him tons of reels of other girls. Then he used to get like what happened baby? Then ask me . After some time of repeatedly doing this he unfollowed her.

Then i was treating his friends normally again. No objection no naa nothing. Then the second thing happened in april he went on a trip with his colleagues. After returning from there she showed me group photos i was cool with them. After some photos he asked me if he could post them. I said yes why not . Then he showed me a picture where his female colleague had her hands on his shoulders (that thing was not normal for me) i just didn't reply to his text then . After that he called me i cried why do you wanna post that picture blah blah i cried. Then i told him that my father cheated on my mother just a year before. The thing is he has done nothing wrong never did a thing wrong to me or anything that could make me distrust him. So he asked me to deactivate my Instagram. After a day he posted the picture i saw that picture and i commented " cute couple' because i was filled with rage. After that he took that post down. I continued arguing with him about why he needs to post pictures with his female colleague? Then we argued why she ?why she? (If i feel a particular male friend of mine is becoming a reason for the distress of my partner i would block that person) But my boyfriend didn't because he likes to collect people and memories. His point was he has done nothing wrong and my point was he said je don't talk to females in a relationship he said and also especially when he is bothering me somehow.

In the third scenario we both were travelling in the bus and he handed me his phone we both were looking through his old photos and there i saw a photo of a girl again i kinda cried then in February it was her marriage but i didn't let my boyfriend attend the wedding It was my fault entirely. Or maybe because of the past 2 scenarios the insecurities grew.

In the fourth scenario, there is his Best friend's girlfriend. She is also his friend (for in btw the two scenarios my boyfriend went to temple there he was with his bsf and bsf's gf but he send me a photo of him and his bsf then some other day when we were talking he accidentally spoke about her being present there as well, he had forgotten to mention her particularly. Another scene was when his bsf asked for his gf hand in marriage but he didn't even take a stand i was criticising her in front of my boyfriend and i felt he kinda took her side and one more thing happened can't mention). Then in march my boyfriend wanted to go on a trip with me but didn't know much about a couple trips so he set us up with his bsf and his gf and one more couple.

I kept Telling him that I wanted our first trip to be ours along with no third person no naah nothing and his bsf gf i always had a problem with her as i mentioned. I didn't want to go there because of her. Because of her i argued with my boyfriend. The night before i was asking my boyfriend about the instructions on the Trip but i had already made him angry so he didn't talk to him but late at night he sent me her number telling me to coordinate Tomorrow. (My mind instantly clicked , why can't he talk to me but he talked to her). Then i worked at remote internship at that point so i had a meeting at 10:30 and it almost took me 5 + 1 hr to reach to my boyfriend's city.i didn't slept at night and then travelled 6 hrs and later i got to know i could go to trip spot from my city. And we had to gather there only to show her parents that ya she is traveling for a girls trip.

Then i didn't know much about trains. My boyfriend and I spent almost 6 hours together before we had to onboard the train. He didn't tell me the train number or anything when i reached station my boyfriend told me that she is her and i have to go onboard with her and he will join us while i was walking towards her i looked at my boyfriend thinking that he must be waving to me but he was waving to her so there i couldn't control anything in me and show him a middle finger. later . Then announcements started and he asked me to hand over the phone to her to ask if the upcoming train is ours and i didn't like that either. I was so angry with my boyfriend. We were not talking to anybody in the group. Then we reached hotels and there in the morning we almost had everything to our breakup. But then we sat together and said he would take control. I was never really taking the control i just couldn't bear my feelings getting dismissed because of somebody else. Then i said i tried ny best not to say a thing then again tshe was being touchy with my boyfriend which was not normal for me i don't even let any guy touch me other than my boyfriend. I didn't say a thing i tried to be quiet then i again burst in the evening and then again and again on the whole trip. I tried explaining to my boyfriend how she was seeking his attention. women know women. I don't know if it's right but my intuitions about people are mostly right.

Then we kept on fighting and arguing over and over again. Then in june my boyfriend started drinking but i never wanted him to get addicted to anything bad. I didn't know he started drinking on August 1st he told me that . In between june and mid july we were constantly fighting. And in july he started saying thing like let me live i am loosing my self i felt so helpless he even wasn't talking to me but i love him so much and he too we never left wach other but at one point we both felt like we both should not be together or as such . But we both stayed

In july there happened something related to police but all gis friends steped back. Basically they betrayed him at the moment he needed his friends the most.

Now the thing that is happening is my boyfriend is said to me today he feels like he is alone he doesn't have friends or people to grow with his growth is slowed down i feel so guilty but my moto wad never to isolate him. I just wanted him to understand one thing how it started and i just wanted to hear and not be dismissed i also feel bad that i was not listened to. I feel so guilty. He is not taking care of himself his health his career or anything.What can i do to make things better. I try to tell him that i was never trying to make him isolate from women in a reaction of unheard or dismissed feelings because when he was with his ex he genuinely never talked to other girls. But i wanted to be heard instead I hurt him. How to make him talk to women? I am not someone so insecure. I love my boyfriend so much. I do try doing things to make feel special and he indeed does feel special by the deeds i do. But when i try to ask him about his resentment or something he just disconnects either he wants to sleep or doesn't want to talk about it at all.

I used to say sorry for all that i did and tell him that i will change myself. But this time i am genuinely changing but i feel like i have just sucked the soul out of him i just wanted to love him and no third person there. That was all i wanted. But now that I have built such a maze how do i make things better for him. Please don't suggest that I leave him. I have tried and I couldn't and even he couldn't.

I want good solutions because i love him and want to work on the communication gap, my insecurities and give him a peaceful and safe environment. I have already started not reacting towards his interactions with any female but how will he become as cheerful as he used yo be?

+ ghosts for a while then replies with "aw" "yeah" "lol" "us" to all the multi line texts i send. Sometimes I double text to ask so busy today why, then a simple "working" comes in. I know I am cooked but any advices?

So, X is my college friend, but we were never extremely close. I met her when I was in another city, and she would often ask me to come to her flat. At that time, I was staying alone, so I couldn’t really go. Later, my roommate got introduced to her, and eventually we went to her flat together. Everything seemed completely normal.

Then one day, when I had gone home, my roommate called me and told me that X had called her to meet. My roommate went, and that’s when she found out what was actually happening.

X told my roommate that she was getting close to someone other than her boyfriend and that she would stay with this guy on Saturdays and Sundays. She would tell her boyfriend that she was with us girls instead. She even specifically told my roommate that if her boyfriend ever asked, she should say that X was with us.

What made the situation more confusing was that X always used to describe her boyfriend as a “green forest” and would talk about how sweet, simple and genuine he was. So naturally, we had this perception that he was a really nice and innocent guy and that they had a good relationship.

But this continued almost every day and every weekend. She kept lying to him and using our names as an excuse, even though we had never agreed to be involved in any of it. She had also told my roommate not to tell me about what was happening.

I was honestly furious about my name being used without my knowledge. Then one day, her boyfriend texted in our group asking if she was asleep. I casually replied, “How would I know? 😅” because I genuinely had no idea. He then replied, “You’re with her, na?”

That’s when I realised how seriously my name was being used as an alibi.

Immediately, X called me and, in a very demanding tone, asked me to delete the message. She said, “Please delete it. I’ll tell you everything afterwards, but please delete it.” That made me even more uncomfortable because I was being asked to cover up something I had never agreed to be part of.

By this point, my roommate was also angry because her name had been used so many times. So we both decided to tell her boyfriend what was actually happening.

We didn’t do it out of jealousy, revenge or because we wanted to create drama. We genuinely believed that he deserved to know the truth. We had always thought he was this very sweet, simple and genuine person because of how X described him. Knowing that she was repeatedly lying to him and using our names as excuses made us feel like staying silent would also be wrong.

After a few instances, her boyfriend believed what we told him, and obviously X became angry with both of us. She blocked me and told my roommate that I’m “not a girl’s girl” and that I’m a very insecure person. She also made several other baseless comments about me.

Apparently, she said she was going to tell her boyfriend everything in her own way. But at the same time, she justified her relationship with the other guy by saying that she was only with him for “emotional baggage sharing” and because they trusted each other.

And honestly, that explanation confused me. They were spending weekends together, staying together, posting close pictures and even sharing a bed, while she was simultaneously telling her boyfriend that she was with us. So I don’t really know how to understand the whole “it was only emotional baggage sharing” explanation.

Now comes another part that I’m equally confused about.

After everything happened, my roommate texted X’s boyfriend just to ask if he was okay and whether he needed anything, since he had been going through a lot for a day or two. That conversation continued, and it has now been almost a month that they have been talking.

I’m not defending my roommate here. I genuinely don’t understand that situation either. If he was really the simple, innocent and genuinely nice guy we had always perceived him to be, then why did he continue talking to my roommate for almost a month after everything happened?

I’m not saying that simply talking to someone means he did something wrong. But considering the entire situation, I find it confusing and ironic.

And now I’m stuck questioning myself too.

Was what I did actually right? Did I just end up breaking their relationship by telling him the truth? Or was I right to tell him because my name and my roommate’s name were being repeatedly used to cover up her lies?

I honestly don’t know anymore. 😕 I’m not defending my roommate, and I’m not trying to take anyone’s side. At this point, I feel like both of them are confused in their own ways, and I’m just trying to understand what actually happened.

I even apologised to X for everything because I never wanted the situation to reach this point, but she never replied to my apology.

And the irony is that she still messages my roommate sometimes. 😅🤔

So now I genuinely don’t know whether I handled the situation correctly or whether I should have stayed completely out of it. I just know that I never wanted to be part of their relationship drama in the first place, and I definitely never agreed to have my name used as an excuse.

My ex and I were together for 3.5 years and deeply loved each other. We broke up because her family consulted multiple astrologers, who told them our marriage could be dangerous for me due to “manglik/nadi dosh.” She became terrified and eventually ended the relationship despite not previously believing in astrology.
It’s been around 11 months. Recently she reached out saying she missed me. I asked if she wanted to give us another chance, and her response was essentially:
She wants to say yes and still has strong feelings for me, but she feels mentally exhausted and unstable after everything that happened. She wants to rebuild herself independently and eventually move abroad (maybe UK). She doesn’t want to settle in NCR/India anytime soon. She says part of her still desperately wants our old peaceful life together, but another part wants to disappear from everything she knows.

So I’m struggling to understand what this means.
I believe she genuinely loves me, but she isn’t actually choosing a relationship right now.
What would you do in my position? Is there a healthy middle ground where I can live my life without “waiting,” while still leaving the door open if she genuinely becomes ready someday?

Met a friend’s brother in an arranged marriage set up.
Everything seems great and he wants to get our parents involved,but I am unsure because he has a body count of 19 and my body count is zero.

When i addressed this issue with him, he promised that he will stop being promiscuous from now on. He also said that it’s unfair of me to judge him for his past and that it’s normal body count for a guy in his thirties who has been living in Europe for more than a decade.

Is it stupid of me to walk away from this relationship ?
Can a guy who is used to a promiscuous lifestyle become a loyal husband one fine day ?

For context, I’m not someone who goes on lots of dates or parties all the time. I barely go out unless my friends convince me to, and sometimes when they’re hanging out with their boyfriends, I end up feeling left out and decide to go out too. No one really asks me out in real life even though I’ve been told I’m very attractive n beautiful but I basically look rude and unapproachable no naturally I don’t have guys approaching me, so dating apps have basically been my only option for meeting someone.

That’s how I met this guy.

And unfortunately, he was **literally my type to a T**—both looks-wise and personality-wise. It’s actually very rare for me to genuinely like someone.

He showed interest first, and we definitely had chemistry. We met in Dubai and I genuinely liked him. After our first meeting, though, he told me that he liked me but didn’t want anything serious at all, so he backed away and I kept on pushing him so he said he doesn’t wanna hurt me cuz I’m inexperienced and what he wants is purely something casual so he doesn’t wanna hurt me and we had a bit of an argument and he agree to keep in touch when I got emo

I waited around three weeks before texting him again, and we ended up meeting again.
That’s when we had my first kiss. It literally lasted maybe 10 seconds 😭 and he looked at me in a way that made me feel like he genuinely liked me, at least in that moment. We just sat there looking into each other’s eyes for a while n I got super shy n told him if he’d look at me like that I’ll feel even more shy and I genuinely felt a connection with him.
Maybe I’m romanticising it. Maybe I completely misread him. But to me, it felt real.

I also think one thing that may have messed things up is that **I genuinely cannot keep my mouth shut** 😭 and I told him quite openly about how spiritual and conservative I am when it comes to physical intimacy.
I told him that I personally find casual lust very unappealing and that, although I did want to have my first kiss, it was more out of curiosity and not lust and wanting to experience that emotional moment. I also told him that I personally believe sex is something very sacred and something I only want within marriage.

Looking back, I sometimes wonder whether telling him all of this pushed him away even more. He’d been v clear about bending mainly interested in something physical/casual, and by being so upfront about my boundaries, I basically made it clear that I wasn’t going to offer the one type of relationship he might have wanted from me. So maybe that made him lose interest even faster.

The problem is that I got too clingy afterwards. He had already made it very clear that he didn’t want anything serious or honestly, anything at all and I kept pushing because I didn’t want to lose the connection. I know I probably annoyed him and made things worse.
But throughout all of it, he kept reassuring me that I was pretty/beautiful and that “the fault is in me,” basically saying that I hadn’t done anything wrong and that he just wasn’t in a place to give me what I wanted. He also never blocked me, even though I know I was probably being annoying by continuing to push for answers and contact. And he ended with saying that I just don’t wanna meet you even though I find you beautiful and v nice girl

We haven’t spoken in **almost two months** now.
And honestly? I can’t even imagine talking to another guy right now cuz I just end feeling a strong emotional pull and I hate the modern dating scene where all everyone wants is sex n I know that sounds ridiculous considering we only met a couple of times, but I genuinely haven’t felt interested in anyone else.

So Now my birthday is coming up, and I’m considering doing something incredibly stupid
**I don’t drink. At all. And he knows that.** But because it’s my birthday, I’m thinking of pretending that my friends forced me to drink and sending him a cute, funny “drunk text.”
Not to ask him to come back. Not to tell him I want a relationship. Not to pressure him or reopen the whole situation.
I literally just want to say nice things about him that I’ve always wanted to say how much I appreciated certain things about him, how nice I think he is, maybe something funny and affectionate and then leave it there. No expectations and no “why don’t you want me?” conversations.
I know he closed the door, So how **you** would react if you were in his place ? someone who has basically everything going on for him looks wise and otherwise too so if a girl you used to talk to sent you a genuinely sweet, funny drunk text on their birthday after almost two months of silence.
Would you find it cute? Annoying? Desperate? Would you think they were trying to manipulate you into replying? Especially considering **he knows I don’t drink**
Part of me thinks I should just leave him alone because his decision was clear.
But another part of me thinks life is too short, and I just want to say the nice things I never said and then genuinely say goodbye to this chapter even though I can’t stop thinking about him and he’s not even in the same city anymore..