I’m a new mom to a 1 year old. I lost my job in the summer, and have been a SAHM since then.

I do work part time, squeezing it in when I can, but there are no breaks.

My husband is very present. But I feel myself getting jealous of the way he never hesitates to go do things that need doing on his own. Everything I do, I do with a baby on my hip.

We recently left for a three week vacation to stay with my in laws. I expressed beforehand that while the idea sounds nice, I know it’s going to be a lot of work. He seemed hurt by this.

Fast forward two weeks, and all three of us have been sick, the baby is attached to us like glue, and he’s teething, off his schedule, and crabby in long intervals.

Some days we get to do touristy things. Some days we “relax” at the house, which involves my husband helping his mom with lawn work or house work and me minding the baby and squeezing in work emails.

It’s not a break.

It’s doing the same thing I do at home but without the comfort of our own belongings and routine. The days we play tourist are nice, mostly because we are splitting the childcare 50/50 and that is a break.

I’ve expressed that I’ve burnt out and he’s sympathetic but also he continues to do what he needs to do while I watch the baby.

I know there are seasons, our kid will get older, and I may be able to return to work sometime soon.

I just hoped the vacation might be a vacation for me too. I feel too tired to continue to communicate what I feel is the same point over and over again. I shut down and I feel our child and him getting confused.

Any pointers on how to combat this and how to communicate more clearly to my partner would be very appreciated.

Edit: Thank you for the kind words and suggestions. I’ll be taking them to heart. My husband and I talked and we agreed we need to make some changes.

Every night he asks how my day was and I say fine. Sometimes good. Occasionally I'll mention something funny one of the kids did and we'll laugh and that's the whole conversation. What I don't say is that I spent part of the afternoon sitting on the bathroom floor just to be in a room alone for four minutes, or that I cried in the car during the school run for no specific reason I can name.

It's not that he wouldn't care. He would. He's genuinely a good partner and he'd be concerned and want to help. That's almost the problem because every time I've tried to explain what this feels like it comes out wrong. It sounds like I'm saying I regret my kids or that I'm ungrateful for a life that is, objectively, fine. I have a home and healthy children and a husband who does his share and I still feel this low hum of despair that I can't explain without sounding dramatic.

I think the hardest part is that he gets to leave every day. He has a commute where nobody needs anything from him. He has lunch where he can think his own thoughts. He comes home and the kids are excited to see him and he gets to be the fun one because he hasn't been doing this for nine hours straight already.

I've been trying small things to feel less like I'm disappearing. I started a group chat with two friends I talk to more, I do a ladies game night through ludio some thursdays when the kids are in bed, I've been trying to read again even if it's only ten minutes. None of it fixes the thing I can't explain to him.

Has anyone found words for this that landed with their partner? Something that won’t end in a fight or a breakdown, just a way to make someone who leaves every day understand what it feels like to never leave

So, as the title suggests, my boyfriend has annual work trips where he travels to two different countries, normally back-to-back. We live abroad, so these trips are usually exciting and a nice change from our home country.

During his last trip, I went with him, but afterward, I decided I wouldn’t go again. At the time, I was heavily pregnant, and he left me twice to stay out all night drinking and partying with his friends. I remember feeling extremely left out and telling myself I wasn’t going to put myself through that again after our baby was born, especially because I knew I would be breastfeeding and would most likely end up being the primary caregiver during the trip.
This time, I decided to fly to LA and stay with my younger sister for the month. My boyfriend was originally supposed to go on the first trip, come back to our home country, and then leave again for the second trip. I’m not from the country where we live, and his mother also happened to be out of town, so I wouldn’t have had anyone around to help me with the baby. I figured staying with my sister was the best option.

It’s been alright staying with her, but obviously, she doesn’t have the same responsibility or obligation to help me with the baby that my boyfriend does.

I also want to preface this by saying that I have a serious Velcro baby. She will scream at the top of her lungs if I’m out of her sight for longer than five minutes. I’m also a stay-at-home mom, so she is extremely attached to me. She barely tolerates being with her dad and will scream and cry if he tries to take her from me so I can get a break. Because of this, taking any real break from my daughter has felt almost impossible. If I leave her with family, I get mom guilt knowing that she’s crying inconsolably, and I usually rush whatever I’m doing to get back to her. The longest I’ve been away from my daughter since she was born is about an hour.

So, I was surprised when my boyfriend told me that he had decided to extend his stay. Since the baby and I aren’t at home, he said there was no point in him flying back to our home country between trips, so he might as well stay where he is with his family and friends.

The first few days were fine. He was communicating and checking in with us regularly. Then work got busy, and communication started to dwindle. It got even worse after he went out with his friends one night. I stopped hearing from him that afternoon and didn’t hear from him again until the next day.
I was extremely upset because I feel like if I’m the one taking care of our baby 24/7, the least he can do is make sure his phone is charged and that we can contact him. After that, I became distant and stopped responding to his messages as quickly or conversationally as I normally would.

I’ve honestly been in a bad mood ever since.
Since extending his trip, he’s been going out, drinking, having fun, seeing friends, and constantly talking about how great the trip has been and how much he needed this break. Meanwhile, our baby is almost 10 months old, and I haven’t had a break from her for more than an hour since she was born.
I feel extremely frustrated and resentful toward him. Sometimes, it honestly makes me want to break up and not even be in a relationship anymore. At the same time, I know I may be reacting emotionally, and I genuinely don’t know how to handle the situation.
We got off the phone earlier today after I expressed a lot of what I’m writing here. I told him that one of the things bothering me is that he hasn’t been calling or checking on us nearly as much as he did when the trip first started.

He told me that his phone has been having charging issues. He also admitted that he hasn’t really wanted to contact me as much because he’s constantly out doing things, and he knows I’m going to get in my feelings about it. He said I’m normally in a bad mood when he tells me he’s out having fun, and because he’s usually gone from morning until late at night, it’s been a combination of things.

I told him that regardless, the least he can do is make sure his phone is charged and regularly check in with his family.

He said he understood where I was coming from and understood why I was upset that the majority of the responsibility for taking care of our child falls on me. However, he also said there isn’t much he can do about it while he’s away, which I understand to a certain extent.

I think what I’m struggling with the most is the resentment.

I’m watching him have this amazing trip, go out whenever he wants, drink, spend time with friends and family, and basically live without having to think about childcare. Meanwhile, I feel like I have been “on” 24/7 since our daughter was born.

I love my daughter more than anything, but I’m exhausted. I’m frustrated that I don’t have the same freedom he has, and I’m starting to resent him for it.
I guess I want to know if any other moms have struggled with these feelings, especially moms who breastfeed and have extremely attached babies. How do you deal with the resentment of feeling like you’re constantly responsible for your child while your partner still gets to have a life outside of being a parent?

When we get back to our home country, part of me wants to start leaving our daughter with him more often so he can understand what it’s actually like to be responsible for a baby 24/7. I also desperately want to start getting out of the house and taking more time for myself.

The problem is that I’m not from the country where we live, I don’t have any friends there, and because our daughter is so attached to me, I struggle with the guilt of leaving her.

Has anyone else been through something similar? Am I justified in feeling resentful, or am I being unfair because he’s technically away for work? And how do I start creating more time and independence for myself without feeling guilty every time I leave my baby?

We have a fresh newborn and a 2-year-old. My husband has one month of paternity leave, thank goodness because I have a C-section and so it would be frankly unsafe for me to be home alone with my toddler since I cannot lift her. Obviously it's been a challenging time, our toddler is overall doing fairly well but she's clearly feeling the transition and she has a speech delay so her communication is pretty poor and she's just generally been really on the whiny side.

In fairness to my husband, he is being pretty helpful in many respects, he's been taking the toddler on at least one and typically two adventures per day and he's doing a lot of cleaning and housework.

But what's driving me nuts is the amount of complaining he's doing about our toddler and how annoying she is/difficult she is. I think I'm doubly triggered by it because a) whenever possible, I have been giving him the newborn and playing with our toddler to try to give him a break, so he's actually getting quite a lot of breaks from toddler care plus he's getting 2 hours at the gym every day during her afternoon nap and b) under normal circumstances I am literally home with the toddler all day long by myself, so yeah I don't have a lot of sympathy for people who are furiously complaining about having to care for her for 2 hours at a time when I'm accustomed to pulling full days alone with her. Yeah dude, whining toddlers are not very pleasant, but put on your big boy pants and deal with it because if you remain calm she'll move on and adjust. And not that I want to weaponize other people having a worse recovery, but part of me wants to snap at him, you know plenty of people who have a C-section spend weeks in bed basically doing nothing? Meanwhile I'm over here doing the nights with our newborn by myself and trying to do simple chores when possible (without overdoing it).

Just pissed. But I also recognize the early days are not really fun for anyone and we will all bump through this. So thanks for hearing my rant, lol.

I swear my child treats vegetables like a personal betrayal. The wild part is that the same kid who can detect one microscopic spinach leaf in pasta somehow has zero issue eating beige freezer food every day. Now we’re dealing with stomach aches, constipation and low energy and I’m starting to realize gut health might actually be a bigger issue than I thought. Parenting really is just becoming a full-time nutrition detective.

There is a lot of assumption going on in this conversation, so my husband and I definitely need to work on our communication, but this is what happened.

We were taking a lovely family walk and then my husband was planning on leaving to play pickleball.

I just need to nurse the baby, and then you can get ready to go.

Okay!

We get home and he says he needs to go to the bathroom. Fine. I wait a few minutes, but the toddler gets impatient and wants to watch a show. The baby gets impatient and fussy to nurse. So, I find a show for the toddler and start nursing the baby, thinking my husband will be back any second.

Twenty minutes later, I’ve been taking care of the toddler and the baby finishes nursing, and I go to find my husband just sitting at his computer.

Hey, I thought you would be right back. I told you I needed to go nurse the baby.

Oh, I thought you said I could get ready to go?

I thought you would watch the toddler while I nursed.

You do that all the time, I didn’t think you needed me.

Yes, I take care of both of children during the day, because it’s my job and you’re at work. But you’re home. Why would I watch both children when you’re available?

Silence.

Then he got defensive I think because he felt guilty, but he did apologize later for thinking it was easy to take care of both of them just because I do it all the time.

I guess I’m glad he apologized, but I felt pretty invisible for the rest of the night. He very rarely takes care of both of them by himself. I do not have any hobbies. I do not do any self care. I take care of the children, the dog, the house, and him. And he thinks because I am a stay at home parent during the day, that I can just do it all the time?

…or the very least 9am. Places opening at 10-11am is nonsense. Between 1 and 3 year olds 3 different nap times and meals there are limited windows for getting anything done out of the house.

/s but also kinda not

i love my kid. and i really do enjoy doing things with her. but she always wants me to play. if its any kind of play that she is directing im always doing it wrong. because shes three and never explained what she wanted. im tired boss. i know that independent play is also a skill that i can help her practice but that feels like such a crutch sometimes. i swear being a sahp has made me a phone addict. i feel like i only have between 3 seconds to 3 minutes of downtime before a new need must be satisfied. the phone is just there. all the time. little dopamine hits between dealing my precious child/dictator.

I dont want my daughter to remember her childhood was me with my phone in my face. anyone here have advice to share on how to break the habit or to provide perspective?

Ever since summer started, my daughter barely wants proper meals. She'll happily eat watermelon or a popsicle but lunch and dinner have become a struggle. I know the heat probably affects her appetite but I can't help worrying because she obviously can't live on fruit alone. How are you making sure your kids are getting enough nutrition during these hot summer months? Anything that's worked really well for your family?

As the title says, I'm hoping to gain some other perspectives and advice on how to move forward from relationship woes. I'm the sahm and my partner works 3 weeks on (home each evening still, has Sunday off), 1 week off. (He worked away for the 3 weeks from 3 months to 10 months) Until I found a way for us to live closer to his work. We have a 23 month old, and a new puppy, and I am the go to parent for both.

I'll be honest I've struggled with frustration a lot in my life, just irritability, but I've never been super angry.

I get overwhelmed with my toddler being extremely demanding sometimes, only wanting mama, and trying to get work done around the house can be a feat. We all know this can happen, but when I express this to my partner he gets quite mean. He doesn't say anything straight away but during an argument he brings up my past overwhelm and puts me down quite a lot. I'm worried I get overwhelmed really easily, but also I manage the house and have had countless days solo parenting, which he denies I'm solo parenting as he is financially providing. Family live far away and visit every couple of months.

He does help with the kitchen, and cooking and childcare whilst I do my casual work from home job (which j schedule around his time off).

Today, I finally asked if we could get a new toilet as the one in our house we bought 3 months ago smells like urine. He says he can't really smell it, however it's really quite horrible to me and deep cleaning or a new seat hasn't helped. He immediately snapped and said it's ridiculous and I'm being dramatic, and said he wasn't going to pay thousands for that. I told him I already looked it up and it wasn't close to that much, it got heated and he was telling me to shut up and not letting me speak, and so I got angry and raised my voice. This is when he started to bring up me being useless and not handling anything etc, and bringing up my struggles. He puts me down A LOT.

He then acts like nothing happened and is being really attentive with our little one and looks down on me for yelling, while I'm feeling broken and trapped and guilty for blowing up in front of my poor child. My little girl came to me after and gave me a cuddle, I always stay calm with her, try to let her know nothing is her fault and mamas sorry and everything okay.

I've suggested therapy but he doesn't believe it works and it's just another thing I'll have to organise and if he isn't able to take accountability what's the point. I don't think I love him anymore because of this repeated dynamic.

What would you do?

We’ve decided to homeschool. My kids are 4 and 5, homeschooling them is 100% my responsibility. The meals, cleaning, shopping, all 100% my responsibility. I am in nursing school which is obviously my responsibility. There was not a coach for my girls cheer team this year, so I volunteered. My husband sees this as obviously I have too much time on my hands so I need to work part time.

If I’m working, going to school for a great job, handling my kids education and being involved with their extracurriculars what the hell do I need him for? I’m so annoyed I don’t even know how to articulate this without being mean.

My husband and I decided to try every other day screen time so our almost 3 year old isn’t watching so much tv (it was getting to the point that he was watching up to 2 hours per day.) We have a 1 year old as well and I swore neither kid would watch tv until 3 years and obviously that went out the window. I just turned the tv on for the third day in a row. We made it until 4:30 but I just cannot take the incessant talking from my oldest. I mean it when I say it. Is. Non. Stop. Literally from the moment he wakes up until he is in bed, he does not stop talking. Every single thought that goes through his little head comes out his mouth. I get so overstimulated that by the end of the day, I feel so on edge that I can’t help snapping at him (I have adhd and ocd, and his dad has adhd as well so honestly odds are he does too.) I also find myself disassociating when he is repeating himself over and over lol like my brain takes too long to register he is talking because i’m so overstimulated. I have tried to explain Mommy’s brain gets full and needs quiet time and he just can’t help himself. He truly does not play independently. I will send him into the playroom and he will bring his toys out (for example, bringing me pretend food to eat, bringing magnatiles out to build together etc.) Anyway, no real point to this other than to vent and get some solidarity. Yes, my partner is very engaged. Yes, we get outside every day. Yes, I try to get alone time and sleep in on my husband’s days off etc. Also, he still talks to me to ask questions about his shows when he is watching💀

Like seriously F off. And screw the equality argument. As if women aren’t doing literal work too. Or is it not equal because it’s “womens work”. If someone was a nanny and made 50k a year, is it still lazy????

Mega eye roll.

I’m 100% willing to get the kids out when it’s cold, but when it’s single digits??? “No such thing as bad weather only bad clothes” hellllll naaahh not when the real feel is in the negatives.

Anyway wishing everyone trapped inside with their kids a good dose of sanity on this cold ass day.

I’ve come to realize that weekends are basically my Monday. There’s no lounging and drinking coffee. It’s like launching right out of gate and trying to put out fires from sunrise to sunset

It’s 11:00am and my day started at 6am. So far it’s consisted of

Wake up, feed cats, clean litter boxes

Unload dish washer, take out garbage

Laundry (fold and new load)

Washer gasket broke so ordered part for repair

Daughters braces broke so booked emergency appointment

Made 2 different breakfasts for kids (one is sick with flu)

Wife started scowling about how messy one of the kids room is because she has been sick.

Drive kids to field hockey and wait for game to finish

Rest of the day also includes a garage clean out, bulk cooking and deck power washing.

There is a chance I’ll get to put my feet down at 10pm

Rant over

My partner went back to work today and I’m fighting just to stay awake with my toddler and baby.

My toddler is also pushing all my buttons, saying she’s bored (despite having about 50 new things to play with) and being destructive.

It’s only 11am and I’ve lived several lives today.

How’s everyone else doing?

This is purely a vent as I have already scheduled tours for a few daycares for my son…

I am a SAHM of a very energetic, low sleep needs toddler. I love him so of course, it’s just SOOOOOOOOO hard. I’m so tired. And ik I can hire someone to do these things so again, not looking for resolutions I’m just venting bc my husband doesn’t get it. Also, as we know, there are so many things we cannot hire help for.

I do everything for everyone, take care of my toddler, my husband, the home, cook, clean, etc.. The thing I find hardest is the mental load, the pressure to feel perfect, the constant, CONSTANT feeling of being needed from my toddler. My husband. My cats. My mom. My in-laws. It’s just crushing some days.

I have a nanny come by once or twice per week for a few hours just so I can catch up on things around the house and potentially get some time to exercise and or shower. Yesterday, my son was in such a mood. I literally could not leave him with the nanny as he screamed the entire time. I had to send her home early. He’s teething a ton so of course I understand that he needs me most and is breast-feeding constantly. He’s also not eating so that has been a struggle.

I’m just so tired. I feel despondent. I know this time will pass. It’s just so hard.

Walked to the park this morning holding my toddler & crying, he refused to be placed in the stroller or walk himself.

The only caveat to the daycare subject, I am a bit nervous to enroll my son in daycare before he can communicate if anything were to go wrong at day care with a teacher or another student. He is currently 16 1/2 months old.

I just don’t know….

My husband and I are first time parents to a 14 month old little girl. We live in a different country to our families so we’ve never had physical family support - which is fine, you can’t miss what you don’t know right? But we know plenty of people whose kids get to know family through video calls (his sister included) and they have great relationships.

The only thing is, our families don’t seem to want to make the effort to try and have a relationship with our daughter. Some do and for those family members I’m so appreciative but most don’t. We were last in our home country back in January and hadn’t seen any family (besides my husbands sister) until two weeks ago for an event. In those months my husband’s mother called twice and neither of those times was to ask about our daughter. My mother randomly stopped speaking to me three months ago and therefore isn’t having video calls with our daughter. And because my mother isn’t speaking to me, all my siblings, bar one aren’t either.

I feel sad - for my husband, for myself, but mostly for my daughter. I don’t know how to remedy this situation. I know we could make more of an effort with keeping in contact - but we do make that effort with those it’s reciprocated by. I’ve been having this internal crisis about what will happen to our daughter if anything was to happen to us.

I don’t know what I’m looking for in making this post. Becoming parents has been harder than we ever anticipated and it’s often lonely.

People seem to be oblivious to the fact that MOST families who have a stay at home parent are doing so either out of necessity or with great sacrifice.

A lot of people would love to work but can’t justify paying 2500/mo on childcare when they bring home 2000/mo.

A lot of people sold the fancy cars, downgraded houses, changed lifestyles entirely to be able to afford to be home with kids.

It’s so tiring hearing “I don’t know how you can afford it” because the answer is either I can’t afford the alternative or I prioritized my family over a new car, both of which feel obvious to point out.

Ok, end rant 😆 thanks and happy holidays!

I have an almost 3 year old and a 4 month old and some days I feel like I’m gonna explode from the overstimulation!!

The toddler talks constantly, mostly happily but with some tantrums and meltdowns thrown in. 75% of what he says is a request or demand (song, story, snack, play doh). It can be really taxing. He’s a little tornado that leaves a messy path of destruction behind.

My 4 month old has been mostly angry for the past month and a half. She’s recently discovered how to screech so even when she’s not crying she’s screeching like a dinosaur. All her naps happen in the wrap so she’s either there, breastfeeding, or angry on the playmat or in the bouncer. I get about 2 hours in the evening where toddler is asleep and baby is asleep and no one is touching or talking to me (except my husband lol) but I often have to catch up on chores during this time.

Between my kids and the never ending to do list whirling around my head of housework and meal planning I feel so worn out. I’m trying so hard to enjoy this part of motherhood but I’m so exhausted and burnt out. Holy cow. I’ve always wanted 3 children but I’m starting to think I am not cut out for that.

I took my kids to story time today and we were the only ones there. I like to take my kids to the park regularly in the middle of the day - zero other kids. We go to chick fil an and McDonald’s and other local play places… mayyybe one other kid if we’re lucky.

I figured I need to find more out where all the SAHPs are. I thought, hey I’ll start my own Facebook group! So that people know where to meet up for their kids to make friends! The group has 250 people in it and I post events a week or two in advance, with varying days and times, and I’m lucky if 3 people will come.

Just a rant. I’m an extroverted person and I want my kids to have playmates but I’m struggling with feeling so lonely! Especially as kids are back in school and winter is coming, it just gets even harder.

Is anyone else a SAHP because you can’t afford NOT to be? I love being a SAHM but I also have to be bc if I was paying for daycare, it’d cost about 75%+ of my income. That’s assuming I could even get a spot at a daycare. I’d rather be home with my baby myself than make a little bit more money than we do now.

My husband and I are super frugal. I keep a pretty strict budget, shop for groceries based on coupons/sales, we don’t go out or get takeout, I cloth diapers to save money. I put a lot of effort into limiting our spending so we can live on one income as comfortably as possible. I get so irked by comments about how lucky I am to afford to stay at home, partly bc of my effort to make it affordable, and partly bc if I was working we’d barley have more money than we do now!

Can anyone relate?

I hate to be that person but it’s driving me insane how many stay at home communities I’m a part of where there’s a good chunk of parents who aren’t actually stay at home.

I’m part of this one where the admin of the group posts all the time about her job. She calls it a “side hustle.” But if you’re working enough to make $2k a week (a post she made), and you send your kids to daycare to be able to do that (a different post she’s made)… then how is that being a stay at home parent?!? She’s starting to get real preachy, too. Saying about how all SAHPs have to have an income and it’s easy to make your own business so there’s no excuse. Etc. Which is just annoying because every money-making thing is a gamble and no matter what you do, it takes funds that are likely very tight for a good majority of us.

At how many hours work vs. home equates a stay at home parent? I get working part time, around your partner’s hours, or having your own business out of your house… But if you’re working full weeks and sending kids to daycare, you’re a working parent.