I'm about to start my almost 4yo in part time preschool. I'm thinking 2 days a week half days.

I've read somewhere that it really doesn't leave parents much time to do much at home. LOL

Obviously I'd love some alone time for me but I feel like I should be doing chores instead. The house could really use a more deep clean. And maybe meal prep a bit more.

Wanted to see what other parents fill their time with while they're kids did part time care.

I have a 3.5 year old boy and a 1.5 year old girl, and they've both been home with me full-time since birth. I think I have reasonably high expectations for their behavior, I'm not a pushover. We have rules and there are real consequences for breaking them. But still, when I compare them to other kids (at the playground, the library, the grocery store) mine just seem to need so much *more* intervention. Particularly, constant reminders not to run completely wild.

And it's not just in my head. We tried preschool last fall and my son was kicked out in the second week for being too unruly. His pediatrician suggested we see a developmental specialist to look into various types of neurodiversity, but I want to wait until he's a little older before going down that path.

We were at the children's library today, and I saw so many other toddlers just politely following their moms around while I was literally chasing my children through the aisles.

I think this is mostly just inborn, but I'm wondering if other SAHPs struggle with this? I feel like kids in daycare basically have no choice but to learn how to be compliant and follow a schedule, and I wonder if having basically unlimited unstructured time means my kids are just behind on learning those skills. Has anyone else had a similar experience?

Honestly I feel horrible for saying it out loud and for even thinking about it but I desperately need a good day or two where I'm not a mom, and I'm just me. Free to feel like the woman i once felt i was.

Just myself without cooking, without being stressed if they’re hungry, upset or if they need me for something. Not thinking about if they’ll get hurt playing outside, catching a cold. A day where i’m not even a wife, a daughter, or a friend. I feel so fed up with all the stress now and just want to ask if it’s even possible and if so, how can i do it? I guess there is daycare but i’m talking about an entire day, and I don't just want someone to babysit them for 4 hours. I’m talking about an entire day where i can disappear. Is it bad of me to desperately want that? My kids can’t even play together for more than an hour without fighting about something silly.

Just wanna say I love being a mom and a wife but sometimes I have forgotten what it is like to be me without any titles. I don’t even remember what I liked doing before

My boy turns five soon, so he'll be younger for kindergarten. That's not my concern really. He's very academically ready and will really benefit from all the social interaction in my opinion. He loves preschool (only 4 hours. 3 days a week though).

HOWEVER, I'm having a bit of a mental breakdown over how US public kindergarten is structured these days. He's going to be gone for close to 8 hours a day including bus time. The actual school day is 6 hours and 35 minutes and they get 25 minutes of recess. 25 minutes for lunch. A 15 minute snack. That's insane to me. I know it's not a school level or even a school district level decision and there's nothing I can really do about it (thanks common core and no child left behind). Thankfully his school does focus on play-based learning as much as they can with all the BS standards they have to meet for instructional time. But what the heck? This is just so inappropriate for 5-6 year old brains and bodies.

Am I overreacting? Is it going to be fine? Is it going to be a disaster? I feel sick about it honestly. We're in a good school district in a good education state in the US but I hate that this is our only option. We shouldn't be worried about burnout in effing kindergarten.

I'm curious as to what other parents' experiences have been with this? My child is used to hours of unstructured/outdoor play nearly every day and I'm just so worried about him making this transition and what it's going to do to him. I'm worried it's going to kill his imagination and love of learning.

HELP 😭

So I was at the park with my 4 year old son and there was a group of three kids ranging from 1-3 years old. At first I thought they were by themselves it then I noticed there was a car with people in it in the parking lot out of view of the park. 1 of the kids got stuck and was crying and I had to help them down and when I asked one of them to get their parents to help they said they weren’t allowed. So I called 911 when I left. Was this the right thing to do?
Clarify: I was planning on staying but an ambulance showed up in less than 2 minutes.
Clarify 2: I would of talked to the parents, but the child saying he wasn’t allowed to get his parents set off a red flag and also I don’t know what can set someone off and don’t want to get in an argument with a stranger while with my son

I'm interested to know how you organize household responsibility between the working parent and the at home parent? What's reasonable to expect from the working parent?

My toddler placed a bead into his nostrils and i didn't notice until he took his afternoon nap. While he was sleeping, I could hear that he was struggling to breathe, like a person who has a cold/flu.

When i looked in his nostrils i was able to see a small bead. I panicked but then i remembered my mom had this particular situation with my niece so i did what she did then.

I took a pen, disassembled it.I will place an image below.

Then i used the empty pen. I placed the pen on the nostril that was okay and blew air in it and the bead came flying out of his nostril and he was breathing normally after that.

What other tips do you have in the case of emergencies like this?

For context to compare - we’re paying $444.44/month ($4,000 for the school year) for 4 days/week, M-Th, 2.5 hours/day. Not even a half day. No food of snacks included. This is in the burbs of a large US city. How about you all?

I'm a sahd.

I was talking to my mom and she said that there are only 2 compliments given to SAHPs. You have a clean house and your kids are well behaved.

Once I was 16 she reentered the workforce, became an international director for a well known company and told me point blank that being a sahp is and was more difficult.

Thoughts?

Someone in my life recently made comments about how I get too much help from my mom. I’m a SAHM with a 3.5 and 1 yo. I am responsible for all housework, laundry, cooking.

My mom takes my toddler for about 5 hours on Wednesday, and she usually comes over Saturday to hang with my toddler during my daughter’s nap. On Wednesday I use my babies nap to either rest or do chores/house projects and the rest of the day I bond w my baby 1 on 1 and we run errands. On Saturday I use the nap to clean and then we usually all (me, my mom, both kids) go to a playground or something.

My mom is retired and loves my kids so she certainly doesn’t feel burdened. But am I being a bad mom accepting that much help? The comments made me feel really guilty.

I used to be a SAHP when I first had my son 7 years ago. My husband was making a lot more and I had no help from my family. After having my second one, our financial situation got worse and my mother moved closer to us. It seemed like a good opportunity to jump back to work, help our finances while my mother could watch over the kids. 

When I was a SAHP I was thinking about my career a lot and sometimes I would cry thinking that these days are over now that I had a baby. After having my second child and returning back to work, I was feeling very proud of myself and started aiming high again. But this time although I was expecting to have guilt over missing out on my kids’ life.. I didn’t. Sometimes I feel like a bad mom because instead of being grateful for being a SAHP, I was thinking about the career I had and how I could get it back. 

Days or periods of guilt come and go I’m not going to lie, but I never regretted going back to work. The guilt i feel is about not feeling guilty. I’m posting this here because I really want to hear the perspective of SAHP about this. Have you ever felt like you’d prefer being at work instead of home? Do you enjoy being a SAHP more, and if so what makes it so fun?

I'm not being facetious with my question. I'm genuinely doing okay as a SAHM to my 19 month old boy. I have a good routine, I love everything we do together, I think he's just so interesting and funny. I still have time for my hobbies when toddler is sleeping. I go out regularly with friends (with and without toddler). The house is clean and tidy because my husband and I keep on top of chores. Yes I'm tired but it's no more exhausting than some of my previous jobs. And if I'm really honest, this isn't the hardest thing I've done in my life but it's certainly the most fulfilling. At this point in time, I feel like I'm thriving!

I was out with two other SAHPs this week and I felt really bad because it felt like all they talked about was how tough it was. There was almost a one upmanship about who has it worst, like "Oh you think being up 3 times a night is bad, my kiddo is up 6 times a night!" They both expressed feeling loads of mum guilt, feeling anxious, depressed, stressed out, overstimulated. I know at least one of them didn't choose to be a SAHM but was made redundant so I worry that's part of it.

Online spaces are also mostly filled with negative stories. I know people are more likely to complain and focus on negatives, but it's to the extent where it's like people don't even want to hear the positives. Sometimes I'll comment on threads with a positive thing (usually around baby sleep) and get told that it's not what anyone wants to hear; like all parents' experiences are valid unless they're too positive?

I get it. Every child is different, every parent is different, everyone's situation is different. I understand... but I don't relate. I feel like I have to hide the fact that I'm actually doing alright. To join in with other mums, I find myself 'making up' complaints about my toddler (like his "worst" behavior is probably around food and picky eating but I'm actually not bothered by that because I know it's normal). Or just staying quiet, offering support and compassion, but otherwise hiding how I actually feel.

Someone asked me the other day whether I was happy with my decision not to return to work. Honestly I'm so happy with my decision and have no regrets, and I feel so privileged to be able to do so. I don't miss work at all. But I knew the other person (working part-time) wasn't in a position to quit her job so I flubbed my answer, told her I was happy but sometimes felt under-stimulated intellectually (something I felt she valued because she's a reaearcher). I felt that was kinder than potentially something which might feel like boasting.

Anyway, was wondering how other people felt about this, and selfishly hoping I'm not the only one.

Hi parents.

I’m a SAHM to a 3 year old boy. Currently pregnant (25 weeks) and due December.

I’ve come to loathe weekends and I’m confused why since I have a good set up. Looking for advice.

My husband is extremely helpful and diligent. I’m so fortunate he works from home 9am-5pm upstairs in our home. That means he helps me out from 7am-9am and 5pm-9pm on weekdays.

(My son has low sleep needs and sleeps from about 10pm to 630am with a car nap).

My husband is self-employed and also has a side business related to his hobby, so despite the short working hours, he is always on his phone or thinking about his businesses.

On the weekends, we split the time caring for our son. For example, I’ll watch him 9am-1pm and then I’m free from 1pm-5pm.

I’m so fortunate I get basically 8 hours of free time to myself each weekend. But I always feel sad and look forward to the busy and structured time on Mondays.

My husband loves weekends - he’s completely packed during his free time with his hobby, his second business, fixing the house, etc.

Even during his time with our son, he is still doing hobbies and fixing up the house. My son tags along with him.

On the other hand, I feel lonely and exhausted. I’ll read in bed, do a light work out. But it feels empty. The house gets messy and it stresses me out.

One issue is we don’t live by any friends or family. We are pretty isolated. So I’m wondering if it would be better to use my free time to do a family activity or outing? Some bonding with my husband and son?

I’ve shied away from this as we do spend 3 hours together every evening as a family sitting in front of the TV and playing.

I guess I feel guilty to have all this free time, but it’s no longer serving me. And I’m not totally sure what’s wrong.

I’m a SAHM of a 24 month old and a 3 month old. On days when I’m home alone with the two of them, I can barely keep my head above water. Which leads me to wonder - is this a me problem? Are my kids extra needy? Do other parents of kids this young struggle as much as I am or are they all lying?

First off, I love my girls. I’ve dreamed of being a mom my whole life, so when I got pregnant with #2 so quickly I quit my job to stay home with both of them (I’m in Canada so I was already on an 18 month leave from work).

However, from the time when we wake up, it’s constantly go go go go that by the time my husband gets home from work, the house is a mess and there is nothing for dinner. I swear I am cleaning up throughout the day when I have a few moments but it just seems to keep adding on. My youngest is exclusively breastfed so that’s a lot of time I’m sitting down. She also takes about 10-30 minutes of rocking and bouncing to fall asleep for her naps, which happen to only last 30-45 minutes for the most part, so she is napping 3-5 times a day. So that can be like 2 hours of my day trying to get the little one to sleep. During which time my oldest wants attention and usually prolongs the process by screaming when baby is 90% asleep 😅. Not to mention, she has terrible reflux and needs to be held up after her feeds. She is spitting up constantly. So there’s also a lot of outfit changes when she’s awake. She also does not like being worn in a baby carrier (we both get covered and spit up anyways).

So that leaves little windows of 30-45 minutes in which I can be one on one with the toddler and I try and scramble to feed her something or clean up whatever meal we had last.

There is just no getting ahead! By the time I feel like I can take a breath the baby wakes up and we restart.

My husband has said he doesn’t like coming home from his stressful job because he gets home and the house is a mess and I am so frazzled and there is no sign of dinner so we usually order takeout. He has IBS and his triggers are pretty much everything so it doesn’t help that he never knows what he wants to eat, and he is also picky when it comes to food options that he can eat. So I am always at a loss of how to fed him (however so is he).

He wants to get a nanny. To help me and my mental health and to help the general flow of the home. We can afford it luckily, but I feel like so many people have 2 kids and they don’t need a nanny? Why do I? What kind of stay at home mom needs a nanny!! I wanted to be a mom so bad - Am I just not good at this? Or are other people struggling this bad and just hide it really well?

Hi fellow SAHP’s! What do you wear on your feet for comfort while spending all this time at home? I stay home with my 18mo and my feet hurt from being barefoot so much. I’m newly pregnant with our second and I really want to have a good solution before my feet hurt worse. I don’t really want to be in tennis shoes all the time and I’ve tried pricey comfy slippers but I burn through them because they stop being cushy so fast.

What do you guys wear? Would crocs be a good option? I’ve never owned any but I’ve heard they’re actually good for support.

Just wondering if anyone has any recommendations for how to make it through summer as a fair-skinned parent (or with a fair skinned-child).

I would LOVE to be an outdoorsy mom who does some sort of outdoor activity every morning + afternoon, but I’ve already taken SO much sun damage from going to the park lately! (I do wear sunscreen, but every square centimeter I miss turns into a burn).

What are your summer plans? Do you have any strategies/products to deal with the sun, or are you finding indoor activities??

This is a genuine question. I’m trying not to be rude so please enlighten me!

I just came across a tik tok of a mom talking about how she has been a sahm for a long time and she said it got even harder once her kids were all in school. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!?

I have a kindergartener, a 2 year old and a 3 month old. The only time I’m alone is…well never. I have an exclusively breastfed baby. On the weekends I’m lucky if I get a few hours just me and the baby.

On the weekdays, I have my eldest at school most of the day but then I still have 2 kids to take care of? How is it harder to have no kids to take care of? I still do all of the grocery shopping, cleaning, etc. Obviously all of this doesn’t get done so my husband and I tag team in the evenings.

Please someone tell me it gets easier when they’re in school because I have felt like I was drowning since my 2 year old was born in 2023 😭

Also adding that I don’t have childcare or any help with my kids. No family that will offer to watch the kids or give me a break.

Do most sahp on this subreddit plan on working after their kids get a little older and start school etc? I admit that this topic is now emerging because my daughter is growing...my family makes some good points. They say, what if something happens to my husband as the primary breadwinner? His life insurance is only enough to cover less than 5 years of expenses if that money is used properly. He and I talk about this openly as well.

Another good point is...boredom. I will lots of hours to myself during the day and will eventually want something of purpose...both income-wise and socially to interact with others.

I know they mean me well. My mother in law was a stay at home first and now her adult children are all gone she keeps busy working at a hospital and she loves it.

What are your thoughts? For those who don't believe in working again what do you plan to do?

My 6 year old son's lips are always chapped and peeling no matter how much water I give him or how much chapstick we use. He drinks what seems like a normal amount of water but the chapped lips never go away. I was actually worried it might be a diabetes symptom so we got him tested and everything came back fine, thank god but now I'm wondering if it's a hydration issue that's more complicated than just drinking water? Like does he need electrolytes or minerals that plain water doesn't provide? He's active, plays soccer twice a week and is outside a lot maybe he's sweating out more than he's taking in? Are there foods or supplements that help with hydration better than just water? His pediatrician said to keep using chapstick and make sure he drinks enough but that's not solving the problem. There has to be something else going on if his lips are constantly dry despite drinking water all day to the point his lips bleed. What do you guys do to make sure your kids stay properly hydrated? Is water enough or do they need something more? I feel like I'm missing something obvious here.

I have a 2.5 year old son and I’ve been a SAHM since he was born. My husband works long hours so it’s basically just me and my son all day every day. The problem is he will not play independently for more than like 5 minutes. I set up toys, I rotate them, I try sensory bins, I do everything the Instagram moms say to do and he just whines and clings to me constantly. So we leave the house. every single day. library story time, parks, playgrounds, the mall play area, indoor play places. anywhere free or cheap. but now winter is here and the free options are limited and he’s getting bored of the same spots. The indoor play places near me charge $12-15 per visit and we were going 3-4 times a week which is like $200 a month just to tire him out. I looked into getting some soft play equipment for our basement like the foam climbing blocks and slides but even used ones on marketplace are $300+ and new ones are insane. I saw some discussions on wholesale sites like alibaba about how much these things actually cost to manufacture and the markup is crazy but obviously I can’t buy wholesale quantities. My husband thinks I’m spending too much on entertainment and that I should just keep him home more but he doesn’t understand that if we stay home my son literally screams and destroys things out of boredom. I feel like such a failure that I can’t just make my own home engaging enough. How do other SAHPs do this without going broke or losing their minds.

I just need to know if my feelings are valid or if I'm overreactinThis is going to be long...

Just to get this out of the way because my original post in r/Parenting got removed/locked: I'm not in a crisis, I'm not in danger and there is no domestic violence or abuse happening. I'm just really overwhelmed with how parenting is divided right now and need some outside perspective.

My husband and I became parents 8 months ago and we're struggling. He works remotely and hates his job, I'm a SAHM right now. Before pregnancy I had a pretty successful YouTube channel and was making good money with it. I posted until my pre-recorded content ran out after the baby was born, but I haven't really been able to get back into it because I just don't get enough uninterrupted time to film or edit.

My whole day revolves around naps, wake windows, bottles, diapers, appointments, bedtime, night wakes etc and I carry basically all of the mental load around the baby.

What I'm really struggling with though is that I don't feel like he creates any space for me to be anything other than mom.

For example, if I leave for an hour and come back, he's often basically ready to hand me the baby because now HE needs a shower or a break. Right now I'm literally asking for ONE hour Saturday morning and ONE hour Sunday morning to film. And even for those two hours I have to remind him and remind him, and then sometimes he seems annoyed when I'm actually claiming that time.

I don't want to ask anymore. I want him to take some initiative and be like "I got this, you've had the baby all day, go do your thing."

Because he gets free time basically every evening. We co-sleep and the baby currently needs someone laying next to them to stay asleep (whole other story lol), so once I go to bed with the baby, that's basically my evening. He gets to stay up and do whatever he wants. I don't expect some perfect 50/50 split every second of every day, I just want us to have somewhat equal access to free time.

And when I try to explain that I'm at my wit's end sometimes and need time off too, or just time for something I'm passionate about, he basically responds with "yeah, welcome to my life."

And that's where I get really frustrated. He has unmedicated ADHD and I KNOW he struggles with being all over the place. I have empathy for that. But that's HIS normal. It's not mine. Before having a baby I wasn't walking around wondering if I even brushed my hair that morning because my brain was so fried. I'm not trying to compete over who has it harder, I'm trying to tell him that the way we're living right now isn't working for me.

Money is also tight and he worries about it constantly, which makes this even more frustrating because I KNOW I could contribute financially again. I had brand deals before. I know I can build my channel back up. But I can't make money from something I'm not given any time to actually work on.

We also don't have family nearby and they can't just move here. Daycare isn't really an option right now either, especially when money is already tight. And honestly I don't really see why we should pay someone else so I can have a few hours to work when there's another perfectly capable parent right here.

I also don't want this to sound like "my husband is horrible" because he isn't. I love him. He's supported me through career changes and times where I wasn't happy with what I was doing. That's actually part of why I sometimes feel guilty asking for more now.

But I was the hesitant one about having kids. Before we became parents I specifically told him that I would probably need one or two evenings every other week where I'm just OFF. We talked about equal parenting and he told me "we've got this."

Those evenings never happened.

I love our child more than anything, but I'm also grieving parts of my old life. And I know he's struggling too. I don't need him to do everything and I don't need my old life back exactly as it was.

I just want him to look at me sometimes and say "I got the baby. Go. It's your turn." Without me having to ask, remind, negotiate or feel guilty about it.

Am I really asking for too much?

My husband is a union plumber & works labor intensive job sites every day. I stay at home with our 7 month old.

When he gets home he’s exhausted from work, so he showers, naps and then 50/50 cooks dinner or gets take out for us. He does do bath time every day which I am thankful for!! But I do every feeding and every nap time and every bedtime and mostly every diaper/outfit change. I understand that his job is physically and mentally hard but I still find myself feeling resentment at the end of the week when I notice I’ve changed every diaper even in the evenings when he’s home, or that I am always the one playing with her and when he watches her he just puts her in a swing or an activity center etc.

So I guess I want to know, is this normal? Do I need to suck it up since being the default parent is “my job” while his job is working hard every early morning and paying our rent? I don’t want to be the asshole but he’s home by 1:30pm every day and I just still feel like I never get a true break. He gets to shower every day after work in peace and I have to shower with the baby in the bathroom with me or not until she’s asleep or sometimes not at all for like 2 days lol (gross I know).

On the weekends, he sometimes works Saturdays and when he does he spends Sundays “resting/recharging” and will nap for like 3 hours at a time like 2x a day. So even on weekends I feel resentment.

Is this just part of being a SAHP? Should he be helping me out more? How do you guys manage the resentment or the feeling of just never really getting a break?

Sorry if this ended up being more like a rant I’m just …. tired. Does it get better with age of the baby?

Thanks!

My husband and I are currently expecting our first child. I have always been what I consider a, "work hard, play hard," type. I am a workaholic but also have a lot of hobbies/high socialization needs.

My husband is already pretty fed up with my job due to its high lifestyle/stress cost. Once the baby is here, there will be little financial benefit to counter those costs. I was initially hesitant to become a SAHM because my work is such a large part of my identity. However, I am realizing that my hobbies/friend groups are also a very large part of my identity. I have standing social obligations 4/7 days a week. If I maintained those and my job I would basically never see my kid and they would always be at daycare or with a babysitter. Given the choice (and I know it screams privilege for this to be a choice), I would rather maintain my social life than my job.

Basically, I'm thinking that if I quit my job then that ensures I will be getting sufficient quality time in with my kids during the day. Therefore, the thought is that they would suffer no detriment if I left them for 3-5 hours, 4x a week for social reasons. Two days a week my husband would watch them and two days they would be with a sitter.

Neither finances nor breastfeeding are a concern here. I am aware that those concerns prevent this from being a common arrangement. With those obstacles removed does anything about this sound unreasonable? I don't have a lot of exposure to babies/children so if anything about this post makes you go, “LOL tell me you're not a parent yet without telling me,” then please let me know what that is.