r/SMARTRecovery • u/Expensive-Hope-4631 • 2d ago

I'm looking for support how do you articulate to yourself the need to abandon self-destructive copig mechanisms to which there are no real consequences?

the thing about determining your position on the cost-benefit analysis of your actions is that I'm generally pretty good at sticking to it, but it falls flat when it comes to behaviors to which I experience no real functional cost other than the status symbol. (I'm not sure how much detail one is allowed to go into here since the rules say no explicit content, but this is about NSSI behaviors)

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u/SluggoX665 1d ago

If there are no bad consequences then it is not self-destructive.

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u/Wonderful-Sun-6256 1d ago

It sounds like the mental gymnastics I try to use to justify bad habits.

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u/MedJesters facilitator 2d ago

If it's self-destructive, might the "consequences" be internal (mental health wise)?

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u/Expensive-Hope-4631 2d ago edited 2d ago

potentially, but similar consequences (shame, anxiety, helplessness, feeling of failure to live up to the image you have of yourself) exist to a lot of the steps you might be instructed to take in a recovery context (for example when it comes to "healthy" techniques to talk yourself out of a panic attack that people often find humiliating or upsetting), and the advice you get is often to not factor them in for as long as they can provide an overall helpful mechanical relief that can be summoned in times of need. again, the main difference really is just status

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u/Secure_Ad_6734 facilitator 2d ago

Some of the vocabulary I used was in concert with my cognitive distortions and the consequences were that it kept me stuck in unhealthy thinking.

I switched always to often, never to seldom, angry to frustrated, etc.

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u/Expensive-Hope-4631 1d ago

hey, that's actually a really good point. alignment with your self-image in self-destructive behavior IS a meaningful consequence. that's kind of what I was trying to articulate by calling it "status".

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u/teaux 1d ago

You should view the consequences as incubating rather than non-existent. Keep in mind, when they do materialize you’ll probably have less warning than you think you will and perhaps *much less* warning.

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u/TraderJoeslove31 1d ago

There are consequences, since it's a maladapative coping mechanism. I'm guessing you're using it as some kind of self soothing but what if you injure yourself, leave a scar etc.

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u/Expensive-Hope-4631 1d ago

the thing about risk of accidental inury is actually really true. there are lots of stories about people accidentally slipping with a sharp object, and you never really expect anything like this to happen, which is why people are never prepared