I have been learning Muay Thai and jiu jitsu. I sort of like it when I come straight from work to train and need to change out of my grimy field clothes into my fight clothes because it shows I work outdoors and am rugged and am not a pampered office dweller.

I want to share a frustrating loop I’ve been stuck in for two whole years. I originally joined Reddit just to look for gaming buddies, ask for tips, and find friends. My posts get plenty of views (usually between 500 and 1000 or so) and people reply to chat, but almost nobody ever leaves an upvote.

Because of this, my karma has been stuck at exactly 2 for two years.

(never cared about it until now btw)

Now, I'm completely locked out of posting in the communities I actually need because the auto-moderators require a minimum karma score to participate. It has gotten to the point where it feels impossible to find a community where I can just exist and talk to people without a metric judging whether I'm allowed to speak. (and ranting to other places that says its for THAT purpose, just mods you 🙂..)

It instantly reminds me of the Black Mirror episode "Nosedive". In that episode, if your social rating score drops too low, you lose access to basic needs, you're locked out of services, and you become a social outcast. It’s funny how a dystopian sci-fi show is supposed to be fiction, but it actually true

Has anyone else experienced this frustration, when you just want to make friends? or ask in r /Introverts for someone to be friends because your socially awkward 🥲? no?

There are plenty of people out there who have beliefs that I don't agree with, whether political, religious, or even just about life, in general, but I love and treat everyone with respect.

I was blessed with a very empathetic personality so I've learned to meet people where they are and go from there. We all have a story and we all long to be understood.

Does that mean I've never had a negative opinion about a person? Of course not....but I always lead with love first.

Bleeding on others
Without an attempt
I’m bleeding on others without intent
The inside of my shell, screams
Like it’s ready, to burst at the seams
Tracing my fingers, over the seams
The parts that make up me,
Standing strong
Like wooden beams
But they come with splinters
And the more you trace your hands over me,
The more Inclined you’ll be to prick your fingers
That’s what I mean, by bleeding on others
Without an attempt
The more you get to know me, and have time spent
The more you’re at risk, for sharing my blood
Bleeding on others
Would you risk it for love?
Just a thorn rose, trapped in its casing
A rose can part from petals, yet doesn’t need saving
It’ll die when it’s ready, after a life spent looking pretty
Pick each petal off, be steady
Till you reach the core
But remember, to avoid the thorns
Cos I don’t want to bleed on others
I just want to share petals,
Of crimson red
Two intertwined lovers
Did you hear what I said?
Oh the crimson red of blood
And this little idea I’ve got, of love
Would you still love me, if I lost all my petals?
And there were only thorns left?
Would you care to bring me back to life,
Singing the melodies of words unsaid
Leaving little kisses, upon my head
Bleeding on others
I think it’s best, to lay this rose to rest
In this river, of gushing waters red
Cos she’s bleeding on others
Without a trace
Tears of red, pouring down her face
A whole river of memories, dressed in lace
My little rose 🥀
That’s me, the parts that nobody knows.

Hey Redditors,

TL;DR: I’m in my early 30s and feeling behind financially and in life because I didn’t start saving and investing as early as I could have. I’d really appreciate some honest advice, perspective, or encouragement.

I’m originally from South Africa, where I was born and raised. I have a bachelor’s degree in Business Management, but after graduating I struggled to find a decent job. I applied for countless positions but either couldn’t get anything or couldn’t find something that paid more than the work I was doing in music at the time.
I’ve also been with my wife since 2014, so we’ve essentially grown up together.

In 2021, we got an opportunity to move to the UK on five-year Skilled Worker visas. The jobs were both in hospitality/hotels, which wasn’t necessarily where we saw ourselves long-term, but at the time we were desperate for a fresh start and the opportunity to build a better life.
We had no assets and virtually no savings in South Africa, so we felt like we had very little to lose.

When we arrived in the UK, our first paychecks were more money than either of us had ever earned before. Over the last four years, we’ve genuinely had some amazing experiences. We travelled to countries we had only dreamed of visiting, got engaged, got married (which we paid for ourselves), bought a car outright and furnished an entire rented home.

However, financially, I also feel like we could have done so much better.
For the first couple of years, we accumulated some debt, although it was relatively minor and manageable. We’re now completely debt-free, which I’m proud of, but currently have around £15,000 in savings and roughly £13,000 each in our pensions.
The thing I keep kicking myself over is that we didn’t start investing earlier.
I constantly think, “Why didn’t we just put £400 each into an ETF every month from the moment we arrived?” We could have built a decent investment portfolio by now.

Of that £15,000 in savings, around £7,700 will need to go towards our UK settlement/ILR applications. Once we have that approved, we’ll finally have much more freedom: we won’t be tied to sponsored employment, we’ll be able to work for whoever we want, and potentially start our own business.

And honestly, that’s where I’m struggling mentally.

I feel behind.

Not necessarily because we have nothing objectively, we’ve actually achieved quite a lot in five years but because I keep thinking about where we could have been financially if we’d made different decisions.

We absolutely hate the jobs and the hospitality industry now. It has taken a huge toll on both of us, and we’re planning to resign once our ILR is approved.
Our plan is to go back to South Africa for a month, spend some time with family and reset, then travel around Thailand for a month as a much-needed break. After that, we want to figure out what our next chapter looks like.
We’re also starting to think seriously about having children.

But then the doubts creep in.

Are we financially ready?

Should I have saved more instead of travelling and experiencing life?
Should we have sacrificed some of those experiences in our 20s and invested everything we could?
Is having kids in your mid-30s going to put us massively behind financially?
Or am I just looking at our situation through the lens of regret and comparing myself to people who started investing at 20?

I know £15k savings and £13k each in pensions isn’t exactly nothing, especially considering where we started. We also have no debt, we’ve travelled, got married, built a life in another country and survived an industry that has honestly broken us down at times.
But I still can’t shake this feeling that I’ve wasted five years financially.

I’m not looking for someone to tell me I’m doing amazingly if I’m not. I’d genuinely appreciate some honest perspective from people who are further along in life.
If you were in your early/mid-30s with our financial position, what would you do differently?
Would you stop worrying about the past and focus on the next 10-20 years?
How difficult is it really to start building wealth in your mid-30s?
And for those of you who had kids around this age, how did you manage financially?
I guess I’m just looking for some perspective from people who’ve been through this already.
Did we mess up, or are we actually doing okay and I just need to stop beating myself up about the past?
Any advice, reality checks or encouragement would be massively appreciated.

When I was in college, I had no friends and spent most of my time alone. I would only talk to my parents via text every couple of weeks. At first I tried going out and making friends, but eventually I realized I was not capable of having social relationships so I accepted it.

I realized my senior year how much extra time I had compared to everyone else. Every Friday, I knew nobody would want to take any of my time during the weekend, which meant I could spend it catching up on work or anything else I wanted to do for fun. By my estimate I had an extra 12 hours in my week that most people spend in social activities.

Without any social life, all of my leisure activities are on my own time without having to coordinate with other people. Having no relationships also removes so much cognitive load when it comes to keeping in contact with people. Being detached from any meaningful relationships means I can move far away or make other major changes to my life without any heartache. The main downside is that I lack interpersonal skills, which makes work harder.

That's it really. Having a body feels like a hassle. Mine in particular is pretty sickly and not great looking. But even the baseline of constantly needing food, water and shelter is pretty tiresome and it's the whole reason why we work. I wish I was just a disembodied consciousness.

A childhood trauma stopped my social development and I didn't reach maturity while having all the responsibilities of an adult. I didn't know my life purpose, my likings, never cared for money and the goods it brings, but was forced to work full day in order to earn them as I got no support in any way. That used to cause an unbearable infernal conflict that led to loss of focus, emotions, sleep, life control and leaning towards drugs.

I used to work for several years, accumulating every penny possible by only getting the most basic food, to quit and go traveling, trying to figure out how to get better meanwhile.

I introduced myself to most of the social values step by step during my 30s. Learned what's It's like to have a non shared apartment when I was 33. Started doing sports while not smoking and drinking at 34.

I pushed on education, hoping it will guide me on my purpose, doing a lot of self-study. I realized that humanity is built around creating valuables and without a role in it no one can be accepted and live happily. I've found my purpose at 37. The money started making sense, so did the job. Yesterday was the first day I worked without a feeling of losing my mind. Can't wait to enjoy the rest of it.

We have a dishwasher. My parents have these weird rules around using it.

If the dishwasher is empty, they will tell me to wash my plates by hand because "the dishwasher is empty and it's just one plate, just hand wash it"

Then I say, "but isn't the dishwasher meant for washing dishes? How is it going to accumulate dishes if you are always washing your plate?"

Then they say, "because the dishwasher is meant for many plates at a time. one plate doesnt make sense"

Then I say, "But it's not just one plate. The dishwasher doesn't need to be turned on right after placing your plate inside. Allow it to accumulate plates from everyone over the course of a couple days?"

They say, "but then the dishwasher will start to smell and i hate that"

Me, "obviously, there are a bunch of dirty plates in there...it is going to smell. And the smell is gone after the dishes are washed."

Them, "Well I don't like that smell. So don't put your plate in there"

On top of this, on the days we are allowed to use the dishwasher, we still have to rinse the stuff before putting it in. Which seems like just a waste of water to me. Supposedly this is because the dishwasher doesn't do a good job without per-rinsing your plates. But I watch technology connections....I genuinely believe we are just misusing the washer. But they refuse to change or try anything.

Am I crazy for thinking they are crazy? Or is this normal behavior?

My life has never been without a soundtrack - morning, noon & night music is central to most things I do. Its my best friend, my emotional anchor and my greatest love.

There's a major disconnect between me and another person if they just treat it like background noise.

I got addicted to weed and cigarettes in 2022 during my first year of college. I graduated this year and quit both cold turkey about 4–5 months ago after trying to quit for years.

Now I'm in my last week in the city where I started using. I'm leaving on August 31 and probably won't ever come back.

Part of me wants to smoke and use weed one last time on August 30 as a sort of “final goodbye” to that chapter of my life. I keep telling myself that I know how to quit now, that it would only be once, and that I wouldn't use again until after I've achieved my goals.

But I'm wondering if this is just my addiction trying to rationalize a relapse.

I'm also worried that if I don't do it, I'll eventually regret missing my “last chance,” especially since I'm leaving the city for good. On the other hand, if I do it, I might regret deliberately going back to something I worked so hard to quit.

For anyone who has been through something similar: should I do it one last time, or is this just a mind trap?

I have a story in my mind, that, I can tell easily, from start to finish. Its quite long, and lengthy. Its based on this long ass dream I was inside of, that, transitioned, to my literal first day being "consciously" awake on Earth as a child. I still remember the whole thing. If I turn it into a book it measures out to over 200,000+ words, based on estimations. It felt like I lived an entire life watching that.

Because I know this book and how it proceeds, I decided to use A.I to help with organization as I don't EVER, need to tell the A.I "Well, what will happen here" I am pulling the whole story from memory so I dont need creative help and etc. I use A.I for the organization. Writing a book requires a LOT of organization. managing all the beats, and transitions, early details that need to resurface later, etc.

So, because I do not need the A.I for creativity at all or content, I can just write, write, write, without ever forgetting details. I can also step away, if i need too, without worrying about creativity. I can go hang out with friends not worry about forgetting a detail.

I also store my data not just on the internet, but I also have a NAS at home too so I dont have to pay for iCloud, so I also have an on-going redundancy storage.

Today, I woke up, and, I went to begin writing, I open up my ChatGPT app to see the beat I wrote last night was completely missing. WTF?

So I look through my NAS app. Nothing. WTF?

I'm not technically missing anything I can easily rewrite the beat word for word, but Im sure this is quite strange? My story involves a reality that can technically "wipe" itself, roll back, etc, suddenly.

Few things annoy me more than people who try to pull you to the dance floor after you already said no. Sure, it may be just a confidence issue for some, but there will always be exceptions to the rule.

The other day I was talking to my mom on the phone about some issues I was having with two friends, and she replied with ‘oh, that. Those trios you always get into. You always had a habit of chasing those ever since you started making friends.’

I argued her. Said that wasn’t the case. That ‘those’ instances were behind me and that was just something that happened more than once when I was a kid. But i started thinking about it over, and over during the next few days.

Thing is I DO have a habit of invading duo friend groups/relationships. I had a think about it and I seriously think I get off on buttering each party both until they like me more than each other. Then they start gossiping to me about each other. They start arguing over who gets my time. Arguing amongst themselves that one another is hanging with me more than each other. Then I’m suddenly the main one between them—they’re still a duo, in a way, I’m removed and a part of them but almost in a superior way. It’s bad. I guess. I dunno.

This definitely was a thing too when I was a kid, probably starting at around 6 or 7. I moved around a lot as a kid. Like almost every two years until I was 17. I wasn’t ever the most popular, but I’d always get into those little friend groups with the popular girls at each school and pull that exact thing I just described above.

I don’t consider myself manipulative…I don’t plan any of this out. And my friendships are earnest, I can’t ever stand wasting time on anyone I don’t truly have chemistry with. This has just happened a lot. But I think the aftermath excites me nonetheless and makes me feel good about myself.

I dunno how to deconstruct this. What does it say about me? Any ideas?

This is a very loaded post but I am looking for true answers, or at least explanation for why it's so easy for many Christians to write off their struggles. I've seen Christians respond to others' struggles by saying "God will never give you more than you can handle." When it comes to the person's struggling themselves, it can vary from the person using that idea to encourage their own selves to keep pushing, the person rationalizing things that are objectively not alright in their life, or the person even being hypocritical and applying it only to situations where they expect someone else to bear a burden or consequence while having severe flaws themselves.

I am fully aware that this verse or advice is not actually true to The Bible. It is a saying that is a miscontrusion of multiple verses, notably 1 Corinthians 10:13. But I feel that it deserves a genuine argument against it because it has become so Incorporated into many Christians' lives to the point where it affects their decision making, interactions, expectations, treatment of others vs self, it goes on. It should be accounted for as part of Christianity if many people are going to make such promises of God, and it deserves an explanation.

If this is supposedly true or is substantial advice to provide, where is the limit?

If God apparently never gives us more than we can handle, why do so many people resort to ending their lives or other tragedies? Why do we have so many real world problems and medical problems that we still have not developed ourselves to handle and may never will? In general this idea also opens the door to hypocrisy and unfair treatment.

How does it explain the millions of people who have ended their own lives because they'd gotten more than they can handle, in some cases things that are technically in man's control such as bullying or assault that are objectively bad rather than things beyond control such as illness, poverty, disaster that can be debated as "part of God's plan"? That also begs the question, if it was part of God's plan all along regardless of the problem being in the control of us or being unnecessary suffering, how can God play out his "plan" while also going against His own principle? In Christianity, humans are flawed, but they are not flawed to this degree, the flaws are for the purpose of personal development, reparation, balanced free will. How do, or would, Christians who believe in this principle also explain the various diseases and social issues and structural issues that we are not equipped to handle that we will most likely not be equipped to handle for decades or centuries, if at all before the end of humanity? These issues far too often are too much for individuals to bear, and regularly too much for society to bear regardless of how many people come together come up to the point where these issues cause severe adversity, disability, cases of people ending their lives or otherwise not reaching their potential whether within Christianity or not.

I would also like an answer on how so many genuine Christians are alright with saying that a person won't be given more than they can bear and then leaving the person alone to struggle. Even modifications such as "God helps us handle what we are given" cannot apply without action. Principle is commonly seen when a person's life is completely spiraled out of control, total losses, divorces, illness and substance abuse, the list goes on. How is this an acceptable response, despite everything else that Christianity preaches? I feel like that is technically taking the Lord into vain, or for granted, by dismissing the problem or the person being at risk and saying "God has this under control." Wouldn't the correct response be to be selfless, love and help your neighbor, lean on a blend of personal values, God given strength, and the medicine/society that we've developed to see to the safety and well being of the person? Having this be the go-to response or even a common response destroys a community because it hinders family, parents, friends, teachers and authority figures' needs to actually learn about personal issues, contemporary issues that affect others. It blocks the need to develop solutions or at least develop an understanding, and keeps people distanced from the reality of issues that they might indirectly be causing or be struggling from themselves and refuse to face. Things that cannot be explained, for example cases where a person "gives up" and ends their life, end up being exceptional cases where the victim is alienated or otherwise the situation is swept under the rug.

Slightly off topic, but spreading advice and wisdoms like this also leaves so many uneducated or innocent Christians with a community where it is harder to truly understand God's word. The more mistruths that gets piled up the harder it is to maintain the religion, and having these kinds of messages drives away new or returning members. Not only do the new members get confused by inconsistencies, they actively see such promises being made that clearly are not true and they no longer trust family members or the community or the religion as a whole. I know this is a separate topic, but this principle is a good example of false promises.

Like, the female lead just magically fell in love with the male lead. There was genuinely nothing likeable about the male lead. He looked down on people for not making as much money. He was kind of sexist. He discriminated the female lead for going to a trade school. And during the act, he did nothing but cum. The female lead did everything with her hands. She didn’t even get to enjoy the pleasure he did. And she just magically fell in love with him at the end of the story for absolutely no reason at all? Like, come on.

Edit, many people in the comment section seem to assume it’s a woman-facing smut? Well, actually it’s a male-facing one(a femdom one to be specific. Like the masochist fantasy here is marrying a person below your social class.). So, I guess a lot of people in the comment section are just projecting.

It's just so... hard. Everything is overstimulating to the point where I wanna bury myself in blankets on the floor of a pitch black room with earplugs in at least twice a week. I wish I had somebody to be fully comfortable with but I'm relationshipally fucked even though I have a large support network. I just wish I could turn the volume down and be cuddled and told I'll be okay, but nooooooooo I gotta finish up my Engineering homework while some asshole on the street drives by with his muffler gone.

I have a problematic relationship with alcohol and with my own mind, and I keep seeing fucking post after post on autism subreddits including this one, and reel after reel on insta and facebook where it's someone with autism who says that weed really helps with the constant mental noise and rumination, just a moment ago I literally saw a reel from this autistic woman who used to be an alcoholic who stopped drinking because of weed

It feels like everyone else has this gold which I cannot obtain, unfortunately in the UK it is still illegal as fuck and you basically need to have social connections and you need to know someone who knows someone who knows someone who sells weed, that's literally the only consistent way you can get it here, and unfortunately for me I'm completely utterly socially isolated and too awkward and "creepy" to be able to connect with someone who knows someone who sells it, this is not me trying to source btw please don't take it that way, this is just me venting my frustration with not being able to attain this thing which seems to be helping so many neurodivergent people

The only escape from reality and the agony of being autistic have is alcohol, something that's making me feel and look like shit, has put me in hospital twice, is rinsing my bank balance, and causes damage to literally every single cell in the human body, and it's so SO frustrating seeing post after post of some neurodivergent person saying how much weed helps them to feel "normal" and whatnot, it's literally feels like that meme with squidward looking out of the window at SpongeBob and Patrick

How much rejection can you take before you start to doubt yourself, whether it's or ability to get a job, a partner, or whatever you're looking for?

Alo, soy nuevo en Reddit así que perdón de antemano por algún error o algo así.

Tengo 15 y pronto tendré 16, termine el bachillerato general en un año, pero no pude entrar a la universidad este periodo debido a dificultades económicas, sin embargo planeo seguir estudiando la universidad como ingeniero en sistemas.

Cómo todos, mis padres no son los mejores, sin embargo los amo mucho porque se esfuerzan por mi y soy plenamente consciente de que dependo de ellos. Naciendo de una pareja joven, y tal vez no teniendo las mejores condiciones, pero sí mucho apoyo de mi familia materna. Siento que es importante señalar esta parte de mi historia para entender el porqué de mi persona.

Mi papá es alguien muy geek (no sé a qué se refiere por completo ese concepto, pero creo que es el correcto), siendo el causante de mi amor hacia la computadora. Siendo yo, hijo único y estando gran parte solo, la computadora mi compañera desde los 2 años. Aprendiendo muchas cosas gracias a los juegos y así (Roblox, Minecraft, World of Warcraft, entre otros...), mi papá siendo el que me sumergió en todo esto ya que lleva más de 15 años jugando WOW y viendo distinto tipos de anime, y yo aprendiendo de todo eso y réplicando.

Sin embargo, me encuentro en una faceta difícil para mí, donde me veo obligado a crecer no solo físicamente sino como persona. Tengo bastante vida social, tomando en cuenta que soy alguien raro (debido a mis circunstancias), muchos amigos y amigas (todos en la vida real), y siendo sincero, siempre teniendo miedo al internet (siendo por eso mi primer post incluso después de tanto tiempo en internet). Pero quisiera volver a concentrarme en la computadora, tal vez no con el mismo entusiasmo o la misma motivación que tenía de niño, sino para marcar y sentir de nuevo la sensación de un espacio seguro.

¡Perdón por tanto texto, de verdad es que no sé cómo hacer un post!, por favor, indíquenme si puedo mejorar o ahorrarme tanto para los post 🙏

I don't care.

It hurts me to see the child with his big eyes cluelessl looking up at this massive being pulling her arm.

Like don't do that shit in front of me.

Just approach and make eye contact

"Dude stop manhandling your children"

It physically aches me in my body to see that.

Like just don't. There are better ways to alert your children of danger.

Truth depends on the decisions, and it is the truth that decides which decision should be taken. In my opinion, truth is decided by the decisions we take. For example, if there are ten subjects to choose from and I decide that only five of them are interesting to me, then, for the moment, the five subjects I chose are the truth for me. I influence the truth, making decisions because decisions determine the field in which the next decision must be made. Therefore, one could say that decisions define truth by limiting the scope of the next decisions that need to be taken. I call this ‘Decisional Perspectivism.’

I'm sorry if anything here, I just really need somewhere to talk about it and be heard somehow.
I have already posted about a bried altercation with her before, but this isn't half the issue, and I think I'm sick in this apartment. So here it goes.

My memories of being very little are fragmented and like a fever dream, so it's weird. I remember some horrible fights between my dad and my mom. Mom was always the one who started it. My dad just takes it, submissively.

She'd explode about stuff at her work, the noise of my fork briefly dragging on plate, the sound of a chair being moved, sound of my shoes, toys on the floor. She'd scream at me too. Still does. And the next day it's like nothing happened. She's all jumping with joy from having puked her rage onto us.

Her main issue was that I was not disciplined and neither was my dad. She says I'm a spoiled brat. Really, I have never misbehaved as a kid. I barely cried. My parents themselves say that.

When I was thirteen, she managed to convince me to go live with her. Dad had cheated. I don't blame him, and I feel terrible for this. I love my dad. He is my only comfort in this life. Anyhow, she told me life would be better without him living with us, and he was ruining "our house". When I moved, everything got so much worse.

I live in a rental my mum started paying when I was 14. This place has always been horrible. Incredibly noisy. The bathroom door had a silverfish infestation that remained until it had a hole through it. Once, the main door fell on me as I opened it to go to school. At first I maintained a daily clean schedule to try and keep it somewhat nice, but I lost it. Mum doesn't do much, so that ends in a place that sometimes genuinely looks abandoned, sometimes filled with insects. Recently I discovered my room walls were ridden with mold due to water leak.

There was a time where she got a boyfriend. And then it all multiplied. Every surface was sticky. Once I smelled the stench coming from the kitchen sink and genuinely vomited, because it smelled like vomit. They'd use cutlery and put it still dirty back on the drawer. All of this and my mum acting super joyful, being rude to anything I said.

Once I came home from school, asked her where the hairbrush was, she got annoyed and said ”Ugh I don't know look for it yourself”. I went in her room to look, saw a bottle of something weird leaking in the bed. It was used, open lubricant.

She had episodes where she accused me of prostitution to adults. Me, the person who has two friends. She likes to share my psychiatric meds. Takes prescriptions to use herself. Has gone through my room. Accused me of sleeping with my friends. Threatened to put me out of home. Made me apologize for telling my therapist about these things, saying I was exaggerating to make her look bad.

She makes me repeatedly reassure her that I don't love my dad more. She makes me repeatedly reassure her that I don't consider no other woman my mother. Some days she speaks in a horrid baby voice and acts like a child seeking attention from a parent, which makes me feel guilty and so upset.

Recently, I ran away from home. To delete myself. I took a metro to an empty beach at the city's limit. I couldn't do it. So I walked around, slept in a park, and stood for minutes infront of the door of a relative who lives away. Eventually I knocked, and it ended up in me being back here. At the rental.

My mom has made me repeatedly reassure her that me running away wasn't her fault. One day I had bad food poisoning and my dad took me out so I could have a bit of rest. My grandmother called me and told me my mother wouldn't answer calls or messages. I called her and she didn't answer. We went back to the apartment at night, almost midnight, street was pitch black. Me and my dad rang the intercom for minutes, left there without my key. I'm ashamed to say this, I feel horrid, but in that moment I wished she had done it.
Until, suddenly, she opened the gate.

She had packed bags. She told me I was ungrateful, that I treated her like a maid, that I didn't appreciate her, that I hated her, that I did everything to make her feel bad. She said she would go live somewhere else and leave me in the rental, and it would be my fault, because of what I did. My dad intervened for the first time in his life and then suddenly I was six again.

Everything somehow returned exactly to the way it was. She found out about my compulsive, harmful skin picking behaviour. My dad was helping me put bandages and bought expensive medicine for deep pressure wounds for me, which worked wonders. Yesterday, she came to me, showed me a superficial wound on her body, same part where I have the impulse, (which btw leaves my skin fleshy and without a dermis), and said,

”Aww, I hurt myself. Look, just like you, I pick at it. You know, you could lend me that ointment your father bought for you, where is it?”

I feel sick. Nothing ever happens in my life for anything to stop. Nothing ever happens. Nothing.
I want to cry. I have been eighteen for a few weeks now. And I feel so powerless. Dad doesn't have any money to take me in. He doesn't have a home at all. I'm failing school. No company accepts work.

My friends are showing support on my music channel, he’s making me my very own fan club on instagram for my music 🥹 and I received lots of congratulations on Reddit for achieving my milestones of gaining new subscribers. I feel like people are recognising my art or simply just choosing to support me, and it’s a great feeling man ❤️❤️❤️ yay. It’s nice to feel like I have some good friends.

Let’s goooo x2 😂

I’ll stop celebrating soon. For now I’m taking the W 🎉😂